


for love is always with you

by cordeliawrites



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Falling In Love, Fem!Harry, Female Harry Potter, Horcruxes, Hurt/Comfort, Mind Games, Obsession, Other, Romance, Soul Bond, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:34:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 108,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22351141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cordeliawrites/pseuds/cordeliawrites
Summary: In the Wizarding World soulmates exist.     And you carry your soulmates thoughts about you in ink on the inside of your wrist.Tom Riddle grows up alone in an orphanage with empty wrists. Tom Riddle dies thinking, too late.Harri Potter grows up alone in Little Whinging with wrists that never change. Harri Potter lives and everything falls in place.Harri Potter lives, therefore Tom Riddle lives also."My dear, this ink started with you, and it willend in you."
Relationships: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle, Harry Potter/Tom Riddle | Voldemort, Harry Potter/Voldemort
Comments: 813
Kudos: 1725
Collections: i have seen your heart and it is mine





	1. he is half of my soul, as the poets say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything in the Harry Potter world belongs to J.K Rowling.

**Chapter 1: he is half of my soul, as the poets say**

****“I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell.  
I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth.  
I would know him in death, at the end of the world.”

— **Madeline Miller** ,  _ The Song of Achilles _

  
Harri Lily Potter was born in the summertime.

She was like all the things that are bright and beautiful. Delicate as the petal of a flower and as breathtaking as a butterfly in full bloom. And just as every mage that existed before her, she too had a soul that was not yet whole, and the deepest secrets of the rest of her soul on the inside of her wrist.

From the day she was born to the day her parents died the words were an ever-changing litany of anger and spite.

And then James Potter fell into his last sleep. And Lily Potter took her last breath. And Lord Voldemort was torn into two.

Then the words changed.

_I fear no fate—_

And they stayed for a long time.

* * *

It was a warm day, the first after a bitter winter. Sunlight peaked through the floorboards and lit up dreary little Surrey. Children ran around on their bikes and scooters and housewives sat in their patios drinking tea. Little peels of laughter and squealing could be heard up and down the road. It was...incredibly ordinary. So much so, that you would never know of the bizarre things that occurred here. Like babies being left on door-steps and old women across the road who were not all that they seemed. Mostly importantly, like the little girl who would save them all, hidden and protected within these very walls, not knowing who she was. 

Harri Potter sat in her porch watching over privet drive. She was hiding from her cousin Dudley, who kept yanking on her ponytails while she was trying to play with her toys. He was always doing that, annoying her that is, and Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon never did anything to stop him.

Harri looked away from where her gaze had wandered to the lily flowers in Aunt Petunia’s garden and back towards her wrist. She sighed in disappointment, the words hadn’t changed. They never did. No amount of hoping or praying ever made a difference. 

_I fear no fate_ — written on the inside of skin.

It’s not that she didn’t love them because she did. They were small, written in a beautiful cursive and they were perfect. She loved them just like she thought she would love her soulmate. Completely.

But Harri just wanted _something_ , anything to explain what they meant and why they were there.

Did her soul mate feel alone like she did? Did he love the smell of fresh orange juice or the sound of the rainfall? Did he get scared from thunder and hide under his blankets? Was he waiting for her like she was waiting for him?

Sometimes she missed him so much she ached.

She’d asked Aunt Petunia once, and all she’d told her was these words meant she had a soulmate and when Harri asked why _only_ she had them Aunt Petunias face scrunched up like she’d tasted cow dung so Harri had just run away before she could be spanked.

The Dursley’s made her wear bracelets to school to cover them up. They told her if anyone saw the writing on her wrist then they’d call the police and someone would come take Harri away. And while she didn’t particularly like the Dursley’s, Harri was smart enough to know where they would take her would be worse. And so she kept her mouth shut like the good girl they wanted her to be. 

* * *

Then one day everything changed.

And this change came in the form of a white letter.

A white letter and the words _Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry._

* * *

Rubeus Hagrid came to collect Harri from Privet drive on a Sunday morning in August. Aunt Petunia was fussing over her pink dress and brushing down her hair when he walked up the driveway.

Petunia got a sour look on her face when she saw him but she shook his hand anyway. Harri was surprised.

“Make sure she gets back safely.” Aunt Petunia said through tight lips. “If _anything_ has happened to her I will know.” and then she snatched her hand away and walked back inside.

Hagrid was like no one Harri had met before. He was a giant unkept sort of man but the cleanest breath of fresh air Harri had ever smelled. Because Hagrid was kind and he answered all her questions enthusiastically and he met her excitement with his own.

She was introduced to Diagon Alley— _wicked_ —and to other wizards and witches who gazed upon her with awe. 

She met a bizarre man named Quirrell (of all things).

She walked into a bank and discovered _goblins_ and…and that her parents had left her everything. Her heart thudded something awful. _James and Lily Potter._

She met a pale and pointy boy who came off entitled but screamed lonely. And if there was one thing Harri knew, it was that. So she forgave him for his shallow words and crude arrogance.

She discovered flying and potions and charms. She let her heart hope, for the first time in a long time.

But of course nothing was perfect, not even this new world of magic.

In this world existed dark wizards and dark lords and wars fought by parents who left their children orphans. In this world Harri Potter was not the shy girl who lived down the street, in this world she was the girl who lived.

And as Ollivander whispered words of old magic and old wisdom Harri got a funny feeling in her stomach.

Of phoenix core and matching wands, of the darkest magic and a lighting bolt scar.

But she let the feeling pass.

Because Harri was a witch. And her parents hadn’t died in a car accident, her parents had died in a war. They were _heroes_. Her parents were heroes and they had _loved her_. And they _never_ would have left her, not if they could have stayed.

When she went to sleep that night she heard voices in her head. She saw a green light. She heard a terrible scream and a whisper in the corner of her mind, _you are finally here._ And for a second a flash of red eyes—and then it was gone.

When she woke up that morning the words on her wrists had changed.

_I waited for you. It's too late now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first 3 or so chapters are quite different and fast paced compared to the rest of the story. They set the background and are also less in word count but the rest are much longer.
> 
> AHH I don't know what to say. 
> 
> Comment and let me know what you think!
> 
> some writing credits:  
> "He is half of my soul, as the poets say" — Madeline Miller as well.  
> "Harri Potter lives, therefore Tom Riddle lives also" is inspired by Cassandra Clare's qoute about Will Herondale and Jem Carstairs.


	2. only do not leave me in this

** Chapter 2: only do not leave me in this **

“You said I killed you - haunt me, then!  
Be with me always - take any form - drive me mad!  
Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you!  
Oh, God! It is unutterable!  
I can not live without my life! I can not live without my soul!”

— **Emily Brontë** , _Wuthering Heights_

On the morning of the first of September 1991 the Dursley household was overflowing of energy. The sun cascaded in through the open window and the smell of flowers permeated the air. Uncle Vernon kept running about the house looking for one thing or another. He had already loaded the car with Harri’s trunk yet continued to mutter about fuel.  Aunt Petunia fretted over the breakfast after she'd plaited the top of Harri’s head and Dudley… he had just stared at Harri since he woke up. They sat across one another on the dining room table and for the first time in his small age Dudley Dursley was quiet. 

Bizarrely, Harri couldn't remember a time in their entire childhood when he hadn't made noise--until now. 

But she could barley focus on him, she couldn't even stomach the food in front of her. She felt nauseous with worry and her thoughts were everywhere. 

What would it be like? Would everyone know her as they did in diagon alley? Were people going to like her? Would she be able to make friends? She had a few at her muggle school, Ana from Romania and Sydney from America. And while she would miss them something as wonderful as magic had fallen upon her and it had embedded itself into her very being. 

Hogwarts...it was a dream. What house would she be sorted in? How did a castle even function as a school? What were the professors like? There were too many things she couldn't wait to learn and too many things she couldn't wait to get over with. 

And as for the letters on her soulmate and the letters on her wrist…  Harri's fingers tightened around the fork in her hands. 

_I waited for you. It's too late now._

But what? What did that mean? 

Harri had waited her _whole life_ for her soulmate!  And she would wait forever! How could her soulmate just give up like that!  Did they figure out who she was?  Would she met them today? Why was it too late? 

_Nothing was too late._

It didn’t make sense to a ten year old mind. Giving up before you had even started. 

To Harri, her words had always symbolized something deeper than just her soulmate to her. When you spent the first ten years of your life hidden from something you spend a lot of it thinking and for Harri, her words had meant long awaited answers...and hope... and destiny. 

They were the rest of her life.

She had questions too. She'd felt impatient before as well. How could her soulmate just surrender? Admit defeat? 

And if the peculiarity of her soulmark changing the night before she left for Hogwarts wasn't enough, the conversation with Aunt Petunia two weeks ago had been. 

Two weeks after Diagon Alley, Aunt Petunia had pulled Harri into her room after lunch and given her a pink wrapped box. 

With unusually gentle eyes and hands, she had explained to Harri that now that she would actually be interacting with people like her, she couldn’t just cover her wrist with a beaded bracelet. _Especially_ since most everyone would be curious about her words.  Aunt Petunia had explained that because of who Harri was, her notoriety and her fame, people would want to take advantage of her. That is was important to hide her words and to keep her trust close to her chest. It was the time to be smart and careful. 

Then she had told Harri to open the box . Inside of it Harri uncovered a beautiful delicate gold bracelet. Petunia took it out from the box for her and softly clasped it around her wrist. 

It fit perfectly, didn’t move nor budge, you couldn’t see the words anymore. 

“Lily,” Aunt Petunia said quietly. “This was hers.” 

Harri stared in silence at her hand with a tight throat. When she found the courage to look up and into her aunt's eyes, she saw a in them a vast sadness. It surprised her. 

“I didn’t get to keep much of her. But after she died I got to have this.” Petunia dabbed at her eyes discreetly. “I think… it now belongs to you.”

And despite the complicated feelings she had towards her Aunt and her family, Harri felt warmth inside her. Because in the end the Dursley’s had taken her in and taken care of her. She knew how much worse it could have been. And for the first time Harri remembered that while she lost her mother all those years ago, Aunt Petunia also lost her sister. And perhaps in the heart she'd once thought made of stone, there was a piece of it that had never recovered. 

Aunt Petunia took both of Harri’s hands in her own and tilted her chin up with a finger. “Keep it safe and stay hidden Harri.”

The sound of Dudley and a char horn  brought Harri back to the breakfast table and away from a memory that felt too fragile to touch. 

“HARRI! HARRI!!! HARRII!” He was banging his fist on the table with egg stuck to the side of his mouth. 

Harri dropped her fork with exasperation. “What _now_ Dudley?”

Dudley dropped his eyes to the ground.  “Nothing…” he muttered but looked back up, “Just…it’ll be weird. Not having you here.” 

And there was a strange sort of melancholy about that. And Harri sighed at that. 

How did that happen?

She'd always wanted to leave Little Whinging and now that the change presented itself she felt so much...not sadness but something quite like it mixed in with the e xcitement and nervousness. 

It was like she stood at the edge of cliff. She was afraid she'd fall, rather than soar. 

Harri peered over at Dudley and their eyes met. “Yeah Dudley it is weird.” and then reluctantly “I might just miss fighting with you.” 

He smiled slightly. “Yeah. Just might miss it too.” 

And then Uncle Vernon burst inside. “Time to go! Don’t want to miss that train! And especially don’t want to get into rush hour traffic! In the car Harri!” 

And then all at once Harri had survived the weirdness of Aunt Petunia's hug, Dudley's handshake and Uncle Vernon's reassuring squeeze at her shoulder as they walked to platform nine and three quarters. 

Harri turned to Uncle Vernon when they reached the red bricks and said her goodbye to him there. 

He squared his shoulders. “Well then Harri. Be sharp and smart. Send a letter or two.”  And he was off. 

Harri breathed a sigh of relief. 

Right. Time to get on with the rest of her life. 

And then. And then  here is how it goes. 

She made it onto the platform with the help of a gaggle of redheads. Her and one said redhead (names Ron, Ron Weasley) managed to find a carriage together and it was there they sat (on this first day and for the years to come). They bonded over Harri's scar and his family. And then there was a Hermione and a toad named Trevor and a creepy rat named scabbers. 

And it almost all went to shit when the pointy sad little boy from Madam Malkin's shoved open the door and breathed “Harri Potter” with quiet awe and a bright glance of recognition. 

Words and wands were drawn but Harri pulled Draco in and Hermione warned Crabbe and Goyle out. 

Hesitantly, in a moment that altered so much, Draco and Ron apologized to each other. 

Then there was the four of them: Draco, Ron, Hermione and Harri. 

At least that was how they began.  And it changed _everything_. 

And as it turned out Ron’s words were curled around Draco’s skin.

“My father won’t understand.” Draco whispered and he looked so terribly sad. “He won’t.”

Ron looked to him and gently nudged his shoulder, “So we won’t let him.” They shared a secret smile only they ever could and stayed close the whole train ride. Harri and Hermione shared a look, one they would share frequently for decades. 

Before they knew it, the four of them managed to loose themselves in the excitement of learning magic and in the tumbling in and out of carriages. They met so many new people and the rest of the train ride was only red cheeks and loud laughter. 

Before Harri could even blink, Hogwarts was in the corner of her eye. 

It was magnificent.

Everything she'd dreamed it would be. Like the castles in all the stories. 

* * *

The sorting hat sung and though it tried otherwise Harri fought her way into Gryffindor. Into the legacy of her parents and the warmth of the lions.  She met the twinkling eyes of Headmaster Dumbledore and the proud smile of Professor McGonagall. She also met the the narrowed gaze of a unkept looking man. He looked displeased. 

But Harri would only learned years later the true thoughts running through his mind in that first moment. 

At the end of the sorting, she was introduced a feast bigger than anything she'd ever seen and the ghosts who also called Hogwarts home. There was a poltergeist named Peeves, twins named Fred and George, drm mates Percy, Dean, Seamus, Neville, moving staircases, speaking paintings and a room on the top of a tower that she shared with four other girls. 

Daphne, Hermione, Maria and Lavender. 

That night after they were ready for bed, the five of them crowded into Harri’s and talked for hours. They fell asleep squished together and with tears of laughter in their eyes. Though Harri woke up tired on the first day of school, she wasn't regretful. Not even a little bit. 

Harri and Hermione walked into the great hall in the morning to find Draco already inside. He was stood with a slightly pug faced girl who scowled at the sight of them and shifted away. Draco happily turned towards them anyway.  They spoke for a little bit, shared the secrets of their common rooms before they ran off to their respected tables. 

As Harri sat down she pondered about what she had learned last night and what she had been pushing away all morning. 

Soulmates are able to send their thoughts to each other through the words on their wrists from the day they are born. It is not common to have no changes in your writing unless there is something wrong. 

And there is. Something wrong that is. 

Harri knew it deep in her heart. And it has something to do with her dreams and the aching of her scar from that night so long ago. But she would figure it out. Because Harri refused to exist in a world where her soul was lost—where Harri couldn't find them. She can't even think it, it is so painful. 

When Harri had nothing she had them. She always knew she was never alone because of it and she was never meant to be. She couldn't exist without them. And she wouldn't. 

But something had happened, it was a feeling and a fear. 

Harri slid her finger between her bracelet to rub at her words. While Daphne chatted about  potions as their first class, a sharp burst of pain entered Harri's forehead. She hid her flinch and looked around in unease. Unconsciously she met professor Quirrel'’s eyes. He smiled shakily at her and lifted his goblet in hello. 

Harri's eyes narrowed. There was something odd about him. But she doesn't ponder of him much. Daphne nudged her and she turned back to the conversation. 

Unbeknownst to Harri, the thoughts on her wrist changed again. 

_I can feel you close by. I can smell you. Who… are…_ **_you_ ** _._

In the abyss of the forbidden forrest a sliver of soul trembled and awakened.  More aware than the blood of a unicorn could even provide, more aware than it could be by sharing the mind of a spineless wizard. 

Voldemort slit his form. His soul was nearby. It called to him. 

But he had a greater purpose. 

Harri Potter had come to Hogwarts at last. 

And he planned to kill her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the really sweet comments; I still have to reply to them!
> 
> And I hope everyone is staying safe during this time.


	3. flight of death

**Chapter 3: flight of death **

“Arm yourself, my heart: the thing that you must do is fearful, yet inevitable.”

― **Euripides,** _Medea and Other Plays_

Looking back, that first year at Hogwarts was an anthology of happiness. 

Harri made friends for a lifetime. She lived, wandered and found a home for herself within the walls of a castle. 

The words on her wrists had begun to change everyday. Some days they were a litany of pain: small _help me's_. Others, they were an ever-changing realm of anger that she could feel burn her heart, _do you know how long its been?_ Some days they were quiet and small, _its too late its too late its too late_ or _the years the years._

Her soul was hurting and she didn't know how to fix it.

Harri and her roommates stayed up most nights talking under the covers and their days learning everything they could absorb. 

When the Daily Prophet released the news of a break in at the wizarding bank. It piqued all their attention when Harri revealed that the vault broken into at Gringotts was one that Hagrid visited with her back in the summer.

Fred and George created havoc in the boys gryffindor dorms that bleed into the entire dormitory.  Neville lost and found Trevor about a dozen times.  Seamus burned his hair off once a month but managed to grow it back everytime.  Draco befriended two boys in his dorm, Theodore and Blaise. They were unexpectedly friendly. Lavender died her hair lavender and regretted it.  Maria taught them Spanish (or tried to at least). Hermione educated the purebloods on muggles and Daphne sprained her wrist in flying lessons. 

Within the first week of classes Harri almost got eaten by a three-headed dog with Ron, Hermione, Draco and Blaise on the third floor corridor. And the only thing that came out of it was the discovery of a hidden trap door beneath. 

They studied in the library with all of the first years and Dean somehow incited a prank war that went on all year long.  Alicia Spinett snuck them into the astronomy tower at night where they learned to play card games and drunk hot chocolate bribed for from the house elves. 

There were after school lessons and game nights in the tower and girls who shared everything and taught you how to flirt with boys. P ajama nights in the great hall and movie nights in the boys rooms. 

On her wrist there was _years and years and years._

And then there was the troll incident that somehow didn't land them in too much trouble but instigated Snapegate of 1991. (When Snape was seen with a bite on his leg that could only be from the three-headed dog guarding the trapdoor on the third floor). 

And then quidditch season begun and everyone was consumed with house rivalry and sabotage that only wizards could create.

Daphne sprained her wrist again while dropping mud filled ballon's on Marcus Flint's head. 

Harri became the youngest quidditch player in a century. That day Hermione and Daphne showed her the trophy with her fathers name on it and it was another piece of her heritage that fell into place. 

On her wrist there was _too late too late._

Her group of friends continued to grow increasingly suspicious of Snape when he messed with Harri’s broom (or so they assumed). 

“It had to be Snape!” Hermione swore profusely. "Why else was he muttering enchantments?" 

“Now hold on a minute,” Blaise protested. 

“He may seem a little unpleasant but Professor Snape would never _deliberately_ try to hurt Harri,” Draco defended. “He's not--he's not a man that would hurt an innocent child." 

"That's what you say," Lav snorted. " _Slytherin."_

Then they inadvertently tricked Hagrid and discovered that the three-headed dog was actually his (and named Fluffy, of course) and the secret beneath him was an object only Dumbledore and a man named Nicolas Flamel knew of. 

On Christmas Harri was surprised to receive so many gifts. Not only did all her friends give her presents but people from all over the school. There was even a special package under the tree with no name and when she opened it she stumbled upon another piece of her parents. 

Ron was kneeling next to her when the first tear dropped. He hugged her when she buried her face in the invisibility cloak. 

For the first time in a long time Harri let herself mourn her loss. She thought of everything they have given her even after they’d left. Her green eyes, her messy hair, her love of quidditch. But mostly importantly her courage and her bravery. 

It was a truth that was undeniable to her. Everything good about Harri came from them. 

On her wrist _so close, i am, so close._

That night when she went out in search for books about Nicolas Flamel in the restricted session, she found the mirror of erised running away from Snape and Filch. 

As she gazed upon the faces of her lost family, Dumbledore appeared and they had their first real conversation. Of knitted socks and the deepest desire of hearts. 

And as he left her he shared with her what she has known to be true all these years. 

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that dear Harri.”

He could not have known even back then that Harri would hardly have the time to do anything else. 

Before she walked out she pressed her palm against the image of a legacy long gone. The Potters. 

Experimentally, silently, she mouths I love you. No one hears, no one sees but the tree falls in the forest just the same. 

Somewhere between an argument with Draco about Neville; Harri and Hermione discovered who Nicolas Flamel really was. 

The creator of the Philosopher’s stone, whom can make a man richer in gold and in life. 

Harri won the second quidditch match of the year despite Snape’s best efforts against it (and almost swallowed the snitch by the end of the game).

She then followed Snape under the cover of her invisibility cloak to find he may not be with Quirrel but be trying to steal the stone for himself. 

When meeting with Hagrid to discuss her suspicions, (which he confirms, that the stone is hidden within the school) Harri and her friends ended up watching the hatching of a real life dragon egg. However, consequently they were then caught smuggling the dragon in the middle of the night to Ron’s brother and landed themselves detention in the forbidden forest.

* * *

On the night of their detention Harri and Draco were left alone with Fang while Hermione, Ron and Blaise were with Hagrid. Hagrid had them on the hunt for alleged rabid animal. 

Draco mumbled under his breath about how much of a nutter Dumbledore was to send first years alone into the forbidden forrest at night as he guided Fang on his leash. Harri walked beside him silently and held securely onto his elbow. She nodded along at the right moments and pretended to listen. 

“I mean, just wait until my father hears about this! Really has he lost his mind? Sending us out here like this is the middle of the night where who knows what could happen!"

Really, she was paying more attention of the foreboding feeling in her stomach. 

At night the forbidden forest ran true to all its tales. The trees stretched out into the air: skinny and abundant, old and wicked. Above them was a starless sky and a dangerous mist. The wind blew coldly and far away noises echoed within. The hoot of an owl, the howl of a wolf and the screeching of crickets. Every few minutes or so there was an absurd, unplaceable noise that made Harri’s heart sink further. 

She kept a firm grip on the lamp in her hand, and turned to Draco to reply when they staggered upon a terrible sight. 

There in the heart of the forbidden forrest was the body of a unicorn and on top of it a figure in a dark cloak drinking its blood. 

Harri tripped, Draco screamed, Fang barked and the figure looked up. 

They both shrieked loud enough that the birds in the trees fled and Draco grabbed her hand so that they could make a break for it. 

Harri’s heart was pounding so loud she couldn't hear anything while they sped through the forest with Fang on ahead of them. 

Her scar ached something awful and her robe got ripped by the branches. She could just about see the edge of the forest when she stumbled into Draco. 

He had lurched to a halt because in the middle of the path a creature blocked their way. 

He introduced himself to them as Firenze, one of the centaurs of the forest. 

“What you have just witnessed is a very dangerous act, you must leave the forest at once. It is not safe here, especially for you Harri Potter.  The dark one will not follow so long as I am here, I will grant you safe passage back to Hagrid.” 

The centaur guided them from behind, patient and calm. He was beautiful and moved his limbs with a fluidly uncommon in humans. His eyes glowed in the darkness of the forest and spoke of secrets held within. 

Draco still had a secure grip on Harri’s hand but his face had paled to a pasty white she didn’t even know existed. Both of them were breathing loudly and their breaths clouded the air in front of them. While they walked they couldn't help but keep shooting each other looks. 

“What the bloody hell!” Draco mouthed to her, his hair was ruffled and out of order from its usual greasy look. 

Harri knew she seemed just as horrified as he was. She shoot him a disbelieving look back, thinking how in the past year alone they had almost been killed by a large three-headed dog, a troll, a Severus Snape and a figure in the forbidden forest. 

When they have reached the edge of the forest, Harri made to follow Draco back to Hagrid’s hut but Firenze rested his hand on Harri’s shoulder and asked to speak with her. 

Firenze explained to her the horrific consequences of drinking unicorn blood and that the creature they observed in the forest had a specific purpose for doing so. Drinking that blood will provide it enough strength so that it can survive for a certain period of time, enough to steal the philosopher's stone. 

Firenze then asked her what creature would do such a thing. 

Dread chilled Harri’s bones. 

For it could only be one being, one person, the same one who would turn the wizarding world into chaos, the same one who would kill a child. 

Voldemort. 

Firenze nodded. “Harri Potter,” he brushed his hand down her hair. “The sky has foretold me much about you.”

"You see, as a species we centaurs are trained in the art of divination. Real, natural, powerful divination. But it is an unspoken rule that we stay out of human and wizarding disputes. However, once in a while, there comes a time when silence is not the answer.” 

He paused, a distraught look in his eyes. 

“When you find out the wrists that your words belong to, you will have a choice. To keep it a secret or to tell. What I would advise is this, secrets have a way of getting out in the wizarding world, and this one cannot. _Be careful._ Much depends on it. And  I understand that you may not understand the words I say or why I say them in the moment. But I would hope that when the time comes and” he sighed deeply “the time will, you will need them and they will guide you.” 

Firenze pulled her closer to him and whispered, “Stay safe. Keep it hidden. We will meet again little one.”

He then disappeared into the forest once more. It would be years before Harri saw him again. By then she would understand exactly the words he said. 

For now, as the trees swayed and Fang barked, on the outskirts of the forbidden forest Harri stood bewildered and alarmed. 

On her wrist _where where where._

* * *

After their exams the five of them (Ron, Hermione, Draco, Blaise and Harri) established that Snape must be moving soon to steal the stone. They came up with a plan (which is not really a plan and more just running in headfirst) to find Hagrid and question him how to get past the obstacles to reach the stone. Next, they found McGonagall to warn her and ask for Dumbledore so that Snape could be stopped. When that failed (Dumbledore is in London? The stone is protected adequately? They shouldn’t even know about it? Sure. Alright.) they took it upon themselves to find the stone before Snape. 

Blaise stayed back in case anyone tried to get into the third floor. 

The rest of them get past the dog, the devils snare and the flying keys before they spilt. In the chess game Harri lost Ron and after the potions Hermione and Draco can go no further. 

Harri knew she had to face this alone. 

This was the scene when the villain was unmasked, this was Harri, alone and unafraid.

When she stepped into the room that hid the stone she gasped in surprise when where the daunting figure of Severus Snape should have been standing it was Quirrell instead. 

“Ah Harry.” Quirrel swirled around with a savage smirk on his face, long gone was his stutter or the shape of a man afraid of his own shadow. 

Her scar burned. She stayed back where she was. 

“I suppose,” Quirrel smirked. “That you didn’t consider it was me all this time?"

Harri frowned. She had gravely misjudged this man. While he had always rubbed her the wrong way, she never considered him to be malicious. To think that he had been able to fool the entire school and its teachers so thoroughly was eerie. 

“Oh no,” he mocked as he moved forward. “Not Quirrel;! Couldn’t possibly be stupid stuttering Quirrel.” his voice echoed in the room. 

Harri tried to hide the way her hands trembled at his approach. 

“One thing you will learn little Harri is that people are always so disgustingly predictable.” Quirrell laughed. “They only see what they want to see, they never look beyond, never deeper. You can paint a persona and they will believe it.” he gestured to himself, “Now tell me sweet Harri, oh _poor sweet_ Harri, when you came running along these steps who exactly, did you expect to find?” he reached her and his whole aura screamed vindictive. 

She swallowed her fear and the darkness that threatened to overwhelm her. 

There was someone else in the room. The burn of her scar promised this.

“Snape.” She answered him with a frigid tone. His smugness was irritating and turned her sharp and biting. 

Quirrel cackled loudly. She wanted to tell him he was nothing special no matter how much Voldemort lied to him. 

“You’re not going to take that stone.” Harri said. 

Quirrel stopped laughing. “And who exactly is going to stop me? You?” He looked her up and down condescendingly. 

"Yes."

He scowled. “Listen here _girl._ What you _are_ going to do is tell me where Dumbledore hid that stone. And then,” he bent his waist down to eye level “you will give it to _me._ ” 

She pressed her lips together. “I wont.” Hoped her heart wouldn't beat out of her chest. 

He growled and then started talking to himself, whispering, wincing “No my lord, no, of course of course.”

That was the moment Harri realized the presence she’s felt in the room was Voldemort. He was here somewhere. She scrutinized Quirrell and her eyes widened. 

He stared back at her and smiled saccharine sweet and deathly fake. 

“Harri” he grit out “look in the mirror and tell me what you see. Or.” he stabbed his wand into her side. 

She didn't know what to do but hoped she could stall him so Harri listened to what he said. He pushed her down with his wand pressed against her lower back, down the steps and into the circle the mirror of erised laid in. 

She peered into the mirror. 

She didn't she her family but a reflection of herself and then the feel of a weight in the pocket of her sweater. Her reflection winked and disappeared after Harri discreetly patted her pocket. 

The reflection in the mirror vanished and transformed. There was her family again…except this time…Harri breathed shakily. Standing next to her is a figure—blurry but handsome. 

She knew exactly who that was supposed to be. 

Her soulmate. He waved from the mirror, smiling and laughing amongst her family. She forgot where she was, the stone, Quirrel and Voldemort. None of it mattered in the face of this.

But then from behind her Quirrell rasped out. “What do you see?” 

“Me, winning the house cup.” Harri lied distractingly. 

“She is lying.” hissed a cruel and croaky voice. “Show her to me.” 

Quirrel argued but when Harri spun around he had begun unwrapping his turban. To Harri’s horror when he turned, on the back of his bald head was a face. 

“Harri….Potter” Voldemort whispered to her. “At long last.” 

And its…there was something terribly wrong. Something in Harri’s gut clenched. 

What Harri didn't know in that moment but something she would learn with time, was that underneath her bracelet the words on her wrist were finally giving her the answers she’d asked for so long. 

_Do you know what its like to wait fifty years?_

_I was too young and I loved you too much._

_It is done._

_I will be free._

_And in that freedom_

_it is done._

_“I_ know you have the stone,” Voldemort narrowed his eyes “give it to me Harri.” 

“No!” Harri shook her head and stumbled back, “I wont.” 

“I can bring your parents back Harri, give me the stone, join me and you will have them back.” Voldemort purred. 

“You’re lying!” Harri shouted.

Voldemort radiated anger. He shrieked. “Kill the girl!”

And then Quirrel was grabbing for Harri and Harri was clasping her hands on his face and he was screaming and screaming.  When Harri had fallen to the floor and Quirrel was no more Voldemort fled, a dark husk escaping through a window. 

Then finally the world was dark. 

On her wrist nothing. Empty.

* * *

When Harri woke next she was in the hospital wing.  Silently, she reached for her glass of water. A hand placing it within reach for her.  When her head up, it was to see Headmaster Dumbledore sitting beside her. He was humming to himself and his eyes twinkling. 

“Ah Harri, good morning, well, rather afternoon. You've woken quite late in the day my dear girl, ” he smiled at her winningly, “Nevertheless, your friends await your return at the end of year feast tonight and as does the rest of Hogwarts. Of course you may leave whenever you choose to. And of course, Madam Pomfrey tells me you’re healing well.” 

“If I had it my way headmaster she would be here another two days at the very least.” Pomfrey chimed in from where she was at her desk, observing Dumbledore with irritation. 

“As is the disposition of a good matron.” Dumbledore replied. “But Harri, if you could spare a moment. I would like to talk with you about the events that occurred yesterday.”  He glanced to Madam Pomfrey and then to Harri he winked. “Events that only you and the late Quirrinus Quirrel are privy to I’m afraid.” 

Harri stared at him languidly, the potions in her body had dulled her senses and made her feel more at peace than she should. When she said words they came out slow and measured. “Headmaster…he was… Voldemort was there. On the back of his head. And when he forced me in front of the mirror the philosophers stone appeared in my pocket...and then he tried to...he offered me to join him. When I refused Voldemort made him attack me--but my _hands._ ” Harri peered down at her hands and wondered if they'd changed, but there they were, the same and small as they'd always been. "They burned him...they burned Quirrel and...Voldemort fled. He was...he was just a shadow when I passed." 

When she looked back to Dumbledore there was a strange sort of melancholy in his expression. He did not say anything for quite some time and when he did move it was to rest his hand on her head gently. “What you did yesterday was incredibly dangerous and could have cost you your life. I don't condone the risk you placed on yourself." 

Dumbledore patted her head. " In spite of _that_ , you acted with great courage. I would like to thank you for what you did. You have saved us from him yet." At the proudness in his tone, a lightness settled in her chest. "But  I do not want you to think that it falls upon you to stop him. Because it does not. You are still but a child Harri. Just because you did it once does not mean you have to do it again.” 

Harri nodded but inside she couldn't help but think that it was not true. For a reason, until Voldemort was dead for a final time, it would always fall upon her. 

"Will he come back headmaster?" she whispered into the quiet space between them. 

Dumbledore hesitantly answered her. “One day. But that day is not today. So relieve yourself of this worry."  For the rest of the afternoon, Dumbledore told her about the protection her mother had left her. It never failed to bring tears to her eyes, how much she was loved by her and how her love still lived on inside Harri. 

At the feast, Gryffindor won the house cup by a landslide. Gryffindor had never screamed as loud as they did then. And though the Slytherins moaned in upset, Draco grinned, perhaps unable to find it within himself to be upset when Ron was so ecstatic. Blaise and Theodore were next to him, bemused, and teasing. 

Down her own table Percy had grabbed Ron and the Weasley twins had surrounded Oliver Wood, spinning him around in circles.  Even Alicia was whistling and jumped up in joy.  Dumbledore sat at the head table and raised a glass in toast while McGonagall stood next to him clapping proudly. Snape could be seen to the side glowering something fierce. 

Harri’s first year at Hogwarts ended in the arms of her friends as they celebrated with the rest of the Gryffindors in victory. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Voldemort does not know who his soulmate is. He just knows his soulmate is alive. 
> 
> I wanted to get first year over with because it probably has the least plot and I'm excited to get into second year next chapter and the diary of Tom Marvolo Riddle! 
> 
> some credits:  
> “Experimentally, silently, I mouth I love you ... No one hears, no one sees, but the tree falls in the forest just the same.”- David Mitchell, The Bone Clocks  
> “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that."- J.K Rowling, Harry Potter and The Philosopher's Stone (obviously).  
> The chapter title flight of death is the english translation of the name Voldemort. Vol (flight) de (of) mort (death). I thought this title worked well as this is the first time he makes an actual appearance in this story. I hope you guys notice the chapter titles as I pick them deliberately and they relate to the content of the chapter always ;).  
> 


	4. loose lips sink ships

**Chapter 4: loose lips sink ships**

"As in the soft and sweet eclipse, when soul meets soul on lovers' lips."

— **Percy Bysshe Shelley** , _Prometheus Unbound_

While their last day at Hogwarts had been a triumph, the train ride home was somber. Draco stood in a corner of the carriage with his arms crossed and a thoughtful look on his face. Next to him was Ron who tried to avoid any eye contact by shoving his face in chocolate frogs. Daphne played exploding snap with Blaise side by side across Harri, who had her eyes closed on Maria’s shoulder. And Hermione was leaned against her legs on the floor with a book open in her lap with Lavender pressed against her. 

Abruptly, Draco straightened his back and broke the silence. When everyone's gazes shifted towards him, he swallowed so that his Adam’s apple visibly moved up and down. “He’s come back,” Draco looked around the carriage sadly and then rested his eyes upon Harri “He’s been biding his time just like so many thought. And now he’s planning to return again." Draco sighed. "When the others... his followers… hear about this…when they hear that he’s alive…they will go looking for him.”

Ron swallowed a frog leg. Maria shivered.

“He’s gaining strength.” Blaise murmured and stared out the window out the window.

“And when he has enough?” Lavender questioned.

“Then he’ll come for me.” Harri answered. “I know. I realized when I stood in front of the mirror of erised. And maybe even before, maybe from that first time I learned who I was I've always known he would come.”

“Harri...” Hermione murmured sadly.

Harri gazed at her hands unable to look at her friends. She didn’t know what it wasn't she didn't want to see but anxiety had gripped her throat and wouldn’t let go.

Daphne leaned over Maria and stretched out for Harri’s hand. With a determined look in her eyes she said, “Let him come. Let him come Harri. We’ll be with you when he does.”

“Yeah!” Ron chimed in newly enthused. “If we can survive a troll, a three-headed dog and Snape, we can survive him.” 

“And besides,” Maria added with a fond smile “He doesn't realize how many people would stand at your side.”

“Or we’ll scare him with Lavender, I doubt he’d stick around when faced with that; she looks a right sort in the mornings.” Blaise teased and then flinched when Lavender moved to hit him in the face with her bag. “Bloody hell woman! It was a joke!” he shrieked and hid behind Draco.

“You wanker!” Lavender laughed. “Blaise you have no right to talk about me when you look like Filch after three butter-beers at breakfast everyday!”

Blaise gasped in false outrage, “I do NOT!”

Lavender hissed. “Hmm maybe not Filch, MAYBE YOU RESEMBLE THAT TROLL—

“ _Troll?_ You’ve lost your mind you have!” Blaise shouted and rose up from his seat.

“GUYS!” Draco spread his arms out between them before they attacked each other and him. 

“Draco sort of looks like professor Snape when he yells quite like that doesn’t he?” Hermione whispered loudly. 

Daphne groaned and pinched the tip of her nose. “Not this again.”

Maria cackled in glee and pointed at Draco. “He does, he does! It’s the twist of the nose!”

Ron mouthed to himself in contemplation and tried to imitate Draco's face but he only looked like he needs to sneeze. Draco smacked him on the head. “You’re supposed to be on my side Weaselbee!”

Harri titled her head to the right. “The scowl I would say, his mouth wrinkles in disgust just so…”

Draco huffed and flushed pink while everyone continued to tease him.

"Oh shut up.”

“Alright Professor Snape!”

* * *

The train station was packed and bustling with noise when they arrived back to London. People bumped into each other left and right with laugher and shouted in greetings. 

When Harri stepped off the train behind Ron, she hadn't expected to see all three Dursley’s waiting for her but that was exactly what happened. Vernon was tightlipped and glanced at the wizards in his vicinity warily. Not far away from him was Petunia, eyeing some witches robes in disgust. Last was Dudley standing between them with eyes glistening as he peered at the Hogwarts express.

When Harri came into view, Vernon lifted a hand above his head and shook it to signal their position.

Harri and her friends embraced each other one by one in goodbye. It would be extremely odd, now that they had spent a year side by side to suddenly be without one and another. Harri thought she wasn't sure how she would survive. Certainly she would be bored out of her mind. 

Hermione had already made them promise to write as soon as possible. Harri suspected that she had created a planner listing all the days they could meet up. Not all of them would however, Blaise was leaving to Italy, Maria had family in Spain and Daphne's mother's house was in Paris.

Draco had long gone ahead with the Malfoy’s to avoid the inevitable outcome that was the parts of his life meeting. The clashing of his two worlds both whom he loved so much and neither was he willing to give up.

Ron rushed his goodbyes as Fred and George haggle him to hurry up, Mr and Mrs Weasley waved at all of them, looking hassled as they pushed their kids through the barrier.

As Blaise was kissing Harri on the cheek and hugging her tightly enough to lift her off the floor, he was interrupted by a manicured hand on his shoulder.

He let go of Harri, his eyes gleaming in excitement. “Mamma!”

Behind him was a tall witch dressed in emerald robes and gold gleaming within the folds of her breasts. Her red lips quirked into a smile at the sight of her only son. “Ciao amore mio.” and she reached down to place two kisses on Blaise's cheek.

She then gestured to the five girls watching them. “Well darling, aren’t you going to introduce me?”

Blaise almost blushed. “Of course Mamma. These are some of my closest friends. Harri, Hermione, Daphne, Maria and Lavender.”

“Che bello Blaise!” Blaise rubbed his cheeks in embarrassment while she pinched them.

Mrs Zabini introduced herself to them quickly, invited them to visit in the summer and whisked Blaise away. She winked back at them and was visibly teasing Blaise when they turned away. 

Then Harri bid farewell to her girls, gripped Hedwig’s cage and rolled her trunk to where the Dursley’s waited. They greeted each other with light hellos and Uncle Vernon practically tripped over himself in a hurry to leave the station.

Harri gave once last glance around the train station and then vanished through the barrier. She was sad to have to return to the Dursley's but she tried not to let it consume her. She would with Hermione and the Weasleys soon. It was just a four week wait until she could visit the burrow and meet the rest of Ron’s family.

Harri looked forward to a future with sunny days spent riding her broom and a place where she belonged, a place with magic.

She piled into the car after Uncle Vernon placed her trunk in the back. Hedwig was resting between Harri and Dudley in the middle car seat.

After they’d driven away and were on the road to Surrey, Harri glanced at Dudley who’d fallen asleep next to her. Then silently, she lifted her bracelet from where it covered her wrist.

Nothing. Empty.

Desolate as it had been since the night Quirrell died.

She closed her eyes in despair. _What’s wrong?_

She rubbed her empty wrist and fell asleep next to Dudley.

* * *

Harri had spent ten years of her life with the Dursley’s quietly. The only peculiar thing that had ever occurred at Privet Drive was her landing on the school roof by misfortune and the snake Harri accidentally on purpose let out at the zoo to terrorize Dudley.

Ten years of a mundane life and one spent as a wizard and suddenly it seemed Harri would never again have a peaceful existence. One week into the summer and Harri’s friends stopped sending her mail. Harri called Hermione on the landline but Hermione swore up and down that she had sent letters.

She then suspected Dudley as the culprit of the crime. In the middle of the night she snuck into his room and threatened his livelihood until he admitted to his transgression. But it failed because she realized Dudley was not smart enough to hide information from her.

Things went slightly downhill from there.

On the second week, Hermione and Harri’s daily calls stopped. Hermione didn't call and when Harri tried no one answered.

It was curiouser and curiouser.

To stave off boredom, Harri helped her aunt in the garden and read through the books Draco had gifted her for Christmas. When she had read every book back to back and became sick of the grass she made a dire decision. She decided to spend time with Dudley.

Dudley and his friends were strange. They spent seventy-five percent of their time bullying little kids on the playground and the other twenty-five eating.

Despite it, Harri tried to give them a chance. She thought there was nothing to loose.

And what was that saying? Famous last words…

Dudley’s friends were strange. They fought over who could sit next to her and smelled constantly of sweat and a mix of cheap cologne. They’d pick things off the ground and dare each other to eat them and then smile at her as if she was the prize. Many times, they’d stare at her as if she couldn’t see and one of them might have picked a piece of hair off her head when she wasn’t looking. One day Pierce brought her an ice cream cone he stole off a seven year old. Harry had returned the ice cream to the poor child and given up on them in exasperation. Being alone was better in the end.

On her third week with the Dursley’s, the third awful thing happened.

She got her period.

Harri had been brushing her teeth when she’d spotted the thick red blood stained all over her her pajama pants. Her heart had dropped and she’d almost screamed when running to her Aunt. After that, she’d been petrified to go to the bathroom for a whole week and had sat through a three hour conversation with Aunt Petunia on the intricacies of the menstrual cycle and what it meant to become a woman.

Well womanhood so far sucked.

She’d also started wearing bralets (training wheels for real bras) because her chest was growing and thus endured Dudley as he blushed and ran away every time she was near him. The only good thing about it was that she gained a little bit of height and Aunt Petunia took her shopping.

Her fourth week with the Dursley’s was the most mentally draining. Harri hadn't been able to speak to her friends in weeks and began to doubt whether she would be able to go to the Weasleys at all.

She felt incredibly lonely and cried herself to sleep. Harri felt unwanted, just like she’d been before Hogwarts. Except now she knew what it was to be loved and desired, which made it all the most difficult to reconcile.

At the worst of it, Harri would flip through the photo album Hagrid gifted her.

She watched the moonlight graze the smile on her mother and capture the joy in her fathers laugh. She ran her fingers over their beloved faces with an infinite longing and memorized the shapes and lines and similarities. 

She promised to herself that someday, she would give Hagrid a gift just as wonderful as this one.

The last of her Dursley days were consumed with Uncle Vernon as he stressed, sweated and rampaged the house in worry over a new business deal. His clients were invited to dinner and he had to make sure the house and its occupants were the perfect hosts. When Vernon got riled up in the evenings and lectured the family on decorum was when Dudley and Harri, in league, hid from him on the porch.

The night of the dinner came upon them on Harri’s birthday and mishap struck.

Aunt Petunia had spent the entire day slaving away in the kitchen, she’d cleaned every nook of the house. There was a delicious heavily decorated cake rested on the counter, the dining room table was lined in the best china and the Dursley’s were decked out to the nines.

To the pleasure of absolutely everyone, Harri was not joining them. She dressed comfortably in white shorts and a blue camisole for a peaceful night of reading. She promised Aunt Petunia not to cause any trouble and settled in her bed. Harri flicked through her old copy of Julius Caesar, her gaze focused on the margins where the previous owner of the book had annotated the passages and highlighted explanations.

_Danger knows full well that Caesar is more dangerous than he. We are two lions litter’d in one day, and I the elder and more terrible._

And that was when she heard a thunderous snap. Harri jumped. Her head jerked up and she gasped.

A ghastly looking creature stood before her. Tiny, scarred and skeleton hands pressed to a stomach clothed in a dirty rag. Large, wide eyes and a bulging nose stared at her in awe. Harri would have screamed but she remembered the guests downstairs and had to stop herself with a hand on her chest.

“W-Who are you?” Harri asked nervously, she uncrossed her legs slowly and threw Shakespeare down.

“I-I-I..” the thing stuttered and then slapped itself in the face. “BAD ELF! BAD ELF!”

“Excuse me! I asked you a question.” Harri chided and lifted herself off of the bed fully.

The thing stopped and turned to her again, this time with brightened eyes. “I-I am D-dobby th-e-e house-elf.”

Harri considered him, and determined that he couldn’t be a threat. She’d learned all about house elf’s from Draco and Blaise, they were harmless. The way Dobby’s hands shook and he stuttered was telling enough.

Taking pity on the poor thing she questioned. “Oh well…Dobby…the house-elf…would you like to sit down?”

Immediately his eyes widened again and a thick tear rolled down his cheek.

“So polite Harri Potter is! So kind! Asking Dobby t-to s-it down! Oh I knew you would be!” Dobby threw himself at Harri’s feet and began to sob.

Harri panicked, aware of the loud noises Dobby was making. “Please don’t cry Dobby! Please. Just, why are you here? Did Professor Dumbledore send you Dobby?”

Dobby stopped sobbing quite so violently and wiped his nose on his sheet. He moved towards her again and gazed at her with sudden solemn eyes. “N-no, Professor Dumbledores not be knowing who Dobby is. Dobby belongs with his family. Dobby has come here,t-to warn Harri Potter!”

“Warn me about what?” Harri said confused. She went over the last 24 hours and considered what could have possibly gone wrong but there was nothing that came to mind.

Dobby snatched her by the front of her shirt, and tugged harshly, “Harri Potter is in danger! Grave danger! If she wants to be safe Harri Potter must not return to Hogwarts!”

“Not return to Hogwarts? Have you gone mad? Hogwarts is my home!” Harri protested.

Dobby yelped and began to jump up and down in agitation. “No! Harri Potter cannot! Dobby knows of a great and evil plot! Dobby has known for months! Hogwarts is not safe this year! Harri Potter must stay here! Dobby has risked much to come here!” Dobby’s voice got gradually louder the longer he spoke and the more frightened he felt.

Harri was at a loss.

She had spent her whole life within these four walls, trapped in a world where she was unwelcome and unloved. A place where she hid herself, and learned the rules so she could never be yelled at for messing up.

Hogwarts was freedom. It was quidditch—the feeling of the world beneath her and the sky above, it was Hagrid’s rock cakes and Fang curled up next to her feet, a warm hut and tea in her hand. It was Fred and George giggling and winking and up to no good but _always_ making her laugh. It was her first friend in the world, Ron beating her in chess, Ron beside her to battle a troll, a baby dragon, a forbidden corridor and a thief. Ron by her side _always_.

Hogwarts was a room on top of a tower with the four best girls, it was Draco, Hermione and Blaise. It was the great hall in the mornings with sunshine and owls. It was fitting in, its being _wanted_ , being _whole_ , it was where she was going to find her soul. Hogwarts was, Hogwarts is, _everything_.

Harri dragged the elf’s hands off her shirt but kept them in her grasp. She looked directly into Dobby’s eyes and with finality said. “I’m sorry Dobby, but thats-thats not going to happen.”

Because there was nothing that would stop her from going home. Not Voldemort, not the Dursley’s and not Dobby.

Dobby’s face shifted and turned sly.

Uh oh.

“If Harri Potter will not listen to Dobby then Dobby will—“

Harri stopped blinking so that her eyes filled with tears.

“Please, Dobby, _please._ You can’t make me stay here!” Harri let fake tears fill her eyes.

Dobby’s face changed again and he started crying himself. “Oh no! Oh no no no! Mistress Harri Potter mustn’t be upset!” He apologized profusely but continued to say that Harri couldn’t go back.

There were thunderous footsteps on the stairs and then heavy bangs at her door. Dobby upset and horrified, disappeared with a snap of his fingers and a determined look on his face.

Harri breathed a sign of instant and momentary relief. She wiped her tears and opened the door to Uncle Vernon’s red, furious face.

“Just _what,_ ” he hissed “is that ruckus! Keep it quiet girl or you will not like the consequences!”

Uncle Vernon slammed the door shut and left. Harri inhaled deeply and went to lie down. While on the edge of sleep Harri realized that it was probably Dobby who cut off her communication with her friends and that she should probably find a way to contract Ron if she still wanted to visit the Weasleys.

Her thoughts at that point turned to Dobby’s warning. _Hogwarts is not safe. There is a plot. A dangerous plot._ Who was Dobby’s family? What was going to happen? It couldn’t be anything good. But whatever danger was waited for her, Harri decided not to worry. The safest place on Earth was where Albus Dumbledore was, and lucky for her, he would be at Hogwarts.

Slowly and then all at once, Harri fell into a fitful and uncomfortable sleep.

Six hours later, Harri was awoken by the sound of an engine right next to her ear.

Sleepily, Harri opened her eyes slightly and then all the way when bright light beamed through her window and into her eyes. She sat up abruptly and laughed delightedly when she saw Ron, Fred and George are smiling at her from within a _flying_ car. Harri shot up from bed and leaned over her desk to open the window.

“What in Merlin’s saggy ball sack are you twats doing here?!” Harri gasped.

Ron opened the back door of the car and shouted. “Saving you of course!”

Fred rolled down his window and yelled. “Pack your trunk nugget! This is a rescue operation!”

Harri pressed her hands to her cheeks, smiling so hard it hurt, and is helpless to do anything but say. “Okay!”

Full of excitement and giddy, she turned to where her trunk was open and began to throw everything in, unworried about the mess when she knew she had to be swift before the Dursley’s were awoken.

Within minutes Harri had dumped all her clothes, books, trinkets and photos into the trunk. The only thing left in the room was the furniture and the pillows. Harri shoved her feet into her trainers while Fred and George encouraged her to go faster in increasingly outlandish posh accents.

Harri heaved her trunk up onto the desk along with herself, from there Ron helped her guide the trunk into the car. Harri lifted Hedwig’s cage up next and had just made it into the car seat when her bedroom door banged open.

The Dursley’s gaped at what was in front of them, utterly baffled.

“I’m going to the Weasley’s a little earlier than expected! Goodbye Aunt Petunia! I’ll see you next summer!” Harri flung the car door shut and to George at the wheel squealed. “Step on it Weasley!”

George saluted her “Onward captain!”

And they were off.

Within no time at all Harri had clutched the back of Fred’s seat and blathered on about everything that had happened in the past four weeks; beginning with the missing letters and ending with a house-elf named Dobby. Ron added on every few seconds excitedly about his version of events and Fred made jokes at their expense. George only did his best to keep them from falling and potentially dying.

When they’d finished their stories, Harri leaned back into her seat and breathed a sigh of rapture. Ron caught her eye and they both began to laugh for no reason at all. Maybe the high of the escape or the happiness of reunion, whichever it was, it set the twins off too. The car filled with unstoppable giggling, Ron hitting the window with his eyes squeezed shut and Harri snorting.

Unexpectedly, the middle of the night in the summer of 1992, Harri Potter was sat with the Weasley brothers in a flying car; unable to stop laughing.

* * *

The Burrow was located on the periphery of Ottery St. Catchpole, a whimsical house, encapsulated by a great viridescent field.

Expectedly, Mrs Weasley had been enormously upset with the boys for pulling such a stunt, especially considering that none of them actually had a driver's license. She had however, been very pleased to see Harri and welcomed her with open arms and a warm hug that only mothers seemed to be able to give.

At breakfast Harri had been introduced to the rest of the family. Mr. Weasley (Arther), Ginny, Bill and Charlie (the oldest of Ron’s brothers).

Bill and Charlie were both very attractive and handsome boys, with charming smiles and lovely personalities. They both chatted with her and Charlie made her promise that she would play quidditch with him later. He also mentioned Norbert, Hagrid’s dragon they had smuggled to Charlie just last year.

Ginny had blushed fiercely when introduced to Harri and wouldn’t speak a word. Ron assured Harri though, that Ginny liked her immensely, and was probably just embarrassed because she was obsessed with her and had spent all summer talking about her.

Mr. Weasley had received Harri as warmly as the rest of the family and began a long discussion about the muggle world and all its intricacies with her.

After breakfast Ron took her upstairs to his room that they would be sharing for the rest of the summer. He was blushing slightly but Harri assured him she didn’t mind at all. They giggled as they raced each other up the stairs where Harri’s trunk had already been taken by Bill.

As soon as she got the chance, Harri used Ron’s owl Pigg to send letters to everyone explaining why she hadn’t the chance to reply to theirs. She used the house-phone (the feletone according to Mr. Weasley) to call Hermione. They had a three hour long conversation while Harri sat resting against the window on the second floor.

That night, they even celebrated Harri’s late birthday. There was cake and presents. When the Weasley’s had sung happy birthday to her, Harri tried her best not to let her tears out, this was the first time in her life her birthday was actually celebrated. There were people who cared that she was alive. She was so touched by their kindness, Ginny had even braved her for a sweet hug.

The rest of the summer passed by blissfully. Every morning the family gathered in the kitchen for breakfast; Mr. Weasley would read the Daily Prophet out loud, Fred would be catapulting eggs off his spoon to everyone at the table one by one, Mrs. Weasley would be force feeding anybody (but mostly Harri) with extra food, Charlie would be haggling Ron and Harri with stories about the dragon sanctuary while Percy argued with Bill about the functions of some charm or the other.

In the afternoons, they would play any games they could get their hands on and Ron trumped Harri at chess about fifty times. One time they even held an official tournament where the prize was the last slice of chocolate cake from the night before. Sometimes the twins would event an outrageous game of chase that they could play around the house and even Percy would get involved.

They also spent hours and hours paying quidditch where Charlie taught Harri how to do a proper flip on the broom.

One night, after Mr and Mrs Weasley had gone to sleep, Bill taught them how to play poker. They used chocolate frog cards as chips and surprisingly Harri was quite ace at it.

At three am that morning Harri smiled superiorly down at the boys from her chocolate frog card empire.

A week before school was set to begin Harri made plans with Hermione at Diagon Alley. Hermione would meet Harri and the Weasleys outside Gringotts Wizarding Bank and they would all do their school shopping together.

The night before their trip, Ron and Harri were curled up in their separate beds, with cups of hot cocoa chatting about the new year.

As Ron gushed about finally getting a new set of robes Harri nodded off to sleep and fell into a peculiar dream.

Harri was walking through a very dark and damp hallway. There was the sound of water dropping and a distant hissing. It smelled unpleasant and she could hear a girl crying.

Blue eyes shone through the darkness. A whisper encompassed the chamber.

“ _At last.”_

Harri woke, heart thundering.

* * *

Harri ending up in Knockturn Alley should have been the first sign that their trip to Diagon Alley would not go well.

Borgin & Burkes was perhaps the creepiest most dark place Harri had ever been and when she listened to Draco be berated by his father and unable to intervene it only added onto her displeasure.

After Hagrid saved Harri from being eaten alive, she sprinted to hug Hermione when she spotted her standing in front of quality quidditch supplies. Hermione squeezed her tightly and whispered “I’ve missed you _so_ much. We were so worried when you stopped picking up the phone.”

Harri whispered back. “I’ve missed _you._ I’m sorry you were worried, I didn’t mean to make you.”

They drew back from the hug and stared at each other, smiling.

They found the Weasleys at Flourish & Blotts where a wizard by the name of Gilderoy Lockhart was having a book signing. According to Hermione he would be their new defense against the dark arts professor. Although every women, including Hermione, seemed to be taken with the man smirking and posing up front; Harri was underwhelmed by him.

He reminded her of the Dursley’s and clearly reveled in his fame.

Harri scrunched her nose in disgust.

Mrs. Weasley located her and Hermione at the back to the shop with a sigh of relief and Charlie left to inform Bill to stop looking for Harri. Hermione too found her parents in the shop and introduced them to Harri and the Weasleys.

Harri hadn’t even a chance examine the shop before Lockhart noticed her, staring at her scar first and her face second. His face lit up in glee and he made a spectacle of both himself and Harri. He coerced her into a picture with him and harassed her into accepting a collection of his autographed books. Mrs. Weasley was beside herself, ecstatic and fanning her face.

Harri moved to the back to the shop near the staircase, away from the attention with Ron and Hermione. There they started discussing the stops they have to make as well as going over the list of supplies. Harri had just began to express her exasperation at Lockhart making his entire book collection mandatory when she was interrupted.

“Well, well, well” a familiar voice drawled. “How unfortunate. Can’t even take you to a bookstore can we Potter?”

Harri looked up and saw Draco walking down the staircase of Flourish & Blotts and towards them. She grinned like a Cheshire cat and Ron tried to tone down his beam, obviously thrilled to see his soulmate after a prolonged summer apart.

“I guess we can’t all be plebs like you Malfoy.” Harri teased unable to hug him as she wished to.

“ _Please,”_ Draco sneered. “I am the _last_ person in here that is a pleb—

Draco was interrupted by his father who introduced himself as Lucious Malfoy. The way he talked, Harri understood more than ever why Draco didn’t want them to associate with his family. Mr. Malfoy was an arrogant, prejudiced asshole.

He stared at Harri intensely and tried to touch her scar, seemingly arrested by it. Mr. Weasley joins the conversation and shoved Mr. Malfoy’s hand aside in outrage. The situation became heated.

During the time that Mr. Malfoy belittled and insulted the Weasleys, Ron’s face flushed entirely, Draco had paled considerably and Harri was fuming.

She internally cheered on as, Mr. Weasley punches Lucious Malfoy straight on the nose.

Hagrid appeared just at the right moment and broke up the fight but not before Mr. Malfoy pitched the book he’d snatched from Ginny earlier back at her. 

Just as Mr. Malfoy yanked Draco out, Ron shot him the iciest glare Harri had ever seen him give anyone. Draco looked devastated as he left. Beneath his robe Harri could make out capitalized angry letters moving across his wrist.

Later in the day, after they’d returned from Diagon Alley and had dinner, Harri sat with Ron and tried to tone down his anger. He was reasonably upset but she implored him to see Draco’s point of view.

In the end, she had no effect, Ron went to sleep angry and hurt.

Harri fell asleep too, listening to the sound of Ron breathing and hopeful for a better day tomorrow. They were going to Hogwarts after all.

Unbeknownst to all inside, there, within the darkness of the house and against the fireplace, in a pile of Ginny Weasley’s school items, laid a black book.

The diary of Tom Marvolo Riddle glimmered underneath the moonlight. The soul inside quivered to life.

_Oh. This is quite unexpected.  
Hello there._  
_It seems I have found you,  
_ **_at last._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title loose lips sink ships is an idiom and means "beware of unguarded talk".
> 
> Chiao amore mio = hello my love.   
> Che bello = how beautiful. 
> 
> Hope you like this longer than usual chapter!   
> I'm really very excited for diary!Tom and Harri to meet (which will be happening next chapter).


	5. with hope at last

** Chapter 5:  ** ** with hope at last **

“I had embraced you...  
long before i hugged you.”

― **Sanober Khan** , _A Thousand Flamingos_

To be fair, the day started out entirely normal (that was not to say that every other day didn't). And to be completely honest Harri truly should have expected it to take a turn. 

On the morning of the first of September she woke with butterflies in her stomach. She hadn't really slept the night before, too excited for the coming day. 

Hogwarts, _at last_. 

Harri rolled over in bed and stared at Ron while he snored softly, silently thankful she didn't have to put up with that sound every morning. 

She continued to leer at Ron, bored, and then rose from her bedside to quietly tip toe over to him. His nose  twitched in his sleep and just as Harri lifted her feet off the ground to jump onto Ron’s sleeping body the door burst open with a loud thwack. 

Harri yelped and Ron sprung up. His head met her torso and she tumbled face first on the wooden floor. 

“RON!” Harri pushed herself up onto her elbows and glared at him. Ron looked back at her with a befuddled look. 

“Whuzzit?” He mumbled, his hair sticking up every which way and a line of drool stuck down the side of his mouth. 

From the doorway poured in laughter. 

Harri and Ron frowned simultaneously while a fresh faced Charlie Weasley bent over in hysterics. Charlie pulled himself up eventually and wiped a fake teardrop from his eyes. “Never a dull day with you is it, Harri?” 

“It would appear not…” Harri huffed and latched onto Ron’s arm to get up. 

Ron continued to sit half up in bed, and kept having to catch himself from falling back asleep every few seconds the poor sod. 

“Well, mum says to get ready and come down for breakfast. We’re leaving for the train station in an hour. Oh! And make sure your trunks are all packed and ready!” 

Charlie left the door open when he walked out, and through it, Harri could hear all the sounds that made up the Weasleys home. The pots and dishes banged, the sound of the shower buzzed through the third floor and little footsteps ran up and down the stairs. Percy and George fought over a bathroom sink, Ginny asked for help closing her trunk and the smell of Mrs. Weasleys pancakes wafted in. 

Harri smacked the back of Ron’s head as he started to fall back onto his pillow again and ran away before he could retaliate.  She gathered her clothes for the day from her trunk and heard Ron whinging from his bed covers. 

The two of them took turns showering and dressing. When they finished, they packed the last of their things and made their way downstairs.  Bill walked over to them and shrunk their trunks. Harri looked around for Hedwig and  found that her cage was placed below the stair case right next to Scabbers. Harri pet her hello and received a peck on the cheek. 

At the breakfast table Mrs. Weasley greeted them with a wide, warm smile.  Breakfast was as normal as it could be, loud banter and plates passed by in rapid motion. Mrs. Weasley was on the prowl to feed and Fred was prepared to pour pink liquid into everyone's glasses of water. It was normal indeed. 

After most everyone had managed to finish their meals, Mr. Weasley prepared them to leave. The family and Harri piled into the newly magically lengthened blue Ford Angelia that had rescued Harri from the Dursley’s almost five whole weeks ago. 

The drive to the station seemed to take forever, as most things did when you wanted them so badly. After two months without, all Harri wanted was to be on the train with all of her friends.  She hoped to sort this mess out between Ron and Draco as soon as possible, before it could fester like a wound and turn into a larger problem then it needed to be.

After ages, they finally pulled into the parking lot of Kings Cross station. 

It was a lovely day so much so that the sun practically glittered off the pavement. There were bodies pressed together, suitcases and bags, yelling moms, laughing kids and hassled attendants. The train's whistled and goodbyes rang around spiritedly. Children, travelers and the like, prepared for the journey ahead. This hustle and bustle intoxicated the atmosphere in adventure. 

The first of September as beautiful as ever. 

Harri and Ron fell behind the rest of Weasley clan on their walk to platform 9 3/4. 

"Bill says Hogwarts should be even better this year because we're finally twelve and," Ron said excitedly. 

Harri nodded along, holding onto him by the edge of his jacket in case he got lost in the crowd. 

And just when everything was going right, it went wrong. 

Harri had been just about to follow onto the coattails of Mr. Weasley as he guided Ginny through the barrier. But after Ginny went through and Harri pushed herself forward, her trolley crashed into the wall instead of going through. 

Harri flushed and glanced back at Ron incredulously. He looked back in stupefaction. 

Harri pulled her trolley back and pushed in again but again nothing happened. She groaned under her breath and then pulled away from the wall completely. It wouldn't do for someone to see them. 

Harri turned to Ron feebly. “What are we going to do now?” 

Ron puffed out his cheeks. “I suppose we just wait for someone else to try getting onto the platform or…my parents maybe?” 

Harri inclined her head in agreement and suggested sarcastically, “Or we could just take the car and try to catch up with the train.” 

When her comment was met by silence instead of a laugh, Harri narrowed her eyes. Rather than roll his eyes Ron appeared to be considering the foolish idea. 

“Ron no!” Harri scolded. “We’re twelve year old children! There is so much that could go wrong. We don’t even know how to fly! We are not going to steal your fathers _flying_ car!” 

Ron peered at Harri with hopeful eyes, “But Harri! Think about it… how much harder than flying a broom can it be?” 

Harri closed her eyes and pinched her noise in exasperation. _Boys._ She muttered to herself how wrong of an idea this was but the more she thought about it the more she considered it. The idea went from being incredulous to incredibly tempting.

What was the worst possible outcome here? They get to Hogwarts on time? Also, who knew how long it would take for someone to find them? Previous experience had taught Harri adults were not to be trusted implicitly. It was almost eleven anyway and the train would leave them behind...

Harri is interrupted from making any rash decisions by a throat being cleared behind her. Her and Ron swirled around to find Theodore Nott on the platform, with who Harri assumed was his sister. 

Nott raised an eyebrow and tilted his head in question at their awaiting figures. 

“Didn’t know I deserved such a welcoming party.” Harri heard him whisper under his breath. 

She made a face at him. They didn't know Theodore particularly well. Only that Draco is friends with him, that he is in slytherin house and a pureblood. 

Harri also hadn't ever particularly cared to know him. He was friends with people like Pansy Parkinson and that was all she needed to know. 

However, it was annoying how handsome he was. 

“The barriers closed then?” Theodore's sister asked and then her eyes widened lightly when they found Harri’s. 

Even though Harri had a year of experiencing this, it still surprised her when it happened sometimes. Especially when for the past few months, the only time someone was surprised to see her was George when she woke him in the mornings. 

Theodore sighed deeply as if Harri’s fame was a grave inconvenience to him, “Sophia, Harri Potter” he gestured to and fro, “Harri Potter, Sophia Nott. Oh and Weasley I suppose.” 

Sophia Nott was stunning. She had golden hair and an oval shaped face. Her eyes were wide and honey brown. She inclined her head and reached out to shake Harri and then Ron’s hand. Much more kind than Harri expected. Ron blushed a little when Sophia’s hand was in his and Harri grinned slightly. 

“My sister.” Nott uttered under his breath once again. He stared at Harri intensely when he spoke and then back down again. It was sort of…not intimidating exactly...but something…his eyes were very beautiful. Not that it was important or anything.

“Well, Harri Potter and Ron Weasley, if you would like, I can arrange for our driver to take the three of you to Hogwarts.” Sophia Nott offered with a gentle smile. 

Ron accepted right away. Harri glanced at Theodore and noticed that his face had gone slightly pink. But other than that he didn't seem bothered.  Sophia gave another minuscule smile and then whirled around. 

Ron, Harri and Theodore looked briefly at each other and then turned to follow her to their car. 

It was a very nice looking car. Leather seats, shiny paint and spacious on the inside. A driver popped out the front door and held open the door back door for them. He even deposited their trunks and placed Hedwig’s cage in the front seat. Harri let her girl out before the car began to move, and Sophia bid them goodbye after they settled in. 

As the car took off, it just Ron, Harri and Theodore Nott sat facing each other with blank looks.  Fortunately for him, Ron fell asleep not even fifteen minutes into the ride. Internally vexed, Harri reminded herself to kick him during the feast for having left her in this awkward situation all by herself. Unable to stand the awkward silence, Harri had shifted her focus onto the view outside. 

It was spectacular. It always would be. The rolling greenery, the sapphire sky, the feeling of the world at her fingertips. 

What would it be like, to always be here? To be floating above the mountains with only her broom underneath, to have no responsibility. And when she turned over to find her person smiling at her, fingers spread out for her to hold. 

Just as she was getting lost in her thoughts, Nott spoke. 

“It’s odd.” 

Harri aimed a frown at him, “What’s odd?” 

“Well, you are entirely odd I suspect.” He replied in his aristocratic accent, extremely similar to Draco's and yet different. Harri glowered at Theo so then he explained further. “Your friendship with Draco Malfoy. That is what's odd. You know his father was a death eater right? That his family are blood purists?” 

Harri was puzzled. Draco was Nott’s friend. So why would he bring this up? Did he want to create a problem where there wasn't one? 

“And yours are what? Guiltless? Accepting?” Harri questioned. 

Nott frowned. “I’m not one of your closest friends Harri.” 

“If you really knew Draco you wouldn’t think it was odd at all.” She was upset by his insinuations. 

“That isn't the point. I’m just letting you know. It’s peculiar how close the two of you are. It’s bizarre that he’s part of your friend group. You realize that?” Nott chided. 

“I think it’s really none of your business.” Harri scowled.  The nerve of Nott, they didn't even know each other. 

She could see Theodore purse his lips and then roll his eyes. “Fine." 

"Fine."

It was silent again but this time they weren't avoiding each other's eyes anymore. 

"I’m trying out for the quidditch team this year.” Theodore blurted. 

Harri rolled her eyes. “Good for you.” _Honestly. Boys._

“Just providing an early warning that you should probably prepare yourself for the disappointment of losing out on the house cup Potter.” 

“In your dreams Nott!” 

“I’m saying, don’t think you can swallow the snitch this time…” 

The rest of the car ride was surprisingly enjoyable. They goaded each other about and in the end had an actually decent conversation about second year at Hogwarts. 

Nott hoped to get the bed next to the window this year and griped about his disappointment at Lockhart being their new DADA professor. Harri was inclined to agree.  Nott had shocked her. He was witty and pleasant, very much unlike the sour boy she expected. He listened attentively when she spoke and even smiled. 

What was it about these Slytherins that just keep throwing her in for a loop? Next thing she’ll know, her soulmate will be one as well. 

_Hah._

_As if_.

* * *

They reached Hogwarts a little later than the train and quickly deposited their trunks by the entrance. They tried to rush towards the great hall but were intercepted by an irritated Snape right before the doorway. 

“Just where,” Snape hissed with his great big nose “have you been!”

McGonagall was just behind him, “Not on the train! No reports of your whereabouts! The entire school has been privy to a meltdown thinking we’ve lost three—

Snape barked. “Insolent, imbecilic, second years!” 

Ron began a swift explanation.“We were just behind dad! We swear! It wasn’t our fault! Harri was just about to cross into the platform and then t he barrier closed on us!” Harri and Theodore nodded along.

Snape and McGonagall gave Ron a skeptical look and then focused their attentions on Nott. 

In the face of Snape and McGonagall, Nott deadpanned, “It was closed. We took my car. That is all.” 

Snape continued to stare him down. 

“I would like to make it to the feast today sir.” 

Snape sneered and walked away with a dramatic twist of his robes mumbling about the many punishments he would like to bestow on them. McGonagall shook her head and gestured for them to go inside. “I will be informing the headmaster!” could be heard as they hurried away. 

"Bloody offensive." Ron whispered in Harri's ear. "You disobey instructions and go looking for a troll once and it’s like you can't be trusted. And well...okay not to mention the stone debacle but it worked out in the end! Frankly they should be thankful!" 

Harri had butterflies in her stomach and she surpassed Ron and Nott in their brisk walk into hall. At the doorway she locked eyes on her friends. Kids had started to move their heads and spotted the three of them and in a short time Lavender, Seamus and Angela had also looked over. Harri almost ran over and embraced Lavender in a tight hug. She could hear Seamus and Ron hugging behind her and Hermione's shout of finally on her right side. Everyone of their friends had gotten to hug the two of them and many I missed yous and we were so worried were exchanged. 

Fred and George were laughing at their back luck and Dean was already collecting bets on the trouble they would get into this year.  Eventually everyone settled down for the sorting and the first years were brought in. Harri could glimpse Ginny’s red hair in the line from where she was sat and accidentally she caught Nott’s eyes. He smiled at her and she hoped he didn't spot her blush. 

Maria caught note of this exchange and raised an eyebrow. Harri shrugged and said. “he only gave us a drive”. Maria nodded her head sarcastically as if to say sure. 

The sorting went smoothly. Ginny was sorted into Gryffindor as expected. She blushed the entire time and when she sat down at the table she didn't meet Harri’s eyes. It hadn't been strange because Ginny was always shy around her. At least Harri thought. 

How wrong Harri was.

* * *

The year began brilliantly. There was contentment in being back at the castle and spending everyday with people she liked. Even Lockhart, with his annoying habit of singling her out, couldn't bring Harri’s mood down.  Draco and Ron even made up after the first few days of school and apologized to each other. It was neither of their faults Harri knew, they were not their fathers. But it would take them a long time to truly understand that. 

To no one's surprise, Draco made the slytherin quidditch team, and him and Harri had a great time trash talking each-other. Ron sulked a little at being left out, but Draco snuck him out a night and let him ride his new nimbus 2001. This made up for it apparently because Ron came back with his face flushed and a soft look in his eyes. 

It was unexpectedly expected that everything would go erroneous on the night of the halloween feast. 

Throughout the course of the night Harri had heard a strange voice through the walls. Even she knew that couldn't be normal. She couldn't make out the words but she felt a foreboding in her chest as indication.  When leaving the feast, Daphne moaned about needing the toilet so Harri offered to accompany her as an excuse to follow the voice.  They stumbled upon a pile of water, Filch’s petrified cat and to their dread, words on the wall in blood. 

_THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPENED._

_ENEMIES OF THE HEIR, BEWARE._

When the rest of the student body arrived and Harri peered at Dumbledore, she saw something she didn't like in his eyes. Not one bit. It felt eerie and haunted. 

The next day, Hermione bribed Professor Binns into telling them about the chamber of secrets. The story of Salazar Slytherin and the legend of his monster, his heir and his revenge left a frightened air on the second year students. 

The series of unfortunate events continued when Draco and Harri faced each other in their first quidditch match together. Harri ended up being chased by a bludger and had her arm broken by Lockhart’s incompetence, forced to spend a painful night in the infirmary. 

There was where she learned of Dobby’s deceit and Colin's petrification. There was where she learned that the chamber had been opened once before and was again. 

The next few weeks, Harri and her friends debated over and over again who could be the heir and came to no conclusion. They decided to skip dueling club because most of them had no desire of being in the same room as Lockhart, much less learning anything from him.  It was while they were relaxing next to the black lake however, that Harri learned that she was a parsalmouth. A baby snake snuck up on Ron where he rested on Draco and Harri ended up getting it to go away. 

When she looked up at her friends, it was to dread on their faces.

She learned that only the descendants of Slytherin could speak parseltongue. No one else. Harri realized how lucky she is when her friends don’t believe for a moment that she would ever want to hurt anyone. 

She confided in them about the voice she hears all night in the walls and Hermione got a sharp look in her eyes. On their way back; they happened upon the back to back petrified bodies of Justin Finch Fitchley and Nearly Headless Nick. 

It did not get better. 

Harri entered Dumbledore’s office for the first time and met Fawkes, his phoenix, whom she got to see reborn from the ashes. 

The look in Dumbledore’s eyes was worse. 

On Christmas, Draco snuck them into the Slytherin common room so they could exchange gifts. There he confessed that he heard his father say the chamber had been opened fifty years ago. 

Harri fell asleep next to the fireplace and in-between the bodies of her closet friends, stomach full of hot chocolate and heart full of love. And yet in a place where she should feel the safest, she felt the most vulnerable. She peered at her wrist just as she closed her eyes and for a moment Harri could swear she saw the faded words ‘ _i’ve missed you’_ written there. 

Two months later everything changed. 

Harri and Ron walked into moaning Myrtle crying in her flooded bathroom. 

It was there, that Harri found a diary. 

Engraved on the cover were the letters, T.M Riddle. 

In the end, it was Ron who revealed the name of Harri’s soulmate. 

“Tom Marvolo Riddle,” Ron proclaimed “his name was on one of the trophies I had to clean in detention. Special services to the school, some fifty years back. Must’ve been a smart bloke huh?” 

Harri placed it in her bag and forgot about it until Valentines day, when Dean's cupid dwarf caused Harri to spill ink all over her books. 

On her wrists, faded, barely there: 

_who is she?_

_you were here…_

_i felt you…_

_come back_

But Harri hadn't seen. 

She rushed back to her room to clean up her things and noticed the diary was clear of the ink. How odd. When she looked closer, she saw the name again. _T. M Riddle._ The name—that handwriting….that was so familiar... her— _oh God_ — 

She would know that handwriting anywhere. 

How could she ever forget? 

_ i fear no _ _fate_ — 

It was etched into her memory forever. Ten years and her only hope. Her only love. 

This diary belonged to her soulmate.

She touched it. 

_It’s you. It’s you. It’s you._

She opened it.

Without thought, without reason, she was writing the words “ _My name is Harri Potter_ ”. 

She cried when it wrote back. 

_Hello, my name is Tom Riddle where did you—_

The writing stopped abruptly. 

_It can’t be—is…is it you? Are you… are you mine Harri?_

Harri felt stretched open, pulled apart, as if every inch of her was exposed in this very moment. 

_Yes!_

She replied. 

_Yes._

Her hands were shaking, her heart was trembling. 

He wrote quickly, scrambling, like he was rushing to get the words out. 

_My name is Tom Marvolo Riddle. I am a memory preserved in a diary. My God. I can’t believe this… Harri Potter…I…I didn’t expect it…its you. You are finally here. I can’t believe it’s you._

Tom. Harri thought. Tom Marvolo Riddle. Tom Riddle. She memorized the words. The shapes of his letters. She mouthed his name over and over. _Tom._ She never knew a name could mean this much. 

Holding his diary in her hand, it called her to her as nothing else has. Touching it, it felt like swallowing the sun raw. 

Finally, _finally. I can’t believe it’s really you. My soulmate._ But—

A memory in a diary? 

_Why are you in a diary Tom?_

_That I could keep waiting. That I would be alive. And finally,_ **_finally_ ** _you are here. You are really here. I’ve waited for so long Harri. So long. Seems as if eons have passed by. I have been here longer than anyone should._

_You don’t have to wait anymore. You don’t have to wait ever again. I’m here now._

_Yes—Yes. Just a little longer Harri. Just wait for me. I’ll be out of here and with you soon._

_I can’t believe it._

_Me either._

_It feels like everything I’ve ever lost has come back to me._

They spoke for ages that night, unwilling to let each other go. Tom Riddle went to Hogwarts too. Tom was a Slytherin, a prefect, the head-boy. Tom grew up in an orphanage as lonely as Harri grew up at the Dursleys. Tom is a half-blood just like her, an orphan. Perfect for each other he says. 

_It’s like you were made for me._

_ I have known you before I even met you. As if you have been by my side this entire time.  _

_This entire life. The other half of my soul. _

Harri fell asleep with the diary in her arms.

And the last words Tom wrote: 

_With hope at last,  
Tom Riddle_


	6. falling (down the rabbit hole)

**Chapter 6: falling (down the rabbit hole)**

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"  
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.   
"I don't much care where _—_ " said Alice.   
"Then it doesn't much matter which way you go."

\- **Lewis Caroll,** _Alice in Wonderland_

When Harri woke up the next day she kept the diary in her robes, unable to part from it for even a second. During classes she stroked her hand over the bindings and at the touch, a feeling of such euphoria would fill her that it left her with shivers down her spine.

After lunch and in DADA, Lockhart spent the majority of his lesson recalling the stories of his so-called travels. He kept reiterating the importance of maps, as if they were all six years old and not twelve.

"You see" Lockhart avowed like he was imparting some great message. "Maps are supposed to guide you where you want to go. They are as ancient as the civilizations themselves. And when one is lost the quickest way home can be with the help of one."

But from where Harri was sat she could view the corners of her world clearly.

Draco, Blaise and Maria on the west, laughing softly. Hermione, Lavender and Ron on the east, arguing soundlessly. Her diary and Daphne in the south, asleep quietly. 

You did need maps to tell you where to go. But as long as Harri had this, she had all she needed to guide her.

* * *

The second she had the chance, Harri ran back to Gryffindor tower, showered and climbed into bed. Once settled, she closed the curtains, pulled out the diary and whispered. “Lumos.” 

Before Harri had even pressed ink into paper, Tom was writing. 

_Hello, sweet girl._

Her cheeks flushed pink, warm to the touch. 

**Hi Tom**

As much as she wished to talk to him, she had something important to ask first. 

**Do you know anything about the Chamber of Secrets?** **Well, I only ask because it has been opened…again. And…do you know who would have opened it? Or anything about the creature inside? I heard that a girl died there.**

_I do know._

_I can show you Harri._

Harri gasped. 

_Press your palm against the page._

Harri picked up her hand and pressed it against the white page.

For a minute, nothing happened. And then, slowly, a glaring light began to envelop the open pages. Harri would have fell back in surprise, for the glare was so bright that it encompassed everything. But that would have been if she had she not felt herself being pulled deeper and deeper into its whirlpool. Harri was falling.

Falling. Falling. 

And then she was not. With a start she found herself standing in a corridor. She was in the center of the room, at the front of the grand staircases of Hogwarts.

To her right stood a boy. 

She didn't have to ask who, she already knew. 

This was Tom Riddle. 

And he was breathtaking. 

His tall figure engulfed hers, his eyes bewitched her. Dark curly hair that fell into his eyes, a sharp jawline and a straight nose, a tense stare and dark green robes. 

She couldn't believe he was hers. 

She opened her mouth to speak, but his gaze went right through her. Harri turned and found out why. He began to ascend the steps and she followed. 

She watched as he spun her a tale of great wonder. A young boy in danger of being sent to war and a school in fear of being closed off. Where Harri had expected treachery she only found naive child harboring a dangerous pet. In the end, the school was freed and Hagrid banished where he still stood. 

In the middle of it all was Tom. 

He pulled Harri out of the memory slowly. Up and up they went.

She protested Hagrid’s case. It couldn't be him. Hagrid would never. Not Hagrid who had taken her to diagon alley and introduced her to magic with a gentleness she hadn’t known. Not Hagrid who sent her letters when no one else would. Not Hagrid who made them rock cakes and who gave her the kindest most precious gift anyone ever had. 

Tom was quiet while she spoke and said nothing in response. He told her the memory took too much of him and that he had to rest. 

She said goodnight to him early and laid down in bed, unsettled. 

It didn't make sense. Dumbledore wouldn’t have kept Hagrid at the school if he was a danger. And how could Hagrid be Slytherin's heir? Wouldn't he have been sorted into the house? 

And

Why had Dumbledore been so suspicious of Tom? 

_Why was he lying to me?_

* * *

Harri never had the opportunity to question Tom again for the diary disappeared the next day. 

She left in her room in the morning, upset about what Tom had shown her the night before. She left it pressed between her mattress and the wooden bedpost. 

When she came back to her room that night from quidditch practice, Harri found everything in shambles. 

Lavender was outraged and ran to McGonagall right away. Hermione peered around everything in worry and Maria started to go through Harri's torn bed bindings in fury.

It was when Harri folded back her pillow that she noticed the diary's absence. She panicked. She went through the entire the room in search for it but didn't find it anywhere. She ranted to her friends in distress. 

“I just don’t know why this happened to us.” Lavender groaned. 

“Whoever stole that diary had to be someone from Gryffindor.” Daphne frowned. "The question is why?" 

“No one else could have gotten into the room.” Hermione agreed from her spot on the carpet. 

They all slept together on the floor that night. They floated their mattresses down and huddled together for comfort. It might have been childish but they all felt afraid and the only thing that made them feel safe was each other.

It also helped to distract Harri from missing the diary. She hated not knowing where it was or who could’ve taken it from her. Even though it was just a piece of magic her soulmate had done, it still felt like a piece of him. The only one she had until she could truly meet him. 

She had so many questions for it, how old was he to have been at the school so many years before? Where could she find him in the real world? What kind of magic had allowed him to create such a thing as his diary anyway? Why were you in so much pain last year? Why was my ink frozen? 

There was too much that was peculiar, so much that Harri couldn't understand. 

This whole school year was shrouded in secrets and mystery and it wasn't interesting anymore. 

In the weeks after the diaries disappearance, Harri worried constantly. Her only reassurance was Tom’s placating words from the first day. 

_We will be together soon._

After all, the diary was just a memory of Tom right? The real Tom was out there somewhere, waiting. And the diary obviously had plans in place. 

Deciding to put her trust in her soul mate became easy when one day, in the middle of charms class, words appeared on her wrist again. Just for a moment in time, her wrist said this: _soon_

Life was mundane again for a while. The attacks stopped altogether for four months and life at Hogwarts returned to its routine. The voice that Harri would hear even ceased and she could sleep in peace. 

And it was all ruined on the day of the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff quidditch match.

Hermione’s petrified body was found the hour before. They were devastated, all of them. _Their_ Hermione lying on a hospital bed frozen in time. It was vile. 

Ron, Harri and Draco decided to take matters into their own hands and confronted Hagrid that night. Whether Harri believed Tom or not, Hagrid had been at school during the time the chamber opened and he had to know something. 

Their plans took a drastic turn when they had to hide under Harri’s invisibility cloak while Hagrid was arrested and Dumbledore ousted. For the first time in his life probably Draco was furious with his father. 

Once the cabin is empty but for they, they heed Hagrid's hint and decide to trudge into the forest. 

Ron grabbed Dray's hand the second they step inside the tree line. Harri hid her smile. 

“I’m just _saying._ It’s all a bit weird. Oh children, 'Find the creature drinking unicorn blood! Find the monster in the chamber of secrets!' It’s never something nice now is it? I guess I shouldn’t have expected more from a school located next to what it literally called the _forbidden forest._ ” Ron mouthed off. 

“Wait until my father hears about this.” Draco grumbled, clutching his robes and his hand closer. 

“Your bloody father is half the reason we’re in this mess Malfoy!” Harri hissed, stepping over a fallen tree branch. “If he hadn’t schemed to oust our headmaster maybe we wouldn’t be walking alone in the middle of the night here _again!_ ” 

The air was bitingly cold and Harri could feel it even through her gloves. 

“Did I mention I hate spiders?” Ron complained while pushing past a bush. 

Once they’d walked close to an hour they entered the heart of the forest. 

Disturbed, Harri realized they’ve been led to Aragog. Hagrid’s old pet and the supposed monster in the chamber. He was even more frightening in person, and much grander after fifty years. Harri shuddered to think he could kill them all within a second. There was no Firenze to save them this time. 

Ron whimpered and hid behind Draco’s shoulder as Harri conversed with the acromantula. 

Aragog was cryptic and refused to truly explain anything. It was like something out of a horror movie when Aragog offered them as a meal to his children. There seem to be hundreds of them crawling out of trees, the ground, leaves and behind stumps. They were so very large and they flashed their red eyes menacingly. 

Harri, Ron and Draco stumbled so that they stood back to back at Draco's "Wands out!" 

Harri’s wand glinted in the moonlight. And when Aragog's eyes fell on it he immediately yells “STOP!” 

Heart thundering, Harri and her boys stared at Aragog. Aragog gazed back at them with wide eyes. “You…y-you…we cannot touch you…you b-belong to him…” 

"To who?" Harri shouted. 

“He who must not be named." Aragog stammered. "We do not speak of it. Leave _now._ And do _not_ return.”

Ron didn't let Harri question Aragog any further, he tugged her arm into his and all three of them ran. 

Later, while they sneaked back into the tower, Ron turned to her muddled, “Why did it take him so bloody long to realize you’re the girl who lived?” 

Harri shrugged. 

The visit to Aragog had been almost completely useless. The only useful information he provided them with was admitting that the girl that died fifty years ago was killed in a bathroom. As she sunk into bed, Harri came to the realization that the girl who died must be moaning Myrtle. 

The next day she told everyone else what she thought but they were unable to leave their dormitory to ask Myrtle. They hatched a plan to sneak out but McGonagall caught them.

Later that day, when visiting Hermione, Harri found a note in her hand. In the note is the answer to the hissing in the walls and the monster in the chamber.

A basilisk.

Harri kissed Hermione’s forehead and ran. 

* * *

Harri and Ron were hiding behind the doors of the staff room listening to the professors discuss in horror about a student's body having been taken to the chamber.

They weren't going to do anything irrational and then the student's identity was revealed. 

Ginny had been taken into the chamber. Ginny Weasley. 

The two of them rushed out of the room and then it went like this: 

Footsteps from far away come thundering into the staff room and the professors looked up to find a terrified Draco Malfoy screaming murder. “HELP! HELP! THERE'S BEEN ANOTHER PETRIFICATION! HELP!” 

Professor Snape was across the room and at Draco’s side in a second. “Draco! Draco! Calm down this instant!” 

Professor Flitwick and McGonagall rushed to his side as well. 

Draco lead the three professors to where the supposed petrification has taken place while Harri and Ron listened in from the left corridor. Draco secretly saluted them with his right hand as he left. 

Harri gestured to Ron and he followed when she slipped out the corridor, the two of them letting Draco distract the teachers as planned. 

They focused their attention Lockhart who tip-toed himself out of the room in an exceedingly suspicious manner rather than follow the other professors. They treaded behind Lockhart until he reached his office. Then they watched in incredulousness as instead of preparing to save Ginny, he began to pack his bags. 

“I’ve had enough.” Ron glared. 

"That fraud!" Harri whispered. "I knew it!" 

Ron kicked the office door open and stormed inside, Harri on his heels. 

“You’re supposed to be on the way to save my sister, you coward!” Ron shouted, pointing to Lockhart’s suitcase with an accusation. 

Lockhart whipped around with his wand pointed at them. 

“What are you doing here!” Lockhart said frantically. 

“Exposing a lying, cheating, scum!” Harri yelled. "What is wrong with you? Ginny could be murdered!" 

Lockhart paled. "Well...I-I...now see here--" and he stuttered his way through an atrocious explanation before he turned on them. 

Harri stole his wand with a quick expelliarmus and then they confounded him and tied him up in his chair. 

Ron was just tying the last knot when Blaise and Daphne sped into the room panting. 

“We have to get to Myrtle’s bathroom and question her about the chamber now! There’s no time left, the professors caught on” Daphne warned. 

"What happened with Lockhart?" Blaise questioned in concern. "Isn't he supposed to be rescuing Ginny?" 

"Never mind him, he's a fraud." Ron sighed. "We’re all the hope Ginny has left, we need to go." 

The four of them swiftly left Lockhart’s office, leaving his body and his wand at the crime scene. They raced through the eerily quiet castle, tumbling into each other with abrupt stops and changing directions when they spotted teachers. 

Harri felt like every second spent not looking was a second off of Ginny’s life.

Just as they almost made it into the bathroom Filch came storming down the floor. To avoid him, Ron opened a broom closet and they squished inside. 

The closet was pitch dark and smelled of disinfectant. Daphne had snatched Harri’s hand in her own and their loud breathing was the only noise in the tiny room. 

Blaise cracked open the door slightly and glimpsed outside for anymore sign of Filch when he found none, he twirled back to them with a thumbs up. "Coast is clear." 

From there it only took a minute for them to find Myrtle. 

Her ghost floated next to the bathroom windows and she gazed at the moon somberly. When she heard the sound of their footsteps, she spun around and sputtered. “What are you doing in my bathroom! Boys! Boys in my bathroom!” 

Ron stepped forward. “We just want to ask you some questions Myrtle. Just a few. Would that be alright? We promise not to do anything.” 

Myrtle scowled but said. “I suppose.” 

Harri took a deep breath. “Can I ask you about the night you died Myrtle?” 

Myrtle let out a high-pitched squeal. 

Harri continued on. “You were the girl that was murdered fifty years ago weren’t you Myrtle? You were the one killed by the monster in the chamber of secrets?” 

Myrtle whimpered. “I was.” 

She floated right up to Harri’s face. “I was just sitting here in that stall. Crying. Because of some stupid girl who used to bully me all the time. And then I heard this hissing noise and I asked who was there. And no one replied so I opened the door, and I saw these big eyes and I died.” Myrtle cried again. “Not as interesting as you thought Harri? No I guess it wouldn’t be.” 

Ron leaned towards Myrtle hastily. “But you didn’t see anything about where it was coming from Myrtle? You didn’t—

“NO! I DIDN’T SEE ANYTHING!” Myrtle screeched. “ALL OF YOU ASKING ME ALL OF THIS? YOU ARE JUST LIKE THAT BOY! STUPID TOM RIDDLE WITH HIS PERFECT HAIR AND STUPID STUPID EYES! ASKING ME ALL SORTS OF THINGS! Did you see what it was Myrtle? Did you recognize anyone in the bathroom Myrtle? Have you told anyone anything Myrtle? You better keep it quiet Myrtle! Pretending to care! Pretending to be my friend!” 

Harri froze in place.

_Tom Riddle_

“Hold on a minute…” Blaise implored with his hand out. “Tom Riddle? The bloke who’s diary you found Harri?” 

But Harri wasn't paying attention to anything. She moved away from everyone and stared into one of the bathroom sink's. Her mind ran a mile a minute, why had Tom questioned Myrtle about her death? Hadn’t he already convinced himself it was Hagrid? 

Blaise and Ron continued to ask Myrtle questions while Harri saw the strangest thing.

On the tap in front of her... there was a snake engraved on the surface. 

Of course!

Harri looked up and around herself in surprise. Myrtle had died in this bathroom...of course...this was the entrance to the chamber of secrets. Hermione’s notes on the basilisk had mentioned that it traveled through pipes and no matter how many times they had searched the school in the centuries since Slytherin left, they hadn’t found the entrance.

It wasn’t _in_ the school, it was below the school.

“Guys!” no one listened, too busy quarreling amongst themselves. “I FOUND It!” Harri hollered. 

Blaise, Ron and Daphne turned around at a breakneck speed. Harri lifted her arm and pointed at the snake engraved on the tap. “There.” 

“How do we get in?” Ron came up to Harri’s side and brushed their shoulders together. 

“Gee.” Daphne rolled her eyes, “How do we get into Salazar Slytherin’s super secret chamber in which he entombed a basilisk that only those who speak parseltongue can hear and only his descendants can enter?” 

Ron reddened. “Right.” 

The four of them looked at each other nervous but determined. Daphne squeezes Ron’s shoulder. “We’re going to save Ginny, Ron.” 

Ron nodded and smiled back at her. “Ready?” 

Harri bent over and tried to remember how her mouth would form the words. Blaise and Daphne watched with attentiveness as she recalled parseltongue. Ron gripped her right hand and shook with nerves. 

In the end, it was the memory of the garden snake she'd met at six and not the whispers of the basilisk that she remembered the most.

“ _Open.”_

They gazed in fascination as the sink began to pull apart and separate, leaving a gaping entrance into a well-like fall. 

Blaise jumped in first and the rest of them followed. As Harri leapt off the ground her stomach jumped. Ron screamed when it was his turn. They landed on a pile of bones and dirt. 

Harri crawled onto her knees and pushed herself up and then lent a hand to Daphne whose face was scrunched up in disgust. 

Ron moaned in pain from his place on the floor. “I think I’ve broken something.” 

Blaise hoisted Ron up and took his arm over his shoulder. The four of them stood in a row at the bottom of the hold and gaped into the ominous tunnel ahead of them. 

It was empty but for the walls and bones. 

“It smells deplorable.” Blaise said in revulsion. 

“Draco would've fainted from the smell alone.” Ron mentioned hoarsely. 

They trudged on. 

The tunnel was pitch black. They had to take cautious steps to avoid stepping on any bones or snake skin that they passed. There was a gentle lull, the sound of of the drip drop of water pouring from faucets.

But any snap or loud noise scared them enough to bring them to a halt every few minutes. They continued on for a while and comforted themselves by thinking of what Snape and McGonagall would do when they got out of there.

Then they happened upon a problem. 

There pathway was blocked the caved in seeing, recently and purposefully placed as to prevent anyone from entering any further.

Ron patted down his pants pockets and retrieved his wand to cast “Diffinido!” before anyone could warn him not to. 

They sprinted to take cover as parts of the ceiling exploded in their faces. Harri, in a moment of... shock or adrenaline or stupidity ran into the line of fire and onto the other side. When silence rung, she found herself severed from her friends and on the side of the entrance to the chamber all alone. 

“Harri!” Daphne screamed. 

“Daphne!” Harri gasped as panic sunk in. She was stuck on the other side, completely blocked and isolated with who knew what inside the chamber.

“Ron got hit!” Blaise shouted. “He’s hit his head on the wall!” 

“What are we going to do? Harri are you alright! Say something!” Daphne yelled. 

“I’m fine!” Harri closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm fine." She pressed her hands against thighs and waited until they stopped trembling. Ginny. Ginny could die. 

Harri shook herself off, tucked her wand into the side of her skirt and made a decision. “I’m going to go into the chamber. We don't know how much time has been lost. You guys stay there and see if you can call a teacher for help okay?” 

“What?!” Blaise raised his voice. “Harri you can’t go in alone! There’s a basilisk in there!” 

“Harri you could die!” Daphne swore.

“I have to do it! She's Ron's baby sister!" Harri faced the same decision as last year. She had to go in this alone or not at all. And that wasn't a real option was it? 

Maybe Harri wasn't a coward but she didn't feel brave in this moment. She felt sick. There were monsters on the other side of that wall. The basilisk and the heir of slytherin. She was terrified this was going to go wrong. That Ginny would die either way, that Harri could die, that she would never get to meet her soulmate. But Harri was her mother's daughter. And when Voldemort told Lily Potter to step aside she stayed, so Harri Potter was going to do the same. 

“ _Open.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> down the rabbit hole they go...


	7. et tu, brute?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> caution: angst up ahead

** Chapter 7: et tu, brute?**

“Hello, darling. Sorry about that.   
Sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell  
and how I ruined everything by saying it out loud.  
Especially that, but I should have known.  
You see, I take the parts that I remember and stitch them back together to make a creature that will do what I say or love me back.” 

— **Richard Siken,** _Crush_

When Harri looked back on it, she though she could pinpoint why it all went wrong that day. It wasn’t because of Salazar Slytherin’s eternal promise or the writings on the wall in blood. It wasn’t even—wasn’t even Tom. It was because…that was the day she realized _how_ it would all end for her. This life, this story, this war. 

From the beginning to the end. Tom’s life to hers. From his empty wrist to her frozen one. For every lonely year, for every lost hope. 

She sees it in hindsight, the inevitability of fate.

* * *

The chamber of secrets opened itself for Harri with a deafening groan. In the centuries that it had existed the stone had eroded over. The text written on the inside of the walls had faded but their purpose was clear. She could hear the dead as they whispered in the walls. The two sides of the door slid away and revealed a longer more open tunnel. There were engravings of serpents and a row of roman pillars lined up to a statue, of what Harri could only assume, was the face of the ancient Salazar Slytherin.

Below on the damp ground rested the body of Ginny Weasley. She was still and unmoving. She reminded Harri of a muggle fairytale: sleeping beauty cursed to an eternal slumber. Pale, fragile and hopeless. Harri's gaze moved away from Ginny’s body to observe her surroundings. She found— to her distress that Tom’s diary laid next to Ginny 

If Harri concentrated she could remember the remnants of a long forgotten dream. 

The sound of _at last, at last._

The drip drip drip of water in a sewer. 

Blue eyes. 

And because of that Harri knew what was going to happen before it did. 

She moved as quickly as she could, dropping down to her knees when she reached Ginny. She took her trembling hand and ran her fingers over Ginny’s neck. She stopped at the curve of her jaw and pressed her fingers in. To her immense relief, she felt a pulse. She breathed a deep sigh of relief and straightened her back. From behind her, a deep accented voice came alive.

“She won’t wake.” 

If Harri had looked, she would have seen her hands begin to shake. She knew that voice. Like she had known the handwriting, like she had known when Myrtle said his name. 

“Tom.” Harri pivoted her body deliberately slow when she turned to face him. 

A couple feet away, stood the life-like body of her soulmate. Not a ghost, but not quite real either. He was as he’d always been to her: something that was far away, unattainable, always trying to catch it in her grasp but loosing her grip. Being six years old and dreaming of a green light and red eyes. 

Tom was even more beautiful in life than he’d been in the memory of the diary. Dressed in Slytherin robes he painted a smart figure; handsome. She gazed fixedly at him, unable to help herself but completely enraptured by him. 

Tom smiled at her, his pale blue eyes lighting up “Harri.” with his hands stuffed in his pockets he seemed so blasé and impossibly cool. Yet she wasn’t fooled by that. She could see the way he smiled nervously and the way his eyes stared in astonishment. The way he shot her an earnest look. His eyes ran over her, again and again. The longing in him that was reflected in her. The way her hands itched to touch him, to hold him. 

As the years go by, she will wish they could have stayed this way forever. 

All the same, twelve year old Harri couldn’t help herself. She broke their shared silence. She whispered, “What are you…” her mind was a clutter, unable to comprehend how Tom’s diary ended up in the chamber with Ginny. The answer was right in front of her but she couldn’t grab hold of it. As if she was playing a game without the rules. “Tom—its not safe! There’s a basilisk…we have to go. You were-you were wrong about Hagrid being the heir…”

Tom smirked. “Well of course I was wrong about Hagrid, Harri.” he tsked “Haven’t you figured it out? I don’t believe that you didn’t suspect it. You are _my_ soul after all. Come on Harri, _think._ ” He walked closer until there were but two feet from each other, “It was _I_ who opened the chamber. It is _I_ who am the _heir_ of Salazar Slytherin.” 

Harri blinked. No…no. 

It couldn’t be. 

It couldn’t be. 

Not _Tom_. 

_Please_ God, not him. 

“But…why would you do that! Why would you… why would you want to hurt those people? You petrified…you petrified Hermione! The writings on the wall! Filches cat…the basilisk set loose?! You did all of this? That was you? You framed Hagrid! You—YOU killed Myrtle!” 

Tom tilted his head to the side and pursed his mouth, “Well…” 

Harri felt her blood boil as rage settled in, “How could you do this?” she yelled. 

Tom lifted his head from its tilt, frowning, his expression changing from smug contentedness to something unexplainable. “How could I do this? I had to Harri. How could I not? I had to claim my heritage. I had to take what belongs to me in _blood_.” 

“No you didn’t! You didn’t have to hurt people Tom!” Harri protested, rising up from the floor. 

Tom signed, as if disappointed that she didn’t understand, “You _know_ why Harri, you more than anyone know what it is like. To be so alone in a world where you don’t belong. To have no family, no real name… no power! I had to take it myself! I had to _seize_ it!” Tom moved his hands with an impassioned air, as if his words alone could take on a visceral form “When I found out who I really was, that I alone was the last real Slytherin, the last parselmouth. His heir. You must know what that felt like. The confirmation that I’m more, that I’ve always been more, that I was above those who ridiculed and taunted me, who thought me _below_ them.”

Tom kept looking at her as he spoke, he was riveted. “Of course…my plan to complete what I had started fifty years ago became quite trivial when I heard about you Harri Potter.” 

Harri couldn’t breathe. 

Tom laughed. “When little Ginny first poured her heart out to me, when she told me about this girl, the savior of the wizarding world, I wanted to kill you Harri. The girl who lived. The girl who defeated Voldemort. A girl who had no special powers or talents at all but who’d managed to defeat the most powerful wizard there was. I only had that goal in mind from then on, forgetting the muggleborns. But then… you picked up my diary. Harri Potter herself. Only…I couldn’t kill you anymore. Because you weren’t just all of the things Ginny told me… you were my soulmate. That changed everything.” 

He moved closer. 

“You see, we are perfect for each other Harri. Even you must have noticed. Both half-bloods, orphans, raised by Muggles. Probably the only two Parselmouths to come to Hogwarts since the great Slytherin himself. It is so fitting that we belong to each other, that we were destined for each other. The other half of my soul. Of course I couldn’t possibly hurt you. _Never_ …thus, my plans changed.” 

Tom had spoken as if he thought the things he did were okay. That he’d decided not to murder her was nothing…that she shouldn’t feel betrayed…

Harri pressed the palms of her hands against her heart, just to feel if it was real, if it still existed. Because Tom was tugging at it and squeezing it tight with every word he said. Afraid of his answer she questioned hesitantly, “Why would you care about Voldemort Tom?” 

Tom's lips curled and with mirth in his eyes he said. “ _Voldemort”_ he lifted his wand, _Harri’s_ wand. 

_Phoenix core_ Ollivander whispered in Harri’s ear. 

_“is_ my _past_ , present and **future**. _”_

Words in red. 

TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE 

Change. 

I AM LORD VOLDEMORT 

Harri trembled where she stood, unable to believe her eyes. 

Was it possible to be this devastated?

Dumbledore had been right. The truth _was_ a terrible thing. The truth ripped her apart. _Voldemort?_ Her soulmate was _Voldemort_. Harri thought it would have been less painful if Tom craved her heart out from her chest with his bare hands. In a few seconds he’d tarnished every desire, every dream, everything she’d waited for. 

She stared at him despondent and heartbroken as her world fell apart. Tom Riddle was Voldemort. Voldemort was Tom. Her soulmate—her soulmate was Voldemort. Voldemort who has taken everything from her. Voldemort who killed her parents. Who tried to kill her. The dark lord, an evil, a murderer, a tyrant. A harbinger of terrible things. 

She remembered last year and the look on his face at the back of Quirrell's head. The untamable darkness that radiated from him. _Kill her!_ He’d raged in utter hatred. And she remembers Firenze’s words a year ago on the edge of the forbidden forest. Remembers Aragog’s warning. The writing on her wrist for ten years, frozen in time, much like Voldemort was. _I fear no fate—._ The way it had only changed when he’d been close to her and never again. The way the words disappeared last year and hadn’t come back. The answer had been there all along she’d only needed to listen. 

Harri choked on a sob. Sorrow gripped her heart and wouldn’t let go. She barely felt the tears as they rolled down her face.

Tom frowned “Don’t cry Harri,” he closed the distance between them, stepping up to her and lifting her chin reverently “my beautiful girl” he touched her face with the pads of his fingers ever so gently; as if she was something precious to be held. “It’ll be alright. I won’t hurt you lovely.” Tom’s eyes covered every inch of her face, seeming to memorize every feature. Every path his gaze traced left its mark. “I’ll never hurt you again.” He brought his face closer and closer. 

Harri couldn’t move—wouldn’t move. 

Tom brushed their noses together and her traitorous heart fluttered in her chest. She could feel his breath and knew that meant Tom Riddle was almost human again. 

Tom gazed at her and gently lowered his eyes. His eyelashes cast shadows upon his skin. He brought his mouth ever so slightly near and brushed it against hers. Softly and then all at once. Harri’s tears fell against his cheek as she kissed him back. Harri wanted to die knowing she kissed him at least once. Just this once.

The two of them stayed embraced until she pushed him away. He pulled back hesitantly and rested his forehead on hers. 

Harri closed her eyes, hands on his chest. She could _feel him._ He was warm, he was _real._

“I can’t.” Harri whispered tears dropping “I can’t let you do this Tom.” She opened her eyes and looked up at him. 

Tom’s face hardened and the soft openness vanished. “What do you mean you _can’t.”_

“I won’t.” Harri croaked “You can’t just kill someone because you want to be human again! It doesn’t work like that!”

Tom flinched away from her. “You don’t want your own soulmate to be alive again?” he hissed, “Do you know what it was like to spend fifty years in a diary? Do you know what it was like to wait eternity for my soulmate? And now…and now you don’t even want—want _me_ —

“Of course I—I want nothing more! But you choose this! You killed Myrtle!” Harri shouted. 

“And I would do it again!” Tom bellowed. 

He was indignant, vengeful and full of hurt. But so was she. 

Apart from each other they are both left standing there, two halves of a soul at an impasse. _The other half of me_ Harri thought despairingly. 

“Tom _please.”_ Harri said, begged. “Please don’t do this.” 

Tom faltered with hands clenched by his sides, “Harri I can’t…I can’t. Don’t make me choose. I can’t spend another second in there. Wait for me..wait for me just a little longer and we can be together.” 

“I won’t let you hurt Ginny.” Harri replied miserably. “I can’t.”

Tom observed her as if he didn’t know her. He was right in front of her but it felt like he was disappearing from her. Gone was the gentle and awed boy Harri met, in his anger, he was turned to ice. For the first time she could see the boy who grew up to be Voldemort. 

“Fine.” Tom sneered as he took a final step back. “Fine then.” 

What happened next was so quick, it was difficult to remember. 

Tom called upon the basilisk embedded in the chamber, “ _Keep the girl away. Secure the chamber, but don’t touch her.”_

This way she knew he could continue to leech off of Ginny’s soul. He could free himself from the diary without Harri’s interference. She couldn’t let that happen. As the basilisk came for her she began to run away. Tom sneered in contempt, “ _Hurry._ ” But it couldn’t catch her. She ran through the tunnels with her heart in her throat as the basilisk chased behind her. 

Harri’s loyalty to Dumbledore rewarded her with a phoenix, a hat and a sword. Fawkes blinded the basilisk as Harri ran out of the last tunnel. In a stroke of luck Harri reached for the dropped hat where to her bewilderment, her hand seized the sword of Godric Gryffindor. Tom tried to make her stop but there wasn’t much he could do in the face of a furious basilisk and soulmate. 

At the edge of the Slytherin’s statue Harri jumped off the rocks and plunged the sword into the Basilisk's mouth. To Tom’s horror her arm slipped and a poisonous fang tore through her flesh, imbuing her with venom. 

Silence echoed in the chamber. 

She collapsed next to Ginny’s body. It had happened so quick. Life passed between the blink of an eye. Tom fell down with her, scrambling for her arm and frantically stammered out spells. But there was nothing to be done, basilisk poison was fatal. Tom curled himself around Harri, holding her to his chest, shaking them back and forth.

“It’ll be alright Harri, you’ll be alright.” he wiped his face with his arm, “T-theres spells! I know t-there are—

Harri couldn’t bear to hear this. 

It didn’t matter, nothing mattered anymore, h er choice was taken from her. There was nothing for them here. She didn’t get to keep her soulmate, not when he was Voldemort. It was there, laying in his arms dying, that she knew what it was she had to do. When the realization came, Harri couldn’t explain the sadness in her bones or the ache in her heart if she’d tried. It seemed for them forever had been short.

In the end, there was this: The two of them pressed together and nothing else. In death they’d be with each other. 

Between their bodies, Harri moved her arm and wrapped her hand around the basilisk fang. She gripped the fang and plucked it out of her arm. With the last of her energy she stabbed the diary. 

Tom’s head flew up. His eyes widened in betrayal. In heart break. In rage and sorrow. 

Julius Caesar as Brutus speared him in the chest. But which one of them Brutus and which one of them Julius?

“Harri” Tom looked fixedly at her even as his chest burst with light, he whispered brokenly “What have you done?” 

Harri beheld him back in despair, “What I had to.” 

Tom screamed. 

Harri whimpered. 

_No. No. No. Harri no. Not—I did this for you! For us!—_

He was engulfed in a golden hue and as promptly as he lived, he died just as fast. She knew he was gone when she lost the warmth that was holding her. Harri was alone again. 

She creased her eyes shut in anguish and draped herself over Ginny’s body. She weeped into her stomach, shaking and trembling. She grieved for everything she had lost. Fawkes settled himself on her shoulder and cried with her. She couldn’t stop crying even when she felt the pain of the wound go away. Even when Ginny woke up and began sobbing too giving out apologizes and explanations. All she could do was sit there in the bloody remains of the mess Tom made. 

_No. No. No. No._

She wished herself far away from here, to a place where there existed no memories of blood on the walls, a basilisk wandering the walls of a castle and of the boy once called Tom Riddle. 

That's how Snape found them. He didn’t ask questions, he didn’t say a word. He only held Harri and Ginny close as Fawkes flew them out. 

“It’s alright,” he said quietly “It’s alright Harri, you’ll be alright.” 

But he was wrong. She wouldn’t be. Harri would never be alright again.

* * *

Instead of leading her to McGonagall’s office Snape guided her to Dumbledore’s. He tasked Professor Flitwick with Ginny before turning away. Snapes hand was a welcomed weight on her shoulders. It was the only thing keeping her upright. Absently, Harri considered that Snape had never been so kind to her before. Not to this extent anyway. But she supposed the situation was unlike any other. 

They reached the headmasters office soon. Although, rather than leave right away Snape came inside with her. Dumbledore was at his desk waiting for them, his cherry colored robes twinkled in the light. 

But his expression changed when he saw Harri’s face.

“Ah, Severus.” Dumbledore said “Thank you for bringing dear Harri, now, if you wouldn’t mind checking on the bathroom entrance at once.” 

Snape glanced at Harri and then at Dumbledore. He squeezed her shoulder one last time and left. For the first time Harri couldn't find the dramatic swish of his robes humorous. 

Dumbledore took gentle hold of her arm and drew Harri down in a chair before he took his own seat across from. He did not question her when she didn't speak. 

Harri knew he had matters to discuss that were probably important but she couldn't bring herself to talk. Despite the fact the tears on her face had dried, even trying to say a word would bring them back. Her eyes stared unseeingly at the floor, empty.

Her whole life Harri had the knowledge that one day she would meet her soulmate. They would be by each other's side forever... a love that would survive the eons. As the years went by she learned the world was not black and white, that there exist shades of grey. Today she learned this was one thing her love wouldn't survive. Voldemort. 

To realize that he was her destiny always and Harri had just never known it was soul-crushing. She had spent a lifetime hoping for something that was always going to disappoint her. 

Dumbledore broke the silence. “Is there anything you would like to tell me Harri?” repeating the words he’d asked earlier this year, when the worst thing Harri had been hiding was a voice in the walls. 

She swallowed. Could she tell him? Tell anyone? Would they condemn her and cast her aside? The girl who lived, the soulmate of Voldemort. 

Life was a cruel joke. She couldn’t bear it if Dumbledore looked at her differently. If any of them did. She couldn't face that kind of rejection from the people she cared about the most. 

Unbidden, another tear fell. Harri sniffed and accepted the tissue Dumbledore handed her but didn't look up. 

“No. There is nothing to say.” Harri whispered. 

Dumbledore only hummed. “You know Harri, sometimes I find, the weight of carrying a burden is too heavy for one person. Especially one as young as yourself. Letting others share it…there is strength in that.” 

“You wouldn’t understand.” Harri said softly into the quiet of his office. 

Dumbledore settled his right hand upon hers. “I think…you’ll see that I do.” 

“No!” Harri thought of _I fear no fate--_ she thought of _I wait no longer._ “No one…no one could.” 

Dumbledore’s left hand came to rest on her cheek, unexpectedly he asked, “Do you know who the last dark lord was before Voldemort?” 

Harri shook her head. 

“His name,” Dumbledore rasped “was Gellert Grindelwald” he took her face in both hands and she glanced up “and he” Dumbledore's hands shake “was _my_ soulmate.” 

Harri's heart skipped. 

Dumbledore _knew._ He knew that Voldemort was her soulmate. “How did…did you know? Did you know this entire time?” she said in a hushed voice. 

“I had suspected for some time now, but I was never sure. Not until…not until your parseltounge ability revealed itself that I had the full confirmation I needed. I didn’t know how to tell you Harri. I didn’t know how to hurt you like this.” 

“It’s not your fault.” She thought she wouldn’t have known what to do either in his position. How did you tell a little girl something like that?

“It seems that the both of us were destined for men unlike any others” Dumbledore continued on unperturbed. “If you need to talk to anyone ever, if you feel alone in this world ever, know that you are not. I have walked this path you walk now and I do not wish for you to think love is gone for you." His hands fell from her face and onto her fist. " You’ll find that there are many kinds of love Harri. And just because you were dealt this kind, does not make you any less than you were before. You are still a kind, intelligent, brave young witch. He cannot take that from you. You are still deserving of all the love in the world.” 

“Did you know him?” she couldn't help but ask “Did you know Tom Riddle?” her voice broke at his name.

Dumbledore sighed. “I did know him Harri. And he was a brilliant boy. I can tell you truthfully that he would have loved you. We will never know what could have been.” 

“I-I miss him.” she said softly. “I miss what he represented to me before I knew…” 

"Ahhh” he patted her hand “What you must remember Harri, is there is still hope… there is _always_ hope. Tom Riddle may not be so far gone as you believe. I come back to the words I spoke to you a year ago. Love is the most powerful magic of all and you must never doubt that Harri. _Never._ There is a reason you were given him and it is not finished yet.” 

His words provided her with the slightest reassurance but even then she couldn't fully accept them. 

What hope could there be left? What love? 

On that June afternoon Dumbledore sat with her for a long time. He passed no judgement while she mourned. He gave her something more than she’d have expected: a companion. 

But i n that point in time, unbeknownst to Harri, Tom Riddle's diary had disappeared from the floor of the chamber where she left it. 

The diary now rested below Fawkes’s perch, only a few feet from where she was sat in that very moment. 

A trail of phoenix tears dried up. 

And slowly the torn black threads stitched themselves back together.

_‘Even you?’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really nervous for you all to read this chapter because I really want it to live up to the expectation. I worked on it for a very long time so my hope is that it's good.  
> This is NOT the last of Tom Riddle and we will be seeing him VERY soon, only not in the way you will expect to. 
> 
> The gorgeous quote in the beginning of the chapter is by Richard Siken from his poetry book Crush.  
> I borrow one line from the actual chamber of secrets book: "Even you must have noticed. Both half-bloods, orphans, raised by Muggles. Probably the only two Parselmouths to come to Hogwarts since the great Slytherin himself." - Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets by J.K Rowling. It was too perfect for me not to add. All credit goes to J.K. 
> 
> The title of the chapter et tu, brute is a latin phrase that means: 'even you, brutus' or 'you as well, brutus?' these are the last words Julius Caesar says before he dies in Shakespeare's play Julius Caesar. He says this upon realizing his friend Marcus Brutus is one of his murderers. The phrase is commonly used to symbolize an unexpected betrayal by a friend. I think this was the perfect title for this chapter because both Harri and Tom betray each other.


	8. love is so short, forgetting is so long

**Chapter 8: love is so short, forgetting is so long**

“Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak, knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break.”

― **William Shakespeare,** _Macbeth_

What Harri knew, what she had always known, was that life went on. 

Dumbledore took her to McGonagall’s office where everybody was awaiting her safe return. Harri faked a smile when confronted with Mr and Mrs Weasley and their open kindness and love. She shied away from her friends inquiries and hugs. She was hustled to the infirmary by Madam Pomfrey and watched over by McGonagall. Through it all she just wanted to be alone.

She asked away Daphne and Maria. She hid from Lavender and Ron. She avoided Draco and Blaise. She laid next to Hermione’s bedside and held her hand. She fell into an exhausted sleep, where she was haunted by the blue of Tom’s eyes and the sound of his voice. _You were my soulmate. That changed everything._

The next day Harri was awoken by the sun streaming in through the windows of the infirmary. Madam Pomfrey was distributing the mandrake drought to the bodies of the petrified students. Knowing the time it took for the drought to work, Harri knew they would all awaken by the time of the feast.

Then Harri would have to contend with the one person she couldn't hide from: Hermione. Harri twisted away from her bed covers and eased herself onto her back. She gazed at the ceiling and prayed away the truth. Could it all just have been a terrible dream?

Her throat tightened and she asked herself, _what is wrong with you_? She wished she could pull herself together, just long enough to stop crying everytime she remembered what had happened. 

Why me? Why not someone else? Why is it me that has to—that was left with Voldemort? Haven’t I lost enough? And to him no less? How could Tom—how could he become that? How did the boy who was so beautiful and so intelligent destroy himself so thoroughly?

She cried for the boy he was. For the soulmates they could have been. For the memory of his smile and the look on his face. For when he wrote, _is…is it you? Are you… are you mine Harri?_ For everything they had both lost.

Voldemort was not even human anymore. He was something else. A shadow. Something dark that clung to others. The man that tried to murder a baby and then a child. 

But today was the end of term, there was too much to do. Harri didn't have the time to fall apart again.

There was goodbyes to be had and a feast to eat. Any other year and Harri would be feeling melancholy at having to leave Hogwarts, today and she wished she could feel anything at all that wasn't the sick hurt in her stomach.

Harri was numb to any other emotions that wanted to rise. She pushed them down and stored them in a lock. She threw away the key. Maybe she would open it back up at the Dursleys where no one would care what she was doing or how she felt. Then she could mourn properly, then she could let him go. 

Madam Pomfrey found her awake and made her down another potion before she let her leave.

Harri walked silently through the halls of Hogwarts. She tried not to think about how Tom had seen the same these same stones all those years ago. Had he ever dreaded the last day of school? Had he ever spent a night in the hospital wing? Did he get up early in the morning and was he the first in the great hall? She would never know. 

Harri unlocked the door to her dorm quietly and wandered inside. The girls were all still asleep. Daphne was snoring loudly, Maria sprawled on her back and Lavender swathed in her covers. Harri moved to her bedside, gathered her things and took a boiling shower. She scrubbed every inch of her skin raw and changed into clothes for the way home. She tidied up her things and loaded her trunk. When she was finished she laid back on her bed and curled into herself. She pressed her face into her pillow and screamed. 

* * *

Her friends were worried, Harri could tell. She was quiet and demure the whole morning. The first thing the girls did was hug her but when asked for more she begged off and pretended she was tired. They seemed to understand that she didn't want to discuss yesterday and thankfully didn’t force it out of her. But she didn't miss the worried looks they exchange behind her back.

They proceeded into the great hall, where they were looked at with excitement. Everyone already knew everything. Or thought they knew.

They were just glad to be free of the basilisk and safe again. The energy and euphoria of the last day should have been contagious, even Snape looked less murderous than usual, but it wasn't. 

Ron didn't glance at Draco once. He told to Harri softly that it was Draco's father who had hidden the diary in Ginny’s basket that day in Flourish & Blotts. Harri thought they’d discussed this in McGonagall’s office but she’d forgotten. She'd been in shock the entire time.

Minutes after the feast had began, Hermione strode into the great hall. It was the first time in the past twenty four hours that Harri had felt anything good. They hugged each other tight. Hagrid returned as a professor and Dumbledore was reinstated. Gryffindor won the house cup again.

It should have been wonderful. It was not. 

Later, they were squeezed into a train carriage, Draco and Ron were shouting at each other. Blaise had taken Dracos side and Lavender, Ron’s. Daphne and Maria had it right, it wasn’t Dracos fault but Ron should be upset.

Hermione only leered at Harri the entire time. 

“Harri what’s wrong?”

Harri responded with. “Nothing.”

Shortly, they’d reach the platform and were hugging each other goodbye. 

“You’ll come stay with me this summer, won’t you?” Hermione fretted, holding her hands. “And you’ll write?” 

“Of course Hermione.” Harri replied and smiled. But it was fake. And it felt wrong. “Everyday.”

Maria wrapped her arms around her from behind. “And call? Right? Can we make phone calls this year?” 

“Mhhm.” Harri confirmed. Maria signed happily and kissed her cheek goodbye. 

Harri wanted to leave but Hermione gripped her wrist tight. “Hermione, I really have to go. My uncle is waiting.” Harri pointed to Vernons lumpy figure by the corner. 

“You’re not telling me something.” Hermione said, narrowing her eyes. 

Harri sighed. “Yes. I'm not.” then she took her hand out of Hermione's grip and waved goodbye. 

* * *

Tom frequented her dreams at night. So did Voldemort.

Sometimes, Tom and her were together, cuddled on a picnic blanket and watching the sky. Others she was running through a tunnel and red eyes chased her. A few, there was a man she didn’t recognize. His face was cast in shadow and his hair fell to his shoulders. He smirked wickedly and hissed _hello._ His body was slender, his fingers long and his presence looming. 

She remembered the crimson of his eyes long after she awoke, heart racing and lungs aching. She bathed and buried the dreams deep inside. She didn’t want to think, she didn’t want to wonder. She didn’t need to solve another mystery that is was going to end well. None of them had thus far. Quirrell dead and Voldemort free. Tom— Tom gone.

Some nights it was all Harri could do not to cry herself to sleep.

Harri was quiet that summer, and did every chore without being asked. She tended to the garden and helped with the cooking. She didn’t complain once, so much so, that even Uncle Vernon took note of it. No one said anything but they noticed all the same.

Dudley asked one night at dinner. “You’re not sick are you?” Harri just blinked and passed him the gravy. Aunt Petunia observed her with something like worry. Harri grew even more. She gained height and her breasts enlarged so much so that she had to purchase actual bras.

One day when brushing her hair she noticed that it had reached her waist for the first time in her life. Aunt Petunia stood in the doorway and brushed her fingers through it. 

“I want to cut it off.” Harri declared. 

“Alright then.” Aunt Petunia nodded.

They visited a salon the very next day and Harri watched in contentment as every last piece of it fell. When it was done, her hair only reached her collar bone. The hairdresser chatted her ear off about her prat of a boyfriend the entire time and Harri actually laughed for the first time since summer began. 

A week later, Dudley and Uncle Vernon went off on a boys trip for two days.

Harri was sat on the porch after dinner watching the night sky. There was a grim looking and haggard dark dog watching her from the neighbors yard. It was a little strange considering that Harri hadn’t heard any murmurs about a new neighborhood pet and surely Aunt Petunia would have lamented about it by now. 

Harri was wearing a blue dress with little daisy’s on it and barefoot. Her short hair flew with the breeze and she rests her chin on her wrist. From behind her, the door swung open and Aunt Petunia came wandering out. She stopped a few feet from Harri and leaned against the pillar holding the ceiling up.

The dog gave a loud bark. 

“Shush you.” Harri whispered. 

She could feel Aunt Petunia watching her from the corner of her eyes, the same as she had done all summer. She opened and closed her mouth a few times before finally spilling out. 

“What is the matter with you Harri?” 

Harri gave the same response she gave to anyone every time they asked. “Nothing.”

“You’ve been different all summer, quieter than usual and—sad. What has happened?” Petunia pressed. 

Harri suppressed an exasperated sign. She glimpsed at her wrist for one second and Aunt Petunia saw. 

“Is it that then? You’ve found who it belongs to?” she questioned. 

Harri wished she could say yes. _And he was wonderful._ But that wouldn’t be the truth. And it is difficult for her to lie, when for once Aunt Petunia is demonstrating that she cares, if only a little. Harri’s throat closed up and she pressed her hands to her face. She thought she’d moved past crying every time but the lump in her throat indicates otherwise. 

“Oh Harri.” Aunt Petunia said softly. She walked over and sat down next to her. She placed one hand on her arm and another around her shoulder. “Whatever it is, you don’t need that. You don’t need him.” The first tear fell. “Look, I didn’t have one of those and I found Vernon didn’t I? People like me, we find each other. You don’t need writing on your wrist to tell you who.” 

Harri lifted her head up and wiped her face. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine.” But she wasn’t. Sorrow didn’t just go away.

Petunia observed her sadly. “You know, at times, you remind me so much of Lily. She was just like this, hiding away her own pain and putting up a brave front.” Harri glanced at Aunt Petunia in surprise. They almost never spoke about her mother. 

“She was a right troublemaker too, you know? Always getting herself into arguments with people. When she—when she found out about your father she wasn’t too happy either.” Petunia chucked. “Oh, she grumbled for weeks”.

Tentatively, Harri asked. “Could you tell me about her?” 

It took her a moment to reply.

But eventually, “Yes Harri.” Aunt Petunia whispered. “I could."

 _This_ she said. _This and This_.

The way Lily’s hair appeared in the daylight. Her eyes when she laughed. Her face changing as she grew. 

An abundance of happy memories set forward as Petunia summoned the girl she knew.

Lily smiling as she spelled a flower into her hands, her green eyes looking into Petunia’s. Lily silhouetted by the moon, sleeping in the bed across from her. On Christmas morning the feeling of hands pushing her awake. The yell of _surprise_ when she climbed into their treehouse. The sound of goodbye, _I won’t forget you Tuney, I'll be home before you know it_ and everything left behind in the gentleness of their hugs.

The moments kept coming and Harri stared into the night, listening.

They were there all three of them, muggle and witch and the girl who was both. 

Gone but not forgotten. Loved even in death.

* * *

When Hermione put her mind to it, she was a woman to be reckoned with. She called Harri multiple times a week, she made sure to send letters and little presents and eventually she managed to persuade Aunt Petunia into letting Harri spend the last three weeks of summer with the Granger’s. 

“Lavender is sick and Maria is in Spain. Of course, Daphne couldn’t really get away.” Hermione’s voice slithered in through the telephone. Harri had the cord wrapped around her fingers and the speaker held up to her ear. It was almost bedtime and Hermione was making it clear Harri was to be prepared by eleven am the next morning or so help her. “Of course we might be visiting the Greengrass chateau when we get to France. _Maybe_.” Hermione continued on excitedly. 

“Do you think we could visit Draco before then?” Harri asked. “I miss him and he doesn’t send as many letter’s as everyone else.”

“It’s because of his parents,” Hermione confided. “They would be suspicious if he sent so many during summer. So I don’t know if it’s really possible. You know his parents, they think I don’t belong anywhere near the magical world. His father made that quite clear last year.”

“Ugh.” Harri gagged. “I can’t stand Mr. Malfoy.”

“Tell me about it.” Hermione proclaimed. “And he’s a hypocrite too. I read all about the sacred twenty eight and the Malfoy’s were one of the first families to associate with the affluent muggles at the time to expand their wealth.”

“Discrimination and proprietorship, this is the bourgeoisie for you.” Harri said with a laugh. 

Hermione groaned, “That and all the rest. Not to get off topic here, but I think about it sometimes you know…the difference between Ron’s life and Draco’s. Because of the whole soulmate situation. Their just so different? I mean Ron was beside himself about visiting Egypt this break but Draco would probably consider it another Sunday. And it’s just something to think about I guess…”

“Yeah.” Harri said quietly.

_Something to think about._

It was quiet for a second and then in a low voice Hermione said. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but Harri? You’ve been so distant since school ended. And I don’t know how to bring it up with you because you always pretend it’s nothing.”

Harri sighed and squeezed the bridge of her nose. “It’s…It’s not something I know how to talk about. It’s not something I want to talk about. I’m not ready. And I just…I just need you to let it go Hermione. _Please.”_

Another silence. And then. “Did you know the Place Cachée has an antique Quidditch shop? It was first opened in 1392 and named Gaston McAaron. It’s located next to Maison Capenoir a wizarding clothing store, both are of course in…"

From then on, it was only a week before she came to pick Harri up from Privet Drive.

It was an achingly warm afternoon when the Granger’s came for Harri. 

Mrs. Granger stepped out of the drivers seat to introduce herself to Aunt Petunia the same time Hermione sprang out from the backseat and threw herself in Harri’s direction. Harri felt her mouth pull into a large grin and her cheeks stretched wider than they had in the past five weeks.

The large black dog that had sat in the neighbors bushes that night two weeks ago was outside as well. He’s appeared frequently since the first time and now gave a low bark as Harri hugged her friend.

Both her and Hermione wore light, airy summer dresses. “I’m so glad you’re coming with us.” Hermione mumbled into Harri’s shoulder.

“Me too.” Harri pulled her closer to herself before they let go.

Hermione caught hold of Harri’s trunk and they both rolled it to the car compartment. With a a combined effort the two of them managed to carry it up and drop it in. Then Harri waved goodbye to Aunt Petunia and Mrs. Granger rounded back to the car.

They settled into their seats and were off. The hour drive passed by quickly and Hermione’s mum made small conversation with Harri the whole time. They arrived at the Granger’s by six and for dinner Hermione’s dad made home made pasta.

What followed was a week that made Harri think she’d found light at the end of a dark tunnel. Her and Hermione would spend their mornings watching teen drama’s in their pajamas, their afternoons in the community pool and their nights with Hermione’s parents, talking and helping with dinner.

It was the most normal thing Harri had ever experienced and she adored it.

On the next Monday Hermione's dad drove them to Paris in the Granger’s car.

It was lovely. They visited the Eiffel tower, the Arch de Triumphe and the Louvre. All the cliche tourist sites. And Harri spent her birthday in the Palace of Versailles. They visited cafés, chanel stores, drank tea wherever they could find it and took so many photographs they ran out of space in the camera.

On one of theirlast afternoons, Hermione and harri explored the streets of Paris on their own.

Harri was walking backward and taking pieces of Hermione’s cotton candy when she crashed into someone behind her. Hands held her up as she stumbled sideways. Harri spun around in embarrassment and found a handsome boy smiling at her and holding his hands out.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t looking.” Harri apologized, flushing.

“No matter. It happens to the best of uz.” The boy laughed. “My name is Hugo. And you?”

“Harri.”

“A beautiful name, for a beautiful girl.” Hugo leaned forward to kiss Harri on both cheeks.

“Oh.” Harri blurted, startled.

Hugo pulled back and glanced at Hermione. “And your friend?”

“Hermione Granger,” Hermione stepped forward and took his hand before her could kiss her cheeks. “Pleasure.”

Hugo smiled cheekily.

“Well Harri and Hermione, my friend and I were just about to—

“Hugo! I found the entrance for the—

Harri’s eyes widened in surprise as Theodore Nott came into view behind Hugo.

No fucking way.

Theodore wore a white loose sweater and black dress pants. His hair was tussled from the wind and a flush rested high on his cheeks from the heat. He was smiling as Harri had never seen before and it made him look even more striking.

When he reached them, his eyes dilated in disbelief.

They both exclaimed at the same time. 

“Potter?”

“Nott?”

“What are you—

“Arn’t you supposed to be—

“You know each other then?” Hugo interrupted.

Theo’s face gained more color. “Yes this is…this is Harri Potter and Hermione Granger. We go to Hogwarts together. Obviously.”

“ _The_ Harri Potter?” Hugo asked Harri in incredulity.

Harri sighed. “Yes.”

Theo smirked lightly. “Who else could you be with the attitude?”

“Oh piss off Nott.” She rolled her eyes.

Hugo cackled. “I like this one. And I simply meant _the_ Harri Potter as in the Harri Theo—

“Tais toi Hugo!” Theo shouted and pushed himself up to cover Hugo’s mouth with his hand.

“No no please Hugo, continue.” Hermione smiled smugly.

“That’s alright, I have my answerz.” Hugo shrugged and pushed Theodore’s hand away. “Well, considering you are _not_ muggles, Theo and I were just about to visit the Place Cachée if you would like to join uz. Female company is always welcomed here in France.” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh I don’t—“ Harri began but Hermione grasped her arm and spoke over her. “We would love to!”

“Lovely! Just follow me dear Hermione and I will guide you there safely!” Hugo offered his elbow to Hermione and they started off ahead of Harri and Theodore.

The two of them were left staring at the ground and each other awkwardly.

“Uh—

“So—

They both chuckled.

“It’s better for us if we just follow him honestly.” Theodore said, rubbing his hand on the back of his head.

“Alright.” Harri said. “I don’t think we have a choice anyway. Hermione has our hotel room key card.”

“Key-card?” Theodore frowned. “What is that?”

Harri huffed in amusement. “Oh never you mind.”

The two of them started to follow behind their two wayward friends, walking the streets of beautiful Paris together. The sun reflected off every surface, the flowers were in full bloom and Harri’s white dress moved with the wind.

She could not believe this was her life. If felt like some sort of hazy dream. She could have never predicted, at ten years old, that by the time she was thirteen she would be vacationing in this city with her closest friend. Or that she would be exploring the magical streets of Paris with Theodore Nott.

Theodore coughed, looked at her and then away. “Um, have you enjoyed summer so far?”

Harri tucked her hair behind both ears and considered what to say. There was something about Nott that made her comfortable, that made her think she could tell him the truth and it would be okay. “It’s been…not the best. Better now…here, away from England. But difficult.”

Theodore studied her carefully before hesitantly asking. “I-Is it because of…well that is…is it because of what happened at the end of last year?”

“Well yes, but not because of what you are thinking.” Harri said carefully.“It’s just that I found out something that kind of turned my world…and it’s just. It’s been so hard — you probably don’t even know what I’m talking about. Excuse me I’m rambling.” Harri trailed off and stared down at the cobblestoned streets.

Theodore stopped walked. “No Harri, I…I understand. I’ve been there. Life can turn plans up on their head.”

Harri risked a glance at him but found nothing but the truth, she smiled. “Yeah. Yes. That.”

Theodore smiled back. “It gets better. Not right away, but with time. Maybe it never heals fully…but it stops hurting incessantly. And you know, if you let yourself, you’ll find that there can be so much good between bad. So much joy after pain. Life isn’t all bad you know?”

“Yeah.” she whispered into the warm French air. "I know." 

They stood in the middle of the street smiling at each other like oblivious idiots before Hugo shouted for them to hurry up. Then their stare was broken and they started forward with red on their cheeks but the feeling of something new between them.

Harri couldn’t help but blush slightly as he guided her through a crowd with a hand on her back. She almost let herself think of Tom and the warmth of his body against hers but she shoved the memory down. She couldn't let that tarnish the few content moments she’d had in months.

Theodore’s touch was light and gentle, much like Harri found he himself was. The way he watched her and listened always made her feel seen. It was just as if she was talking to one of her friends but slightly different. Ron, Draco and Blaise didn’t make her feel as nervous as Theodore did sometimes. He was just as pleasant as he had been last year in the car ride to Hogwarts. They didn’t interact the much at school because Harri’s life was always a mess and Theodore’s seemed submerged in Slytherin. But when they did Harri always questioned why they weren’t closer. He made her feel _more_.

After lunch, more ice-cream cones and popsicles than necessary, they found a photo-booth and almost broke the machine using it too many times. By the end of the day, Harri had shopping bags in her arms, food in her stomach and happiness in her heart.

The three weeks she spent in France, carefree and traveling, taught her that she wasn’t going to live in a cloud of sorrow forever. She would make it out the other side eventually, the ache would always be there but the wound would heal with every coming day. She could live without Tom. Without Voldemort. As long as she had her friends, her magic and her courage she could do it all.

She would never forget though. Not Tom’s voice or his face. The way he talked, the way they fit. How could it…how could something that lasted for so little cost her so much. Why could she not even wake up without remembering the taste of his lips?

She yearned for one night without his ghosts, but her dreams wouldn’t allow it. They become more ominous as the nights pass and on the last night of summer, she dreamt of something she could no longer ignore.

She was barefoot and walking in a dark room. There was no light, only shadow. A voice was whispering in her head. _Just a little closer Harri. Come to me. Come._ Harri followed it, arrested by the sound. _Closer darling._ She felt a shiver down her spine. There were mountains towering over her. There was something alive in the room. _Come here Harri._ An auspicious laugh. She saw a glimpse of silver, a hint of blue. _Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure._ She reached out and—

Harri woke up shivering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank you everyone for the response last chapter, it really means so so much. <3 Wheeew that angst am I right?
> 
> Next chapter we will meet Tom Riddle (again)! but differently. I think most of you will probably guess how? The hint is in the last paragraph. Also what do you guys think of Theodore? 
> 
> love is so short, forgetting is so long  
> \- Pablo Neruda, Tonight I can write (The Saddest Lines) 
> 
> In the scene with Petunia, I was inspired by this quote:  
> “This, I say. This and this. The way his hair looked in summer sun. His face when he ran. His eyes, solemn as an owl at lessons. This and this and this. So many moments of happiness, crowding forward.”  
> “We are all there, goddess and mortal and the boy who was both.”  
> ― Madeline Miller, The Song of Achilles


	9. once upon a dream

**Chapter 9: once upon a dream**

“They say if you dream a thing more than once, it’s sure to come true.”

\- **Sleeping Beauty,** _Disney 1959_

The worst part of Harri’s dreams was that they were not only dreams. First year and the hissing voice she found to be Voldemort. Second year and the blue eyes that became Tom Riddle. Third year and… she didn’t know yet. But she gathered she would soon. In dreams she could see everything so clearly. Awake the memories were gone. Harri only remembered the feeling of darkness, whole and consuming. She didn’t know what it was that woke her up screaming—only that she was in pain, as something swallowed her whole and ripped her out. 

It scared her. 

By the time she woke from her sleep, Hermione was already down in the leaky cauldron. The two of them had stayed the last night at the leaky and they had planned to meet up with the Weasleys in the morning. Hermione’s parents had said their goodbyes the night before and Jean, Hermione’s mum, had left them cookies for the train ride. 

Harri took a quick shower and packed up the last of her belongings. She then followed the smell of eggs down the stairs. She had just reached the last step when she heard, “Harri!” and her face broke into a wide smile. Ron was standing at the entrance of the restaurant. His red hair and smiling face were a welcomed sight and Harri couldn’t help but think how much she had missed him.

“Ron!” She threw herself off the last step and into his open arms. She buried her nose in his shoulder and inhaled deeply, immediately she was enveloped in a fragrance of oranges, chocolate and grass. It smelled a little bit like home to her. Mornings in the great hall and the living room of the Weasleys.

“Harri!” 

“Oi Harri!” 

Fred and George ambled over and lifted her off her feet in a giant bear hug. _Oh._ How she had missed this, missed them.

“Oh Harri dear!” Within moments she was greeted by the entire Weasley family. Molly hugged her close and kissed her forehead, Ginny blushed but manages a sweet smile, Percy, per usual, was distracted by the book in his hand and did not pay her much mind and Mr. Weasley shook her hand.

When the greetings were over, Hermione and Ron began an argument over Hermione’s new cat Crookshanks and Mr. Weasley gently tappedHarri on the shoulder. “Could we have a chat Harri?” 

Mr. Weasley took her aside and away from the crowded tables. They stood near the backdoor and twirled his hands a little nervously before he spoke. “Now Harri, I don’t know if anyone has said anything to you about Sirius Black…” 

The name was immediately familiar. He’d been plastered all over the papers for the entire summer after all. “Hermione and I read about him in the papers just two days ago wen we returned from France.” 

“Yes, yes. I had expected so.” Mr. Weasley scratched his head. “I just want—we just—we want to keep you safe Harri. You understand that don’t you? And Sirius Black poses a threat to that.”

“Because he was a death eater?” Harri asked.

“Well yes.” Mr. Weasley said but a peculiar emotion flashed through his face. “That he has managed to escape Azkaban prison is something that endangers you very much. He was—he lost everything when you defeated Voldemort. He went mad! He lost his mind.”

“Oh.”

Mr. Weasley nodded solemnly. “So I hope you understand when I ask of you, that you do not go looking for that man. No matter what. No matter anything you hear.” He paused and then squeezed her shoulder. “That way lies only pain. _Trust me_.”

“Okay.” Harri replied in acquisition. “Alright. I won't.” He was just another one of Voldemort's followers wasn’t he? With the entire British wizarding world out for his arrest he couldn’t cause too much trouble. And they would all be at Hogwarts anyway.

She was honestly more interested in the idea that no one has ever broken out of Azkaban before. Black must be quite clever to have done that but then again... he had waited in Azkaban for twelve years. That was a lot of time to plan revenge.

Harri studied the picture of him behind Mr. Weasley. 

Sirius Black reminded her of a man who had lost everything. It was the look in his eyes—desolate. 

Mr. Weasley smiled, relived and they returned to their seats for a quick breakfast before flooing to the train station.

When Harri stepped out of the floo it was to the usual noisy and boisterous train platform. Parents and children tried to find a place to store their trunks and bid goodbye. Cages were passed through open windows, the sound of laughter echoed and the train whistled. It was magic all over again.

Mrs. Weasley embraced them all for another goodbye and then they climbed onto the train. 

“Should we look for everyone else?” Hermione asked, peering into the carriages for an empty one. 

“No.” Ron said softly. “I’d rather just talk to you lot if that's alright.” 

Harri and Hermione exchanged a pointed look. Ron could be so stubborn sometimes, especially when Draco was concerned.

They continued on until they found the last empty carriage. There was no one inside except for the sleeping body of a man. Ron shrugged and sat next to him while Harri and Hermione chose the opposite bench.

“What do you both know about Sirius Black?” Harri questioned immediately, taking off her hand bag and brushing out her newly short hair. 

“You mean the bloke that’s been the most talked about thing since you?” Ron chuckled. “Let’s see.” He lifted up his hand and counted off his fingers. “He’s the most wanted man in England, the minister’s offered up a thousand galleons for whoever finds the bloke, he’s as mad as they come and he’s a Black. You know their notorious for being loony!” 

“Well besides that.” Harri said and crossed her legs. “Like his history.”

“Sirius Black was imprisoned for the murder of twelve muggles and Peter Pettigrew on November 1, 1981. He was an auror in the department of magical law enforcement for roughly two years before being exposed as a death eater. He did not receive a proper trial by the wizengamot before being sentenced. He is the only prisoner to have ever escaped Azkaban prison. He is the heir to the Black family, an ancient magical pureblood bloodline and the last of their line.” Hermione answered. 

Harri and Ron stared at her. 

“What?” Hermione frowned. “It was all written in the daily prophet!” 

Harri turned to Ron. “I’m only asking because your father told me this morning that Sirius Black has escaped Azkaban to come after me. Apparently he was a devoted follow to Voldemort.” Ron flinched at the name. 

Hermione scowled. “That’s stupid. Why would Black wait twelve years to come after you?” 

“Well he didn’t know where she was did he? Not until she came to Hogwarts.” Ron pointed out. 

Earlier than Hermione could argue, the door of the carriage opened and interrupted her.

Ron frowned. “What do _you_ want?”

Draco stood in the doorway, his face is flushed and sneering. “Gee I don’t know Ron. Maybe to see you after two months! But I guess that’s too much to ask from _you_ weasel bee.” 

Ron glared. “Well I want you to apologize to my sister and my family for your father's actions but I guess that’s too much to ask from _you_ Malfoy!” 

A hand shoved him inside the cabin. “And what I want is for my friends to stop being such bloody annoying prats and make up already! But I guess that’s too much to ask from the both of you!” Lavender steamed as she stomped in.

Draco sulked for a minute more and then settled in beside Ron. “Whatever. I guess I’m sorry.” 

Ron pouted and then succumbed and pressed himself close to Draco. “Yeah. Me too I suppose.” 

"At least give us a hug!" Draco squawked.

“I don’t know why you have to act like you haven’t been exchanging letters all summer.” Hermione laughed.

Harri thought if she rolled her eyes anymore they would fall to the back of her head. Lavender took a seat down next to Hermione and then embraced the two of them. “Blaise, Daphne and Maria got stuck sitting with the Slytherins. It's alright though, there’s no room in here for them anyway. Who’s that then?” Lavender gestured to the man next to Ron. 

“R. Lupin.” Hermione answered. 

“How did you know that?” Ron said with wide eyes. “How do you know everything?” 

“The writing is on his trunk Ronald.” Hermione indicated to the worn down trunk above the seat. “ _Honestly._ ” 

And the rest of the train ride should have continued on without trouble. Of course it didn’t.

The dementors came for Sirius Black and found them instead. Harri fainted to the sound of a woman screaming and she awoke to kind brown eyes pointing chocolate at her face. Professor Remus Lupin, he introduced himself. She was a bit embarrassed to have been the only one with such a diverse effect to the dementors but Draco’s shivering body behind Ron in the corner cheered her up. They reached Hogwarts within the hour after. Harri spent the sorting time in the infirmary being force fed chocolate by Madam Pomfrey and Hermione in a private meeting with McGonagall.

They met up at the entrance of the great hall and then reunited with everyone inside. 

Draco, Blaise and Ron had all grown a tiny bit taller over the summer and their voices cracked a little when they spoke. It was hilarious to watch them get flustered and irritated when pointing it out. Lavender had chopped off all her hair just like Harri and they bonded over their new curls. Maria was tan and blonde, Daphne’s breasts had gone up a size and she was delighted.

On the other side of the table Fred and George were already arguing with Alicia Spinnet and Oliver Wood about the year's quidditch season. Next to Dean, Seamus seemed to have cracked Nevilles plate? 

Harri basked in the warmth of Hogwarts, its magic and her friends. Biting into her steak, she accidentally made eye contact with Theodore. He smiled at her from across the hall. The butterflies took flight again and Maria giggled in her ear knowingly. 

Dumbledore gave his yearly speech where he included warnings to them all about the dementors. The dementors were at Hogwarts to guard the entrances and search for Sirius Black. The creatures were such that students could not hide from them whether with disguises, potions or invisibility cloaks (Harri thought that one was meant only for her).

Dumbledore then introduced the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor Remus Lupin and the new Care of Magical Creatures professor Hagrid. Harri’s heart melted when she saw Hagrid wipe his tears on the table cloth. Snape was scowling fiercely on the left corner of the table a little more aggressively than normal and McGonagall was smiling on the right.

It was home. 

Before the feast began however, Dumbledore said words that Harri will not ever forget. 

“But you know, happiness can be found, in even the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” 

* * *

Harri dreamt again that night and it was more frightening than the last. It was not the voice that scared her or the words but the feelings that took over. The sensation of being devoured, falling into a dark place and being squeezed, that was the terrifying part. When she awakened, it was not in her bed. Harri was standing upright in the middle of the Gryffindor common room.

She could see the sunrise through the open windows and not another soul awake at this time. She took account of herself and walked back shakily to her dorm room. Thankfully, none of the girls were awake. Although, Crookshanks gave her a narrowed eyed look. Harri stumbled into the bathroom and splashed water on her face, she looked into the mirror and saw nothing different. 

_What is this?_

Harri dragged herself back to bed and tried to fall asleep again. There are still three hours left before they had to wake up for the first day of classes and she didn’t want to sleep through the day. She was starting Arithmancy, Care of Magical Creatures and Ancient Runes and she wanted to be awake for those. 

* * *

Despite her worries the first day of classes was spectacular. There was a buzz of excited energy in the students to be back and it infected the air around them. Everyone was animated and bouncing around the halls. Even the Professors were less strict in the first week and didn’t assign too much work. Fred and George as always were having a splendid time pranking the first years and Peeves caused as much trouble for Filch as possible. 

Harri’s day started out with Ancient Runes, a class she shared with Hermione, Blaise and Theodore. Theodore took the seat next to her just as class was about to begin and Harri willed herself not to blush. Hermione gave her an exaggerated wink from where she was sitting next to Blaise. Harri returned her look with a dirty one.

The room had a nice aroma of vanilla and the tranquil tones of Professor Septima Vector made the class fly by. 

Harri was relieved she decided not to take Divination after Ron and Dean recounted how boring it was on the way to Defense. They also mentioned how they believed Trelawney was mad.

DADA was better than it had been the two years they had all been at school. Professor Lupin was the most clever and informative professor so far, in that he actually knew what he was talking about, and did so well.

Lupin taught them about Boggarts and each student was given a turn at practicing Riddikulus! to defeat the boggart. But of course when Harri was just about to do so herself the class ended.

She sighed in disappointment. Lupin smiled at her, “Perhaps next time Harri.” 

They ate lunch in the great hall before going to care of magical creatures. Hagrid’s first time teaching started off quite well. He brought them out into a clearing in the forbidden forest to a herd of Hippogriffs. Harri was pushed to volunteer and she didn’t regret it when she ended up flying on Buckbeak's back through the Black Lake. It was almost just like riding a broom except she had to grip Buckbeaks’ fur very tight.

In a misguided attempt to impress Ron, Draco almost got himself sliced in half by insulting his Hippogriff. Blaise and Theodore carried him off to the infirmary while he moaned and embellished his pain. Ron facepalmed in embarrassment. Maria, Harri and Lavender fell over themselves laughing. Hermione just felt bad for Hagrid who seemed quite worried, but he shouldn’t be. Draco wouldn’t do anything this year to upset Ron, even if that meant not being able to yell “Wait till my father hears about this!” at every minor inconvenience. 

Even potions, the class that caused everyone the most stress was calm. Snape had been…he had been different. He let Harri get away with things and he didn’t yell in potions anymore. Not that he’d ever yelled at her specifically, just in general. He had always been sort of numb to her presence? The only time he had really paid attention to her was when she got in trouble and then he would bring all his wrath down.

Now though, he did pay attention. He observed her as if he could see a difference. She felt seen by him. Like Hermione, he could see the hole that's been left in her. That she was a little less than before, a little more broken and a little less whole. 

The day as a whole however was good though. Nice. A reminder that she had the rest of her life ahead of her. No matter how much it hurt to think it.

Oh _Tom_.

_Why._

Harri dreamt again that night. She woke up outside the common room this time. In front of the portrait guarding Gryffindor. The fat lady stared at her in befuddlement and Harri stared right back. At this point she was considering asking Madam Pomfrey for a sleeping potion or even actually going to Snape himself. 

Harri stood at the top of the stairs for a moment longer and then went back inside. She figured she may as well leave for the early morning quidditch practice rather than stand here and panic over sleep walking. This was Oliver’s last year as captain and he wanted them to win the cup. Harri was afraid if they didn’t he would do something drastic, like drown himself in the black lake and let the giant squid eat him. 

Harri walked to the field in workout leggings and a sweatshirt and found Alicia and Oliver already there. The sun had barely risen up yet, it was only 6 am but Oliver was already flushed in the face. Harri bid them hello and lied back onto the grass on top of her bag.

Alicia joined her a moment later and they observed Oliver pace up and down the field while passing back a twizzler Alicia produced from her pocket.

The rest of the team showed up in thirty minutes and off they went. Practice was always fun. It was relaxed and once Harri had caught the snitch a few times she could just fly on her own.

She passed Hogwarts as a blur, the wind rushing past her face and the world beneath her feet. 

Flying was its own kind of freedom. It made Harri feel unstoppable, like gravity could not even hold her down. There were no dark lords and dead soulmates in the sky. Only the stars and her. 

* * *

A month passed and it was finally time for their first visit to Hogsmeade. Harry woke up disoriented and could not remember if she had a dream or not. It was however infinitely better than waking up standing anywhere besides her bed. Hermione was already getting ready in the bathroom while the rest of the them are laid awake in their beds talking. 

Harri rolled over onto her right side and giggled at the sight of drool on Daphne’s face. To know this private side of Daphne that was messy and unkempt compared to the version of herself she presented to others was… nice. It felt intimate.

Harri rose up from her own bed and buried herself on top of Daphne’s body.

“Are you guys excited to visit Hogsmeade today?” Harri yawned. 

“Totally. Finally something to do on the weekends outside of the castle you know?” Daphne mumbled, wrapped her arms around Harri and pulled her blanket over the both of them. 

“Agreed!” Maria said and got into bed with them. “I can finally send my siblings a gift I don’t have to mail order.” 

“Personally,” Lavender murmured sleepily. She sat up climbed over Harri’s bed to join them. “I’m just content to finally be able to shop for new clothes that I can wear during our free days. I mean how are we supposed to get boyfriends or catch our soulmates if we were the same shit every week?” 

“Ah.” Harri laughed. “The real woes of first and second year. Not impressing boys. Truly.” 

Lavender shoved her from behind Maria. “Piss off!” 

“Oi!” Daphne raised her fist. “No fighting in the bed! ’S the law!” 

“Yeah but you know what Daphne, that doesn’t mean you have to spray your morning breath all over my face.” Maria grumbled. “I mean really, that’s the real tragedy—

Daphne leaned in even closer to Maria and smiled sharply. “If you’re so bothered get out of my bed!” 

Maria pushed her face into the bedsheets. “Or maybe you can just not speak right in my face?” 

Daphne thrust herself up, dislodged Harri and slammed her pillow into Maria’s face. “There! Now you won’t have to smell it.” 

Maria wrestled herself up and climbed on top of Daphne. Harri rolled away near Lavender, where it was safe, out of the line of fire and they watched in amusement as Daphne and Maria fought each other.

Really though, it wasn’t fighting. It would be more interesting if they used wands, a little cutting hex or two. Maybe Harri could make the pillows explode in their faces? 

Hermione stepped out of the bathroom when Daphne was about to drag Maria off the bed by her toes. She only rolled her eyes and sat down to oil her curls. 

Crookshanks meowed from her cat bed. 

The trip to Hogsmeade was another reminder to Harri of how breathtaking the wizarding world was. Strolling the village felt like stepping into a fairy village. Every part of the town was beautiful. Something plucked out of her childhood dreams. The only place in all of Britain that was purely magical.

Honeydukes alone had more sweets and candy then muggles could dream of imagining or inventing. Ron and Draco went off by themselves but the rest of them explored together. All of the third years roamed around the village and met up with each other to exchange buys or visit another shop. 

By the time they were to return the students were on a sugar high, running through the halls of Hogwarts with adrenaline running through their bones. Harri and Daphne followed Ron, Dean and Lavender up the stairs where a crowd of Gryffindors had formed. Hermione was already up there and questioning Percy and Neville. To Harri’s dread, the portrait of the fat lady was slashed open and the rest of the portraits were shouting. 

“It’s Sirius Black it is!” 

“SIRIUS BACLK!” 

“He was trying to get into the tower!” 

“Sirius Black threatened—

“Wanted entrance to Gryffindor tower!” 

“He slashed her open like a melon! The barbarian!” 

“Well I never—

“—always said that Sirius Black was no--

“Well she ran and she won’t be coming out I’ll tell you that!” 

Oh no. 

Maybe Sirius Black was a larger problem than Harri had anticipated. 

* * *

Dumbledore, Filch and Percy searched for Sirius Black but could not find him anywhere in the castle. The professors made an unanimous decision for the entire school to spend the night in the great hall as they continued to look through the night.

Harri fell asleep next to Ron and Hermione but not before she heard Snape warn Dumbledore. Snape believed someone was helping Black gain entry into the castle.

Who could Snape be talking about? Harri wondered. But she didn’t get her answer. Classes resumed and the next night they were back in their beds.

Harri did not stay asleep that night. 

It was a voice. Familiar. It called to her. Harri followed. 

_Come here darling._

She couldn’t tell whether she was awake or in a dream. Harri walked and walked. It felt like the first time she touched the diary, she was unable to do anything but give herself to the voice, whole and vulnerable.

Forever had passed before she entered a dark room, where she recognized the mountains from her dreams. Although these were not mountains yet things. Hoards of things left behind. Who left what Harri was chasing? 

She looked and looked. What she needed was silver and blue.

 _Closer,_ the voice whispered. Closer she went.

In front of her, the moon shined a light and a tiara glinted bright. 

Harri knew what it was. 

The lost diadem of Ravenclaw. The only relic left by Rowena Ravenclaw.

_Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure._

It called to her. Mesmerized her. She was sent into a trance.

_Touch the diadem. Touch it, I say!_

Harri touched the diadem, in another world, Aurora pricked her finger on the spindle. 

She screamed. Pain overwhelmed her and darkness dragged her down.

Just as in her dreams Harri was pulled and swallowed whole.

Her head was thrown back in agony and her face gripped between shadowed hands. Blackness rose from the silver and formed over her skin. Something reached inside her and took from her. She felt coldness seep into her brain and reach for her memories.

Harri was four and asking about the words on her wrist. “ _Your soulmate”_ the ghost of Aunt Petunia said “ _They’re for your soulmate—_

Harri was ten and letting a snake out of its cage. “ _You’re welcome”_ little Harri hissed “ _I want to be free too—_

Harri was eleven and walking through diagon alley for the first time. “ _You’re the girl who lived”_ Hagrid told her “ _You defeated the greatest dark wizard this world has ever seen.”_ And Harri asked “ _But who was he Hagrid?”_ and he whispered back “ _Voldemort.”_ Voldemort. Who Harri and Draco found in the forbidden forest drinking unicorn blood and Firenze had warned Harri “S _tay safe, keep it hidden.”_ Voldemort who’d been on the back of Quirrell's head demanding “ _Give me the stone.”_ But Harri had screamed “ _Liar”_ and Voldemort shouted “ _Kill her!—_

Harri was twelve and Tom Riddle smiled at her in the Chamber of Secrets. “ _Heard of you...Harri Potter…couldn’t kill you anymore…my soulmate, that changed everything… both half-bloods, orphans, raised by muggles.”_ Harri crying because Voldemort who had taken everything from her. Voldemort who killed her parents. Who tried to kill her. The dark lord—a murderer. Her soulmate. _“How could you do this?” she yelled._ Tom kissed her and held her. _“What have you done.” Tom whispered._ The basilisk fight, the poison setting in, Harri destroying the diary and everything in between. Harri’s dreams and Harri’s broken heart, the diadem took it all. 

Harri collapsed. The diadem split open.

The blackness formed a man. Eyes as red as blood, skin as pale as snow, lips as pink as a rose. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to make this chapter more light hearted than the past two so there are less angsty scenes and more of Harri living her life. You guys guessed correctly, it is the diadem Harri will meet! I know technically Tom isn't in this chapter but he will be next chapter. There will be a lot more Tom in Harri's third year than there was in her second. 
> 
> Did you guys like the sleeping beauty references? Touch the diadem. Touch it, I say! comes from Touch the spindle. Touch it, I say! from the Disney animated film sleeping beauty. The title of the chapter also comes from the movie, 'Once Upon A Dream' was a song in the film. This chapter was originally going to be named something else but halfway through writing it I thought the newer title fit much more. 
> 
> Comments are alway appreciated <3 and as always enjoy! Thank you for reading.


	10. your handprint is on my soul

**Chapter 10: your handprint is on my soul**

“But the heart has its own memory and I have forgotten nothing.”

- **Albert Camus** , The Fall

Harri awakened slowly. As her consciousness returned she expected pain but found nothing but an ache. Her body no longer hurt so much at all. Even her head, which had been grasped tightly between hands, was silent. It was disorienting, when she had felt ready to combust at any moment before and now felt perfectly okay. In fact, strangely enough, Harri felt better than she had in the morning.

She kept her eyes closed while she took account of her surroundings. She hoped to prepare herself of what was to come.

What was her life, that things like this kept happening to her?

Harri knew she was longer in the dark and hollow room she had been in before. This room felt empty where that room had felt heavy. Her body rested on something that was incredibly soft, like silk, from what she could feel. Maybe a sofa even. Harri blinked her eyes open at that absurd thought and it was to a brightly lit room in Hogwarts. There was even a chandelier hanging above her and a carpet below. Her body was laid on a victorian chaise lounge engraved with beautiful florals. She shifted her gaze to the table on the right of her peripheral.

Her heart convulsed right there in her chest. Sitting across from her, on a glass table, was a Tom Riddle older than she’d known. 

Harri gasped and lurched up on one hand. It was then that she noticed the diadem she griped on her left. She dropped it without a second thought. Not again. No. No. 

Harri panicked. Heart clenching, soul aching. She couldn’t think clearly with Tom, she couldn’t be strong like she should be. She had barely been able to hurt the diary and even then it was only when she’d thought she would go too. 

“Harri.” Tom Riddle whispered.

It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. 

“No” Harri's mouth spilled out.

Before she knew it, she was pushing herself as far from him on the couch as she could. “No! This isn’t—this isn’t happening. I’m not doing this again! Get out of my head! ” words fell before she could grasp them in. She stared at Tom in astonishment. How was this possible? Another object Tom had stored his memory in? But—that was a lie wasn’t it—a memory cannot consume a soul to gain life the way Tom had tried with Ginny’s. 

Tom Riddle looked vacantly back at her. So different he was. So cold. “I apologize for the pain grasping the diadem caused you. It’s been so long. I must have forgotten the curse I placed there.” he continued nonchalantly and unperturbed.

Harri’s dreams. Those red eyes.

Harri’s magic lashed out without her control. The lightbulbs burst and the ceiling shook. 

Tom leaned forward on his elbows. “You need to calm down little dove.” 

“I don’t need to do anything but get as far away from you as possible!” 

“Let me rephrase that.” he said quietly. “You want to calm down. You wouldn’t want me to get upset.” his eyes flashed blood red and from behind him a shadow formed. Harri shivered as the room cooled. The dark slivers around him slid over to her and clasped her wrists. “Or I will restrict you by force. I am no longer my sixteen year old self, I’m not going to falter at plump tears and a pretty face.” 

Harri felt anger at his audacity. At his distant and disdainful act. “You’ve just ripped through my memories and seen what's inside, you’ve forced me through weeks of sleepless nights and you expect anything from me?” 

And Harri couldn’t breathe. Tom Riddle was in front of her again and she couldn’t breathe. He was not her Tom. That much he wasn’t lying about. This version of Tom—whatever he was—was older. Gone were Tom’s beautiful pale eyes and lovely skin, gone was his warmth. This Tom was even taller, even paler. He was more gaunt and his cheeks were sunken in. His eyes were as red as crimson and cheeks are sharp as knives.

His hair reached his shoulders and wasn’t the polished curls she had seen. His eyes didn’t give anything away—not like the diary’s. He was blank in a way. Lifeless.

He was an empty page that Harri could not read. She didn’t know what this older version of Tom was capable of. This younger Voldemort.

Harri shrunk away from him on the couch. His eyes followed her. She wanted to be farther, she wanted to be miles away. Somewhere his slitted eyes couldn’t reach her, somewhere she didn’t have to imagine how long she’d lain there with him staring at her. Somewhere she wasn’t fooled again by her soulmate. But she also wanted to be closer. Beneath her reluctance and her apprehension. She wanted to see beyond the emptiness of his eyes and in the truth of his soul. She wanted to know how this had happened to him, to them and she wanted to fix it. 

The diadem—Riddle—observed her beneath lidded eyes. “There was no other way for me to acquire what I desired. Barring the few obstacles for you, it wasn’t that cruel. There are surer methods I could have tried—methods your mind has shown you know I am capable of. I wonder which naive child I could have entranced? The first years are always quite impressionable. My diary chose that little red head, maybe I can choose the other—what was his name again? Ron…” 

Harri had to stop herself from shouting but she desired to curse him in his smug face. “You must be utterly weak to need to pray on the vulnerable. At least that diary was a child, what’s your excuse?” 

The slithers that had gripped her wrists tightened uncomfortably. 

“Watch how you speak to me.” Riddles eyes narrowed. 

“Don't threaten my friends.” Harri scowled. 

Riddle chuckled woodenly. “Oh Harri. But it is such _fun_.”

Harri’s stomach clenched in trepidation. “How did you get here? What do you want? What are you?” 

Riddle considered her. “I imagine you’re a bit young to learn what I am just yet. I am a part of your soulmate and that is all you need to know. And as for what I want…well I would think that is obvious. I want my body. I want my power. But I can abide my time. Don’t worry, I’ll only kill those who get in my way.”

Harri swallowed heavily and pulled at her wrists. She stood up in agitation. Murder. This was how indifferent he was to murder. 

“For how I got here, well just as any of us do. I was a student at Hogwarts and I thought this was the perfect place to hide myself. The room of hidden things. Where not a soul would stumble upon me unless I desired.” 

Harri scoffed. “And you wanted me to find you.” 

Tom uncrossed his legs. “And you wanted to find me.” 

“Of course not! I want more than anything for you to leave! After knowing who you really are how could I possibly?” Harri denied. 

It was a lie.

“Sweetheart,” he smirked. “You and I both know that isn’t the truth.” 

Dammit. She swears. Damn you. She was so angry. Of course her body wanted nothing more than her soulmate nearby. He knew it. Is this what Dumbledore had meant? You’re not finished yet. Tom Riddle is not so far gone. Was this Harri’s fate? Their fate? Just pieces of Tom and never him whole? Was this all she was going to get? Something partial and incomplete. 

Riddle rose up from the table and over to her. She hated how much this echoed those moments in the chamber. “You know Harri, in life, I spent thirty years waiting for you. Hoping for you. Even praying.” his face forms a dirty look as if the very thought of doing so was repulsive, “And I’d vowed never to believe in that sort of concept after my time in the orphanage. I’d sworn off Mrs. Cole's savior. I’d told myself I was better, I was above it, I was more. Which I am. But I came to Hogwarts and I had empty wrists. And so for the first time in my forsaken life I prayed. And nothing. No words, no ink. No soulmate. And then…then I spent forty years inside this—

He gestured loathing to the diadem laying on the floor. 

“And I wake up, I wake up and you actually do exist. Look. Look at this.” Riddle held his arms out, palms up.

On ink, in Harri’s handwriting it said this: _Tom?_

Harri’s heart fluttered. There was nothing more truthful than the words on a wrist. It was difficult to not reach out and touch. It was hard to swallow that he had her ink. She ached. She’d spent her whole life thinking about these wrists.

“You can lie all you want, to yourself and to me. But I know you don’t mean it. I know you want me. I saw in your mind, Voldemort and the diary. I saw Black. You think these walls could truly protect you from me when they let in Voldemort himself? You need me Harri. You need me.” He knew it. 

“I don’t— need you and I certainly don’t trust you. The second you can’t stop me I’m going to find Dumbledore, he’ll know what to do with you.” 

Riddle laughed and placed both arms behind her on the couch, effectively caging her in. It was intimidating. His large figure towered over her and his arms concealed her. “Please do Harri. Give me a reason. Just one, so that I can kill one of your precious little friends. Is Hagrid still around? I think I’ll start with him.”

“You won’t touch him.” Harri sneered, pressing her hands against his chest and pushing. 

Riddle didn’t budge an inch. He lowered his face to hers. “We have a deal then. You shut your pretty little mouth and I don’t kill anyone.” Harri glared and Tom smirked back. “Yet,” blood red eyes haunting. “You may want to sit back down.” 

Harri grinds her teeth. “Go to hell.” she whispers. 

“Been there,” Tom gave a mirthless smile. “I much rather like it here.”

Harri swallowed another angry barb and took in her surroundings. She couldn’t stand to look him in the eyes for this long, whether it was because her heart was pounding or because it hurt. But his eyes followed. They always did. 

“And where is here?” Harri questioned, if she knew where they were…

Tom hummed under his breath and when he spoke it was hypnotizing. She was paralyzed. “The room of requirement. I found it my sixth year actually, located on the seventh floor, opposite a tapestry showing Barnabas the Barmy trying to teach trolls to dance the ballet. It’s a magical room which can only be discovered by someone who is in need. If you walk by three times and wish for something in your head, it’ll transform into that. It was the perfect place to hide me.” 

He was so handsome. Even now, even with how much his face had changed. He was darker now and it was in him this darkness. Not as potent as the dark lord, not close, but close enough. With the diary she had to look but with him it was there plain as day. Voldemort hiding in the shadows of his eyes. 

Harri wanted to slap herself for desiring him anyway. She hated herself a little bit. But how could she not? Whatever he was, her soulmate stood across from her.

She could feel herself drifting off as he continued to speak, his eyes pulled her in and his words were spellbinding. Every word taking from her to him. Just before Harri fell she felt his lips pressed against her skin. 

_It was the only way. Forgive me one day._

* * *

Harri woke up in her dorm room with the diadem clutched in her hand. She saw it glint in the sunlight. 

_Sleep little dove._

She did. 

* * *

The next day and the castle was up in arms about Sirius Black. He was all that anyone will speak about. Harri had left the diadem hidden beneath the depths of the trunk but when she’d reached for her pen this morning, it’d lain inside anyway. She’d cursed under her breath and felt the diadem burn. 

“How did Black escape Azkaban? It's never been done!”

“I heard he was secretly part dementor actually.”

“Well my mother told me the Blacks were notorious for—

"Someone must have let him inside the castle, there’s no way!”

“I heard he wants to kill Harri Potter.” 

“Wasn’t he—

“It’s too bad, Harri’s really pretty.”

“I’m actually related to him you know 5th removed uncle’s grandson.” 

“He was actually quite handsome when he was young you know?” 

More annoying than everyone speaking about Black constantly, even her friends, was that the fat lady refused to guard the tower. The Gryffindors were now stuck with the impossible and dull-witted Sir Cadogan who insisted on changing the password twice a day and made going back to the common room impossibly difficult. Sometimes they had to stop Daphne from stabbing him with her hair-clips (not that they particularly wanted to).

And because life for Harri must always be extra difficult, it seemed the professors had all banded together and started a protect Harri Potter club. She wasn’t ever allowed to walk anywhere in the school without a teacher beside her. Even Mrs. Weasley had inducted Percy into becoming her personal private body guard. How they assumed Sirius Black was going to catch Harri on the way to her dorm from the couch in the common room Harri had no clue. 

When she made it into her dorm room after dinner that day she felt a bone deep exhaustion. She knew the diadem was to blame. He was more at rest than he had been since her dreams started. 

She fell asleep the second she laid down and dreamt of wandering Hogwarts as a shadow. She thought she saw the tunnel in the chamber for a second but the next she was standing outside the black lake, staring wonderingly at the castle in the moonlight.

Harri barely woke for breakfast the next morning. The girls were already gone and she was in the bathroom trying to cover up the bruises under her eyes.

Tom appeared in the doorway and watched her. She ignored him and ran out before he could speak. It pains her to look at him. It wounded to think about how they spoke to each other. That he changed so much from when he was younger is so heartbreaking. That she couldn’t trust him anymore. Where was the Tom she’d first met? What happened to him in life to make him so unfeeling and so reserved?

She wished she could let him go. 

She thought to tell Dumbledore but she didn’t want to risk it. The darker part of her whispered that she will never give up any part of Tom, no matter the cost to herself. 

Harri knew he didn’t have enough power to be aware all the time because he had to take it from her. It left her fatigued and weary. She couldn’t find it in herself to be upset at him for this, he wasn’t hurting anyone. 

The following night was much the same. They walked around the castle as a ghost. Her body went into the Slytherin dormitory and to her surprise the third year boys room. She stared at the faces of Draco and Theodore in melancholy. 

There was a memory that rose at seeing them. Of two similar boys laughing amongst a crowd of unrecognizable faces. _Abraxas and Alcott_ Tom’s mind whispered reaching for something that no longer existed.

Harri sees a group of eight boys huddled together, laughing boisterously on the common room floor. In the middle of them all Tom. She sees them go from little boys to adults to... _gone_.

Tom doesn't know what happened to them, he was ripped away before he could. 

It tore at a part of Harri to think about it. How long had he been trapped in the diadem? What must it have been like to suffer like this, to have no real body?

She felt her anger toward him disappear with every night. 

The next day was the Gryffindor match and Professor Lupin was absent. Snape taught defense and was particularly insufferable. He spent the entire time discussing werewolves instead of hinkypunks and assigned a useless three foot essay.

Harri spent all day touching the diadem. 

The quidditch match began as horrible as it ended. It was pouring wildly outside. Harri could barely see out of her goggles. Thunder struck and washed the earth in white. When is vanished she noticed on the stand in front of her was the same dog she saw in little Whinging.

The dog was at eye level with Harri.

There was a moment… when Harri looked into its eyes… she saw something…someone else standing there. The whole world was quiet.

Then the dementors descended.

Harri fell. And fell. And fell. 

When she came back to consciousness her entire team surrounded her and the broken pieces of her broom. Ron was outraged on her behalf and Daphne was in the corner trying to intimidate Cedric Diggory into leaving. He apologized as she shoved him out. 

Madam Pomfrey of course insisted (forced) Harri to spend the weekend in the infirmary. She was especially horrified at the dangerous effect the dementors seemed to have on her.

Night fell and Harri waited for her to leave before pulling the diadem out from her bag. She wanted to ask about the dementors and the screaming she’d heard as she fell.

Riddle appeared as if summoned by her thoughts on her bed. He brushed a hand through her hair and Harri was surprised to feel the gentle touch. 

“I—

He was interrupted by the infirmary door creaking open. Harri quickly hid the diadem under her pillow and curved her head to see who it is. To her great surprise Theodore tiptoed in. 

Harri sat up. “Theodore?” she whispered. 

“Hi.” he smiled shyly .“Can I sit?” 

Harri stuttered a little. “I-I yes, course.” 

Theodore sat on the bed next to her and handed her a plate. “I um I figured you would want some cake? You know-since you missed the feast.” 

Harri was so glad that it was dark in the room because her stupid face was probably giving her away. “Oh, thank you.” She took the plate but didn’t bite.

Theodore rubbed the back of his neck, “That fall looked pretty scary Harri. And-I mean it’s daft that the win went to Hufflepuff? You could have died!” 

She could feel the diadem burn underneath her pillow. oh God. Riddle and Theodore in the same room. “It’s alright I guess, Dumbledore caught me. I’m more upset about my broom. We’ve still got a chance at winning the championship for Oliver, so it’s not the worst thing.” 

“Hmm I don’t know about that. Slytherin’s going to crush Hufflepuff and Gryffindor.” Theodore teased, his eyes beaming. 

“I don’t think that’s true. Not too sure if you’re up for it to be honest. I heard one of the chasers is kind of slow.” Harri grinned. 

Theodore laughed. “Have you heard that Harri? That’s quite funny actually, because I’m entirely sure that I heard the exact same thing about Gryffindors seeker.” 

Harri opened her mouth to respond but paused when she heard the sound of footsteps. 

Theodore looked back at the doorway. “I should probably go…I just wanted to see if you were alright.” 

Harri smiled. “Thank you for coming to see me.” 

Theodore smiled back sheepishly and then left out the door, he looked back one more time and stumbled over his feet in embarrassment.

The second it was quiet again Riddle formed next to Harri. 

He curled his lips up in a mocking smile. “How sweet.” 

Harri rolled her eyes. “You went looking for him last night. I saw you. Did you know his father?” 

Riddle quietened. “No. His grandfather. He was one of mine.” He had a far off look in his eyes, probably one of the truly honest expressions Harri had seen on his face. 

“Do you miss them?” Harri whispered. “Your friends?” 

“No.” His face turned empty once more. “They are the past now... this is my future.” 

Harri couldn’t imagine it. How lonely it must be. She reached for his hand and then pulled back, thinking her touch unwelcome. He watched her reach and surprised Harri when he grasped her hand in between his himself. They both shuddered at the feeling of their hands laced together. Tom closed his eyes. 

“Sleep Harri. I’ll wake you in the morning .” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everytime you make a horcrux, it splits your soul in half. This means that as his second horcrux diary!Tom was a fourth of Voldemort's soul. And as the fifth horcrux diadem!Tom has only a sliver of his soul. The diadem is last horcrux Voldemort made before he went after Harry. 
> 
> I have this story planned out completely, in that I know exactly how it is going to end and everything that will happen in between. So don't worry, things are about to get really good! 
> 
> Much love everyone <3


	11. i await a guardian

**Chapter 11: i await a guardian**

"Because you're mine, I walk the line.  
You've got a way to keep me on your side, you give me cause for love that I can't hide.  
For you, I know I'd even try to turn the tide.  
Because you're mine, I walk the line.

\- **Johnny Cash** , I Walk The Line

The next morning despite the upsetting loss of her broom Harri woke up rested. This was because for the first time since she’d found him the diadem had stayed inside while she slept. While there were many reasons Harri had to resent him this wasn’t one of them. Him taking that from her in the night didn’t disturb her.

Maybe some would call it stockholm syndrome but she even felt guilty. It was just that the thought of him, of anyone, trapped for so long inside something, aware or unaware, awake or asleep was horrific. If the least Harri had to do was loose a bit of sleep so that Tom could feel human again, she would do it a thousand times over. He would never take more than she would be willing to give. 

As she left the infirmary contemplating researching the soul bond the diadem materialized next to her. None of the other students saw him, the man that walked beside Harri, but he was there all the same. That was not to say that he stayed by her side because he left once she entered her first class.

Harri let out a sigh of relief.

It would be easier this way. If he was away, he wasn’t a constant distraction. He wouldn’t be at the forefront of her mind.

If he were with her Harri knew she would fail her classes because she would spend all her time with her eyes feasted on him. 

Tom Riddle was like that. He made you forget anyone else existed at all. He was the sun and they were the planets revolving around him. He was a red giant. He was a supernova. And just like the stars, one day he would explode, and take them all with him. 

The day went by in a blur of Potions, Creatures, Arithmancy and Defense.

Hagrid had decided to introduce them to flobberworms which were foul. Potions was a disaster with Neville as her partner, only saved by Blaise behind them. Arithmancy was a slight bore and defense was as enjoyable with Lupin as usual.

It was at the end of class when she made the decision to speak to him about the dementors. If yesterday had showed her anything, it was that she couldn’t continue on in the year with them haunting the walls of the castle. Not if she didn’t know how to protect herself from them. She didn’t want to listen to the sound of screaming every night or feel the dread that came with their presence everytime they were near.

Besides, Harri had never lost a quidditch match before. She never wanted it to happen again. It was only thing that came to her easily, the one thing she was truly talented at. Adjacent to always landing herself in tricky situations of course.

The defense class had emptied out now and Harri was the only one still by her desk. She was slowly packing her things while Professor Lupin cleaned the chalkboard. 

“Harri!” Maria’s voice came loudly across the the defense classroom. “You coming?” She was with Lavender in the doorway waiting for Harri.

She shook her head. “I’ll meet up with you guys in the library.” 

“Alright! Bye love!”

Tom had returned from the diadem and he was leant against the window opposite Lupin’s office, watching Harri as she loitered.

The sun shone on him but his skin did not warm. In the daylight his red eyes were as dark as blood. There was so little of the diary in him. It hurt Harri a little bit at every realization. She hesitated in closing her back. Instead she stood where she was taking him in. He stared back.

Deep, intense and hungry. His eyes were whirlpools. They were quicksand. You were pulled in deeper with every breath. 

“Harri,” Professor Lupin’s came.

The spell broke. Harri turned away from the window.

“Come in for a bit of tea?” Lupin smiled at her. 

Harri nodded and they settled in opposite ends of the couch near the open windows. The far away sound of laughter and children’s voices wafted in and the sunshine warmed Harri to the core. Tom stayed where he was and scrutinized Lupin with a blank expression. 

Lupin brought over an old china tea set with tear already prepared. He set it onto the table and handed Harri a cup. She watched as he used he wand to levitate a pot and pour milk, tea and sugar into her drink.

It swirled about and then mixed together. Harri took a sip of while Lupin mixed his own with. 

As the hot drink settled in her stomach she cleared her throat.“I uh, I wanted to ask you about the dementors.” 

Professor Lupin set down his cup and nodded. “I expected as much.”

Harri sighed. “Well it’s just that, besides the fact that they are dangerous creatures, they seem to have such an adverse effect on me personally. More than anyone else. And I was wondering why that is?” 

Lupin smiled softly. “Dementors are wraith like creatures. One of the foulest to exist. They are born of fear itself. They sipon off all hope, love and joy that exists.” He gestured outside. “A dementor wants nothing more but to take every happy memory, every good thing from a person and to reduce them to something as loathsome as themselves. The reason that dementors are so drawn to you Harri is because they pull forth on the horror of a person’s past. They are lured toward it, they feed off of it. And you have experienced far more trauma than the average person much less a child should have to. That is why they are so enticed by you.”

“Oh.” Harri said. 

Lupin reached over and rested his hand over her fingers. “You are a survivor Harri. There is nothing wrong with that. It may set you apart from others but anyone who has ever been great has alway been different.” 

Harri smiled wryly, staring at his hand on hers. It was calloused and thin, but a comforting gesture. “I don’t know about being great. I faint every time they are near.”

“Anyone would.” Lupin reassured. “If a dementor was that drawn.”

“Is there a spell to ward them off? Because I don’t think I can risk falling of my broom again.” Harri questioned.

“Oh yes.”

Harri was relieved. “Will you teach me?” 

“Of course I will. It would be my honor to teach you the patronus charm.”

* * *

“I could kill him for you.” 

Harri jolted up from her position in bed. 

“Who?” she murmured sleepily. 

Tom was sitting at the edge of her mattress with a book in his hand. “Sirius Black. You won’t need those pesky little private lessons from Lupin if Black is gone.” 

“What? What's wrong with Lupin?” Harri sat up properly to face him. 

His eyes narrowed. “Don’t you find it strange Harri? Since the dementors are truly such a nuisance, why hasn't he suggested giving lessons to all the students? Not just you alone in his office? And you don't need him. You have me.”

“He’s doing it because I asked him.” Harri sighed.“Why? You know the patronus charm?” 

Riddle raised an eyebrow at her condescendingly. “I know magic that is much more powerful than a patronus charm to ward off dementors.” 

“The magic you know probably requires animal blood sacrifices.”

“Well not quite, a human blood sacrifice.”

Oh. 

Harri quietened. His disregard for innocent human life would never fail to upset her. It would always hurt. This was her soul who spoke such horrors and to Harri no less who still regretted touching Quirrell's face, a man who tried to kill her. 

Riddle smirked. “Why so silent Harri?”

He dropped his book onto the duvet and came nearer.

“I could teach you.” He whispered in her ear. “How to tear a man’s heart out, how to curse a soul to eternal misery.” He bit her lobe. “The ways a bone can break in a hand. To boil a kidney inside a body without even spilling blood.” 

Harri shivered. 

Riddle laughed, his breath warm on her face. “I could be so good to you Harri.” He trailed a cold hand up her neck and left goosebumps in his wake. “You’d just need to listen.” He cupped her jaw in his hands and pressed. Harri held her breath. “Just one life Harri. That’s all it’d take. I could have a body.” He turned his face, moving it next to her cheek. “You’d have your soulmate.” He whispered with his mouth pressed against her skin. 

Harri squeezed her eyes shut and willed away the the feeling of his lips against her skin. Lips that traced a path down her cheek. “You’d have me Harri. All of me.”

Harri’s heart thud thud thudded in her chest.

She exhaled. “No” 

Riddle forced his thumb down harder.

“No?” He hummed mockingly. 

“You’re lying.” Harri said softly. “I wouldn't have all of you.” 

She opened her eyes to his. 

The diary. Voldemort.

Him, the diadem.

There was no whole here. Tom Riddle was in pieces. 

As if he had heard her, he faltered.

He stood there stoic in silence.

Harri turned away.

When she woke up he was gone. In the morning she could smell the forest on him. 

_When I fall asleep, where do you go?_

* * *

Time passed.

Tom still frequented the castle at night and he took his secrets with him. She didn’t wake up with a memory of anything in the night anyway. Tom always came back with a serious look in his eye.

He was incredibly good at hiding what he was feeling or maybe he just felt so little. He didn’t try to convince her of murder again but purely because he was planning something else. It made Harri nervous the way he watched her.

It was tiring walking the line between doing right and wanting him. Waiting for something to happen and wondering where it was he went. But Harri didn’t know what to do.

He hadn’t done anything. If she asked her would lie. If she told someone…they would take him away.

And she had classes and responsibilities. Work that consumed her daytime and homework at night. And Tom…late in bed, side by side, they would read over ancient runes and defense together.

It was impossible to think of anything else but the feeling of being with him and the joy in her soul.

How could Harri plot against him when her entire being desired nothing more than him?

At that very moment Harri was with him looking for a broom to use during the match against Ravenclaw and all she could focus on was the feeling of his gaze as he surveyed her from behind. 

“Harri.” 

She hummed. 

“You are certain you left my diary in the chamber?” 

Harri nodded hesitantly. 

“It is gone.” 

Harri whipped around. “What?” 

Tom was stood behind her, watching her carefully. “It is possible Dumbledore stole it, but I am uncertain. Others could have found their way…”

“What does that mean? That it’s gone?” Harri asked, befuddled. 

Her diary…Tom…

Merlin.

It still felt like her chest was being crushed to think of it.

“It means someone is interested in Tom Riddle and it is not you or me.” The diadem said.

Worry grew in Harri. Who...who could possibly? “Besides Dumbledore, who would remember? Who would know—

“That Voldemort was Tom Riddle once? No one that is alive.” Tom responded. 

“Then how?”

“That is what I am asking. How.” He strolled closer to her and brushed his palm over the handles she stared at. “It is possible that…” 

“That?” 

“One of my followers. They could have access to the castle...I’ve been reading about myself, about the war. It was Malfoy who had my diary in the first place, is it too far-fetched to assume he took it back?” 

“But why would he want it back when it was destroyed?” 

“Precisely,” He tapped her on the chin. “Which is what leads me to think it was someone else, someone who recently gained access to the castle.” He raised a pointed eyebrow at Harri. 

“Sirius Black?” Harri questioned. “You think it could be Sirius Black and he’s already gotten in once…” 

He turned his back to the broom-shelf and focused on her. “On the contrary little dove, I don’t believe it was Sirius Black at all.” 

Harri frowned. “But...who else?” 

Tom crossed. “Isn’t it peculiar that a werewolf, another dark creature, comes to teach at this school at the same time my diary goes missing, the dementors arrive and Sirius Black, a supposed devoted follower of mine, escapes?” 

Harri gasped. “A werewolf? Which one of my teachers is a werewolf! Who?”

Tom’s lips curled up. “Your precious Lupin of course.” 

“Professor Lupin is a werewolf?” Harri shouted. But he was so gentle... 

“Yes and an obvious one at that. To me at the least, as werewolves were one of the first creatures I charmed to my side. It is easy to imagine that Lupin came here and used Sirius Black to do his bidding for me.” Tom shrugged nocuhatantly.

“But he’s so kind! Just because he’s a werewolf doesn’t mean he was one of yours.” Harri protested. 

Riddle brushed his palm over her hair. “Naturally. I won't take action until I know it is true. It is just one likely possibility, unless another one of my followers is hiding in plain sight that we do not know of.” 

“I just can’t believe Lupin would do that.” Harri shook her head “He’s not a rat.”

“Perhaps not. Maybe he just eats them.” Tom nudged the broom behind him, an older nimbus model that actually seemed durable. “Pick this one.” 

Harri scrunched her nose. “A nimbus! How did you even see that? I could have sworn...” 

* * *

On the morning of the last hogsmeade trip before winter break, McGonagall broke the news to Harri that she wasn’t allowed to go. Harri understood that it wasn’t safe for her, really, she did. But she hated feeling like she was missing out on moments and left behind in the castle. 

Harri was sulking in the castle and wandering the hallways when Fred and George popped in behind her. To her delight, they presented to her the marauders map, their Christmas present to her. The map had everything Harri needed to sneak out of Hogwarts, ever. Secret passages, corridors, rooms, the location of every single person within the castle. 

All she had to say was, I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. And Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs welcomed her with open paws. 

Harri jumped in joy and hugged the twins “Thanks Fred! Thanks George!” She ran upstairs to grab her invisibility cloak and made her way to the secret passage of honeydukes. 

Harri surprised Blaise, Hermione and Ron where they were standing outside the shrieking shack. Blaise threw snowballs at Harri in retaliation all the way to the three broomsticks, where everyone else was waiting. 

Daphne covered Harri’s head with her cloak the second she spotted McGonagall, Flitwick and Hagrid step inside the bar followed by Cornelius Fudge, the minister of magic. To Harri’s annoyance the group picked the table right next to theirs. Draco and Ron subtly made space between their legs so that Harri could see between them. Maria and Hermione sat to Harri’s left and Blaise, Daphne and Lavender to her right. Harri wasn’t expecting the conversation that followed but then again when had she ever? 

Harri Potter’s heart broke in two again the first time she learned that James Potter’s closest friend had been Sirius Black. His brother. His best man. Harri’s Godfather. The man who was supposed to be Harri’s only living family. 

Her throat was tight. The man her father had trusted so much, so implicitly, that when Voldemort had marked them for death he’d made him their secret keeper. The man James Potter had believed in beyond anyone else had betrayed him. The man he’d given Harri to for safe keeping. Sirius Black sold them out to Voldemort. He’d betrayed them—no—he’d gotten them murdered. 

Harri ran away.

She got as far into the forest as she could before she broke down and cried in anguish.

How could he? How could he? The tears come and come. 

Her friends appeared at the tree line.

“Oh Harri.” Hermione whispered and took a devastated Harri into her arms. She felt her friends surround her. Arms, legs and hands. Murmurs of comforting words and kisses pressed against her head. Harri cried for long enough that her sorrow turned to anger. It was in that moment an invisible hand curled around her and whispered a promise of revenge in her ear. 

* * *

There was no other word for what Harri felt other than depressed. How come no one had ever told Harri that her parents were dead because of their best friend? Wasn’t that the type of thing that someone should know? Why hadn’t anyone...Hagrid? Dumbledore? Why hadn’t Mr.Weasley when he’d warned her about him? Why did they always keep things from her as if she was a child?

It didn't help that she had begun to have nightmares about dementors. It didn’t help that she realized it must be her mother, the woman that screamed when the dementors are near.

Lily Potter, Harri thought brokenly, in her last moments. 

She woke sweaty and distressed from another nightmare. Tom was sat down next to her head. It was quiet for a moment before he questioned. “What is it about you that is so appealing to the dementors? It cannot only be because of the things you’ve experienced. Dumbledore is older, why haven’t they gone for him? There is something else, something deeper. Dementors are attracted to souls.” 

Harri shrugged, too tired to care. 

Tom glanced at her and ran a hand down her arm. “So the man was a rat Harri and they didn’t tell you. People will always disappoint you. That is why you never depend on anyone else. Don’t let it affect you like this. Get retribution, spill blood.” 

Harri only hmmmed, indicating that she doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. 

Tom exhaled, reading between the lines. 

“Would you like to know how I found Rowena Ravenclaw’s lost diadem?” 

Harri perked up in interest. 

Tom continued on knowingly, “When I was 21 I decided that I’d learned all I could from England. I knew the world had much to offer me in knowledge and I could not truly become who I wanted to be without immersing myself in it. My years at Hogwarts had taught me much about wizards but I needed to know more. I was so hungry Harri. I had a thirst that was inconsolable. I wanted everything, the world at my feet. I knew if I wanted to be more powerful, more renown than Grindelwald and Dumbledore, I had to take the routes that they hadn’t. I traveled to the most hidden places, to the people no one even thinks to remember. The tribes I met in the amazon educated me more than any book. We so often forget little dove, magic is in our bones. Just because we use wands to channel it, spells to speak it, does not mean that is the only option we have. A wizard who is in control of magic within the palms of his hands...he is the real authority, the real threat.” 

“Does that mean like wandless magic? Not needing a wand at all? Can you do that?” Harri asked him attentively. 

Tom grinned slightly. “Yes. Let me show you.”

He took one of her hands, brought it up to his lips and blowed. Harri inhaled sharply as blue flames formed on her palm. They lit up her face and Tom’s, encasing her entire bed in an incandescent glow reflecting off the curtains and the bedposts.

They flared on Tom’s face and for a second his eyes were blue again, the ocean staring back at her. 

“Tell me more.” She whispered in reverence.

He did. He told her about how he found the diadem in the outskirts of a forest in Albania. His time in Peru. The year he spent in China, learning wand-less magic meticulous step by step.

He had come alive in these moments. His pupils dilated, his speech become impassioned. She fell asleep to his hand on her her skin and this time she had no dreams at all, only blue beneath her eyelids. 

* * *

Christmas morning was the best Harri had yet. The remaining Gryffindors had all gathered round the common room Christmas tree and were exchanging gifts. Professor McGonagall had decorated the room with blankets, mistletoe, hot chocolate, cookies and christmas music played from Dean’s radio. 

All of Harri’s friends were crowded together near the fireplace in their Christmas pajamas and Weasley jumpers. The diadem was upstairs in her room because he had refused to be near the Christmas joy. Fred and George were loudly singing carols and Ron was stuffing candy into his face. Ginny was curled up on a couch still half-asleep and unbothered to open her own gifts.

Hermione, Harri and Maria were grabbing the packages from under the tree and passing them on to whoever’s name was on them. Percy was in the corner reading the paper...to each their own. Once they had all the gifts organized they sat down and everyone begun to open their presents from home. 

Harri gasped when she saw the outline of a broom in brown packaging in her own pile. Ron yelped behind her. “Bloody hell!” Harri tore open the wrapping and gaped while everyone exhaled loudly. Harri wasn’t just given a broom, Harri was given a firebolt. A firebolt! The most expensive and best model broomstick to ever exist! Harri and Ron gaped at the firebolt in awe. Hermione frowned and examined the broom suspiciously. 

Maria squealed and climbed on Harri. “Adios mios Harri!” 

Ron stuttered in his snitch-covered Christmas pajamas. “It’s so beautiful I’m scared to touch it!” 

“Oliver will piss himself. We’re sure to win the championship with this Harri!” Fred exclaimed. 

“Who’s the patron?” Hermione asked, rummaging around and looking for a note. “It doesn’t say!” 

“Who bloody cares?” George scoffed, “It’s a firebolt! These are only used by the best players in the world!” 

“Yeah!” Ron piped in. “Victor Krum has a firebolt!” 

Hermione rolled her eyes. “I don’t care if Victor Flum has one!” She turned to Harri, “You can’t just keep it! Who knows who sent it! It could be cursed!” 

Harri felt herself deflate a little. She pursed her lips. “That is true.” 

“The hell it is! Don’t listen to her Harri, with this—

“No she’s right.” Maria interrupted. “Harri’s had enough quidditch scares to last a lifetime. We should give it to McGonagall to check it out.” 

Ron protested in outrage. “Give it to McGonagall so she can tear it apart? Not on my bloody watch!” 

“Oi you lot!” Fred clapped his hands. “Harri’s broom, Harri’s decision.” 

Ron wrapped his arms around the firebolt. “It’s not just Harri’s broom, it’s the teams broom.” 

“Oh please Ronald.” Hermione huffed. “Do shut up.” 

“What if Sirius Black gave her the broom and it ends up killing her?” Ginny mumbled from her curled up position. “Then Harri would be dead. Do you want to kill Harri, Ron?”

Ron shot Ginny a dirty look. “Fine.”

Ginny stuck out her tongue. 

“But when it comes back clean I call first dibs.” Ron muttered through gritted teeth.

“As if!” Maria sputtered. 

“Ron, if you find spiders near you today…”

“You little pillock!” 

“No fighting over the food!” 

“That was my foot Ginny!” 

So yeah. It was a good Christmas. 

Later, cuddled up in her bed in her new pajamas, Harri pondered out loud. “Why don’t you like Christmas?” 

Tom was reading through Hermione's gift, an advanced copy on the History of Azkaban Prison, on the other side of the bed. “My Christmas’ were spent getting second hand clothes and freezing in the London cold. Why do you think Harri?” 

“Oh,” Harri breathed. “Right.” 

She drifted off to sleep, watching him through lidded eyes as he read. She woke up later in the night at the feeling of movement, Tom had his hands running through her hair.

* * *

Hermione and Ron spent the rest of winter break fighting with each other. Crookshanks wouldn’t stop attacking Scabbers and Ron was still upset with Hermione for suggesting to give the firebolt to McGonagall. Harri personally thought that Ron should let Crookshanks have at it, Scabbers needed the exercise. 

Harri had her first lesson with Professor Lupin on the Patronus charm casting on a boggart. She failed to produce a corporal one but that was expected. She did form a tiny light though. 

Lupin sat with her after the lesson and that was where Harri learned something even more astonishing about her Professor than of his lycanthropy. 

“Don’t worry Harri,” Lupin insisted as he settled down next to her on the steps of the astronomy tower. “It’s an OWL level charm and very difficult to produce. No one gets it right on their first try.” 

“How long did it take you?” 

“Oh quite a while actually, it takes a truly happy memory and sometimes it’s difficult to find that.” He chuckled demurely. 

“How long do you think it’ll take me?” Harri inquired. 

“I cannot say for sure because it depends on how much time you spend as much as the memory you use itself. The patronus charm is one of the most powerful defensive spells there is and that means it requires great strength in the memory you chose.” 

“I know I can do it.” She said to him determinately. “I just need to focus.” 

Lupin smiled at her, a nostalgic gleam in his eyes. 

“Expecto Patronum” Harri whispered tracing her wand in the air. 

After a moment Lupin replied. “I know you will. You remind me so much of James, Harri. So much.” 

Harri’s wand dropped and she whirled towards him in shock “What?”

“I-I was friends with your father. We—we were close. Your mother too. We were all in Gryffindor together.” Lupin stared at her nervously.

Harri’s throat locked and she leaned towards him urgently, “Then you knew Sirius Black.” 

Lupin exhaled deeply. “Yes...I did. And we never—we had no idea, I swear to you. If I’d known...I could have stopped it. Maybe offered myself as the secret keeper. It remains my biggest regret always and not a day goes by that I don’t feel it.”

There was such sorrow in him. How had Harri ever missed it? “It wasn’t your fault Professor. You shouldn’t put that on yourself.” 

“Perhaps. But it is difficult to not blame myself.” Lupin smiled self-deprecated. “But Harri? You need to know, you were everything to them, everything. They would have been so proud of you, are proud of you. You have grown up to be a beautiful and intelligent witch.” 

She swallowed shakily. “You think so?” 

Lupin rested his hand on her shoulder. “He would have been fighting the boys off with a broom.” 

Harri laughed bittersweet. 

* * *

In the next quidditch match of the season Theodore’s words came true and Slytherin beat Ravenclaw. This raised Gryffindor’s chances of winning the Quidditch cup. At least as long as they could secure their own win against the Ravenclaws. Oliver upped their practice time by an hour and drove the team crazy with his new game plans. Harri hoped they could win because she was afraid Oliver would go into cardiac arrest at seventeen if they didn’t. That probably wouldn’t bear well for quidditch the next year. 

She continued to have patronus practice and after their lessonsHarri and Lupin had tea together. 

He regaled her with stories of her father in his younger days and about her mother as she was at Hogwarts. It was so lovely to have this perspective of her parents from someone who loved them both.

Lupin was a kind man and Harri questioned why werewolves were labeled dark creatures. She also wondered how he must have got bit and who could have done it. Clearly he wasn’t born a werewolf, not if he went to Hogwarts.

At the end of their most recent lesson Professor Lupin told Harri about the dementor’s kiss. He also let her know that the ministry had given the dementors permission to administer the kiss to Black when they caught him. 

On her way back to her dorm, she reflected on the savagery of this punishment and ran into McGonagall when passing by the great hall. McGonagall returned her firebolt back with reassurance that no curses were found. And she made sure to let Harri know that she had to practice with it before the quidditch match. McGonagall was as invested as Oliver in a Gryffindor win.

Instead of going to her dorm like she should, Harri trekked to the black lake. She dropped down behind one of the trees that were hidden from the view of the castle.

Gently, she drew the diadem out of her bag. 

Tom materialized next to her and for the first time he didn’t focus on her. His eyes latched on the sunset in front of them. 

“I want to show you something.” Harri said.

Tom glanced back at her.

She held her palm up and this time it was him who curled his fingers with hers. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She reveled in the feel of their connection, weaker than the diary and stronger than nothing. She let herself experience all the joy of the first time and all the pain of this second time with Tom Riddle.

Her magic sang in her. 

“ _Expecto Patronum_ ” 

From her wand a burst of vapor shot out and lit up the sky around them. The leaf’s fell back and the water rippled on the lake. 

Tom inhaled sharply and gazed about in rapture. Their bond flared in bliss. 

And then he smiled, his cheeks dimpled and his eyes widened.

Harri thought it was the first time he had genuinely smiled in forty years.

And against all odds—in that moment—she hoped. 

_Because you're mine, I walk the line._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expecto Patronum translates into 'I expect (or await) a guardian' in Latin.  
> In whatever time or form the word ‘patronus’ always means protection.  
> Also think it works for the title because Harri is literally waiting for a guardian (Sirius).
> 
> This chapter is very special to me.


	12. o captain! my captain!

**Chapter 12: o captain! my captain! **

“If you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you.  
Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it?  
Carpe - hear it? - Carpe, Carpe Diem!  
Seize the day, make your lives extraordinary.”

\- **N.H Klienbaum** , _Dead Poets Society_.

March came with sunshine and spring. It washed away the dreary remains of February and made way for rainy April. For Harri, life was macédoine of the diadem, her friends and quidditch. The final match for the cup was before them and if the team failed to beat Ravenclaw they lost any chance of winning the championship.

Harri practiced everyday on her firebolt, getting used to its quickness and smooth glides, both of which were leagues away from any other broom she had ever ridden.

Tom’s eyes followed her from class to class. In potions, his mouth up against her ear giving her instructions. In defense, his body pressed against her distracting her from Lupin’s teaching. In history, his shoulder to sleep on when Binns droned on. 

In creatures his frown as he watched Hagrid teach (Harri ignored him the first time she remembered he was the reason Hagrid doesn’t have a wand anymore). His fingers tucking her hair behind her ear when she cleaned up and his eyes watching as she turned to hide her blush. In ancient runes, his hands helping her with Professor Vector’s equations and in arithmancy his body siting by the window watching the world outside.

Though he was but shadow, Tom Riddle was alive.

* * *

The sun had just finished setting. Harri was walking back to her dorm, her muscles aching from a drawn out quidditch practice. Crisp wind brushed her hair back and forgotten autumn leafs crunched beneath her feet.

Tom’s voice cut into the silence.

“If I were to ask you something would you answer me honestly?”

Harri’s eyes slid to him. Tom’s body was outlined against Hogwarts, a stunning sight. The sky was a maroon the exact shade of his eyes. 

“Of course I would.”

A strand of hair flew past Harri’s eyes and Fang barked from Hagrid’s cabin a mile away. When Tom spoke, it stopped Harri in her tracks. 

“Could you ever forgive Voldemort?”

She took a moment to think it through. 

“You want me to?”

Tom blinked. “I…suppose one would want for their soulmate to.”

Harri squinted. “But do you?”

He waited a moment before speaking and as always his eyes surveyed her closely.“Well yes, that is what I am asking.”

“Do you think he deserves it?” She questioned.

“I would not think it is about deserving… it’s only whether you are capable or not. He is my center soul after all.”

She could hear the words he wasn’t speaking. 

_Could you forgive me?_

The trees swayed in the breeze and Harri tightened her jumper around herself. “I don’t think—I don’t know. He would have to feel remorse and I don’t believe he’s capable of that. I don’t think he would want to. I think even if, if he found out, if he returned and he found out about me I think the first thing he would think to do is kill me. I don’t—

“Forget I asked.” Tom said emotionlessly. There was an indescribable look in his eyes.

“Tom—

But he was gone.

* * *

Unlike the last Ravenclaw vs Gryffindor match, the new one fell upon a warm and cloudless day. The crowd was uproarious and there was an obvious tension between the quidditch teams. This was the match that would determine which house went on to fight for the cup and that meant business.

Thus far Gryffindor was up in points and Harri had kept Cho Chang occupied through the game.

Lee Jordan sung praises about her firebolt and McGonagall lectured him on the side.

“This is not a BROOM COMMERCIAL! Get on with the game—

JORDAN!” 

Harri laughed under her breath and saw Cho do the same. The sun glinted in her eyes and there—

The snitch floated below the Gryffindor goalpost! Harri winked at Cho and dove. She sped towards the snitch with her eyes entirely focused on the golden sphere but it was only for Cho to speed out from above Harri and block her. Harri tried to get around her but Cho made it impossible. Her dark hair obscured Harri’s view.

“THIS IS NO TIME FOR SPORTSMANSHIP HARRI! KNEE HER IN THE STOMACH IF YOU HAVE TO!” Oliver Wood screamed at Harri from behind.

Harri listened and flew straight at Cho and then cut past her when she flinched. Cho tried to follow and the grass blades cut underneath their brooms as they raced each other.

Harri had almost reached the snitch and was stretching her fingers out to grasp its fluttering wings when an abrupt silence fell.

She looked back and shivered. There were dementors near the stands. Without thinking Harri grabbed for her wanted and cast the patronus charm. Instead of waiting to see if it worked and too caught up in the fight for the win, Harri reached out her hand again and captured the snitch.

The crowd thundered around her.

She turned around to check on the dementors and gasped in open delight. Where she had expected her wand to only have produced white wisps; a beautiful corporeal stag had come out. Large, bright and beautiful. Her heart soared as she watched it run.

While Harri stared at her patronus Madam Hooch blew the whistle and every single Gryffindor player flew towards Harri.

She shrieked as they sped towards her and almost knocked her off her broom grabbing her in a group hug.

“That’s my girl!” Oliver shouted. “That’s my girl!”

And George was spinning Harri around in his arms, broom and all. And Katie, Alicia and Angelina had taken Harri by the neck and kissed her one by one. They fell to the ground and the Gryffindor stands surrounded them in triumph.

Maria captured Harri around the waist and lifted her off the ground. Dean and Seamus begun a chant and seized anyone and everyone they laid their eyes on for an embrace. Colin climbed onto Neville’s shoulders and captured photograph after photograph. Daphne, Lavender, Hermione and Ron crashed into Harri while yelling, “POTTER! POTTER! POTTER!”

Professor Lupin pushed through the screaming teenagers and squeezed Harri shoulder.

“That was beautiful Harri.” 

She jumped up. “Did you see Professor! Did you see my patronus?”

“I did.” Lupin beamed. “And it was magnificent.” His eyes were bright and if she didn’t know better, she would think there were tears in his eyes.

“The dementors!” Harri blurted suddenly in panic. “Where did they go? When I turned around they were gone!”

“Well you see, “Lupin took Harri by her shoulders and pointed to the left where McGonagall was shouting at Pansy Parkinson, Gregory Goyle and Vincent Crab. “They weren’t really dementors at all.”

“Idiots!” Daphne shouted. 

Lavender picked up an abandoned flag and threw it in their direction.

“Pansy looks more like a drowned dog than usual.”

Ron threw up two middle fingers and Hermione slammed them down.

After fifteen minutes more of screaming, the throng of red moved into to the Gryffindor common room in high spirts. They partied all night. Fred and George surprised them with treats from Honeydukes and Dean brought out his vinyls.You’d have thought they’d won the quidditch cup by how exuberant everyone was.

They may as well have for how happy they were.

At around two in the morning the party was stopped by McGonagall. She came down in her nightclothes and yelled at them to—“Shut it!” with her hair curlers and eye-mask still on. Colin took a photograph of that too. 

* * *

Harri was dreaming.

She faded in and out of consciousness. She was desperate. Beside her was a man with dark dirty hair and sorrowful eyes. She kept shaking him, trying to force him awake. She was afraid. Something covered them, dark and heavy, something that wanted to take the man away. Harri was shaking, trying to hold her wand, trying to say something, words that escaped her. She must have been calling for Tom. Harri was…

Harri was awoken by her dorm room door being opened.

“UP!” Angelina bellowed from their doorway in her nightgown. “UP! GIRLS! UP!”

Harri wrestled her way out of her bedsheets, tired and shocked. Tom followed behind her, his interest peeked. Lavender tripped over her robe and nearly ripped out her eye mask in a rush. Maria begged to stay in bed but Alicia came in and dragged her out by the ear. They trooped down to the common room where everyone else was already gathered.

A pale faced Ron and a frustrated Seamus were swearing up and down that Sirius Black had sliced through Ron’s bed curtains.

“I’M TELLING YOU WOMAN! I SAW THE MAN WITH ME OWN EYES!”

“He had eyes like the devil! And claws for hands!”

"AND HE WAS STANDING IN OUR ROOM!" 

"I could have died!" 

Tom smirked on Harri’s right. He crossed his arms and leaned against the fireplace. “Isn’t this interesting.”

Harri flicked her hand his way and Hermione yelped when it hit her.

McGonagall was having a difficult time believing Ron and Seamus’ story. But then Sir Cadogan came out of his painting to confirm he let in Sirius himself. He was sacked by a furious McGonagall. Neville was banned from Hogsmeade for loosing the password list and unintentionally giving it to Black. Another search of the school was conducted and the Fat lady was brought to guard Gryffindor tower once again.

“But why would Black be in the boys dorms if he was after me?” Harri whispered as she climbed back into bed. “It just doesn’t make sense!”

“I don’t think he was after you. Seems I was wrong, maybe there is another one of mine hiding in the castle.” Tom murmured in her ear.

Harri couldn’t see the wicked smile on his face but it was there all the same.

 _Interesting indeed_. 

* * *

May fell upon them in the blink of an eye and no other incidents occurred in the tower. This lulled everyone into a sense of security.

It was the night before the quidditch final and Harri was in bed early trying to fall asleep. She had a bundle of nerves in her stomach and cursed her anxiety. She felt sick.

The game wasn’t life or death. Harri knew this. They could loose and it would be okay but regardless, it would be a sour result to stomach. Third year in a row where they lost the trophy.

So Harri had searched for something to distract herself. She looked through her trunk and found her old copy of Julius Caesar. 

This was the book she’d read back at the Dursleys when she couldn’t fall asleep. At first she’d barely understood it at all and would make up the story as it went. When the loneliness hit her it was the only friend she'd had. Eventually she’d been able to buy a copy that explained the play as you read. 

The story was captivating. An amalgam of history, love and treachery.

Harri thumbed through the pages and settled on her favorite quoted passages.

“Shakespeare.” Tom could have rolled his eyes from beside her for all that his tone was dry. “Muggle literature is beneath you Harri.”

Harri twisted her head toward him and objected. “Not at all! Muggle writing is beautiful. In fact, I would say the muggles are leagues ahead of wizards in writing and poetry.”

Tom was close enough that she could feel his face pressed against her covered arm. “I saw one of these in the orphanage once. Battered beyond belief. But I’d already become a student here and at that point, anything that wasn't magical wasn't interesting.” His eyes flickered over the opened page and he spread the book wider from where it was held in Harri’s hand.

He read.

“Let me have men about me that are fat. Sleek-headed men and such as sleep a-nights. Cassius has a lean and hungry look, he thinks too much; such men are dangerous.”

Tom raised an eyebrow, a curious expression on his face.

“It’s a Roman tragedy.” Harri explained. “Based on true events. Julius Caesar was a Roman general and he played critical role in the events that led to the demise of the Roman Republic and the rise of the Roman Empire.”

Tom peered up at her. “Why a tragedy?”

Harri adjusted herself onto her right arm so that they may lay face to face. She could see every inch of his features this way, all sharp edges and pale skin.

Beautiful in the moonlight.

“Caesar was powerful and others were jealous of it. They seduced his friend Brutus to their side with the help of Cassius, who was the most clever of them. Brutus and Cassius co-lead the assassination plot and killed Caesar on the Ides of March. Afterwards, Mark Antony, who had loved and been devoted to Caesar forced them out of Rome in vengeance. He fought them in battle and won. In the wake of the fight Brutus and Cassius killed themselves and Mark Antony was left to rule Rome.” 

Tom was visibly intrigued now. “What are The Ides of March?”

“The 74th day in the Roman calendar, the 15 of March. The Romans used it as a deadline for settling debts. In the play the line is a soothsayer's message to Caesar, a warning of his death. If he’d taken it seriously he may have survived.”

“And how did they seduce Brutus, if he’d been devoted to Caesar?”

Harri cleared her throat. “In the words of Brutus: Not that I loved Caesar less, but that I loved Rome more. He was afraid that if Caesar took the crown it would be detrimental to the Roman republic. In his eyes, he choose Rome over Caesar.”

“Ah,” Tom inclined his head. “I see. In reality, he was just as arrogant as he believed Caesar to be and he suffered the consequence.”

Harri smiled and teased. “Not so bad is it, muggle writing?” 

Tom rubbed his knuckles against her cheek, thoughtful. “Still debatable.”

“Liar!” Harri pouted. “Admit it.”

He leaned in close, eyelashes casting shadows on his skin, and whispered.

 _“Never._ ”

* * *

The Gryffindor quidditch team entered the great hall to a round of applause from both the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables. Harri beamed and scanned over all the excited faces.

The team sat down to eat and Oliver practically spoon fed them all breakfast. He kept reminding Harri, “You mustn’t catch the snitch until we’re ahead in points Harri, remember that! Should I write it down? We need at least—

Ron pushed Oliver’s face away with his palm and murmured to Harri. “Just eat your cereal mate.”

They stayed just enough for Harri to get a few spoonfuls of porridge in and then rose up to leave.

Harri had just stepped out of the great hall when a hand landed on her shoulder.

“Harri,” Theodore grinned from the doorway. “You look very pre—

“Nott!” George called from in front of them. “No fraternization with the Gryffindor seeker!”

Theodore help his hands up in an innocent gesture. “Just wanted to wish her luck.”

“Yeah I’m sure that’s it.” Angelina laughed.

“Move it along Nott! Before I string you up by your shoelaces!" Oliver threatened. 

Harri smiled in amusement at Theodore. “I don’t think I need luck. But thanks anyway.”

He smiled, the tips of his ears red. “Alright then. May the best player win.”

“Right.”

It is the most intense game Harri had ever played.

The Slytherins attempted to cheat left and right. With the amount of penalties they’d already given them, Gryffindor had the fifty they needed to win only a little into the game.

At one point Oliver was hit with two bludgers to the stomach, Flint caught Katie with a bat in the stomach and Angelina almost got knocked off her broom by Theodore. The Gryffindor side of the stand screamed in fury.

Two hours into the game and both the Slytherin beaters, Bole and Derrick, tailed Harri closely and tried to hit her shoulder with a bludger. Harri snarled and as they got close to her again, she lifted her broom so that it was pointed towards the stands. She raced ahead and the beaters began to follow. Just as she was about to hit the crowd Harri pitched her broom down with her body flat against it. Bole and Derrick, too slow to turn and not as agile as her, crashed into the wooden railing.

“And that’s on Harri Potter!” Lee Jordan howled into the mic. “The youngest quidditch player in a century—George why don’t you knock Nott off his broom! —Only joking Professor no need to hit me—and Katie takes the quaffle! Flint closes in and— NO! Slytherin is in possession!”

Harri angled her broom back up and watched the pitch from a birds eye view. Her eyes roved over every inch of the field, anxious at how close the match was. To her left— she spotted the snitch.

Harri’s heard pounded. She hurtled for it, gaining more speed as she zoomed through the air.

A heavy weight crashed into her and Harri glanced up in fury to see Flint’s face right above hers as they went down.

“You wanker!” Harri hissed. She shoved his face away with the palm of her hands and kicked him in the stomach as she untangled herself from him.

She had lost the snitched. Harri was seething mad, glad that her kick packed a punch. Flint was bent over his broom in pain.

Lee shouted into the speaker. “YOU LITTLE CHEATING PIECE OF SHIT!”

Ron had his fists raised in anger and almost fell off his seat and Daphne was—Daphne had thrown a shoe at Flint.

Blaise—the ass—cheered Flint on!

Harri raged. “I’m going to smash your head in!”

Flint was out of breath but smirked at her. Harri wanted to break his nose. She’d never felt this angry before.

In fury, she soared up and looked for Draco as revenge. She found him near the north of the pitch and raced towards him. She vowed to never let him catch the snitch. It wasn’t even about the cup anymore, the Gryffindors were so furious, it was only about beating Slytherin. They’d taken it too far. She’d genuinely physically fight the lot of them the second the match was over.

She tagged Draco for the next hour. Annoying him with how quick she was to catch up to him. She taunted him just like Pucey had done to Oliver.

“Go away Harri!” Draco shouted. She wasn’t about to but she heard Lee call out that Fred was trapped. Harri spun around to Fred, seeing that he was about to be cornered by the entire Slytherin team. Her and Alicia dashed towards them with no sign of stopping. In fear, they ran like the flies they were. Fred, now free, ran to defend Angelina while she had the quaffle. Angelina threw and scored.

Lee cheered. “And Gryffindor is IN THE LEAD!” The crown roared and the Slytherins booed.

Harri breathed out heavily in relief. She glanced back at Draco and her stomach sunk. Draco was charging in the direction of a flicker of gold. Harri didn’t even think, she pitched her firebolt forward and flew. Her hands were shaking. Too far—she was too far! She urged herself further and further until she was above Draco. He reached out for the snitch andalmost grabbed it. Almost. But Harri let go of her broom and pounced, pushing him out of the way. She squeezed her eyes shut, her hands extended and—

“HARRI POTTER HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH!”

The snitch fluttered in her hand and Harri screamed in victory. She tugged her broom back up and held her hand up high. The arena boomed.

Harri felt the snitch beat in her hands, panting and astonished. She listened to the thunderous applause around her on cloud nine. She pressed her hand to her chest and laughed in glee.

They’d done it.

They’d won the quidditch cup.

The Gryffindor team charged to her and crushed her in from all sides.

Oliver was crying his eyes out. Arms wrapped around each other and they all screamed at the top of their lungs. Their hard work had finally paid off after three years of being together. Their last year with Oliver as captain. “WE’VE GOT THE CUP! WE’VE GOT THE CUP! GRYFFINDOR HAS WON THE CUP!”

They descended down still intertwined together and unwilling to let go. Uncaring for the sweat and tears, only feeling the glory. From the stands the crowd leapt over and out to join them. Countless scarlet bodies spilled out onto the grass and sprinted for the team.

They came and lifted each of them into the air.

Maria and Lavender led the circle in a collective jump. Daphne hoisted a large Gryffindor flag up to the sky and Hermione and Percy were the loudest in their chanting. McGonagall was sobbing, shaking Oliver back and forth in jubilation. Ron was beside himself, red in the face with tears, he had heaved Harri up in his arms and kissed her thigh.

The masses led them to where Dumbledore was holding the trophy and he passed a weeping Oliver the cup. Oliver planted his lips on the gold and raised it above his head. They all cheered. Seven years later and Gryffindor had won the quidditch championship.

Surrounded by the people she loved, Harri looked up for the one face that was missing. She caught him hidden in the stands clapping slowly. Harri laughed. In that second she thought she could defeat a thousand dementors at once, with only the shear will of her happiness.

* * *

Finals passed by in an indistinct blur of sleepless nights and arithmancy formulas for Harri.

On the last day of the exams, Lavender was in the cafeteria, Daphne and Maria hung out in the great hall and Hermione slept upstairs, having left Crookshanks with Harri.

Harri was outside the Divination classroom, waiting for Ron, Draco and Blaise. She cuddled Crookshanks in her arms and kissed the top of her head as Draco strolled out with an exasperated look upon his face. His hair was ruffled and his tie undone, an unusual scene.

“That bad?” Harri asked smiling. “Trelawney can’t be so horrible.”

“She’s worse than horrible.” Draco yawned. “It’s like she’s begging for us to cheat.”

Harri patted him on the shoulder. “At least you can just make things up, you don’t actually have to study for it.”

“I’d rather study! Books make sense! Not her tea leafs and glowing balls!” Draco whined. “If I don’t pass with an A fathers going to have my hide, bad enough that Hermione always places a head of me.”

“I think your father has more of a problem with a muggleborn placing

—

CROOKSHANKS NO!”

The orange nightmare stumbled out of Harri’s arms and ran to divination through the door Draco had left ajar walking out.

“Shit shit shit!”

Draco groaned and ran behind Harri as she gave chase to the cat. They dashed inside the mostly empty room in disbelief and watched as Crookshanks darted through the desks and up the ladder into Trelawney’s office. Embarrassed, Harri treaded on Crookshanks heels, climbing up just as Ron climbed down. “Crookshanks get back here!”

“Bloody hell!”

“Sorry Ron!” Harri dashed inside and pulled herself up the open latch by the arms. She got into the office and found Crookshanks had taken a seat below Trelawney’s feet. 

Trelawney gaped down at Crookshanks. “I’m actually quite allergic! If you would please—

“Oh I’m so sorry Professor!” Harri leaned down and gathered Crookshanks into her arms. “Bad cat!”

Trelawney let out a loud sneeze.

“Really I didn’t…” Harri began and cut herself off.

Trelawney’s mouth had flopped open.

“Professor?”

Trelawney struggled for breath and then with an edge to her voice cried out. “IT WILL HAPPEN TONIGHT.”

Harri stepped back, a little nervous.

Trelawney continued on, saying words that sunk Harri’s heart.

She proclaimed that the dark lord was alone and abandoned. She said this would change. His servant, trapped for twelve years, would free himself tonight and rejoin him. “THE DARK LORD WILL RISE AGAIN…GREATER AND MORE TERRIBLE THAN EVER…BEFORE MIDNIGHT….SERVANT AND MASTER WILL BE REUNITED ONCE MORE…”

Harri gasped.

Trelawney coughed and then looked around in puzzlement. Snorting she shook her head “…As I was saying it’s quite all right dear.”

Harri just stared.

Trelawney eyed her weirdly. “Well…hurry along now.”

Harri moved back slowly. She was dumfounded.She didn’t have words. Was Trelawney faking it? But…the dark lord shall rise again. 

Oh merlin. Oh merlin.

Harri inhaled heavily and climbed back down. The boys were waiting for her near the doorway.

“Harri? Did you get Crookshanks?” Draco demanded. “Oh you did. Let’s go then.”

Harri hesitated. “I…I…she just said…”

Ron slumped forward and grasped Harri by hand. “Don’t take anything she says too seriously Harri the woman’s a nutter.”

Harri frowned. “But I…”

Blaise laughed. “H, trust me she’s a fake.”

Draco wrapped his arm around Ron’s shoulder. “I’m just relived we’re finished with the class. A bloody waste of time that was.”

Blaise scoffed. “You’re telling me. My mother will be furious I wasted an elective on this when I could have taken something else. She would’ve preferred muggle studies.”

Ron groaned. “Don’t remind me. My dad begged me to take that class.”

“Freedom.” Blaise sighed “No more crazies. And look, a year without something terrible happening?”

“Don’t say that!” Draco protested. “Mother says we must never do that or the very thing we don't want will happen.”

Ron squeezed Draco’s cheek. “And we must never disobey mother.”

“Oh sod off.” Draco groaned. 

Blaise chuckled and Ron kissed his soulmate in apology. 

Harri was still a little baffled. She wasn’t paying attention to them, too busy going over the possibilities of Trelawney’s words. What if it was Tom? What if the diadem was the servant? Or what if he was right and it was Lupin? She needed to go talk to Tom right now.

The four of them trudged to the great hall and then split up to venture into their own common rooms. When Harri and Ron reached the tower, they found it filled and brimming with energy. Everyone was relaxed, joking and laughing now that finals were over. Lavender and Dean were playing a round of chess next to the window and Maria and Daphne were involved in a high stakes game of exploding snap with Seamus, Fred and George.

Ron was mumbling as he helped Harri through the portrait hole. “Man I’m starving, let’s change and go to dinner early Harri.”

Harri distractedly replied to him. “Yeah sure.” And then raced upstairs leaving him behind.

She pushed open the door to her room quietly. Inside she found Hermione napping on Daphne’s bed. Harri let go of Crookshanks and dropped her bag and books onto her duvet. She bent over and shoved her hand underneath her pillow. Her fingers grasped hold of the diadem and took it out.

Tom came into view, laying languidly on the mattress. 

He opened his mouth and Harri started. “Are you sure about Lupin?”

He made a confused face. “I—

“Because Trelawney—the divination teacher who’s supposed to be a real seer—she said...she said that the dark lord’s servant would escape tonight and reunite with his master before midnight. And she said that he was alone right now but after—after the servant joined him—then he would, he would come back more terrible and powerful than ever before and— and I need to know, is it you? Are you trying to—trying to do something? Is that what you’ve been doing all these months? U-using me to…to...

Straightening up, Tom stretched out his hands to take of hold of Harri’s face. “Harri.”

“Bring him back or give yourself a body, if it is you have to tell me! And if it’s not you—if it’s not and you swear— then I need to find out who it is. Lupin or Black or someone else because I can’t let him free himself! I can't let this happen and you owe it to me to help!”

“Shhh.” he gathered her close to his chest.

Harri panted, her mind running a mile per minute.

In a hushed tone, face on top of her head, Tom whispered. “It’s not me.”

Harri stayed silent.

Tom smiled slightly and smoothed down her hair. “Go down to dinner and when you come back we’ll talk this through. Don’t worry yourself so badly, didn’t your friend say this woman was a quack?”

Harri inhaled sharply. “He did…but the way she was…it felt real. Like everything she was saying would come true.”

Tom sighed and Hermione made a sleepy sound from behind Harri. “Breathe dove, things will work out.”

“Okay.” Harri exhaled unsurely. “Okay.”

And Harri couldn’t have predicted what happened next.

But Tom might have been counting on it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to anyone who's given feedback, I appreciate all the comments and can't express how nice it is to receive them. 
> 
> Also, I'm beeeyond ready to get to Sirius, Remus and Pettigrew next chapter. And the diadem's part in all of this...


	13. beware the ides of march

**Chapter 13: beware the ides of march**

“The lone wolf dies, but the pack survives.” 

_―_ **George R. R. Martin** , _A Song Of Ice and Fire_

Dinner passed beyond Harri like the blink of an eye. There one minute and gone the next. 

The students had begun to leave some staggering off alone, others crowding round the halls but most in groups of friends, going back to their dorms, loud and ecstatic for a night of sleep without the stress of finals. Harri and her friends stayed seated at the table together, waiting as Draco and Blaise wandered over with plates of leftover desert.

“Ta.” Hermione smiled accepting a piece of carrot cake from Blaise. 

“Mhhm.” Lavender hummed, stealing a spoon from Maria and slicing off a bite for herself. “There's nothing quite as delicious as sweets after a long day.” 

Daphne rubbed her stomach dramatically. “Wish I’d saved room for extra. I probably need the calories after the weight these tests have forced me to lose. Did anyone else have no clue about the last question in Potions? I don’t remember anything about tree roots in the study guide.” 

“Si.” Maria replied. “It was in chapter three, the one about the fungal potion?” 

“Out of all of them, Transfiguration was the most difficult. McGonagall makes it harder for Slytherins on purpose.” Blaise complained.

“Oh please.” Hermione sniffed. “Are we really going to talk about favoritism? Because Snape is the worst of them all.” 

Lavender pointed an accusing finger at Blaise. “Maybe you’re just upset because you know your mother won’t let you visit England in the summer if she thinks you're falling behind.” 

“I am not falling _behind._ I just think it’s very conventional to say the Slytherin head of house is biased but to ignore the clear preference _certain_ professors have for other houses. It’s unfair.” Blaise argued. 

Harri sighed. “Can we not argue about Snape vs McGonagall again? We have this conversation every year.” 

Hermione nodded in agreement. “Yes, I’d rather discuss that absolutely unexpected and honestly undeserved history bonus questions Binns added. There was no mention of it on my study guide and I’m afraid it will cost me extra points! Not to men—

“Hey Hermione?” Draco interrupted, peeking behind her.

“What Draco?”

“Isn’t that Crookshanks?” he asked and pointed towards the doorway. 

Hermione’s head shot up from where it laid on Blaise’s shoulder. True to Draco’s words Crookshanks was walking gliding past the entrance leisurely. 

“CROOKSHANKS!” Hermione gasped.“Crookshanks! Get back here right now!” 

Crookshanks head turned at Hermione’s voice but she merely shot a sly look before sauntering on ahead. 

“That cat is a nightmare.” Ron muttered under his breath.

Hermione glared at him. 

“She murdered Scabbers!” Ron raised his hands in self defense. 

Hermione’s eyes rolled. “Yes Ron! You’ve made your feelings very clear on how you think my cat is a murderer. Without any evidence I might add!” 

Harri almost opened her mouth to intervene yet another conversation that they had too often when her eyes caught on to the tiny shadow backing away from Crookshanks. That looked a lot like…

“Ron?” 

“Yes?” Ron replied distractedly, scowling at Hermione. 

Harri pointed to the north of Crookshanks. “Isn’t that Scabbers over there?” 

Everyone moved their heads one by one slowly, caught off guard, and saw that Scabbers was indeed crouched in front of Crookshanks.

Crookshanks was growling now and Scabbers began to sprint away. Crookshanks darted after the rat without a moments hesitation. 

“Scabbers!” Ron screamed. “Scabbers is alive!” and then he jumped up to chase the cat and mouse. 

Hermione rushed to her feet and chased after him. “I told you she didn’t hurt anyone!” and they both hurtled out the great hall. 

“Ron!” Draco yelled. “We’re not allowed outside past eight pm!” and ran off after them. 

Blaise groaned loudly and buried his head in his hands.“We spoke too soon. How much do you wager someone is about to get hurt?” 

Daphne shook his shoulders and tugged him up by the arm. “We can’t let them go on their own! Sirius Black is out there!” 

Maria turned to Harri and Lavender with her eyebrows raised. 

“Well? What are we waiting for?” 

Harri thought about Trelawney and Tom and then she thought about Ron, Hermione and Draco outside, alone and likely to encounter a killer. There wasn’t a choice really. She rose up and off they went. They all jogged out the door and then sprinted after Ron and Hermione (and Scabbers and Crookshanks too). They ran through the door and out into the grass, followed the path down the hills of Hagrid’s hut and the shores of the black lake. 

“I hate that bloody rat.” Blaise panted. 

Maria laughed and shook her head. “You have no idea.” 

When they reached the Whomping Willow, where their friends had stopped, Daphne gasped. Harri peered at where she was looking and gulped. 

A foot behind Ron and Hermione, the black dog Harri had seen at the Dursleys and at her quidditch game had appeared. Ron and Hermione stood paralyzed as he growled at them and Draco looked on the verge of passing out. Ron had gathered Scabbers in his hands and Scabbers was squirming as if he was possessed 

“That’s the grim!” Daphne wheezed in fright. 

Blaise’s eyes widened. “Merlin. Trelawney was right!” 

“What?!” Maria yelped. “Right about what?”

Lavender looked about wearily. “What’s a grim?” 

“It showed up in my tea leaves in Divination! The Grim is an omen of death. It brings the demise of any person who encounters it.” Blaise answered shakily. 

“Oh great.” Lavender whined. “We’re GOING TO DIE.” 

“ _Guys_!” Harri yelled urgently. “He’s right in front of them!” 

They watched in horror as the grim flew forward and vaulted over Ron. Draco screamed and Hermione took out her wand. But it was too late, the grim latched onto Ron’s foot and in a ferocious growl dragged him and Scabbers into the bottom of the Whomping Willow. They watched helplessly, stuck on the outside, as the willow’s branches whirled about ominously and Ron’s shouts echoed outward. 

“Fucking hell.” Lavender crowed. 

Draco inhaled sharply and tugged on his hair. He seemed to nod to himself and started walking forward. 

“Draco wait!” Hermione pleaded. 

“Fuck that!” Draco fumed. “I’m not letting Ron get killed by some murderous animal!” And uncaring for the tree branches, he crouched his way forward. They held their breaths as he missed getting whipped by a hair’s breadth. Draco jumped down the opening. 

Harri took in a breath of air and said. “He’s right.” She could see Maria and Daphne agree with her. They stood in a semi circle and Harri gripped Blaise and Hermione’s hands on either side of her. 

“All of us or none of us.”

Lavender scrunched her nose. Daphne closed her eyes. Blaise inclined his head.

“Let’s do this.” 

Slowly, in an orderly line, they crawled down to the hole, leaving Crookshanks behind. Harri slid down first and fell ruffly on a dusty wooden floor. With a squeal Hermione collapsed on top of her. Quickly, they rolled over to the side as Blaise and Daphne shot down as well. Harri helped him up and behind her Hermione gave Daphne a hand. Just as they got out of shooting range, Maria and Lavender tumbled down and toppled over one another. 

“Where’s Ron?” Draco whispered. 

Harri, Blaise and Daphne lit their wands. 

“Wait.” Maria said. “Lavender and I will stay here at the entrance. You guys go in. This way, if anyone comes out we can see them.” 

Harri nodded. “That’s a good idea.” 

“Okay. This way then.” Daphne said, and they set off quietly. 

“I’ve never heard of this tunnel before.” Draco speculated. “It isn’t on the maps.” 

They walked quickly, following the winding walkway. It was difficult to see and there were cobwebs and dust covering every corner. Harri glanced up from a hole in the sky, the moon was out. 

“Where do you think it leads?” Daphne questioned warily and clutched Harri’s hand. 

“Probably near Hogsmeade. But I don’t know if anyone has ever been there. I’ve never heard about it either.” Blaise murmured.

Everytime Harri thought they’d reached the end, the tunnel kept elongating. It was getting creepy and they would hear the occasional noise or dust would fall through the ceiling. Finally, they made it to the end. Up ahead was an exit. 

“Wands up.” Hermione whispered and pushed the door open. They stepped inside and the door creaked shut behind them. The room they stood in was less creepy than the tunnel but still aged. The windows were bolted shut and the furniture broken down. 

Draco gripped Blaise’s arm. “I know where we are!” he said urgently. “It’s the shrieking shack! We’re in the shrieking shack!” 

From upstairs, they heard a thud. Daphne whimpered. Huddled together and quietly, they tiptoed up the stairs. There was only one room on the second floor and slowly they crept towards it. Blaise at the front and Draco in the back. Blaise nudged the door open slowly and they walked in warily.

Inside the decrepit room, Ron was splayed on the floor next to a window. The moonlight shone in through gaps of the wood and shrouded the room in obscurity. Wind rustled outside and an owl hooted.

Draco and Harri ran to where he lay. Draco wrapped his arms around him and brushed his hair back. 

“Are you alright? It doesn’t hurt too much?” 

“We need to get you to Madam Pomfry right away. Can you step on your leg, do you think?” 

Ron was shaking his head furiously, his wide eyes focused behind them. “The-the grim-it’s a person! It was a trick!” Hurriedly, he raised his hand up and pointed his finger behind the two of them. 

Draco and Harri whipped their heads around in distress.

The door slammed shut and a man stepped out of the shadows. 

He wore the most filthy clothes, ripped, torn and dirty. He had long, dark and greasy hair that stuck to his scalp and he looked starved, his skin taut, pulled over his bones as if he had just risen from his grave. Just one look and Harri knew exactly who this man was. 

Sirius Black had the saddest eyes she had ever seen. Two spheres, shrouded in despair. 

He had Ron’s wand in his hands, pointed and ready. Blaise and the girls had their wands drawn too, but it seemed they were too late. With a rasp Black unarmed them, all of them, even Harri and Draco.

He then shifted his focus to where she stood, helping Draco hold Ron up. His eyes latched onto her. Stuttering at her lightning bolt scar, the curls of her hair, the slope of her nose, the color of her eyes and the curves of her face. It seemed to Harri, very much so, that it wasn’t her he was looking at, but rather a ghost. 

Ron spread his arm out across her. Black’s eyes tracked his movements. 

Harri could see Maria and Hermione’s faces and they were petrified. All of them stood frozen, scared that one move would set him off. Blaise’s eyes ran over the room, as if looking for something that would help them. He stepped slightly to the right and almost tripped over the hole on the floor. 

“I knew you’d come.” Black whispered finally. “He would’ve come for his friends too. No matter the cost.” 

She was caught off guard by the mention of her father. That Black would dare to use this moment to mention the father he’d stolen from her. It filled her with rage. She advanced to him but Ron and Draco caught hold of her arms. 

“Harri, _absolutely not_!” Draco shouted, terrified. 

Ron choked. “If you want to kill Harri you’ll have to kill us too!” 

Something flashed in Black’s eyes not unlike the look she thought she saw in Lupins from time to time. “You should sit down before you hurt yourself even more.” 

“I don’t think you heard him.” Daphne whispered from the doorway. 

“I don’t think he did either.” Hermione said with a face drained of blood. “You’ll have to kill us all before you’d even get near Harri.” 

"Yeah!" Blaise rasped. “And I don’t think you want to do that.” 

Black cackled, his yellow teeth glinting in the moonlight. “Oh I don’t think _you_ understand. Only one person is going to die tonight.” 

From behind Hermione, the door creaked open. 

“You’re quite right Sirius.” 

Daphne leaped and caught Hermione by the arms, pulling her away from the figure that emerged. 

Draco gasped. “YOU!” 

With his grey wooly jumper and scarred face, Remus Lupin appeared in front of them. 

Harri inhaled sharply. Tom had been right. It seemed Lupin had been working with Black all along. It stung her deeply, right below her chest, even more than Black’s betrayal had. Lupin had acted as a protector. Teaching her, meeting with her, pretending he cared. Another one of her parents' friends, a coward, a turncoat and a murderer. 

“You bastard!” Hermione screamed. “How could you do this to Harri!” 

But Lupin seemed to have not heard her or Draco, for his eyes were only for Black. 

The two men stared at each other intensely, both of their eyes questionably bright. It was like the room had disappeared for them. Lupin was rambling under his breath, things like, it wasn’t possible, that they’d switched without telling him. Black was nodding along to everything Lupin said and his hands shook around Ron’s wand. 

Within a heartbeat, Lupin crossed the room, a blazed look in his eyes. He took a trembling Black into his arms. They gripped each other tightly, and hugged like brothers. The knife dug into Harri deeper. 

Hermione struggled against Blaise and Daphne now, their hands the only thing holding her back. “YOU! YOU! —I can’t believe this! I kept your secret! I can’t believe I thought to help you!” 

“Hermione stop!” Blaise shouted. 

But Hermione was a woman possessed. “Harri trusted you! I trusted you! And you betray us like this!” 

“Hermione, Harri,” Lupin started, pulling back from Black. “Let me explain!” 

“What are you talking about Mione?” Draco questioned gingerly.

“Hermione, stop struggling!” Daphne pleaded. 

Everyone began to talk over each other, their voices becoming indistinguishable from one another. 

“He’s been helping Black!” 

“No, no, I haven't—

“That essay Snape assigned—

“What essay? I don’t think I did that—

“He wants Harri dead!” 

“Please let me—

Harri’s head was pounding and Ron was shaking back and forth behind her. 

“HE’S A WEREWOLF.” Harri shouted. The room was shocked into silence. 

Lupin stared at her incredulously. “You’ve known all this time?” 

Hermione turned to Harri. “You _knew?_ ” 

“You knew too!” 

Hermione frowned. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Why didn’t you tell me!” Harri accused. 

“I thought I was protecting him! Clearly that was the wrong thing to do. He’s helping Black kill you!”

“I don’t want to kill her!” Lupin protested. “If we could just—just let me see your rat Ron.” 

“My rat!” Ron said disbelievingly. “How the bloody hell is my rat going to prove you haven't been letting a murderous lunatic into the castle!” 

“Because he’s not a rat!” Black bellowed, speaking up for the first time since Lupin entered the shrieking shack. 

“What do you mean he’s not a rat!” Draco said. “You people are out of your minds!” 

Lupin squeezed his nose with a put upon sign. “I would’ve said the same, except ever since I saw the map—

“What map?” Harri interrupted. 

“The marauders map—

“You stole my map!” Harri yelled. 

“Well, I did help make it.” 

Harri shared an incredulous look with Hermione. “You _made_ it?” 

“I’m Moony.” Lupin explained, “We made it together, while we were at Hogwarts. Your father was Prongs, Sirius Padfoot and—

“Pettigrew.” Black finished, gazing at Harri. “Wormtail."

“And that's why we need the rat.” Lupin said. “Because I saw—I was looking at it after dinner and I saw all of you running this way, I would have let it go but I saw someone with you who shouldn’t be alive. I saw someone who was supposed to have died twelve years ago. I saw Peter Pettigrew standing next to Ron.” 

“I promise, I haven't been letting Sirius into the castle. I would _never_ betray you like that. I would never want to hurt you Harri. I swear. That’s why I came here. Because if Pettigrew is alive that means Sirius is innocent. And if Pettigrew is alive it means you’re in danger.” 

“He wasn’t their secret keeper, Black was! How could he have betrayed them? How could he put me in danger when the real culprit is right here!” 

“Because it wasn’t me! We switched!” Black swore. “I told them to switch us last minute, I thought I was being clever, I thought he would come after _me!_ But he betrayed us! He gave you up! And now, after thirteen years we have him. We can kill him.” 

“But Pettigrew’s not here.” Harri protested. 

“Yes he is.” Black said through gritted teeth. “He’s right there.” He pointed to Ron, his entire body clenched tight. 

“Me?” Ron whimpered. 

Draco gave Black a dirty look. “Oh for the love of merlin, you really _are_ mad. It’s the Black illness, probably sunk into your brain decades ago. No wonder you—

Sirius growled. “Not you! The rat! The rat is Pettigrew!” 

“What—

“Impossible!” 

“You’re lying!” 

“What he means to say is that Pettigrew was just like Sirius, an animagus and his form was a rat.” Lupin explained, striding to Ron with his hands held out placidly. “Let me tell you the whole story.” 

So he did. He’d been bitten young and there had been no cure. Dumbledore had given him the opportunity to come to Hogwarts, compassionate of his situation. The whomping willow was planted just for him and the tunnel that led towards the shrieking shack. Harri’s dad, Black and Pettigrew had become his best friends. When they found out his secret, instead of abandoning him they became 'secret animagus’ just for him. They had monthly adventures every time he transformed, they kept him company. 

Black had paced impatiently through the whole ordeal, wand clutched in his hand with an iron grip, a furious look about him. 

“But then how did...uh Mr. Black...how did you know that Pettigrew was alive? How did you break out of Azkaban?” Hermione asked. 

Black pulled out a paper from his pocket, ripped out from a newspaper. On it was the picture of the Weasley’s taken in Egypt and on Ron’s shoulder was Scabbers. “I transformed and slipped out. I swam through the water. Once I saw this I knew I had to...it said he was going to be at Hogwarts...Hogwarts where Harri was…I couldn’t let him...” 

“I knew once Voldemort gained power again...I knew Pettigrew wouldn’t hesitate to take Harri to him. Deliver him the last Potter to save himself. You think Voldemort’s followers haven't been plotting his death? He was the one who told Voldemort where you were, he’s the reason Voldemort was defeated. If he proves himself to them when the time is right...I knew I couldn’t just stay there. I escaped and I’ve been living in the forest since, Crookshanks has been helping me into the castle.” He locked eyes with Harri. 

“I would never have betrayed them. I vow to you. They were my closest friends...James was...he was my _brother_. My family…” his voice cracked. “I would have rather died.” 

Harri’s throat tightened and her eyes filled with tears. 

She said to Ron. “Give him Scabbers.” 

“But—

“I need to know if it's true.” Harri whispered.

Ron nodded and stuck his hand inside his pockets. He pulled out a terrified Scabbers. 

Black pointed his wand at Ron’s hand and Scabbers writhed about violently, squealing in fright. 

“Give him to me.” he croaked. “Let me kill him.” 

“Sirius,” Lupin said softly, an infinitely heartbroken look in his eyes. 

“No Remus!” Sirius hollered. “I want to commit the murder I was imprisoned for!” 

“Ron do it.” Draco gulped. 

Within the span of a second, Ron dropped Scabbers and a blue light hit him. 

One second he’d been a rat and the next he was a lumpy, fat and ugly man; paralyzed in a crouched form, with an exaggerated overbite and a horrified look in his eyes. Black and Lupin raised their wands as one, and Pettigrew sniffled pathetically. Before they could Harri shouted. “Wait!” 

As much anger she had inside herself and as much as she wanted to watch them tear that filth apart, she knew she couldn’t let them do it. Harri knew deep in that part of her heart where her parents lived, that they wouldn’t have wanted this. They wouldn’t have wanted two people they’d love to become murderers for them. Let the dementors have him. Let justice be served. Let him rot for the rest of his life. Let him never know peace. And she said as much to Lupin and Black. 

Within moments Harri’s life had changed once again. Draco and Hermione were helping Ron, first in the line, down the stairs and into the tunnel. Behind them, Blaise and Daphne were dragging Pettigrew by his feet, purposefully letting his head hit against the edges on the floor and Professor Lupin was behind them, watching on approvingly. Harri herself was walking next to Black, last in the row. 

“You know,” Black began nervously, glancing from her to the walls. “When you were born...your parents named me your Godfather.” 

Harri nodded. 

“And uh, now that...now that...well now that we have Pettigrew. It means that I’m exonerated.” Black cleared his throat, “As your Godfather...it means...that I’m free. And—and your parents gave you to me and I was supposed to—I was supposed to take care of you. Of course...that didn’t happen. But now...Harri, I would like it very much if I could do that. If I could take care of you now. I suppose what I’m asking is if you would let me?” 

His words created light in her chest, like a string of hope. Harri didn’t think she could explain it to him what it meant to her that was offering her a home. A real home. Somewhere she was wanted and welcomed. Somewhere she wasn’t a burden. To leave the Dursleys. She could... _Merlin._ He would be her _family._

“Of course.” Harri whispered. “Yes. Yes.” 

Black spun his whole body around. 

“Would you really?” 

Harri smiled, lump in her throat. “I would like that very much.” 

Black grinned from ear to ear and it transformed his entire face. It made him look like the boy he must have been when her father had met him.

To Harri, his smile felt like coming home. 

_Alas_.

All good things, they say, never last. 

It would’ve been nice if it had ended like that, but the full moon rose and Lupin turned and Pettigrew escaped and Harri was running and running and running. Voices called after her, chased after her, but she could only see Sirius Black dying in her dream. 

She followed until she found Sirius, where he lay near the shore of the lake, cloaked upon with dementors on top of him. Harri thought she might have been crying but she couldn’t be sure. She draped herself over him just like she had in her dream. She tried to cast a patronus, she tried so hard, but the happiness escaped her. There were too many of them and not enough of her. Harri could hear her friends collapse behind her. She could hear her mother screaming, she could feel Sirius dying. She could feel the dementors taking from her too. Their hands gripping her tight. 

She thought of sharp eyes and strong hands. Of a brilliant mind and a erring smile, she thought of Tom and—

As if he’d heard her, he came. She felt hands cover hers. Familiar lips press against her ear. “Come on my dove. Say it with me. _Expecto Patronum._ ” Coolness pressed over her like a balm. She could feel him, all of him, around her. He was the sun in the middle of a storm. 

_Expecto Patronum. Expecto Patronum. Expecto Patronum._

And it worked. 

From her wand burst her majestic stag, her protector, her guardian. It bounded forward and struck like lightning. It dispelled the darkness. The soul crushing draining blackness. It burned so bright, and the absence of light disappeared. 

Hands gripped her and turned her over. Harri gasped, she couldn’t believe her eyes. The diadem _was_ here. 

He held her in the dark of the forest in his arms. He seemed almost human, like the diary in his last moments. His skin colored with life. The trees of the forest swayed ominously and Lupin howled in the distance. All quiet but for them. The bodies of her Godfather and her friends lay in slumber beside her, muted but safe. 

“Tom,” Harri whispered. The world was faded, cast in a soft and foggy glow and he was the only thing keeping her upright. “How...how are you here?” 

Tom smiled softly at her, sanguine sad eyes. “It does not matter does it? Only that I am.” 

She exhaled and raised her hand to his face. He was warm. He shut his eyes and let her fingers trace his features. Harri beheld him in awe. “Are you real Tom?” 

The diadem brought his face close to hers, and rubbed their noses together. “Of course I’m real Harri.” 

Harri sighed at the feeling. “That’s good.” 

He laughed, bittersweet. And then asked quietly. “Can you promise me something?” 

She blinked languidly, feeling very tired. “Anything.” 

He caressed her cheeks gently, the pads of his fingers pressing in.

“If you find anything…anything like me or the diary…don’t touch it. Don’t go near it. Give it to Dumbledore. To McGonagall even. Any version of this Voldemort may have made after me…would not hesitate to kill you in a second. Even the ones before me are not safe. The more I made…the more I lost myself. Do you understand Harri? No matter what. You do not touch one.” 

“But Tom,” Harri tilted her head, “You’ll be there won’t you? You can touch them.” 

His face became stricken. He rasped. “Just promise me little dove.” 

“Okay.” Harri whispered. “I promise.” 

Tom leaned down and pressed his lips to her forehead, right on her scar. He kept them there just as he had all these nights he’d thought Harri asleep. He tugged her closer so that every inch of them touched. 

“Sleep now Harri.” 

In the arms of her soul and in the wake of a shore, Harri’s world darkened once more. 

____________________________

The next Harri woke, she was in the infirmary. 

She blinked indolently and took in the scene before her.

Beside her, Maria and Lavender were sitting languorously. Across the room, Ron was laid out, his broken foot tied up securely and Draco sleeping across from him. Snape stood at the edge of their beds, glaring at Blaise where he was gulping down a potion in front of him timidly. Dumbledore was here too, listening carefully with Cornelius Fudge to Hermione and Daphne’s anxious words in Madam Pomfry’s open office. On top of Harri’s legs, sleeping soundly, was the Grim (better known now as Sirius Blac)k. 

“Harri!” Maria cried out, “Thank God you’re awake!” She got up from her own bed and pushed a bar of chocolate into Harri’s hands. “You need to eat this entire thing. Oh me querida! You must have defeated over a hundred dementors with that patronus!” 

“For the love of—” Lavender scowled “Don’t just shove it in her face!” She moved Maria away and broke off a piece for Harri. “Here you go.” 

Harri took it reluctantly, exhausted. 

“What happened to Professor Lupin?” 

“Oh, well we reckon he’s still out there. The headmasters sent Hagrid after him just in case. He was heading deeper into the forest before the dementors came for Black.” 

Harri sat up wearily. “Fudge isn’t here for him is he? I know Pettigrew got away but we—

Maria squeezed her hand. “Don’t worry Harri. Hermione and Daphne are explaining everything. We have at least eight eye-witnesses and more importantly _you._ There is no way they can justify the dementors' kiss.” 

“And besides.” Lavender chimed in. “He wasn’t given a trial last time. Whatever they decide, they can’t make that mistake again. He’s the heir to the Black family.” 

Harri breathed out deeply, feeling relieved. At least she was, until heavy footsteps trekked over. 

“Awake, Mrs. Potter?” Snape’s voice drawled.

“Yes.” Harri replied, staring up at him defiantly. 

“It's quite the mess here, wouldn’t you say?” 

Harri smiled. “I wouldn’t call it a mess. A necessary change, if you will.”

“We shall see about that.” Snape’s mouth curled up reluctantly. “Make sure you finish the chocolate.” 

And he strode off with a twist of his cloak. 

Blaise sighed gratefully when Snape left and sat down next to Maria. “I can’t believe he’s so nice to you Harri. He nearly took my head off when I first woke up.” 

Harri twisted. “Is that what you’d call nice?” 

“For him?” Lavender raised an eyebrow. “That was as good as friendly.” 

Hermione and Daphne’s voices tapered off and Dumbledore guided a frustrated Fudge out of Pomfry’s office. Fudge sent a tense smile and wave to Harri and scampered out the door. 

Dumbledore smiled warmly at all of them, giving Harri a reassuring pat on the head. “Harri dear, let Sirius know he is to meet me at my office this afternoon. Oh! And to stay in his animagus form. Can’t let the secret out yet!” He then winked and left the room as well.

Hermione groaned loudly. “How is Fudge the minister of magic?” 

_____________________________

Madam Pomfry forced them all to spend their last Hogsmeade day in the infirmary. When night struck, she opened up the doors for them to leave. 

Unlike her friends, Harri had to report to Dumbledore’s office, where Black and Professor Lupin waited. 

She walked through the halls quietly, mind recollecting the night before. She kept circling back to the moment when the moon rose and Pettigrew escaped. Harri thinks...for a moment...there was a man she’d seen, watching as Lupin’s transformation distracted Black and them, giving Pettigrew the chance to escape. And then there was Tom. Had he really been there? Or was Harri just imagining it? It just wasn’t adding up for her. Tom was never able to go anywhere without the diadem. And it had felt so _real._ _He_ had felt so real. 

But she guessed it didn’t matter, she would just ask him when she was back in the dorm. 

Harri stepped aside as the Gargoyle opened up to show Dumbledore’s staircase and trudged up the stairs. She knocked cautiously. 

“It’s alright Harri. Please come in.” Dumbledore intoned. 

Harri unlocked the door. Professor Lupin and Black were sitting next to each other drinking tea. Both looked much healthier. Lupin smiled kindly and Black grinned at her. He’d taken a shower and been given new robes. He was still so frail and delicate, but less like an animated corpse now. 

Dumbledore spoke. “Do sit down dear.” Harri took the only available seat, next to him. Dumbledore first explained what would happen with Sirius. 

He would be given a _private_ trial in the wizengamot, with only Fudge, Dumbledore, Susan Bones present. This would happen later this week but before the last day of school. Once his name was cleared of all charges, which it absolutely would be, he would be free. Harri would be given the choice of staying with her relatives or moving in with him. If she chose him, Sirius would get full custody. She shared a feverish look with Sirius. She could scarcely conceal her delight. She felt like her feet barely touched the ground. 

After he’d described that, he went on to talk about her patronus. 

Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled. “You should be so proud of yourself Harri. It takes great inner strength to conjure a corporeal patronus, especially in the face of dementors.” 

“It takes an even greater witch, to cast a whole patronus so successfully at such a young age.” Lupin added. 

Sirius smiled. “Remus tells me it's a stag?” 

Harri nodded. 

Sirius looked wistful, his eyes aglow. “Prongs.” he whispered. “Just like your fathers.” 

It was a flare of joy and deep sadness all at once to remember this. 

“He is alive in you Harri. Never forget that.” 

* * *

The conversation had lasted much longer than was expected, especially when Professor Lupin had divulged that he was resigning from the defense position. Harri had pleaded with him to stay but he declined. He felt too guilty putting the students at risk much longer and he knew certain people didn’t want him to continue working there. Harri ended up missing dinner and strolling through the grounds with Lupin and Sirius. 

It was pleasant to get time alone with them to talk privately together after all that had happened.

By the time she made it into her dorm room, it was nearly midnight and all the girls were asleep. Harri was giddy and eager to tell Tom everything that had happened. She slipped open her bed curtains, and searched for the diadem. Her fingers fell across empty sheets and Harri went rigid. The bottom dropped out from her stomach. The ground fell beneath her feet. She felt the air leave her lungs and abandon her of breath. She sank to her knees. 

The diadem was missing. 

* * *

_Dear Harri,_

_By the time you find this letter I will be long gone._

_I ask that you do not search for me._

_I know in the months that we have spent together I kept much from you. I am sorry for that. And I am sorry still that I cannot give you the answers you deserve. Where I went all those nights, what I did and who I met. It will be a long time before I can, if I ever can. But here is what I am able to tell you._

_I can tell you that I have been selfish in the choices that I made. I blamed the hand that I was dealt for the things that I did. I cared only for myself and what I wanted. I have killed, stolen and used the darkest of magics with no regret. I wanted power and revenge more than anything. I think I wanted to watch the world burn. Even when I first met you, I chose to ignore the consequences of my actions and the pain they would cause. Most importantly, I didn’t consider who they would hurt the most. And that’s you, my little dove. You._

_Now the time has come for me to right those wrongs. Not because I am good and not because I have changed but because you deserve it. And I know now that no one in this world is as worthy of my remorse as you._

_In the words of your Shakespeare (and I acquiesce, my darling, muggles are not all that terrible) the fault, dear Harri, is not in our stars, but in ourselves._

_The fault is mine._

_And though we will not be together I hope you will think of me, for I will be thinking of you. Even as I write this, I am missing you._ _Know that if you have need of me, I will always come._

_I hope that you never change. May you always be defiant in the face of your beliefs, courageous in the things you do and may you be happy._

_I choose to believe that fate has not yet given up on us. If it has, then I defy it. I defy fate. For one day, when this is all over, we will have eternity together. I swear it._

_So I say goodbye to you now, and hope that we may meet again._

_Stay safe. Stay hidden._

_Yours forever,  
_ _Tom Marvolo Riddle_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “If you want to kill Harri you’ll have to kill us too!" is a direct quote from Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban as well as “I want to commit the murder I was imprisoned for!” 
> 
> This chapter took me much longer to write than any other chapter and not because it is the longest I've written yet (exactly 6k words?!!!!) but because it was hard to decide how I wanted to write the Sirius/Lupin/Pettigrew scene. 
> 
> There are probably some grammar mistakes in this as I'm posting at two a.m and am exhausted. Please let me know if you can spot any so I can correct them. 
> 
> Comments are welcomed greatly! I would reaaaalllly like to know what you think of this chapter. Please be nice to me lol I'm sensitive as fuck. 
> 
> Lastly, the diadem is not gone forever! He and Harri will be able to talk, only not in person and in secret. He has a LOT of things he needs to do that are very important to the story. The diadem has secured a body for himself if you guys caught that and he may have helped Pettigrew escape :O . 
> 
> And also, I have something waaaaay better planned romantic relationship wise with *cough* another horcrux *cough* for Harri, the diadem and her have a special relationship as soulmates but it can't be romantic because he's too old for her. The next Tom is much more closer to Harri in age and maturity and all that. 
> 
> The future is bright for our girl, I swear!  
> <3  
> And everything will make sense eventually even if it doesn't now.


	14. atlas, set free

**Chapter 14: Atlas, set free**

“And oh, poor Atlas. The world’s a beast of a burden, and you’ve been holding on a long time.”

\- **Florence Welch** , _What the Water Gave Me_

In Greek Mythology Atlas was the titan responsible for bearing the weight of the heavens on his shoulders. 

* * *

“Merlin's saggy ball-sack!” Sirius shouted.

He tumbled back and almost fell over the kitchen table. “How did pixies get into the cabinet?” 

Harri gagged and pointed downward. “By that very large hole in the bottom.” 

“Damn.” He peered inside hesitantly. “How many you reckon are in there?”

“Like thirty.” Harri choked, disgusted by the state of the house.

Sirius sauntered over to the whiteboard he’d stuck on the new refrigerator and marked down a tally. “Well, that’s about five different species of insects we’ve encountered today.”

Harri shook her head. “Six actually. I found a colony of lacewing flies in the bathroom upstairs.” 

Sirius cackled, pulling off his dishwashing gloves and throwing them in the disposable garbage bag. “I wouldn’t go around the bathrooms with a ten foot broomstick sweetheart.” 

Harri pulled off her mask with a disgusted face. “Well I know that now.” 

“You know, instead of going through all this, we could just borrow a house-elf.” Sirius teased. 

“Totally.” Harri said. “If I wanted Hermione to never speak to me again.” 

Sirius waggled his eyebrows, pouring lemonade into two glasses. “What Hermione doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” 

“You don’t know ‘Mione.” Harri replied, untying her hair. “She’ll know. She knows everything.”

Sirius guzzled down his own cup and laid Harri’s down on the counter for her. “I suppose we’re stuck doing everything by hand then.” 

Harri laughed and sipped the drink. “And by wand.” 

She then thought about the hours she’d spent in Aunt Petunia’s garden, planting her flowers and taking care of the grass. This was nothing compared to that, not when they could use magic. She supposed for Sirius it was different because he’d always had it, but for Harri everything was so much simpler now that she could just charm it.

Harri sat down on one of the miss-matched chairs they’d placed around the coffee table and subtly pushed a plate of apple slices down Sirius’ way. 

Sirius had been exonerated after a private trial in the wizengamot only days after the events in the shrieking shack. The only members present had been Dumbledore, Susan Bones and Cornelius Fudge. The wizarding public had gone mad with the information that Sirius was innocent. Especially the pure-bloods, who were furious that one of their own were wrongly imprisoned for so long. The public outrage and the fact that Sirius was Harri's guardian had created a lot of pressure on the ministry. In reparations they had to pay Sirius a large amount of galleons and had even granted him an order of merlin.

In the two weeks of summer, he'd gained a lot of weight and much of his physical sate had improved. However, it was a slow process. His healer had him on nutrient potions and a rigorous diet. Both these things ensured he would acquire fat in a healthy way and time, but Harri still worried.

Sirius put on a happy face for her. Despite that, she could see the cracks in his mask. Harri had told him he didn’t have to pretend with her and he could be honest about how he felt, but he was still ambivalent. 

She had discussed having him see a mind healer with Daphne and a muggle therapist with Hermione. Harri was leaning more towards therapy because she thought it would be more beneficial for Sirius to speak with someone who didn’t know anything about him. In the end it didn't matter which he chose, rather that it was important he did one of the two.

After all, Sirius had spent twelve years in isolation with only dementors and his thoughts. And Harri knew that most of those thoughts had been crowded with a combination of anger and guilt. You couldn’t heal the body and not the mind, that wasn’t healing at all. It was like putting tape over a crack and expecting it to hold together. Eventually it would break apart, with only the slightest of hits. 

Sirius’s mental health had been at the worst when they’d first visited Grimmauld Place. Harri had been awed by the ancient house and by London but...Sirius had been repulsed. She knew the second she saw his face that he couldn’t live at number twelve. Not like it was. That’s why she’d suggested they flip it. Harri knew that was what she would have wanted. Sirius could tear it down, burn it and rebuild from the ashes. She knew it would be okay then, when nothing was the same. 

In all likelihood it was good for her as well. She was taking out all of her anger and pain from Tom’s letter.

Finding it had hurt, tender and aching. 

At first she’d let herself feel the torment. She’d cried over it in the quiet of the night, sleeping alone for the first time in months. She’d despaired over it, turning around and finding no watchful eyes or pale skin observing her. She’d smiled over it, opening her trunk and seeing her Shakespeare plays gone. She’d grieved over it, remembering his kind words and his promises. She’d accepted it, stepping off the train and finding Sirius’ beaming face awaiting her. 

Tom had kept so many secrets from her and she’d let him, hoping all the while that he would eventually tell her. He’d taken a body and she didn’t know how, had it been murder? He’d left and taken the answers with him.

She was annoyed that she missed him, she was irritated that he’d said all the things she’d ever wanted to hear in a letter and not to her face. She was stung that he hadn’t said a proper goodbye. 

But she just kept thinking of his words. 

— _we will have eternity together. I swear it_ —

And it soothed something inside her. 

Sirius’s voice carried over her thoughts. “So I’ll be gone for that night and I know you said something about inviting your friends over? The house should be done by then, so that’s well good.” 

Harri nodded along to his words. 

“Not that I care if this place is a mess, you can do whatever you want. It’s your house! You know that right?” Sirius asks earnestly. 

Harri smiled. “I know that.” 

Sirius grinned and squeezed her cheek.

“Come on then, let’s go clean out the last of the pixies. Then we can start painting.” 

* * *

The night was pitch black on the roof of their house and London quiet. There wasn’t one star in the night sky that Harri could see. Sirius was sat in front of her, a glass of red wine in his hand. Now he had been free for ten days, two hundred fifty five hours and thirty seconds. Each one gone and he breathed easier, smiled wider and slept longer. Tipsy on the one glass he’d allowed her to drink, Harri was french braiding her Godfather’s hair. 

The breeze was gentle and the summer air warm enough that Harri’s quidditch jumpers kept them both cozy. The POTTER 14 sat well on the slopes of Sirius’ shoulders, like it belonged there. Harri ran her hands through his soft curls, breathing in the smell of the coconut oil she massaged into it every night. Sirius exhaled softy, relaxing into her touch. He turned and gave her three quick pecks on the cheek. 

His gentle squeezes of reassurance and open touches, made it clear how much he cared beyond any words ever could. Cuddles in the mornings. Forehead kisses before bed. Everything Harri had never had in family, Sirius gave. Love in literal form.

She saw it in the way he got out of bed everyday even on the ones he longed not to. In the way he insisted on making her breakfast even though he hated cooking. In the way he sat watchful outside her bedroom door long after she’d gone to sleep. In the way he gave in to her every indulgence without deliberation. In the way Harri felt that she could tell him anything and he would stay. 

Sirius lifted a finger, knuckles littered with tattooed letters. “You see that house Harri? In its place used to be a toy store. It was phenomenal, three floors and trinkets on each surface as far as the eye can see. The shop was a dream but I never got go. Of course. Mother would have sooner crucified me than take me to anything muggle, much less a children’s store. The tantrums I used to have, begging and fighting just to see it once. Wouldn’t even have to buy a thing.” He muttered under his breath.

Harri hated Walburga Black. She hated her for denying a baby simple pleasures, for being the reason Sirius’ own home had been a prison and for leaving him to rot in Azkaban.

“Has the city changed much since you left?” Harri murmured softly. 

He huffed. “Some of it is unrecognizable, but plenty of it is exactly the same. At least the feeling of it is. I could still drive around with my eyes closed and only my hands to lead me.”

Harri giggled. “Please do not go around closing your eyes to do anything.”

“That’s no fun.” Sirius pouted.

“Right.” Harri nodded. “Not risking your life—boring.” 

“I knew you’d see it my way puppy.” 

Harri shook her head in amusement. “How did McGonagall cope with you Sirius?” 

“With a stern fist and a bottle of fire whiskey hidden in her top drawer.” 

“So you drove her to alcoholism?” 

He winked conspiratorially. “ ‘ _Drove her_ ’ is a little strong of an accusation. But gently guided her? Maybe so.” 

Harri finished with one braid and tugged. “It’s no wonder she’s so adept at dealing with Fred and George. What, with all the experience she's had with you.” 

Sirius smirked. “I bet she misses me.” 

Harri sighed. “Like a gazelle misses a lion.”

“She hasn’t changed then.” he smiled nostalgically. “That's good.” 

“How long has it been since you last saw her?” 

“Twelve years” Sirius whispered. “ _Merlin_. That is unbelievable. _Twelve years_ have gone by.” 

“Does it feel very long?” Harri asked, parting the strands on his head. 

“Too long.” he said softly, sadly, ghosts in his eyes. “Each year, a whole lifetime.”

Harri wished to erase every year he spent in Azkaban. To take his hurt for him, to ease his pain and light his anger. Twelve years of his life had been stolen and she wouldn’t forgive that. Not the ministry and not Pettigrew. No matter how much gold they thought the could give or how many meaningless awards. She would never forget. 

She finished his second braid and hugged him from behind. She could feel him shake. 

“I’m so sorry Harri. I’m so sorry I couldn’t save them.” Sirius pleaded. 

“It’s not your fault, it’s not.” Harri whispered. 

“I shouldn’t have told them to change—

“You did _everything_ —

“I could have done more. I should’ve seen what he was! I shouldn’t have suspected Remus—

“He was your friend! Of course you trusted him!”

They were wrapped tightly together, Sirius’s trembling hands came up to clutch her own. 

“Sirius.” Harri begged, face pressed into his shoulder blade. “You have to forgive yourself.” 

He shut his eyes. “I don’t know how.” 

Harri pressed her hand against his heart. “There are so many people that are to blame and you are not one of them. You have never been. Please Sirius. My dad—he wouldn’t have wanted you to live like this. _He loved you. He loved you. He loved you_.” 

Sirius’ body shivered and Harri held him harder, hoping that she could be the anchor he needed.

“It’s been so long.” Sirius languished. “And I’m so tired.” 

“You don’t have to be anymore.” Harri cried and kissed him on his bony shoulder. “I’m here now. You can rest.” 

Years passed in the length of minutes but eventually he let out a long exhale. Harri breathed against him harshly, stomach against his back.

“ _God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference._ ”

* * *

The last of Grimmauld Place was torn down on a warm July afternoon. 

The rest of the house Sirius had already completely demolished. He separated the house-elf heads off the walls the first day. He tipped off almost every single portrait except for Phineas Nigellus the second. He ripped out the floors and smashed the walls down after the first week. He lit a fire so large it burned every carpet, couch, drape and dark artifact by June. 

There were only three rooms he had left alone.The library, the drawing room and the bedroom next to his own. 

The drawing room was made of four walls that held in memory an entire legacy, The Black Family Tree and their writing on the ceiling _Toujours Pur: Always Pure._ Unfortunately for the Black ancestors, in the wake of Sirius’ autonomy, the noble and most ancient House of Black, one of the last oldest, wealthiest pureblood families of magical Great Britain and of the sacred twenty eight was pure no more. 

That was because on the first Monday of his return from Azkaban Prison, Sirius Black formally adopted Harri Lily Potter. In the early hours of the morning, with a goblin, his blood and paper, Harri became his and ended the Black pureblood line. 

The room was still beautiful in a way, if only because it traces the generations of the family gone past. Starting from the first of them, Licorus Black, and all the way down to the last born male, who was coincidentally, Draco. Harri traced her fingers over his drawn face and with a sudden longing, missed him terribly. She hoped a day would come where they could openly write letters over the summers and meet up between Wiltshire and London. She prayed it for Ron, who hid his soulmate in the paws of his sweaters and little sweet wrappers. 

Maybe she couldn’t ever have her own, but at least her friends could.

Harri sighed and dropped down to the center of the floor. With a smile and wet hair, looking impossibly handsome in his slacks, Sirius stumbled into the room. He appeared more tranquil than ever. He slid onto the floor next to her and watched as she tracked the walls, looking for any other names she might recognize. 

Harri plucked up her courage and turned to him, “Sirius,” she crossed her legs. “I, um I think… it would be good… if you could talk to someone.” 

Sirius rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Talk so someone?”

Harri bit her bottom lip nervously.“I just think, you know, it would be helpful if you could talk to a professional about the things going on inside your head. About, about the last decade and more. About your time in Azkaban.” 

His brows furrowed. “Harri, what?” 

Harri looked away and down at her hands, picking at her fingernails. “I…I can hear you at night. I know that you have trouble sleeping sometimes. I know that you are not going to move on from everything that happened over night, but I don’t know if you’ll move on at all if you keep pushing it down.”

Sirius’ face tightened. “I’m not—I’m not going to talk to some stranger about that. I’m not, I’m not _crazy.”_

“Of course you’re not!” Harri protested, uncrossing her legs and moving closer to him.

“Then why?” Sirius said in confusion.

Harri seized his hands, crushing them inside her own. “Because you spent _years incarcerated_ for a crime you _didn’t commit!_ And you were in there, locked up with the very people who did. What’s worse? Others who were guilty walked free! I’ve been reading the books Hermione sent me and post traumatic stress disorder and survivors guilt really rang out to me. They are very common in innocent prisoners and soldiers—

“I’m not a soldier—

“But you were! And I think it could really help. Just once Sirius? It’s just talking! And it would be a muggle, so they wouldn’t know about you.” 

Sirius pulled his hands out of her grasp and rubbed his hands over his face.

“I’m not saying that you’re _mad.”_ Harri whispered with caution. “If anything, you’re one of the most normal adults I know. It’s biology, Sirius, it’s the chemicals in your brain. PTSD is caused by high levels of stress hormones secreted to suppress hypothalamic activity. It’s not just—it’s _real_ Sirius, it’s an injury in your brain and it needs proper medicine to be treated.” 

Sirius took his hands off his face and Harri reached for him again. “You think I don’t notice how you struggle? How sometimes you can scarcely even leave your bed? I want you to be _happy,_ ” Harri’s voice cracked, “As happy as you’ve made _me.”_

Sirius frowned. “Alright.” He gently wrapped his arms around her. “For you, I’ll go.” 

He began to see a muggle therapist by the name of Howard Jones at the recommendation of Hermione’s mum. The first day Sirius came home from one of his sessions, Harri was baking a cinnamon coffee cake for him. She wanted to let him know how much she appreciated him stepping out of his comfort zone just for her. Lupin, or as he wanted to be referred to now, Remus, was with Harri. Watching her stress bake and drinking a cup of english breakfast at the kitchen counter. 

They heard the roar of a motorcycle engine and within a minute, a solemn faced Sirius stepped inside. His face lit up at the sight of them however and he drew Remus into a hug. Harri grinned as they embraced one another. She finished the last layer of frosting on the cake just as Sirius came over to give her. Harri giggled as he lifted her off her feet. 

They didn’t talk much that day, just quietly shared a slice of cake, discussing the headlines of the daily prophet and the new french doors installed in the house. 

But looking around herself, at the house that was hers and the new family she’d gained, Harri realized they didn’t need to speak. Just being together was enough. All they needed. 

* * *

The months passed in a summer haze. 

There were Sunday brunches at the burrow with the Weasleys. At midnight Harri and Sirius eating ice cream for breakfast and riding around his motorcycle. Daphne and Blaise coming over almost everytime when they were in England. The two weeks in July they had a monty python marathon and gorged themselves on fast food from McDonalds to Nando’s to Burger King.

The first day that Ron jumped out of the floo and Sirius bonded with him over the Chudley Cannons. The afternoon Hermione brought over her monopoly and they passed hours playing it, fighting and laughing. The night that Sirius taught them Flapjack, Bullsh— and Texas Hold’em at Ottery St. Catchpole. Bill and Charlie stopping by on the weekends to spend time with Sirius. The day Harri met Aunt Andromeda, Nymphadora and Uncle Ted. The nights watching Tonks flirt with Remus and Sirius throwing popcorn at them. The days it was just Sirius and Harri, up on the roof or in the kitchen, sharing everything, talking, laughing and reading.

The way everything was worth it because everyday Sirius looked healthier.

As if a great weight was slowly lifting off his shoulders, still there, but easing itself off. 

* * *

Sirius opened the front door to two excited teenage girls. 

“MY LOVE!” Lavender screamed and launched herself through the doorway, past Sirius, and into Harri’s outstretched arms. “OH HOW I’VE MISSED YOU!” 

Harri embraced Lavender, squealing. 

“Hello!” Hermione smiled and offered her hand to a perplexed Sirius. “You look much better Sirius! Has Harri given you the book I owled about plant based diets?” 

Sirius scratched his neck nervously, accepting her hand. “Uh, no she hasn’t. I don’t think—

“Oh well that’s alright! I can send another one!” And then Hermione rushed past him to Harri and Lavender and tackled the both of them onto the newly carpeted floor. 

Blaise was already in the living room, inspecting Sirius’ record collection and player. There were a hundred of them: Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, The Beach Boys, Guns N Roses, AC/DC, Pink Floyd, Queen, Def Leppard and on and on and on.

They were just waiting for Ron now and then movie night would begin. Harri was picking herself up when the doorbell rang again and a man in uniform knocked. 

“Ahh, Hello then.” Sirius opened the door and stuck his hand into his pocket for money. 

“Blaise come give us a hug!” Lavender padded over to Blaise. Harri laced her fingers with Hermione and helped her off the ground. 

“Come, it's this way.” Harri smiled. 

“It’s really beautiful Harri! I can’t even tell it used to be so…” 

“Creepy?” Harri laughed. 

“Well I didn’t want to be rude.” Hermione sniffed. “But yes.” 

Harri led Hermione into the living room and fell down onto the couch. Blaise sauntered over to give Hermione a peck hello and reclined onto the loveseat. 

The floo burned and a voice echoed out. “Coming through!” Ron’s body wriggled out carrying a sleeping bag and a box of cookies. 

Sirius strolled inside the living room with pizza boxes and delivery bag in hand. “Alright kiddos, I’m leaving now.” 

Ron shuffled into the room, waving to everyone and dropping his stuff off in the corner. 

Sirius patted Ron on the back and stole a chicken wing from one of the boxes of food he just placed down onto the coffee table. “Don’t do anything I would do. And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” 

Blaise opened the pizza and tore out a slice of veggie. “That’s a very thin line there Sirius.”

Sirius winked. “All the more reason to not cross it.” He put on his leather jacket and leaned down to kiss Harri’s cheek. “I’ll be back early morning from Remus’s, have a good night sweetheart and if you need anything, I’m only a floo call away.” 

“I will!” 

“Bye Sirius!” Hermione said, sprawled on the carpet and sipping on sprite. 

“Ciao!” 

Sirius chuckled. “Bye children! Mommy’s out!” and stepped out the front door. 

Ron plopped down next to Harri and handed her the cookies. “From mum.” 

Harri accepted them with a hug. “Tell your mum thanks tomorrow. I love her treats!” 

Lavender spread out next to Hermione, five slices on her plate and a glass of coke in hand. “Have you talked much with Draco, Ron? Because I have not at all.” 

Ron sighed, closing his eyes and leaning back on the couch. Harri was a little worried, he hadn’t even reached for the food yet. “We have, I mean we’ve been owling as much as possible. But it’s not the same you know? I…I can’t touch him.” 

Harri thought of soft touches and a silent kiss. She thought of a body pressed against her own at night and the feeling of having someone always there. 

Yes, it wasn’t the same. Could never be. 

_I can’t touch him._

Fortunately, movie night distracted Ron and Harri from longing. They watched the Godfather and Blaise spent the rest of the night speaking in what he called his native Italian accent. Lavender pretended to smoke with the end of a spoon and puffed out her chest, quoting Don Corleone. “Great men are not born great, they grow great.” 

They ended up ordering more food, this time from the kebab shop the next block over. Hermione cried herself laughing when Ron tasted it for the first time and shed a real tear. Harri showed them around the house and they ended the night with a game of crazy eights, stretched out on opposite ends of the couch. 

Harri’s friends left after breakfast and Harri fell asleep in the sunroom, waiting for Sirius to return from his appointment with his therapist. 

She woke up to Sirius’s hugs. 

“Long night?” he asked, grinning wide. 

Harri yawned and tucked herself under his arm. “Mhhm.” 

He pulled her closer, gentle fingers in her hair. “Missed me?” 

Harri nodded, burying her face into his chest. “So much.” 

Lips on her hair. “And I you, pup.” 

It was quiet for a moment while they snuggled together and then.

“How was your session with Dr Howard?” Harri whispered.

“It was alright.” Sirius mumbled against her head. 

“Yeah?” Harri held in a breath. 

“He’s easy to talk to and you were right, it helps that he doesn’t know anything about me. Besides what I tell him, of course.” 

“I just want you to be okay.” Harri said with a tight throat. “I don’t want you to hurt anymore.” 

“Harri,” he sighed. “It will always hurt.”

“But...”

“But I need to accept what happened and he—the way he expresses it, it does help…it helps me see what you two see. It helps me understand the other variables and the things no one could have predicted. I feel good pup.” 

“You deserve to feel amazing. ” 

He laughed cynically. “You think me too good.”

“No, I _know_ you are.” 

“You’re biased. It’s an experimental error.” 

“Nope.” Harri contradicted. “It’s a constant variable. Can’t change it.” 

“ERRRRR” He squawked, shaking her shoulders. “Rebooting system now.” 

Harri threw a pillow at him and he laughed more freely than ever. The sunlight flickered over his face and he looked so much like the Sirius in the photographs Hagrid gave her. 

Atlas, _free at last._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title refers to two major things:  
> Sirius being liberated from Azkaban prison and the twelve years he spent punishing and blaming himself for the death of his friends.  
> Harri leaving the Dursley’s and the more than a decade she spent in a world where she was largely unwanted and seen as a burden, however quietly. 
> 
> Next chapter: Harri's birthday, a muggle high school party ;)))), Sirius getting a tattoo and getting ready for the quidditch cup! 
> 
> 3 collages of what I picture the house like:  
> Bedrooms/Corridors/Library  
> [Grimmauld Place 1](https://cordeliawrites.tumblr.com/post/626165187620290560/1-grimmauld-place-reimagined)  
> Living Rooms/Kitchen/Greenhouse  
> [Grimmauld Place 2](https://cordeliawrites.tumblr.com/post/626165210574618624/2-grimmauld-place-reimagined)  
> Sunroom/Dining Room  
> [Grimmauld Place 3](https://cordeliawrites.tumblr.com/post/626165223923007488/3-grimmauld-place-reimagined)


	15. never have i ever before

**Chapter 15: never have i ever before**

"But I don’t want comfort. I want God. I want poetry.  
I want real danger. I want freedom. I want goodness. I want sin."

\- **Aldous Huxley** , _Brave New World_

On the first day of Harri’s birth week (as Sirius had taken to calling it) he took her to a tattoo parlor. The pair of them weren’t the standard customer. Harri, fifteen and in a white jean skirt and Sirius with his tattooed arms and leather jacket.

The blue haired receptionist, John, gave them a curious glance when they first stepped inside. Sirius, oblivious, wrapped his arm around Harri’s shoulder and closed the door behind them. Harri reddened, making awkward eye contact with John. Sirius didn’t notice. He sauntered up to him and smiled. “Appointment for 2 o’clock?”

“Yes, of course.” John looked down at his clipboard. “Right this way, Mr. uh Mr. Black?”

Sirius bobbed his head, chewed his gum leisurely, one arm curled around Harri and right hand in his jeans pocket. He was just…Sirius was so effortlessly cool. Enough that even though blue hair had been judging him moments prior, he now flushed.

“Just over by the staircase, first door on the right. Matt is ready for you.”

Sirius gave a salute and drew Harri away. She didn’t know how he’d found this place, much less when he’d figured out how to use their home phone. It must have been Hermione’s fault who Harri had seen having a conversation with Sirius Saturday morning.

As they searched for the room Harri pondered. “So am I about to get a tattoo or what?” She laid an arm across Sirius waist and grinned innocently.

Sirius laughed under his breath. “I know I’m pretty fucking relaxed about things but that is not happening until at least your sixteenth birthday.”

Harri pouted, jutting her lip out and everything. “Not even a little, I don’t know, butterfly or something?”

Sirius clicked his tongue. “Tough luck sweetheart.”

Harri sighed exaggeratedly. “And I thought you were supposed to be the cool Godfather.”

“You’re a little shit.” Sirius laughed and tugged her closer to his chest.

They reached the spiral staircase John had directed them to and the room next to it. Inside a young blonde named Jamie greeted them. His arms were lavished with tattoos and a beautiful chrysanthemum decorated his neck. Sirius settled into the elongated leather chair Chris sat across from and Harri grabbed one of the extra chairs arranged around the room.

Sirius and Jamie discussed the placement of Sirius’s tattoo while Harri leaned back and studied the paintings on the wall. Landscapes of the oceans and the stars.

“Harri.” Sirius called, taking off his jacket. “Don’t look until it’s finished alright darlin’?”

Harri gave a thumbs up. Sirius rolled up the sleeves of he sweater and the buzzing of the tattoo gun began the room. Harri inspected the needle when it touched skin and look away in discomfort. She could just imagine the pain and lifted her eyes to meet Sirius’s gaze instead. He smiled and wiggled his fingers for her to hold. Harri proffered a minute smile and entwined their hands.

The next two hours were short lived and spent listening to Jamie as he penetrated the silence effortlessly. He asked all sorts of questions, especially about Sirius.

“That’s fucked up.” Jaime insisted, solemn about Sirius’s wrongful imprisonment. “My cousin, the same thing happened to him. He was detained and sentenced within a week. There was barely any trial for him. That whole system… bollocks ain’t it?”

Sirius bowed his head and stretched out his arm. “What was he in for?”

“Possession of crystal meth.” Jaime said with a straight face.

Sirius bit his lip, seeming amused. “I don’t know if they were wrong to take him in then.”

Jaime wiped at his brow and switched on the gun again. “Look, here’s the thing, he may or may not have been sellin’ and all that. But it’s the concept mate. Incarceration. My bird told me it’s all become more about profit yeah? They benefit off keeping us in then out.”

Sirius rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

It was different in the magical world because the ministry didn’t earn financial gain from imprisoning wizards. So Sirius couldn't really relate. _But_ they had gained advantage by locking Sirius up. It had been end of a long and arduous war and the ministry knew their people wanted retribution. Wanted to be safe. And the minister of magic had taken full advantage of that fact. A part of it had been for the right reason—but on the whole he had wanted the support of the public more than anything else. And so when Voldemort had fallen, the ministry threw in anyone they could to Azkaban without just or fair trial. The capture of a rumored famous death eater who'd had the Potter's killed? Well...that had been an opportunity for victory they just couldn't pass up, no matter how many holes there were in the story. 

Jamie put the finishing touches on Sirius’s arm and uttered a list of first week care instructions. Harri knew Sirius would ignore them all if she didn’t force him not to. He wrapped the fresh ink and took his leave.

Harri dropped into Jaime’s empty chair and brushed Sirius hair back from his forehead. “Can I look now?”

Sirius’s eyes crinkled at the corners and he shifted so that his bicep and tattoo were in full view. Harri pressed a hand on his knee and leaned in close to see. 

They were two stags. A father and child. Their heads rested together, holding the other close. They watched over each other with gentle eyes. With love. Their colors exactly like that of a patronus, her patronus, of the father she had never known but always loved.

Harri’s eyes welled up with tears. She traced a finger over the image a second time, a third.

Sirius examined her, apprehensive. “Do you like it?”

This was Sirius wearing his heart on his sleeve.

She flung herself into his arms.

"I _love_." 

* * *

Hermione had been told by Lavender who’d met a friend of Dean’s who was cousins with Jaime who was best friends with Jack that he would be having a party on Monday night. And since Maria had port-keyed in during the conversation, she’d persuaded all of them that they should go that night.

On Monday after Sirius departed for Remus’s, the four of them, Harri, Maria, Lav and Hermione, left as well. They weren’t sneaking out exactly, Tonks was at Grimmauld Place and she knew what they were up to.

Harri and Hermione were arm in arm, Lavender and Maria a few steps ahead, dictating the turns and counting the house numbers. Jack’s house was over in Canonbury, only a fifteen minute walk from Harri and Sirius’s place, so they’d decided the easiest way to get there was on foot.

The neighborhood they entered wasn’t quiet but it was obvious that they’d arrived at the right house by the loud noise.

There were teenagers littered on the steps of number 35, in the garden and through the open door. Inside the house was even more packed. All around couples were pressed together snogging and kids in groups dancing. Everyone was drunk and giggly and happy.

It was contagious.

Though the four of them didn’t really know anyone, a boy named Will welcomed them in with a beaming smile and open arms. He lead them to the kitchen, where Maria introduced them to Jack, who was sat on his counter with an unlit cigarette in his mouth.

His friend Sam poured them all a round of shots and downed three in one go. Harri swallowed hers and felt the vodka burn down her throat, heavy and warm. She coughed, red cheeked and glanced at Hermione who had barely taken a sip of hers. Lavender and Maria were already taking a second glass.

Somehow, between being passed more drinks and snacking on chips, they ended up in a circle playing ‘never have I ever’. The group of them was Jack, Sam and three other boys Harri forgot the names of. There were two girls too, who’d introduced themselves as Emma and Maeva. One of the boys next to Jack was quite handsome, all dirty blonde hair, long legs and pretty green eyes. Harri couldn’t stop looking at him the entire game.

On her way to being tipsy, Maria started. “Mhhm.” She giggled, biting down on her finger. “Never have I ever… traveled by plane.”

Emma regarded her with a suspicious, considering that it was obvious Maria wasn’t from here. Sam just shrugged and took a drink. Hermione laughed under her breath and Lavender whispered. “Muggles.”

The game went on and on.

“Never have I ever stolen anything.”

“Never have I ever cheated on a significant other.”

“Never have I ever gone to third base.”

“Never have I ever been hungover.”

Someone named Chris fell flat on his arse in the middle of the circle and had to be pulled out by his girlfriend. Harri thought that boy who’d let them in, Will, was puking out the dining room window.

Lavender shrieked when Hermione drank for. “Never have I ever crushed on a teacher.”

“Who was it Hermione?” Harri snickered, shaking her by the arm. “Snape? Filch?”

Maria snorted and beer sprung out her nose. “Snape?! Please! The images in my mind are too much!”

Hermione was red. “Of course not Snape!”

“Then whooo!” Lavender tittered, swaying forward and making kissy faces at Hermione.

Hermione pushed Lavender’s face away with the palm of her hand. “None of your business.”

The game broke up a little after that, when everyone ran out of questions to ask. And Maria was beginning to slur her words. Hermione hauled her away for some water and bread.

With Jack, Harri and Lavender wandered upstairs. Two of Jack’s friends, Ed and Daniel, were in the living room and pulled them in for beer pong. Harri and Ed teamed up against Lavender and Dan. To avoid getting too intoxicated, Ed decided to pour mostly sprite into the solo cups. This didn’t work well for Jack, who wasn’t playing and ended up with a bottle of tequila in his arms.

Harri got so competitive during, that she almost hit Dan in the eye with the pong ball. When the game ended, her and Ed lost because he kept throwing too hard and it landed on the couch instead of in a cup.

Lavender bounced over to Harri from the other end of the table and threw her arms around her in victory. Harri sulked and demanded to play again. She was a sore loser. Lavender just tutted. “If we play I’ll end up like Maria.” And then her eyes light up. “Harri!” She latched onto her shoulder. “He’s looking at you!”

Harri tilted her head, confused. “Who’s looking at me?"

Lavender slapped her arm, “That fit boy from the circle! You know! The blonde one!”

Harri’s heart skipped a beat and she pivoted inconspicuously to look for him.

He was behind her, leaning against the banister and talking with his friends. Surprisingly he was looking at her. She accidentally made eye contact with him and he smirked. Harri flushed, spinning around and cursing under her breath. “Shit.”

“Oh my God.” Lavender mouthed. “He’s coming over!”

Alarmed, Harri seized onto Lavender’s hand. “Lav! What do I do?”

“Just be cool!” Lavender giggled.

Harri groaned. “Not helpful!”

And then there was a tap on her shoulder.

She turned.

“Ello.’” Blonde boy smiled.

Fuck. He was even more attractive close up. “I’m Leo.”

She had faced a basilisk and dementors, there was nothing to be frightened of here.

“Harri.” She tucked in a strand of her hair behind her ear shyly. “My name is Harri.”

“Well Harri,” Leo gestured to the packet in his hand. “You want a puff? ”

Leo led Harri into one of the guest bedrooms and out onto a private balcony. He dropped down on one of the cushioned chairs and pulled her down onto his lap.

Harri’s eyes widened in surprise. Leo grinned, wide and reckless.

She didn’t know where to put her hands or what to say, but he smelled good. Really good. And she’d had two shots and a cup of beer. So...reckless looked damn good to her.

Leo pulled out a pack of marlboro golds. “Ever had one Harri?” 

Harri shook her head. “No. Never.” 

He lip curled. “Want to try doll?” 

She shrugged. “Sure.”

Leo tugged a cigarette out of the pack and a lighter. He lit up and inhaled a slow drag, exhaling the smoke out the right side of his mouth. The smell wafted into the night air, bitter and pungent. Leo smirked then and pressed the tip of the cig against Harri’s lips. 

“Open.” He whispered.

Harri parted her mouth and let him place the end inside. Their eyes met. She wrapped her lips around and inhaled. She didn’t swallow and pushing the smoke out as he watched. Harri coughed a little but it wasn’t horrible. A little harsh and a little heavy was all. It reminded her of the smell in the guest bathroom when Uncle Vernon had a stressful day at work, of the gas station past station road and of Surrey. A place that had been home once.

Leo chuckled and flattened his lips against her neck. “Not bad.”

They continued to share, passed the cigarette back and forth between them and listened to the music reverberating from the house.

July was a warm summer night.

London was a light breeze, the ease of streetlights and cars driving past.

Leo was a welcome weight underneath her. He kept her teetered to this moment and far away from thoughts about the things that keep her up at night. 

After a last drag of the cigarette he stubbed it out. Then Leo griped her face in his hand, tilted her head toward him and pressed his lips against hers. Harri opened her mouth and he exhaled smoke inside. She let him.

Then he kissed her.

He tasted of smoke and beer and impulse. 

When they drew back, Harri remembered her first kiss. This was a world away from the one she had shared with sixteen year old Tom in the chamber of secrets. That kiss had been filled with so much meaning. Love, extraordinary joy, unbelievable hurt, disbelief and paralyzing shock. 

And she liked that this was so different. She liked that Leo didn’t mean anything to her. She liked that they could kiss and talk and that was all it had to be.

She leant back in and kissed him harder. She let him make her forget everything. Leo guided her through the kiss, tilting her face this way and that, biting her lip and massaging her tongue with his own. It went on for so long that when Harri pulled back her mouth is swollen.

"Are you alright?” Leo asked.

"Yeah." Harri replied. "But I've never done this before." 

"Don't worry." Leo purred. "You're good at it." 

Harri laughed nervously under her breath. He shifted under her and she got up and walked over to the railing, wanting to get some air. She leaned against the balcony, back pressed against the fence and watched as he lit another cigarette. 

“They kill you.” Harri said, flushed. “Did you know?”

Leo smirked and inhaled another puff. “Yeah. But teen spirit and all that yeah?”

Footsteps thudded and Lavender came in through the open door. “Maria puked.”

“Damn.” 

Lavender nodded in agreement. “So we’re going to leave. You ready?”

Harri brushed down her dress. “Sure.”

Leo saluted her when they walked out.

Once they’d passed the bedroom, Lavender grabbed Harri’s face. “Your lips are swollen!” 

Harri blushed. “We kissed.” 

Lavender squealed. “Baby’s first kiss! Maria is going to die! And he was so cute too… what was it like?” 

“H! Lav!” Hermione’s voice slurred from the bottom of the stairs and interrupted. “Hurry!”

Lavender pouted and made Harri promise to tell her later.

Ed from beer pong walked them a block away from Grimmauld Place. He was nice and entertained them with stories about who hooked up with who.

When they reached home, the living room light was on and Tonks passed out “waiting” for them. Harri breathed out a sigh of relief.

They moved inside as quite as possible and Hermione and Lavender helped Maria to Harri’s room.

Harri tip toed into the living room and nudged Tonks. “Hey,” she whispered as she took out a blanket from the drawers. “We’re home safe. Thanks for staying up.” 

“S’alright.” Tonks murmured sleepily. “V’ry witch needs to have a good time. S’ven the girl who lived.” She hadn’t even cracked an eye open. Harri sent her a fond smile and unwrapped the blanket and spread it over her body. “See you in the morning Tonks.” 

“Ta.” Tonks yawned, already falling asleep again. 

Harri tucked her in and then wiggled out of her shoes. She staggered into the kitchen and stretched up for a cup in the new cabinets. She just opened the thousand pound refrigerator Sirius bought for a jug of water when Kreacher popped into the room.

The house-elf had been quiet since the ministry allowed him back two days ago so this was a surprise.

Harri tripped over her own two feet. “Kreacher!” She scolded. “How many times have I said it? Don’t just pop in! You can walk.” 

Kreacher sneered. “And where has mistress been all night? Master would surely want to know about this!” 

Harri stuttered for a second. “That’s-that’s—Master knows exactly where I was. You should go back to sleep.” 

Kreacher harrumphed. “Little mistress is lying, Kreacher thinks.” 

Harri groaned. “Kreacher don’t make me reconsider cleaning out your closet!” 

Kreacher squawked in offense and stamped his foot once before he stormed off. She could hear him muttering curses. Harri sighed, took the glass and jug and ran upstairs.

Hermione, Maria and Lavender were sprawled out on her mattress. Harri climbed in behind Hermione and cuddled up to her back. 

“Hey,” Hermione whispered under her breath. “So what happened with you? You kind of disappeared.” 

Harri wanted to tell her but she was worn out and Hermione’s eyes were closing.

They slept.

* * *

For her birthday, Harri was under the impression that she would have a simple day with Sirius. It even began that way. Sirius and her cuddled on the couch in their pajamas in the morning. Harri burnt their waffles and Sirius spilled the tea. They went through their disney collection and passed the afternoon with the lion king trilogy.

Then at five, Charlie Weasley appeared at their front doorstep with boxes in hand. Sirius coerced Harri upstairs and to her room, where she found a beautiful lilac dress waiting for her. She tried it on and then in boredom attempted to get her eyeliner on the way Daphne taught her last year.

After almost an hour of waiting, Harri was fed up. She quietly treaded her way downstairs in an endeavor to figure out what was happening. To her befuddlement, no one was inside the house anymore. She peeked into the living room, the library and the kitchen but found them all empty.

When Harri opened the window and stepped outside to check the garden, a mass of bodies bounced up and screamed in her face.

“SURPRISE!”

Hagrid, Blaise, Daphne, Ron… everyone was in front of her and cheering. Harri was hauled out by Remus and hugged and kissed and wished a happy day. 

Tonks, Hermione (her parents as well), Lavender, Neville, Dean, Angelina and Maria, all of them, the entire Weasley family too had come for her birthday.

Sirius was delighted. He had decorated their small garden in lanterns and fairy lights and ordered enough pastries from porshchens to fill a whole table. A full bench was delegated to hold presents and another one to hold Molly’s generous cake.

The sun set, the hours passed and Sirius’s record player sounded from the open windows while they celebrated.

A tipsy Tonks entertained Hermione’s mum and dad with her metamorphous abilities. Fred and George tried to get Remus to open one of their Wheezy boxes while Ginny and Ron fought each other for a chance to fly Harri’s firebolt. Hagrid played chess with Daphne. Percy and Hermione had a passionate discussion on the attributes of daraliznof freaazer’s in the kitchen.

Harri, Blaise, Lavender and Maria spoke about their plans for the quidditch world cup with brazen enthusiasm. Sirius even opened a bottle of champagne and let the kids have a glass.

Eventually, the cake was cut and the birthday candles blown out.

With Sirius’s arms wrapped around her and everyone singing for her, it was overwhelming how swiftly a feeling of deep affection grasped hold of Harri and filled her from her fingertips to her toes.

* * *

She dreamt of Voldemort that night. Frail hands and eerie voice. She dreamt of the diadem too. Scarlet eyes and a laugh she would never forget. And she dreamt of someone else. Wailing and livid, waiting to be freed. An emerald S and a gold chain.

If only Harri had remembered when she woke up.


	16. civil blood makes civil hands unclean

**Chapter 16: civil blood makes civil hands unclean**

“April has never meant much to me. Autumns seem that season of beginning.”

\- **Truman Capote** , _Breakfast at Tiffany’s & Three Stories _

**Coast of the Adriatic Sea, Albania**. 

There is a place deep in the Albanian forest where all living things arrive to meet their ends. No longer do beings wander there and those foolish enough to try never return. 

A man walks through the trees, undaunted by the climate. The wind is relentless and darkness looms in the same way as a dark omen. In preparation of the storm, all of the forest creatures hide in tree barks and bushes and long dead trunks. The snakes slither deep into the earth, the wolves hide in their caves and birds disappear into the trees. They watch from their hiding places as this human walks to the site they do not stray anymore. 

The man continues on, until he falls upon an area where there is nothing and no one. 

His hand slips out of his pocket and a wand flicks out. As if the ground feels him, the ambience changes. A first drop of rain trickles down his cover and thunder rumbles, blinding the Earth in white. He lifts his cloak and red eyes reveal themselves.

Young as the day he left, Tom Riddle returns to Albania again. 

* * *

“But why do we have to meet with them dad?” Ron frowned. “I don’t want to be late! The match starts at six and it’s a long way to go beforehand.” 

Arthur Weasley pinched his nose in frustration. “For the last time Ronald, the Diggory’s live but a few minutes away from us, not much out of the way! Stop complaining and put on your shoes!” 

Ron crossed his arms and sulked his way out the house, shoes in hand. 

Harri sighed in annoyance. 

“He’s been an absolute nightmare.” Ginny confessed, stuffing her backpack with her clothes. “Nothing is right, everything is wrong. We could just be sitting with him and he’d find something to complain about.” 

Hermione took a bite out of her raspberry buttercream cheese cake and pondered out loud. “Knowing your soulmate and having to hide it all the time, spending months apart with only scraps of communication, I mean it has to be difficult for him. I think we should give him room to be a little…melodramatic? If that’s the right word.” 

“It’s not an excuse to be a—a prat though.” Ginny protested. “And anyway, Draco will be at the Quidditch World Cup. Shouldn’t he be more optimistic?” She zipped up her backpack and led them out the door.

“But so is his father.” Harri said “And we all know how it went last time your dad and Lucious Malfoy were in close proximity to each other. It won’t be that nice for them, they’ll both have to ignore one another and someone is going to get upset either way.” 

Hermione bit her lip anxiously. “They wouldn’t start anything with the minister there…and I mean not with all of wizarding England and more watching.” 

Ginny shrugged and the three of them treaded outside into the garden. The boys were already clustered together waiting for them. It was a smaller crowd than usual, Sirius, Arthur, Ron, Fred and George because Bill was still in Egypt, Charlie had returned to Romania and Percy had dedicated his life to the reign of Barty Crouch Senior.

“Ah.” Mr. Weasley smiled. “Let’s be on our way then.” 

Sirius walked next to Harri, looking striking in his Irish jersey and hair tied in a bun. 

“Pack any food puppy?” 

“I just saw you eat like, ten pancakes padfoot.” Harri marveled. 

“I’m a growing boy.” Sirius grinned. “I need my carbohydrates.” 

“I’ll buy you something at the game alright?” Harri amended. 

“That’ll do.” 

It turned out they weren’t exactly meeting at Diggory's house. On the outskirts of their village, Cedric and his father waited for them with smiles. The group of them dredged on after some introductions, walking another fifteen minutes before they happened upon their portkey. 

Harri leaned into her Godfather, bracing for whirlpool that would begin. It was quick, the world churned around them in hues of blue before it settled into browns, greens and reds. Harri almost fell, but Sirius caught her. They took in their surroundings, the grounds for the Quidditch World Cup. They were garish and psychedelic, tents littered like ants around them and wizards as far as the eye could see. 

Hermione and Harri, the only two who were muggle raised, ogled in awe as they walked around, looking for their tent. When they reached it and she peered inside, Harri was delighted by the space and the illusion. It would never stop being amazing, this new world she was in. They settled down their bags before heading off for the match. 

The atmosphere was astonishing, air charged with anticipation and worldly exhilaration. There was not a wizard near who wasn’t experiencing a feverish thrill. When they made their way into the stadium Harri couldn’t stop herself from gasping. Never before had she ever seen this many people packed into one place. There must have been over a hundred thousand people swarming the stands. The crowd was wild, hollering and whistling. 

They reached their destination, the minister’s box, where Fudge and the Bulgarian minister of magic greeted them. So far, they were the only others to have arrived. Fudge was just titling to have Harri there and introduced her to the Bulgarian minister with a smug tone. How proud was he, to have the girl who lived here with them. 

Before he could make too much of a nuisance of himself, Sirius dragged her with him towards the railing. Mr. Weasley was sitting on his seat, right in the right corner of the box. Next to him was Ginny, who was squinting at the crowd. Fred and George were beside them and Hermione was in between. Sirius, Harri and Ron had moved and were now stood in front of the railing. The two ministers and their colleagues were resting on the couches near the left side, only occasionally gazing into the crowd. 

Seeing the melancholy look on Ron’s face, Harri laced their fingers together and gave him a squeeze. Ron smiled and gave three squeezes back. As if sensing the mood, Hermione came up to them and stood on Ron’s other side. She rested her elbows on the barrier and tried to make her omniocular work. 

Things were going smoothly, the match about to begin, when the last of the guests arrived. 

Lucious and Narcissa Malfoy strode into the room as if they were royalty.Narcissa and Sirius shared an intense look. Mrs. Malfoy stared at Sirius in a way Harri couldn’t describe properly but if she tried, she was say Narcissa seemed satisfied. Maybe Narcissa was happy, in a way, to have some family back. They were cousins after all and there was so much history between them. Lucius and Arthur on the other hand, shot daggers at each other before looking away. Stepping inside next, to stand behind Lucius, was a man Harri didn’t know. 

When Sirius’ eyes landed on him, he inhaled sharply and Harri physically felt how he tensed. The man that had entered was…beastly. Muscled beyond belief, a scar slit across his nose, grizzly hair and razor edged smile. Like a wolf really. He practically bared his teeth at Sirius in a mockery of a smile, a resentful look about him. 

The tension could be cut with a knife, Arthur rose up and grasped Sirius’s arm. 

He whispered under his breath. “Sirius control yourself. This is not the place.” 

Sirius sneered. He glared at the roguish man who had fire in his eyes. Like a string being cut, Draco entering the room with Theodore and Blaise broke the strain. The wolfish man gave another scowl and turned away. 

“Breathe Sirius.” Mr. Weasley murmured. 

Sirius exhaled deeply and pushed his face into Harri’s hair. Harri relaxed and focused her attention on the other situation the adults hadn’t bothered to notice. Draco was in the back corner of the room now, gazing at them with longing. Ron was valiantly trying to not look back, his face flushed and Hermione speaking softly in his ear. When the match began it was a relief. 

Victor Krum stole the show and all their little quidditch maniac hearts, Ireland won and the stadium erupted. It made sense that no one noticed a little house-elf nervously sitting in her seat. It made sense that no one noticed the shimmering of an invisibility cloak. It made sense that Barty Crouch Jr escaped right under their noses.

* * *

A pain in her scar woke Harri up. She rose up, clutching at her bedsheets tightly. It took a minute to breathe through the pain and then another for her to remember where she was. She sleeping in the Weasley’s tent after the Quidditch world cup. Harri stood up to get a glass of water and had just entered the living room when voices broke the silence of the night.

Harri glanced at the entrance and saw two silhouettes through the walls. As quietly as she could, she walked over to where they were. She leaned down and looked through the opening to she what was going on. From what was visible, Sirius was arguing angrily with the man from the Minister’s box.  


When Harri had asked George about the stranger mere hours ago, he’d told her his name was Fenrir Greyback and that he was a werewolf. A notorious one at that, known for biting young children.

Harri listened as the dispute got worse. 

“Where is he!” Greyback hissed, prowling towards Sirius. 

“Far away from you.” Sirius sneered. 

Greyback growled and clenched his fists. “Tell him I want to speak.” 

Sirius scowled. “You can do it on your own, you don’t need me.” 

“He won’t listen!” The wolf yelled, latching onto Sirius and hauling him forward by his shirt. 

“That’s not my problem! And if you gave a damn you would leave him alone!” 

Fenrir let out an inhumane noise. Something within it feral and melancholy all at one. “I will never. Just because you think you know better? That you know anything? Know us? Me? You don’t Black! He doesn’t tell you! Not what he’s done or what only I can give him. He wants me, he wants _pack_.” 

Sirius shoved Greyback off of himself furiously. “There is nothing he wants from you!” 

Fenrir laughed but it was hollow. Empty. “Is that right mutt? You suppose the past twelve years they locked you up I spent away from him?” 

“He would never—

“He already has!” Fenrir roared. 

Sirius staggered back as if struck. 

Fenrir wiped sweat off his face. “You could never understand.” 

“I don’t need to understand to know it is wrong. What you _did_ can never be forgiven and you can keep trying but I will protect him from you.” 

“I am the one trying to keep him safe!” 

Sirius scoffed. “You are the one who put him in danger.” 

A contrite look came over Greyback. Both him and Sirius were silent for a long time then, just staring at each other. Eventually Greyback moved away. Before he left he said quietly. “Tell him to meet me at floating point exception.” And then with a crack of apparation, he was gone.

_Floating Point Exception?_

Sirius snarled and spun around. Harri sprinted across the tent and back into her bed while her heart beating a mile a minute. 

There was only one person they could have been talking about... Remus. 

_Greyback is known for biting children when they’re young._

Had he been the one to curse him? Merlin...if is true, Greyback was not just barbaric but cruel. 

Harri felt herself drift back to sleep. Her eyes were closing when noise exploded and screaming started. 

Sirius flew into the room and woke them up hastily. Arthur snatched Ginny and Fred and George apparated themselves. Sirius grabbed Harri, Ron and Hermione. They apparated to the edge of the clearing, staring in shock as the campgrounds burst in flame. 

Footsteps hurried their way and Sirius readied his wand. 

Harri pulled out her own and aimed, disarming charm on the tip of her lips. 

To their surprise, three very familiar looking boys stumbled out the trees and right into them. 

“Ron!” Draco’s voice yelled. 

“Harri! Hermione!” Blaise shouted. 

“You need to leave.” Theodore ranted. 

“What—

“Their—it’s

“You-Know-Who’s followers. His death eaters.” Theodore said urgently. “You need to take Harri away right now.” 

“We didn’t—I didn’t—think they would do _this_.” Draco said greatly upset. 

“They’ll go for Hermione too—

“We have to apparate.” 

“Draco is your father with them?!” 

“I—I don’t—

A loud crunch behind them. 

Sirius yanked them to him. “Alright listen, hold onto me—

From their right, a flash of red and a scream. 

“MORSMORDRE!” 

Someone shrieked. The world went sideways and for the first time in thirteen years, the dark mark lit up the night sky. 

* * *

Harri could not sleep the rest of the night. She lay in the downstairs living room, Hermione and Ron sleeping next to her, awake and unsettled. Sirius and Mr. Weasley were having a hushed conversation in the kitchen and she could not catch word of it. 

The events of the night had shaken them all, thirteen years of peace now tainted.  And this was no coincidence. Before she had been awoken by the pain in her scar, Harri had a dream. She remembers a mansion atop a hill overlooking a village, an old man clambering up steps and a serpent ready to strike. Wormtail’s sniffling and a promised something, and a high wispy voice she knew all too well. 

Harri was terrified to look at her hands. It had been three years since Voldemort’s words had gone. Three years of empty wrists that would change if she looked down. 

Voldemort was trying to regain his power, he was going to try to return. The death eater attack was just the beginning.

* * *

Sometimes there was a foreshadowing in the air. On the morning that Harri was to leave for Hogwarts, that was the feeling she discerned from the atmosphere the moment she woke. Perhaps it was the leftover fear from the death eater attack. Maybe it was the way she felt it like a visceral thing, her dream, a whisper in her soul. _I am coming._ As if the snake would eat her whole. 

Or possibly, it was the most difficult thing of all, that she had to leave Sirius. After spending the summer together and being with him every single day. Loving him and being loved in return, it hurt to think about not having him beside her. 

Sirius was in low spirits too. He had eye bags that were deep and his smile was shallow. He was packing her trunk for her and had dictated Harri to bed. He demanded she finish her breakfast while he did the work. As she took small portions of her toast in her mouth and Harri laughed as he tried to stuff the abundance of things he’s bought her inside. 

“Sirius I don’t need five sets of quills, two is enough.” 

He ignored her and threw two more in. “What if one breaks? Then you’ll have no back up.” 

“If that happens I can just owl you.” 

“That will take too long.” Sirius pressed a pair of boots onto her History book and  spread an extra raincoat over her quidditch robes. 

Harri dusted off her toast and bit into Remus’s creamy lemon meringue pie.  “It’s just a tad excessive.” 

“That is outrageous Harri.” Sirius propped up the lid of her trunk and smiled at her. “Nothing excessive about being sufficient.” 

Harri thought he was finally done but then he began to reach for a couch pillow. 

“Sirius!” 

“What!” 

Harri pinched her nose. “We have cushions in the Gryffindor dorms.” 

Sirius winkled his. “Those don’t have the same softness.” 

She threw her hands up in exasperation and left to take a bath.  Sirius pretended to close the trunk and then nonchalantly threw in a roll of parchment.  “I saw that!” Harri shouted from the bathroom sink.  Hedwig hooted from the open window. 

Sirius pursed his lips innocently. “Alright! I’ll be downstairs waiting. We’re leaving in twenty minutes!” 

Harri bathed in record time and they left for King’s Cross on foot. The London skies were dark and the wind whistled harshly. Harri shivered and yanked down the sleeves of her sweater. She held Sirius hand and his fingers squeezed hers. 

The train station appeared before them within minutes. 

As was tradition the area was packed with muggles. When they reached platform nine and three quarters Sirius's mouth stretched into a wide grin. Harri realized suddenly that this was his first time back in more than a decade. His first time there without her father, without his friends. 

She tugged on his hand. “Ready?” 

Sirius frowned. “Ready for what?” 

Harri smirked and pulled him with her as she charged toward the brick wall. Sirius let out an exuberant laugh and like lighting, they shot through the passage together. 

In the blink of an eye, there was magic. The Hogwarts express whistled loudly and students ran up and down its pathways and windows. Families bid farewell and in the swarm of the masses there wasn’t time to identify her friends.

Sirius stuffed her trunk in with the rest of the baggage and then turned to her with sad eyes. Hedwig was already on her way to Hogwarts and there was nothing left to take care of anything more. Before Harri knew it, before they were ready, it was time to say goodbye. Immediate sadness pinched at her chest. As she stared at Sirius her eyes welled up with tears and her lip wobbled. 

“Oh no sweetheart.” Sirius whispered hoarsely but his own voice was unsteady. He enveloped Harri into his arms. Harri stuffed her face in his chest and the smell of pine and cinnamon encircled her like a blanket. 

“I’ll miss you too.” Sirius said softly.“And I want you to know that you can come home anytime. If you don’t want to be there…I’ll come and bring you back. Alright?” 

Harri nodded shakily. “I love you.” 

Sirius drew back and cupped her neck, his grey eyes watery. “I love you more than anything Harri.” 

They hugged one last time and then Harri walked to the train. She couldn’t bear to look back, was holding back her tears with sheer will.

* * *

Harri found her friends in the last carriage on the train. Through the window she could see Draco was gesticulating excitedly with his hands and Ron’s face was lit up in more happiness than she had seen in a while. Hermione seemed very piqued about something and Lavender and Blaise were sat patiently. Daphne spotted her and pushed open the door to let her inside. 

Harri entered the carriage and pulled Draco in for a tight hug. “It’s been way too long.” 

He wrapped her in his arms and pecked her forehead. “Missed you peanut.” 

Harri giggled. “Missed you chestnut.”

They let go as the train pulled out of the station. Once everyone had sat down, Draco turned to them all with a smirk. “So.” 

“Merlin.” Hermione huffed. “What is it already! You’ve been teasing us the whole morning!” 

“Teasing you about what?” Harri asked. 

“Some super secret thing he’s so smug to be the only one to know.” If Blaise rolled his eyes any harder they would get stuck to the back of his head.

“And what’s got your wand in a knot?” Maria implored. 

Blaise crossed his arms. “He’s been on and on about this with me for days.” 

“Let him be excited about something.” Ron muttered defensively. 

“Just say it Draco.” Daphne laughed. 

“I have been annoying Blaise, but he loves me anyway.” Draco smiled. “So here’s the thing, ever heard about the Tri-Wizard Tournament?”

“Nope.” Harri said. 

“The Tri-Wizard Tournament?” Daphne repeated questioningly. 

“Didn’t they ban that a long time ago? Like two hundred years or something. Because a lot of kids died?” Blaise inquired. 

Hermione frowned. “I’ve read about it in Hogwarts a History, I don’t like the sounds of this.” 

“The Tri-Wizard Tournament is a competition between the three largest wizarding schools in Europe. So that’s us, Hogwarts, Beauxbatons in France and the Durmstang Institute somewhere near Bulgaria or Romania.” Draco explained. “Each school has a chosen champion who competes in three tasks and whichever of them wins, gets the triwizard cup and _eternal glory_.” 

He then smiled delightedly. “And this year—

“They reinstated it!” Blaise yelled. “Finally! A week you’ve touted me with this!” 

Draco stared at Blaise offendedly. “I was going to say it.” 

Blaise turned up his nose. “It’s what you deserve.”

“I—

“In other news.” Lavender interrupted. “Are we going to address the elephant in the room?” 

Instantly, the mood of their cabin went down. 

“Your father was apart of it. Wasn’t he Draco?” Hermione whispered. “The attack at the Quidditch World Cup.” 

Ron scrunched his eyes shut. 

Draco looked down at his clasped hands and picked at his cuticles. Ron ran a comforting hand down his back. 

“And Blaise, did you two know what was going to happen? Why didn’t you _say_ anything. A warning or…I don’t know. But to just be quiet?” Harri input. 

“People were hurt.” Maria added quietly. 

“I know.” Draco acknowledged. “I know they were.” 

“And death eaters?” Harri said. “Voldemort’s followers? I thought your father wasn’t one…that’s why he’s free isn’t it?” 

“I- Harri—

“What she’s trying to say, what we’re all trying to say, is that obviously we know you aren’t like that and you can’t control your family. But you care about Hermione and Harri don’t you? You love them? Muggleborns or halfblooded or pure? If you knew why wouldn’t you want to stop it?” Daphne implored. 

“I didn’t know they were going to hurt anyone! I just, they told me and Theo it was just a little game!” Draco protested, his voice cracking. 

“I was there.” Blaise interrupted. “He didn’t know they would hurt anybody.” 

“Okay but Draco, what does this mean?” Hermione asked. “For the future?” 

“We know you-know-you is going to try to come back again eventually don’t we?” Maria admitted. “And if your father is one of his followers in what position does that leave you? With Harri, with Hermione and with Ron?” 

Draco shook his head sadly. “I don’t know.” 

Harri reached across the carriage to squeeze his hand. “It doesn’t matter.” 

“Exactly.” Ron agreed. “We’re going to protect each other.” 

“Always.” Hermione nodded in approval. 

“It’s a forever ting.” Daphne grinned. 

Blaise swung an arm around Draco. “We’re stuck together for the rest of our lives. Like permanent glue.” 

Lavender snickered. “That’s an image.” 

“Can we talk about something else now?” Ron asked pleadingly. 

“Yes please.” Harri urged. “Like Victor Krum and how amazing he was when he caught the snitch?”

“He is phenomenal!” 

“Cute too, like the whole dark thing he has going on.” 

“And his feint maneuver was brilliant!” 

Harri dropped her head onto Maria’s shoulder in contentment, happy to listen to her friends praise Krum. Maria shifted around to get comfortable next to her and accidentally nudged Harri’s carry on bag into her spleen. Harri flinched and dragged it onto her lap. 

She felt around its right pocket for the thing that poked her and her hand ran over a particularly weird bulge. “What?” Harri whispered under her breath. She unzipped her bag and stuffed her hand inside in search of the object. Her fingers felt her hairbrush and her invisibility cloak before they touched a cold chain. Harri frowned in confusion and tugged it out. She stared, baffled. In the palm of her hand lay a golden locket she had never seen before. She traced the viridescent S on its shell and murmured quietly “Who put you in there?” 

The locket glinted, as if it were winking at her.

* * *

**Caledonian Forest, Scotland**

Fenrir Greyback prowled through his territory late at night, claws out on the hunt for his prey. The moon was waned today, leaving him more human than wolf. This didn't prevent the anger from raging inside him though, for he knew an intruder was lurking on his land. He followed his nose where the smell of a foreigner led him to the edge of his forest. When he saw the stranger stood casually underneath the giant sequoia tree, he snarled and snagged him by the neck. Fenrir hauled the man up and slammed him into the tree trunk. 

The man didn't flinch. “Uh uh Greyback.” 

Fenrir sneered and tightened his grip, showing his teeth. “Give me a reason to not tear your throat out.” 

The stranger smirked and like whiplash, a blinding force thrust Fenrir backwards. He landed on the floor and his claws extended out in defense. 

Before he could lash out the man was standing above him, foot on his chest. 

“The time has come for you to return to your master wolf.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The man at the end with Fenrir in the forest is not Tom. 
> 
> “Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.”  
> ― William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet. 
> 
> The title of the chapter 'where civil blood makes civil hands unclean' means the citizens hands have blood on them and are not clean.  
> Shakespeare gives the impression of the bloodshed that is to come between the two rival families in his play, who will lose their civility (courteous way of behavior) in their hatred for each other. Which is why I chose it for this specific chapter. This marks the beginning of everything changing. 
> 
> As always would love to hear what you think!


	17. something wicked this way comes

**Chapter 17: something wicked this way comes**

“Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.”

- **Ian Flemming** , Goldfinger

As Draco had told them, when they returned to Hogwarts that night, Dumbledore announced the tri-wizard tournament.

The hall erupted in delighted whispers. They all wanted be be the house whose champion would win.

When the feast began everyone was more animated than ever. The deliberations over who would enter and be chosen, loud and raucous. It added on to the atmosphere that already surrounded the first night back at their school, incredible and exciting.

The joy of reuniting and coming home. It felt like nothing else. A kind of feeling you would never find again. It was something they would all cherish forever. For one day they would be old and Hogwarts a memory.

The nicest part about the night was the sorting ceremony. Last year Harri and Hermione had missed it so it was nice to watch the new faces as they walked in and it made her flush the way they would glance at her in awe.

And in the middle of the feast, a drenched man marched in through the back door. Dumbledore introduced him as the new defense against the dark arts professor. His name was Alastor Moody (or if Harri were to use Ron’s terminology, Mad-Eye Moody). He was a close friend of Headmaster Dumbledore’s and apparently a legendary auror. Mad-Eye held the record for capturing and in-prisoning death eaters during the the war. And as all the DADA professors of their past he had a unique physical trait. A fake eye in the place of his left that could do a three-sixty spins and made you think he wouldn’t let anything go pass him. 

Between the revelations and in a lapse of judgement Harri forgot about the locket she’d found in her bag.

* * *

The first day of fourth year classes was memorable to say the least.

Mad-Eye taught them about the unforgivables. The three curses that would land a wizard and witch in azkaban in under a minute. The cruciatus curse, the imperious curse and the killing curse.

The one that had torn apart her family and destroyed her world. 

Mad Eye demonstrated them all himself.

“Why would he teach us this?” Maria whispered in anger under her breath.

“He’s not doing it to be cruel.” Daphne defended. “He knows we’ve all been effected.” She glanced meaningfully at Neville, who seemed like he would be sick. “He just wants us to be prepared.”

“It’s true.” Ron added, agreeing with Daphne. “We all lost someone in the war but if we never learn about them, how can we ever defend ourselves from them?”

They continued the conversation under their breaths, while Moody packed away the spider. Harri glanced around the room and her eyes landed on Theodore.

He had grown over the summer. His body was leaner and where he had once been equal to Harri in height, he now towered over her. There was something different about him. It was as if he has settled into his bones. He was no longer that boy that blushed at her in Paris or averted his eyes across the seats of a car. He was at ease now and when their eyes met he smiled. After class he walked over to her.

Somehow they end up sat at the back of the school on a bench beneath a honey locust tree.

“My mother died when I was six.” Theodore Nott murmured to her, sunlight caught on his eyelashes. “The healer told me she’d been ill for a long time. He said she was at rest then. Free of the pain.”

“That sounds horrible.” Harri said, soft.

“The thing is—was…she wasn’t physically sick. Not the way people are. She was…she wanted to die.” Theodore continued, while staring at the tips of locust leafs on his legs. “You see, my whole life she’d been terribly sad.”

And Harri’s heart ached for him. She’d never known her parents and she could not imagine the pain of loss she would have felt if she did.

He exhaled. “She’d tried for so long to be alright, to be happy, for me and my sister. But I guess it got too much. Because before my fifth birthday she took a wand to her head and tried to kill herself in front of me.”

Harri let out a choked sound. “It didn’t work of course. So when she returned from the hospital and while we were away from home, she found a knife and slit her wrists.”

Harri shivered and reached for him.

“Merlin, I’m—I’m so sorry.”

“She was a good mother, I’ll always remember that. She used to read me bedtime stories and cut my hair. I know she loved me and my sister, no matter the end.”

“Of course she did. How could she not?” Harri hesitated and then blurted. “My mother didn’t try to kill herself, but she died in front of me. So…I know what it’s like to see that…the green light. ”

Theodore looked up from the ground and fixed his gaze on her.“In class, when Moody showed the unforgivables and I saw your face I knew you were like me. I knew you had seen what I had.”

“I can still see the green light in my dreams and when dementors come near me…I can hear her scream.” Harri admitted. “Can you?”

“Yes.” Theodore nodded. “It comes at the strangest times. I know it wasn’t the the curse that killed her…but I…I thought it had.”

“Of course it does. How could a child ever forget?”

Theodore turned closer. “It feels…nice to talk to you about this. I’ve never…no one else ever…”

“Yeah.” Harri sighed. “Is it weird that I feel like it links us?”

“I feel that too. I feel like I always have, from when I first saw you..and then in the car and in Paris.” Theodore confided.

He had eyes that knew, that felt the exact same pain. They were two souls who found each other in darkness. It was so intimate to share this with him. Nothing could tie you to someone the way tragedy did.

He bit his lip and he was so close like this, Harri couldn’t help but let her eyes drop to his lips. He watched her, his eyelids falling.

“Theod—

“You can call me Theo, Harri.” he said. “I’d actually like it very much if you did.”

“Oh. Sure. You can still call me Harri.” She teased, nervous.

“Is that right?” Theo’s lip curled up. “Good thing you’ve told me now, I’ve been calling you Helen for years.”

“Have you?” Harri laughed.

“Yup.”

She grinned. “That’s a shame. I don’t let boys who call me Helen kiss me.”

“Really?” Theo asked.

“Really.” Harri replied and kissed him.

It was gentle. he coaxed her mouth open with ease. Harri lifted her hands and tangled them in his hair, feeling the soft strands shift through her fingers.

“Harri.” he said between kisses. “Harri…”

Hogwarts vanished in the background. There was only them and the scars on Theo’s heart that matched the shape of Harri’s own. A boy who had known a pain as deep as hers. A slow brush of the tongue, hot breath against her mouth.

From behind Filch yelled at a first year. “Detention! Detention for scaring Mrs. Norris!”

They laughed and broke the kiss. Harri rested her head on Theo’s shoulder.

He grinned down at her. “Would it be gross if I said I’d been wanting to do that forever?”

“Yes.” Harri mumbled and pecked him again.

Theo shook his head, beaming. “Whatever you say Helen.” 

* * *

At first, Harri truly did fail to remember the locket. But then coincidentally, one day early into the year, she found it again. She was bored and thumbing through Hermione’s copy of Hogwarts a History. And it was by pure chance that she stumbled upon the chapter of Salazar Slytherin.

She drifted through the parts about the chamber of secrets and his dislike of muggles and ended up on a portrait. Harri’s breath caught and she stared dumbfounded at the necklace hanging off Slytherin. It was identical to the one she found in her bag. The emeralds shone even in the portrait.

She rummaged through her book bag and yanked out her locket. She glared at the picture and then back at the chain in her hand. It wasn’t possible…and yet it was. It was exactly the same. 

Harri didn’t understand how in the world it had landed in her bag. Unless Kreacher…unless Kreacher had thrown it in with her things…

But why would he have had this with him? The Black’s were an ancient wizarding family. Regardless; why would Slytherin’s heirloom end up with them? Didn’t Slytherin have descendants that were still alive?

Harri seized the book in hand and read over the pages again, looking for the names she’d passed over before. Under family she found them. Slytherin, Peverall and Gaunt.

It seemed the line ended there, no longer known as Slytherin’s and perhaps… no longer known at all. Harri hadn’t heard of any Gaunt’s at Hogwarts.

She would have to ask Draco or Theo if they had any wizarding genealogy books.

Staring at the portrait of Salazar once more, Harri remembered Tom. 

The heir of slytherin. 

He must have been a Gaunt.

Or his father? No…his mother… 

It was peculiar that the locket had ended up in Harri’s hands.

But…Harri had Slytherin’s parseltongue didn’t she? She was the last person to have found his chamber and she’d slain his basilisk. Her soulmate…he’d been a Slytherin by blood and Harri had almost been in his house.

What did they say? Once is a chance, twice a coincidence and three times a pattern?

What was it that connected it all but Voldemort?

“So what does this mean?” Harri cursed loudly and rolled over onto her back. She splayed her hands over her eyes and groaned.

The dorm room swung open and Daphne marched in at the same time that Hermione stepped out the bathroom.

““I can’t believe this!” Hermione exclaimed. She was still wearing a bathrobe and her hair was wet from the shower.

Harri peered up.

“Can’t believe what?” Daphne yawned, toed off her shoes and slumped into bed.

Hermione dropped her toiletries on the floor and unwrapped her towel swathe from her head.“Harri! I can’t believe it. This is wonderful, you’re finally reading Hogwarts a History.”

“It’s more useful than I thought.” she confessed and then discreetly got up. She closed the book and quickly hid the locket in her skirt before they noticed.

Hermione drew out her brush. “Isn’t it just?”

“Speaking of history… we don’t have history homework or anything do we?” Daphne asked and covered her eyes with an arm.

“We never have work from Binns and even if we did I doubt you would bother Dee.”

Hermione shook out her hair and water droplets scattered onto Lavender’s bed.

“Soz I’m not like you and Harri.” Daphne rolled her eyes.

“Just reading to pass the time.” Harri muttered.

“If you’re that bored I have something that’ll entertain you.”

Interest piqued, Harri padded over to Daphne. “And that is?”

Daphne lifted her arm up. “I think my soulmate is coming to Hogwarts!”

Harri crawled on her back. “Fuck off! Really?!”

“Yes!” Daphne giggled. “All day, he’s been writing about England and our school and training on some boat. Usually it’s mostly just quidditch stuff you know?”

Harri’s smile almost dropped thinking, no she didn’t, but she caught herself. “Yeah. I know.”

Daphne looked up at Harri with an anxious face. “I’m very nervous though. I just—I hope we fit? I guess? That we match the image of the stranger we’ve held in our heads for so long.”

Harri remembered the first time, the diary and a boy so perfect he’d been too good to be true.

“You will.” she promised. “He’ll be everything you ever wanted.”

In her heart was Tom Riddle and against her skin another piece of his soul. But she didn’t know.

* * *

_Dear Harri,_

_The house is already quiet and you’ve only been gone a week. I miss you terribly._

_But I know you’re having fun at Hogwarts and that’s much more important to me. You have to tell me everything. How are the two forlorn little souls, Draco and Ron? How are Hermione, Maria, Daphne and Lavender?_

_I have to tell you, the sugar in this house is just wasting away without them._

_Do you like your classes poppet? And Is Mad-Eye as mad as always?_

_He was a brilliant auror, even trained me and James back in the day._

_Merlin. Did I tell you?_

_I meet Blaise’s mother at the ministry. Terrifying women that one but gorgeous. However, I don’t particularly want to die yet so I’ll keep my distance._

_Anyway, since you’ve been gone, I’ve been exploring London more and I found out I can drink absinthe there even thought it’s illegal? Remus said he’d go with me just to make sure I didn’t do anything stupid. He comes over a lot more often now. He says I’m sad without you but I think it’s just an excuse to spend more time with me._

_And before you ask, he still won’t watch star wars with me. But I’ll get him to one of these days. My yoda voice has to drive him over the edge eventually._

_I hope you aren’t too upset I didn’t tell you about the tournament at school. I wanted you to be surprised by something good. You should know one of the things I snuck into your trunk included a dress and don’t worry—I didn’t buy it. Charlie did._

_Jokes._

_Tonks bought it for you._

_Write me back very soon, did I mention I miss you?_

_My eternal love,_   
_Sirius Black_

_Dear Sirius,_

_I miss you. I miss you. I miss you._

_Draco and Ron are well, nauseatingly happy actually. Also, Hermione is thriving with less than ten classes and Maria is obsessed with re-decorating our dorm room. Lavender has a massive crush on this ravenclaw sixth year but he’s not class at all. And Daphne is getting ready to meet her soulmate, so that’s quite exciting. We think he’s from durmstang._

_And I do like my classes, Mad-Eye is weird but a good teacher. His eye is creepy though. Potions is quite interesting this year, we’re actually learning to make polyjuice potion. Somehow I get the feeling Snape knows we brewed it in the girls bathroom second year for fun and is holding it against us._

_Blaise said he thinks it’s a good idea for you to run from his mother. I do too. I'm sure there are plenty of muggle women out there for you who are...safer._

_By the way, do you know Theodore Nott? He’s lovely._

_And I think Remus should take one for the team and definetly go with you._

_Also I’m not upset that you didn’t tell me about the tourney but Draco did spoil it on the ride over.I’ve seen the dress you packed and it’s beautiful! I’m surprised you let Tonks give it to me, I’m thinking maybe you didn’t see the whole thing._

_I miss London, I miss our house and our Remus. December can’t come sooner!_

_I love you so much,_   
_Harri Potter_

* * *

“Harri! Hermione!” Ron shouted from his place in the line. “Over here! Quick! They’re coming!” Hermione and Harri hurried over to him, pushing past the Ravenclaw table. Zachariah Smith shot her a dirty look when she stepped on his foot. Harri shrugged and mouthed oops.

They were assembling in the great hall, all the houses, to welcome Beauxbatons and Drumstrang to Hogwarts for the tri-wizard tournament. 

“Longbottom! Tuck in your shirt!” McGonagall hissed as she walked by. Her eyes were narrowed at his unruly appearance. Neville winced and straightened himself.

“You’d think it was the queen or something.” Dean muttered out the side of his mouth.

Seamus sniggered. “They’d try to rinse us down with a hose if it were her.”

“I would think after four years we would have instilled some manners in you!” Harri heard Snape sneer. “For once, behave yourselves! We must not appear as fools in front of the other schools.” He scolded, pacing back and forth in between the Gryffindor and Slytherin tables. 

Harri couldn't help but laugh as Blaise mocked Snape from behind his back and Draco guffawed into his shoulder.

“I’ve never been so excited for a feast.” Lavender whispered into Harri’s ear. “Just think, all those boys from Beauxbatons and all the new people we get to meet. This year is going to be amazing!”

Next to them, Maria shrugged. “French wizards are not my type. I wish we had some Americans.”

“Oh please.” Daphne sniffed from her other side. “Who cares where they’re from when one of them is mine?”

“Imagine he’s from Drumstrang,” Hermione frowned. “That would be disappointing, I think.”

Harri rested her back against Lavender and stared at Theo across the tables as spoke to Draco. “Don’t let the stereotypes get to you. Not all of them are dark.” As if feeling her gaze, Theo looked up and smiled at her. “You’ll see. They’ll surprise you.”

“Huh.” Daphne said. She saw the moment and studied Harri with interest. “You know Harri, all this talk about boys…is there anything you’d like to tell us?”

Hermione, Maria and Lavender’s heads spun to her immediately. 

“Uh.” Harri stuttered. “I-uh”

“Anything to do with a certain Slytherin? The one you were just looking at perhaps?”

Hermione gasped. “Wait a minute, the only Slytherin you like…Nott!”

“Um what?” Lavender squealed. “Theodore Nott! You’re—

“How did I not know about this?” Maria scowled. “He’s like one of the most attractive boys in this school, barring Cedric Diggory of course.”

“Well…” Harri blushed. “It’s fairly new.”

“Harri!” Hermione whisper shouted, delighted.

“All of this stuff happens with you and you don’t even tell us! It’s like Leo all over again!” Lavender pouted.

“Leo who?” Daphne questioned.

Maria smirked. “This boy she hooked up with over the summer, at that party we went to. I told you about it remember?”

“I can’t believe I miss everything! I knew I should’ve pressured my parents into letting me go.” Daphne sulked and crossed her arms

“Forget him.” Hermione shuffled closer to the table. “How did it happen with Theodore?”

Harri played with the hem of her skirt, nervous for their approval. “We were just talking after defense class and ended up outside. We had this really good conversation, and I just felt close with him? Like it’s kind of been building up for a while now and he just kissed me.”

Daphne grabbed Harri’s hand and shook her. “That is so bloody romantic!”

“Under the sky! In the Hogwarts garden!” Lavender swooned. “When I went on that one date with Seamus he didn’t even give me a place to sit. We just walked…”

Harri laughed.

“Girls!” McGonagall glowered in their direction and snapped her wand at them. “Posture.”

They shut up. Just in time too because through the windows of the great hall a majestic carriage, pulled by literal flying horses, glided through the sunset and landed.

In bursts of silk blue and white students emerged followed by a giant Headmistress. They practically danced into the great hall. Harri was startled to find Hugo, Theo’s friend from Paris, in a Beauxbatons uniform. He winked at her and ruffled Theo’s hair on the way past.

After the Beauxbaton’s students were settled, Drumstrang’s ship rose from the murky waters of the black lake, vast and captivating. From the hull descended an assembly of students that seemed to have returned from a snow storm, covered as they were in furs and wools. Leading the charge inside Hogwarts, was Victor Krum himself. Harri and Ron made enthusiastic eye contact.

Drumstrang’s headmaster was the last to enter the hall. He was a lanky man with with oval eyes and an overcast expression. Dumbledore greeted him and waited for the Drumstrang students to sit before he indicated the start of the feast.

The Hogwarts students turned and sat down, chatting animately and taking long peeks at the other schools. Harri herself was focused Drumstrang’s headmaster and the dour look on his face.

“Igor Karkaroff.” Daphne murmured in Harri’s ear. “He was a death eater Harri.”

All of their groups eyes locked on Karkaroff and irritation struck Harri. She ground her teeth and stabbed at her mashed potatoes with a fork, frustrated and indignant, that everywhere she went she was faced with this. “And why is he free and not rotting Azkaban?”

“No one knows exactly.” Maria whispered.

“But I heard that it was because he snitched and gave them the names of other death eaters.” Lavender added quietly.

“It’s not really justice then is it.” Hermione professed. “Not when death eaters like him can just roam around without consequence.”

Harri peered at Draco. No one said it, but they were all thinking of Lucious Malfoy too.

* * *

Harri panted in exhaustion. She rested her hand against the tree she woke up underneath in her dream and shivered. When she straightened up, her hand came away dirty with mud trapped in her nail beds. There was scarcely any light where she was and so when she walked forward, she tripped over a root. She caught herself last minute on the tree bark and stumbled away from the sapling.

“Darling.”

Harri whipped around. “Tom.”

He looked just the same, sharp cheekboned and handsome.

“Harri, I don’t have much time.”

He wore dark robes and a heavy cloak and he was like a ghost. Like the diary, he is fading in and out of time, in front of her.

“Where did you go?” Harri asked, starting forward. “Why did you leave without saying goodbye?”

His eyes were light in the darkness. “Because it wasn’t goodbye.”

It was obscenely quiet and it dulled everything around them.

“Tom what’s wrong?” Harri’s hand stretched out to him.

His arms disappeared. “Hogwarts isn’t safe.”

Harri frantically reached for him, but the closer she got the further away he seemed. “What do you mean? Because of the tournament?”

Tom grew insistent. “He’s coming Harri.”

Harri shivered again and attempted to make it to him but every step she took, he grew more distant.

“Who? Who’s coming?” Harri’s voice echoed in the silence. “Voldemort?”

Tom’s body lost color. “Another piece—

Something moved behind him, something dark and quick.

His mouth moved in slow motion as he shouted. “Harri run!”

“From what?”

“ _Me_.” Whispered softly, right behind her.

Harri did not have a moment to think, she ran.

* * *

Disturbed by her dream, the first thing Harri did in the morning was write a letter to Sirius. She left out the part about the diadem and pretended it was the diary instead. She had told Sirius all about second year and the chamber of secrets, emitting only the truth about her soulmate.

After she finished, Harri curled up in bed and contemplated telling the whole truth. She was tired of hiding it and she hated lying to her Godfather. She just didn’t know if she was prepared for him to look at her differently.

Harri groaned and buried her face into her pillow. Her head ached. She thrust out her arm for the blanket, fiddling with the bedsheets. She felt something refined touch her. Harri peeked one eye open, curious.

Mud was splattered cross her white duvet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just say, for some reason, reaching my word count for this chapter was hard. 
> 
> Would love to hear what you think about Theo because I’ve been building that up for a while now. :)  
> And I'm a ho for comments. 
> 
> [this is theo](https://scenticons.tumblr.com/post/181333402420/like-or-reblog-if-you-use)  
> [another pic](https://iamloserandfriki23.tumblr.com/post/626827881202483200)  
> 


	18. flower of the court

**Chapter 18: flower of the court**

“Fame is not the glory! Virtue is the goal, and fame only a messenger, to bring more to the fold.”

― **Vanna Bonta,** Degrees: Thought Capsules

Fleur Delacour was bewitching in the way most girls dreamt to be. She glided through the great hall with a grace that was captivating. Heads turned her way and the air seemed to move with her. The Slytherin head boy, Adrian Pucey, nearly tipped onto himself a glass of milk when she walked by him. Fleur didn’t even notice, she slid into her seat quietly and listened while her friends chatter descended upon her.

Harri watched it happen from across the room and wished she could appear so cavalier. It had been only a day since the other schools arrived and a day since Harri’s vivid dream. She hadn’t anytime to digest the events of the last 24 hours and only this morning she had thought to visit the library and search for some answers. To find something that could explain.

It couldn’t be normal to have such dreams, that in some way often became reality. Not even for soulmates.

She might be clueless about divination, seers and crystal gazing but she remembered clearly how Trelawney’s prophecy from last year had come true. And so she’d searched for anything she could find. But Harri had come up empty handed on that front. What she had discovered however, was something entirely different. In between two tomes, 'The State of Unreality’ and ‘The Life of Cassandra’, there was a velvet green and old title hidden. The page’s were lined with gold and it was still immaculate despite the decades it had been in there. But that wasn’t what had attracted Harri to it. No, what had made Harri reach for the book had been the name engraved on its spine. _Aries Gaunt._

But just as Harri had dusted off its cover to read, Theo strolled into the library. He had completely distracted her with his mouth and arms around her waist.

So now 8 hours later, she waited impatiently for the tri-wizard champions to be announced so she could go read book. Everyone else was restless too and each Hogwarts house was eager too see if they had the student that would be chosen.

Harri didn’t care for it. That didn’t make her better than anyone else but she just knew it wasn’t all it was made out to be. Because to her, what was it really? She knew what it meant to be glorified and honored. She had seen how fickle it could be and she had seen how destructive it was. This thing some people spent their life chasing, thinking it would give them the validation they need. Truly, glory was lonely and empty. In a way it meant nothing.

Wind swept through the hall. The doors creaked open forcefully and a tired Barty Crouch Sr. ambled inside. Ludo Bagman followed behind him. He practically rode on his coattails, both literally and figuratively.

Silence befell the room. The feast was over.

On this halloween night, the goblet of fire burned bright. Embers darted out like fireworks and Dumbledore rose from his seat. It signaled this: the crowning of the champions was now underway. 

“Before I start, I would like to, shall I say impart, some knowledge,” Dumbledore professed. Behind him, Karkaroff scowled. It added to Harri’s already disgust. Who did he think he was to so openly disrespect her headmaster at his own school?

“I know we have come here to celebrate three chosen victors.” Dumbledore continued. “But I would hope that we do not forget the truth of it all. Your worth as a human being, it is not determined by the strength of your physicality or your magic. Rather, your worth comes from within. Comes from your character. From your choices. Those are the real reason and the true qualities that make one honorable or worthy to be glorified. I wish that we do not loose sight of it this year, caught up in all of these games.” And with that, Dumbledore stepped off the landing and pushed a hand into the goblet of fire.

It felt like everyone held their breaths as a collective when the first piece of paper sprang out and into Dumbledore’s fingers.

“For drumstrang, the chosen champion, Victor Krum!”

The drumstrang students thundered with applause and hoots and asurprisingly humble Krum made his way onto the platform. Dumbledore gave him a smile and motioned to the side door of the hall. Krum passed through the doorway to cheers.

Harri shared a look with Hermione as Ron and Seamus lost their cool.

“He’s a ledge.” Ron applauded. “Of course he was chosen!”

Seamus squeezed Ron’s shoulders and snickered. “Best quidditch player in the league that man is!”

And then, with a more subtle jump, another piece of paper landed in Dumbledore’s hand.

“From the Beauxbatons academy of France, we have Fleur Delacour!”

A quieter but no less excited thrum filled the room. Squeals and claps followed as Fluer strode into the room behind Krum.

“She’s so beautiful.” Dean mumbled under his breath.

“I want to marry her.” Fred agreed.

And then, with only the Hogwarts champion left to be picked, a different kind of energy took hold of the room. They were the home team. Everyone hushed as Dumbledore reached for what should have been the last paper to come out of the goblet of fire.

“It better not be Pucey.” Daphne muttered. “He used to lock me in the bathroom when I was little.” 

“SHHHHH.” Lavender shushed. “I can’t hear.” 

The anticipation rose to a crescendo when finally Dumbledore opened the paper and called out the name. “Our very own Hogwarts champion, I am proud to announce, is Cedric Diggory!”

And it was good. It was great. Cedric would have been perfect. The applause was chaotic, the whole of Hufflepuff was booming in elation. Almost everyone clapped. After all, they liked Cedric. He was kind and handsome. He was the right choice. Without fault, he would have done Hogwarts proud.

They whooped as a flushed Cedric made his way down and accepted a pleased Dumbledore’s arm around his shoulder. With a little bit of awe in his eyes, he received his note back and walked out the hall to festive shouts.

It should have ended there.

It didn’t.

The goblet fizzled once again. Harri knew something wasn’t right and in trepidation she grabbed Hermione’s hand. She felt nauseous.

Wary, Dumbledore held open his palm as another notepaper fell into his hand. Without any hesitation he called. “It seems, there is another champion.”

Another hush fell over the school. Dumbledore’s eyes roved over the paper and his face revealed nothing. With an unclear expression he said the words that changed Harri’s life forever.

“Harri Potter.”

Harri gulped. She watched as every eye in the room turned to her. “Harri Potter!” Dumbledore repeated louder. Harri looked at Hermione with fearful eyes. Maria and Lavender gaped at her.  
“Harri.” Daphne whispered horrified.

“What the fuck?” George mouthed.

Ron was gobsmacked.

Hermione squeezed her hand. “Harri you have to go.”

Feeling as if she was about to throw up everything she just ate, Harri rose up on shaky legs. Daphne squeezed her hand as she walked by. And Maria murmured her love. It seemed as if the world was moving impossibly slow while she went down the aisle and up to Dumbledore’s waiting figure. Harri was afraid to look at anyones face and she could hear the whispers start up.

Dumbledore was still emotionless when he handed her the note. Not knowing what else to do, Harri treaded into the side room and prepared herself for the worst.

* * *

“We must take precautions.” her tired headmaster said from the seat across her. “The tournament is not safe for the others, much less for a fourteen year old.”

Sirius growled and shoved himself off his chair.

“Now you think of precautions! Now! When my Harri is _forced and bound_ to enter a tournament where she could die!”

Harri exhaled out a deep breath and closed her eyes.

After the disastrous introduction with the other champions and officials, Dumbledore had taken Harri to his office where a furious Sirius awaited them.

“If I had known there was such a plot—

Sirius slammed his fist down onto the table. “OF course you should have known! Every single year there is something. Without fail someone is always trying to kill my daughter!”

“We—

Sirius threw his arm out. “I should take her away next year and never bring her back! You have proven time and time again that you cannot protect her!”

Dumbledore sighed and a cup of tea floated up to Sirius’s face. “Have a sip and sit down. It will calm you.”

Harri blinked open her eyes. “Sirius, please.”

With anger still etched onto the lines on his face, he sat down timidly.

“All we can do now is to help Harri pass the trails alive. As long as she competes and accomplishes the bare minimum, she will be alright.” Dumbledore proposed.

Sirius scowled. “Nothing about this is alright.”

“I know Sirius.”

“I’m staying here.” Sirius demanded, his cup of tea still untouched.

Dumbledore nodded. “You may stay here on the days before and during the tasks but not anymore than that.”

Sirius sneered and appeared geared up to argue again. But Harri didn’t want another argument that would change nothing.

“Sirius.” Harri whispered. “Just…”

He glanced at her and then sighed in defeat. “Fine.”

With a threadbare smile, Dumbledore turned to her. “Harri, is there anything you wish to tell us?”

“There is one thing.” Harri admitted.

Sirius’s mouth curled down. “And that is?”

“I’ve been having these strange dreams…”

“Dreams?” Dumbledore question uneasily and shifted in his seat.

“I used to—I just…” Harri cut herself off and took a gulp of air. Sirius stared at her with worry. “I had this dream about Voldemort on the night of the quidditch world cup. He was in this…large but decrepit house. And wormtail was there too…and this large snake. And there was this other man’s voice and he was…being promised something by Voldemort.”

Sirius and Dumbledore were gravely unsettled.

“I’ve been expecting this.” Dumbledore confessed. “I knew he would soon make another attempt.”

“What time was this Harri?” Sirius asked hoarsely.

Harri shrugged. “Before the attack, when we were still in the tent.”

Dumbledore tapped his chin. “Are there any other details that could be important?”

Harri was hesitant and wanted it to keep it to herself, as she did with everything in relation to her soulmate. But she chewed on the inside of her cheek and then divulged. “There was pain in my scar.”

“And this has happened before am I correct?” Dumbledore questioned.

“Yes.” Harri acknowledged. More than anyone would know.

“When?” Sirius ran a hand over her head.

“When he was on the back of Quirrel's head.”

“It is a pattern then.”

“A pattern?”

Dumbledore linked his fingers together. “Whenever he begins to gain power again, Harri feels it. Harri has signs. Whether in dreams or pain in her scar. Maybe even just a feeling.”

Harri was grateful that he didn’t say the exact reason why. _Because he is her soulmate. Because his writing would be on her wrists._

After an uncertain silence, Dumbledore rose and patted Harri’s shoulder.

“We should let the student in the room get some sleep now. Harri, remember the day is always different in the sunlight.”

Sirius walked her out. At the bottom of the spiral staircase, he swept her into a hug and pressed a promise against her head. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Harri swallowed. She didn’t know what would happen but she knew, always, that Sirius would be there.

When Harri made it back to Gryffindor tower there was a party and questions she didn’t know how to answer. She’d denied entering her name in the goblet but it was like nobody cared. They were all too happy to celebrate Gryffindor and the girl who lived. The only ones who did have deeper feelings about it were those of her closest friends. The girls had been supportive but Ron really hurt her.

Harri could admit now that she had been on a short fuse and took some of her frustration out on him. But to think he didn’t believe her right away? That cut at her. Ron had always been the first to be by her side, jump first and think later. It stung that it wasn’t the case anymore.

It was hours later and unable to sleep Harri was afraid. She wanted more than anything, more than anyone, for Tom to be next to her again. She needed a hand in her hair, a voice telling her that she was strong and he would take care of her. It was unsurprisingly difficult it was sleep in this bed without him.

In a moment of weakness, she curled her fingers around her wrist and pulls down her bracelet.

As she had waited for and dreaded at the same time, her words had returned. She almost wished for the never changing _I fear no fate_ to come back.

Because now there was blank ink and Voldemort’s living thoughts on her skin.

_The preparations are complete._

And that was worst of all.

* * *

The next morning no one said anything yet Harri could feel their eyes on her. It disheartened her and aggravated her in equal measure to think people believed she would willingly put herself in this position.

Harri was fourteen. She was years behind on education, in magical training and the physical strength required compared to the other champions.

And all the more frustrating was Ron’s behavior.

“He’s being unbelievable.” Harri whispered as she sliced her potions ingredients viciously. “What actual reason does he have to be upset with me?”

Theo stirred the mixture is their cauldron with a practiced ease and said. “Draco told me Ron said you yelled at him last night.”

“Yelled!” Harri stabbed the salamander skin in her hand. “He’s so overdramatic! If anything, he was yelling. Harri why didn’t you tell me you put your name in! You don’t value me as a friend! Why would you even do it! I can’t believe this Harri!”

Theo placed a hand on her wrist and slid the scalpel away from her. “Maybe don’t take it out on the fish?”

Harri sighed frustratedly.

Theo discreetly kissed her cheek. “You’re cute when you pout.”

“I’m not pouting,” Harri blushed. “It’s just—it is incredibly frustrating. Find, you know I can understand why anyone else wouldn’t think I didn’t do it. But Ron? He’s like, he’s family to me. It _hurts._ ”

“I understand that,” Theo nodded and stopped stirring. “You want to know what I think?”

“I guess.” Harri waited for the potion to turn blue and then threw the salamander skin in.

“I think it’s not really about you exactly. I think he was just shocked and that he wishes he could’ve competed himself. He probably wants all that comes with it. The money and stuff.. Anyone would. And he’s one of what, six kids? The attention would be really nice for him. So he’s projected his emotions towards you. And chances are, he didn’t expect you to react the way you did either.”

Harri observed the salamander skin dissolve and picked at a loose cloth on Theo’s shirt. “He could’ve just said that.”

“And maybe you could’ve expressed yourself better as well?"

Miffed, she looked up and found him grinning.“Stop being reasonable.”

Theodore chuckled.

There was a knock on the classroom door. Snape scowled and threw his newspaper down on his desk.

With a slow gait and a nervous smile Colin Creevy peered in. “Um, hello.”

Snape grimaced. “Get on with it then boy.”

“They’re calling Harri in for the weighing of the wands.”

Harri gathered her things and followed Collin to one of the empty classrooms on the second floor. There the other three champions were in a circle waiting for Ollivander to examine their wands. Cedric and Krum were already involved in a conversation, so Harri had no choice but to talk to Fleur. Harri found that she wasn’t that impressive in person as she’d believed.

“Ah, yez, you are Harri Potte?” Was the first thing Fleur said to her. She surveyed her with skeptical eyes.

Harri pursed her mouth and shrugged. “And you’re Fleur Delacour, the Beauxbatons champion.”

Fluer twirled a golden blonde strand of hair and asked. “Can I ask you a question little girl?”

Harri’s nose flared in annoyance.

“Why would you want to compete in a tournament wiz wizards who are so much more competent?”

“I didn’t.” Harri clenched her jaw. “I didn’t put my name in.”

“That iz the story you are going with, iz it?”

“It’s not a story. It’s the truth.”

Fluer grinned then. “We all have liez we try to convince ourselvez are sincere.”

“I’m not a liar.” Harri forced a smile. “And if I was, I wouldn’t be a very good one.”

“If you were you’d in truth be doing a very good job right now.” Fluer’s eyes twinkled in amusement. “I’ve been convinced.”

“You saying you’re convinced is implying I’m trying to persuade you of something. I’m not. You needn’t patronize me.” Harri suppressed an eye-roll.

“Oh Harri,” Fleur said delightedly. “very good.”

She latched onto her arm and the smell of sugar and vanilla exploded into Harri’s senses. “I think, we are going to be very good friendz. Don’t you?”

Harri leaned back. “You’re very odd.” 

The rest of the hour passed by in a similarly bizarre fashion. Krum didn't say much at all. He was very quiet and broody, unlike anyone Harri had ever met. He didn't seem to care or have any questions for Harri though so that definetly made him more likable.

Cedric was as good natured as he always was but Harri was annoyed with him as he still seemed to think she had put her name in. He said it wasn’t a bad thing but it still irritated her.

The actual weighing of her wand had been the nicest part.

Harri had presented hers as clean and beautiful as the day Ollivander had given it to her. Clever and quick, there was nothing compared to its warmth in her hands.

He had taken hold of it with gentle fingers, his grey eyes still knowing and content.

“Eleven inches long. Made of holly and a single feather from the tail of a phoenix.” He caressed it lightly with his worn fingers. “One of the most exceptional I have ever made, I must admit Mrs. Potter.”

“It’s never led me astray.” Harri said.

Ollivander turned to her. “I trust it has served you well then.”

Harri smiled, soft. “Always.”

* * *

“Are you still cross with me?” Cedric asked her the next morning, intercepting her walk to Hagrid’s. His hair was still wet from his morning shower and yet it managed to fall perfectly around his face. If Harri hadn’t been dating Theo, she would definitely be crushing on him. It wasn’t normal how handsome all these boys at Hogwarts were.

“I wasn’t cross with you.” Harri replied and moved to the right to make room for him.

Cedric smiled knowingly. “You were upset that I didn’t believe you.”

“It’s just frustrating.” Harri said.

“Look.” Cedric stopped midway to the hut and touched her arm. “Harri I don’t think badly of you at all. You’re very smart and strong. If you did do it, I understand. I’m in the competition alright? And if you didn’t, I guess that also makes sense.”

Harri tried not to be petulant. “But you don’t believe me?”

“I…does it matter?” he ran a hand through his hair. “Fine. I believe you didn’t put your name in on purpose.”

“Okay then.” Harri complied with a pleased expression. “That’s better.” 

“Okay.” Cedric chuckled. “That’s good. Where are you going anyway?”

“Just to Hagrid’s for a cuppa.”

He scuffed his foot on the ground. “Alright. Can I join you?” 

Instead of replying, Harri started to walk downhill again and he followed. “Fair warning if he offers you cake say no if you want to keep your teeth.”

“I’m kind of hungry though. It’s a risk I’m willing to take.” Cedric said sarcastically.

“Are you worried about the first task?” Harri voiced, stepping around the boulders by the forest.

“Not right now.” Cedric answered. “But I reckon once I get up there I’ll be shitting my pants.”

“I’m quite nervous.” Harri admitted glancing at him. “They had it shut down for years because of how dangerous it was.”

Cedric shrugged. “That’s true. But I just, I don’t know. I want to make my dad proud. He’s really enthusiastic about it and he’s very proud of me. I don’t want to let him down.”

“Mines furious.” Harri divulged. “He wants to ring Crouch and Bagman’s necks.”

“That’s understandable.” Cedric peered at her in interest. The sun hit his eyes making them golden. “Sirius Black is uh…he’s pretty formidable. My dad’s told me a lot of stories about him. Does he really have a flying motorbike?”

“It’s a long story.” She giggled. “But yes.”

“Wicked.”

* * *

It took waking up from another strange dream for Harri realize somethingwas truly wrong. She’d put it out of mind because she thought it was just nightmares about the diary, diadem and Voldemort.

But that was foolish.

Harri crouched over her trunk in the middle of the night and traced over the edges of Slytherin’s locket. She’d known somewhere in her mind the entire time what the locket really was. Tom warned her not to touch or interact with it. But she’d already done the former and she was so tempted to do the latter.

It would be so easy to whisper it open.

And for just a minute she wanted nothing more. She wanted to see Tom in whatever capacity she could. She wanted the feelings of warmth and peace she could only get with him. When he was near Voldemort did not seem so impenetrable.

But Harri remembered her first interaction with the diadem. The hunger and negligence he had. This piece of him, in these gold chains, has been suffering for much longer. It would be a mistake to let it out.

Wouldn’t it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This past week has felt very slow. Probably because I started school again and the first few days always feel so long. Speaking of that, now that I have classes my updates will be slowing down a bit. Maybe not right away but definitely when assignments start to pile up and exams. 
> 
> Hope you like this chapter! 
> 
> Obviously most of you will know that the name Fluer Delacour means flower of the court and thats why it's the title of this chapter. 
> 
> Did anyone see my man starring in Drake’s new video? Biebo is glowing. ❤️


	19. the sword of damocles

**Chapter 19: the sword of damocles**

“I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation.  
It is too long ago.  
I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.”

\- **Jane Austen** , Pride and Prejudice

Harri cradled the locket in her hand and as if compelled, she brought it up to her mouth. Lips poised and words on the tip of her tongue, the sound of Hermione’s bed creaking stopped her from making the biggest mistake.

She sighed and her breath formed in the chilly night air before her. Harri quickly deposited the locket back inside her trunk and jumped into bed again. Her heart raced and hands shook. A bead of sweat rolled down her forehead.

She couldn’t believe she had almost done that. How imbecilic was she? How wanting?

He could ruin everything.

What was worse than a part of Tom Riddle, trapped inside an object for decades?

And again, for the millionth time, Harri wondered just what these things were and how they were possible. What magic was so dark and powerful, that it could hold a piece of a wizard inside for years and years? 

She would have to tell Dumbledore. She’d already lied about the diadem…she couldn’t lie about this too. As soon as possible, before the locket could get into her head and manipulate her. Maybe…maybe the time had come for her to tell Hermione, Ron and Lavender, Draco, Blaise, Daphne and Maria.

Surely they would know something. Certainly they would help her with this…the secret she had been keeping for two years that locked her lips. They would not abandon her if she told them. Not her friends who had followed her into rooms with monsters, murderers and into secret chambers. No, not them. They wouldn’t leave her. They had promised each other always.

Even if her and Ron were arguing. Families fought all the time. That was what Hermione said wasn’t it? Because she knew that Harri still had a difficult time accepting that her not being perfect didn’t mean she didn’t deserve their friendship. Slowly over the years, the unconditional love that Harri had been given chipped away at the feelings of insecurity and fear.

The line she used to tip toe at the Dursleys, making sure her hair wasn’t out of place and her messes were always fixed because if they noticed…if they noticed they would send her away and then where would she be? In moments of anger, Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had never made secret of their threats to leave her. And to Harri at four, at six and eight, there had never been anything more terrifying.

Sometimes it was still difficult to believe the loyalty she had been given was for free. All the problems she caused and the situations she brought them into, sometimes she questioned how much longer it would be before they became tired of it.

Harri thought of how Ron hadn’t want her to buy him those sneakosopes but wouldn’t understand that she felt like she owed at least that much. She thought of when people first met her and saw the scar first. The awe and respect, or the shock and surprise. The way they would never expect her to be so normal inside. How these people that gossiped about her in school and in the papers would never know who the girl who lived truly was. How she could be insecure, vulnerable and wanting to be liked so much.

She was the pretty house down the street that they would never be let inside.

* * *

Moody didn’t speak to her directly, but he watched her closely. It was weird, Harri assumed such a decorated war hero and auror, would not be so caught up with her.

Pondering this in his class, she almost missed Draco calling out to her.

“Psst.” Draco whispered. And when she didn’t answer. “Harri!”

Maria next to her swirled around and glared at him. Harri sunk down her chair and leaned her head back to indicate that she was listening. “What?”

Draco looked to his side at a stoic Ron and then back to her. He propped himself up onto his elbows and said, “Ron told me to tell you…that uh..” A glance back to Ron who huffed and murmured something in his ear. Draco nodded and then to Harri repeated. “…That he heard from his brother and that he wants you to meet him near the forest tonight.” 

Harri bit her lower lip, interested. “Um, which brother?”

Draco opened his mouth and then his brow furrowed. “Uh..Ron?”

Ron rolled his eyes and began to whisper in Draco’s ear again. From next to Maria, Lavender smacked Ron’s desk. “For fucks sake Ron! Really? You’re going to be this overdramatic?”

Ron ignored her and finished whispering. Draco turned to face Harri again. “Charlie.”

Harri nodded and tapped her quill against her desk. “And will Ron be there?”

Draco made a pleading face and glanced back at Ron hesitantly. Ron didn’t move again. Draco exhaled. “No more questions Harri please.” 

Hermione and Blaise flicked a squished up paper ball at Draco from two desks down. “You’re ridiculous.” Blaise mouthed and Hermione smothered her laughed under her arm.

Draco scowled at them and smoothed down his hair. “Peasants.”

When the sun went down and it was time for Harri to leave for the forest, she was with Theodore. As a precaution her invisibility cloak was in her bag because experience had taught that you can never be too careful.

“So Charlie Weasley,” Theo inquired, lacing their fingers together and leading her out of the school. “I don’t think I’ve seen him before. He wasn’t at the quidditch match with you was he?”

“No. He’d already left for Romania by then. That’s where he works.” Harri replied and swung their hands back and forth.

They reached the supposed meeting place in not time. Came to stopped at the bottom of a scrawny birch tree only a few meters away from Hagrid’s cabin. “Really? That’s so far from home. It must have been a culture shock to move there after Hogwarts.” The night cast shadows upon his face and yet his eyes were still piercing.

“Probably yeah.” Harri agreed and came to rest against him. “But I think it’s nice that he gets to see more of the world than just Britain. I definitely want to go traveling after Hogwarts.” Theo wrapped his arms around her and Harri wrapped hers around his neck. He was warm and it felt good to be enveloped in him, to be this close to another human.

“You don’t want to keep studying?” He said quietly, looking at her softly.

“Later. I want to see the world after all this.” If Voldemort didn’t kill her first.

“If I could…I would too.” Theo hummed. “The world with you by my side. That would be something.”

Harri flushed. He smiled, tracing the blush with his eyes. Harri closed hers and breathed in the smell of him, which was always sweet and like caramel.  
  
And when he leaned down, it felt like the world went quiet around them. Their lips touched and it was the drink of something forbidden. Theo tasted like the almonds he carried around in his pockets and something about this made Harri melt. She wanted him closer, closer, closer.

They kissed long, open-mouthed and soft. Until, “Merlin!” yelped loudly from behind them.

Their embrace was broken by the sound and they turned together to see a red faced Ron, a cackling Draco and amused Charlie Weasley standing within the forest. Harri was surprised to see Ron there, when she’d only been expecting Charlie. Her and Theo hiked towards them.

Draco stopped laughing and slapped Theo on the back before he introduced him to Charlie. Harri halted in front of Ron and they stared at each other awkwardly, both prepared to speak but shy to begin.

“I’m sorry—

“I overreacted—

They laughed and it seemed that was all they needed to break the tension.

“I shouldn’t have yelled.” Harri apologized, smiling slightly. “I was just so upset that you, out of everyone didn’t believe me.”

“And I was being thickheaded.” Ron said in earnest. “I let my own insecurities get in the way. Of course I believe you! And even if you had put your name in, I should have been ready to support you. You’re my best friend and I messed up. I’m sorry Harri.”

Harri breathed out in relief and shook her head, feeling twenty pounds lighter. “You’re not stupid Ron.”

Then they were hugging. It was a sigh of relief, the feeling of cold water down a parched throat. Somehow it made all the frustration of the past week fade away.

“Finally.” Draco intoned beside them. “I don’t like it when you’re both not annoying everyone together.” 

Ron scoffed. He dew away from her and shoved Draco’s shoulder. “We’re not annoying you prick.”

Charlie cleared his throat. “Now that it’s all well and good, we should probably get on.”

“What is it that we’re doing exactly?” Theo inquired. He stepped closer to Harri and took her hand again.

“And why are you here Charlie?” Harri questioned. “Did you get a few days off?”

“No exactly.” Charlie said. “Put on your cloak Harri and try to cover all of you. I’m going to show you what your first task is.”

They weren’t little anymore, especially the boys who all seemed to have grown ten inches over the summer, and so they didn’t fit perfectly under her invisibility cloak the way they used to. It was a tight fit. The four of them were squished against each other as they trudged as silent as possible behind Charlie.

They followed for twenty minutes before they came upon a clear dome. Once they passed through it, warmth brushed over as hot as a summers day and the sound of yelling and loud roaring entered their ears. Charlie halted at the opening. Like in a movie, the full scene panned out in front of them.

“Bloody hell.” Ron swore, mouth opened in an O.

“Oh no…” Draco whispered.

“Goblin shit.” Theo cursed.

Inside the dome four gigantic fire breathing dragons were caged. Harri’s first task.

* * *

They left the forest in a somber mood and though the boys tried to comfort her, Harri felt nauseous and sick to her stomach the whole time. Sleep didn’t come easy that night. All she could think of was the heat of the fire as it lit up the night sky and the terrified looks in all of their eyes.

Monday morning found them crammed in the library as they tried to find spells, charms and curses that would help Harri come out of the first task unscathed. 

Hermione and Blaise had gotten permission from McGonagall to search the restricted section. They were going through the books they’d found like clockwork. Draco had written a letter home and asked Dobby if he could smuggle his dragon hide boots into school. Lavender, Maria and Daphne had found research about the previous tournament tasks and Ron had brought notebooks from Charlie, where he’d written everything he’d learned over his years at the dragon sanctuary.

“You’d think he wouldn’t have had this much time.” Ron complained. “This is so much stuff! How am I meant to read it all?” He pushed his hair back and slumped into his chair.

“You can divide it into portions,” Lavender showed Ron how she’d highlighted specifically important chapters. “See? First cut out the unimportant months and then focus on when he was learning about their nesting habits and their prowess.”

Ron bobbed his head and began to flip through each of Charlie’s diaries. Once in a while he’d throw one onto the floor.Harri hoped he’d find something. Ron was the best at finding out information no one else did. He played chess extremely well and had an eye for detail that was unparalleled.

Laughter ran in from outside and Harri glanced up, rubbing at her eyes and found Cedric walking past the window with his friends. She startled and jerked up from her seat.

“Where are you going?” Daphne tugged on Harri’s sweater. “You haven’t read over Ludgen’s theory of fire bending curses yet.”

“Cedric,” Harri pointed. “I have to warn him about the dragons!”

And that was how she ended up following behind his group of friends like a stalker. Zachariah Smith would surely have a real reason to dislike her if he turned around. She waited until Cedric was alone and then reached out for his arm.

Cedric looked down, taken by surprise. “Harri,”

“Hi. I have to tell you something. Can we talk?” 

Cedric nodded. Harri led him away and down to a private aclove.

“The first task, it’s dragons Cedric.” Harri divulged. “We’re going to have to fight dragons.”

Cedric’s breath hitched. “How do you know that?”

“Someone told me.” Harri confessed. “But that’s not important, all the other champions know. I’m sure of it. And I thought you should too. ”

Cedric ran a hand through his hair. “Dragons.” He breathed out in awe. “I’ll be damned.”

They both would be, if they didn’t figure out some way to win. 

Like all things that were impending, the first task arrived quicker than anyone expected. The night before, Harri and her friends stayed up all night preparing. By some stroke of luck or perhaps with the help of a cup of hot chocolate, Ron and Hermione figured out how Harri would compete.

“You’re the best quidditch player I know.” Hermione insisted, sprawled out on the floor with a blanked over her head. “And with the firebolt, you’ll be fast, almost quick enough to escape the dragon.”

“You know how to slip in and out.” Ron said from inside Harri’s bed covers, freckled feet pressed against her own. “And you know the landscape. The dragon is large, that means your deftness will help you more than anything.”

Daphne stretched out her arms above her head and yawned. “So a fly rather than an ant, less of a change to be stepped on right?”

“More of a change to be swatted.” Maria mumbled into the carpet.

Lavender pinched her in between the elbow harshly. “Not helping.”

“I’ll be quick and I can hide from its line of sight that way.” Harri repeated.

“If you don’t make it,” Ron whispered. “Will you leave me your broom?”

“Do it Harri,” Daphne shouted. “Then I can beat him with it.”

“What crawled up your ass and died?” Ron leaned over the edge of the bed.

“Let’s just sleep,” Lavender said. And behind her Daphne pulled Ron down and trapped him in a headlock.

“Lets.” Maria yawned.

They slept for two hours. When they woke and after Harri’s shower Hermione plaited her hair into two french braids and Maria painted her nails Gryffindor red. Angelina and Alicia brought them up breakfast and they cuddled in bed for a few minutes until it was time for Harri to go.

“Sirius is waiting for you outside Haz.” Daphne smoothed her hands down Harri’s arms and straightened out her clothes. “He’ll take you to the tent with the rest of the champions.”

Hermione fretted with Harri’s hair. “I’ll leave the window open and the firebolt positioned in front. That way, when you summon it, it’ll have a clear path to you.”

Lavender shoved a piece of toast into her mouth. “Don’t forget A-C-C-I-O. Enough power into it but not too much.”

“And if it doesn’t work right away don’t panic.” Maria urged. “That’ll just make everything worse. Remember: you know this. You can do it.” 

Daphne tugged Harri into her arms. “You have to come out okay that’s all that matters.” 

“I will. I promise. I’ve survived worse haven’t I?” Maria rested her head on top of hers and Lavender and Hermione’s arms swathed from behind.

“Girls!” Dean knocked on their door. “She’s going to be laaaate!”

Fred whooped from the common room. “Let our champion out the door!”

“Don’t get your panties in a twist.” Lavender rolled her eyes. “We’re coming.”

“Like to see my panties would ya Lav.” Fred teased.

“Alright.” Hermione exhaled deeply and withdrew from them. “You go. We’ll be there.”

Harri hugged them one last time and left. The common room was empty and the portrait was left open from where Fred and Angelina had just left.

Sirius waited for Harri outside. His arms were crossed and a he had a Gryffindor jersey on. He grinned when she stepped out and pulled her in for a hug.

He cradled her head on his shoulder and pressed a soft kiss in her hair. “You ready puppy?”

“Mhhm.” Harri mumbled into his shirt.

“Well I’m not. I’ve never felt more anxious in my life.” Sirius forced a smile. “I wish it was me instead. And I know you’ll do amazing but I can’t help but worry.”

“I understand.” Harri murmured.

“And whatever happens…I’m there. You know I’m not afraid to jump in.” His hands ran soothing warmth down her arms.

“You can’t.” Harri squeezed him. “It’s for me to do.”

Sirius let out a deep sigh. “It just…this feels like…impending doom.”

“The sword of Damocles, that’s the phrase, right?” Harri rested her head on his neck.

“Yes sweetheart,” He let out a hollow laugh under his breath. “That’s right...how does it go? ...There was a sharpened sword above his head...”

“...that hung there by the thinnest simple thread…”

As Harri stayed in his arms and listened to the pitter patter of his heart, the next seemed less frightening. 

* * *

The trek to the tents went by in the blink of an eye and so did the choosing of the dragons.

Time was nimble and like the turning of a book, the pages passed by until a white faced Cedric prepared to walk out the tent.

Impulsively, she drew him into a hug.

In another life it could have been awkward. In this one it was solace. They gave each other a decisive regard and this time Cedric stepped out with his head held high.

Harri paced back and forth while he went, she whispered accio under her breath and mimicked the wand movement again and again. She tuned out the screaming from outside and felt her hands tremble. She convinced and unconvinced herself that she could do this and that she couldn’t.

Harri cursed whoever put her name in the cup as she remembered how she could be outside in the stands and not feeling as if she would implode instead.

The noise outside reached a crescendo, the same as it had done when Fleur and Victor caught their dragon eggs. And Harri knew it is time for her to go.

She traipsed out into the rocky landscape to shouts and the blazing fire of a furious mother Hungarian horntail.

She ran behind a large boulder to elude the flames. After what felt like minutes but was seconds, the fire ceased. Harri, with shaking hands, grasped her wand from its holster and rose from her crouch. With a sharp inhale of breath, she peeked around the rock. 

It was a mistake.

The horntail roared in rage and struck out with her claws first. Harri escaped by the skin of her teeth. She slid down the ground and hid against cornerstone.

She heard the catches of breath from around her and grit her teeth at the smell of smoke. It wafted in waves through her nostrils.  
  
In a rush, Harri cast a quick spell. “Protego maxima!” and heard the collective gasps as she ran out from her cover and straight into dragon fire. The shield formed around her just in time and the dragon flames fell away like tear drops. The crowd shouted in excitement and Harri grinned, adrenaline lighting up her bones.

The dragon howled and tried to wrench herself away from her chain. She tugged harshly and succeeded in ripping away a piece.

“ACCIO FIREBOLT!”

As the last screw unbound the horntail from its shackles, Harri’s firebolt smacked into her palm. Droves of shouts and shrieks boomed around her when the dragon breaks free and set its flames on Harri once more. 

She flung herself onto her broom and the horntail was right behind her, chasing her into the sky on heavy wings. The air around them was ignited in dragon flame. Harri led the horntail on a chase around the castle, underneath bridges, through water and on the roof of her tower. When there was enough distance between them, she sped back to the pitch and as quick as lightening, seized the golden egg.

Harri hadn’t thought she’d ever hear screams for her as loud as they’d been in the quidditch cup. But with blood rolling down her arm and the golden egg in hand, cheers for her reverberated even through the ringing in her ears.

* * *

Music boomed in the hufflepuff common room so loud that no one could scarcely hear themself think. It was here that they were having their party; celebrating all the champions and the passing of the first task. Everyone had come tonight. Even the durmstang and beauxbatons students.

Cedric’s smiling face was what welcomed Harri and her friends inside.

Never having been in the hufflepuff basement before, Harri was excited to see how open it was and how the moon shined through the circular windows that surround the the circle-like room beautifully. It was comforting and welcoming, bathed in yellows and decorated with greenery.

Daphne and Lavender immediately wandered over to the food table and Maria drew Hermione away to dance. Ron made a b-line for Draco, who was laughing as he watched Hugo chug beer. Theo was there next to Blaise talking to some girls from beauxbatons. Harri made to go over to him but Cedric propped his hand on her shoulder.

“Come with me.” He smiled conspiratorially and then took her to a private corner of the room where Fleur and Victor were sat.

“The last of us is here.” Cedric announced.

“Harri!” A buzzed Fleur flew out of her seat and dragged her into a hug. “You were brilliant today!”

Harri embraced her back. “You too! Not that I got to see it, but you made it out so…”

Fleur giggled and let go. She took Harri’s hand and drew her into the a seat. “So clearly that iz well enough!”

Harri looked at Krum who was less stoic than usual and nodded. He inclined his head to her and raised his glass. “It waz well played.”

Harri smiled.

“Especially the flying.” He continued on in earnest. “I waz very impressed. I did not expect you to be such a gifted flyer. We will have to play a game sometime, when all of thiz iz over.”

“I would love to. I saw you at the world cup and you were amazing. Do you think you would teach me how to perfect your wronski feint?” Harri gushed, humbled by his compliment.

“Me too!” Cedric blurted from his seat, glass of butterbeer in his hand. “You can’t teach Harri all the secrets. I’ve got to secure Hufflepuff a quidditch victory one of these days.”

“No you don’t.” Harri teased.

Fleur waved her hands around in front of them. “No more of thiz quidditch talk! Letz talk about the big reveal of today!”

Harri tilted her head. “What reveal?”

“Say it Victor!” Fleur clapped her hands. “Tell them! They might know who she iz!”

As Harri lived and breathed, she swore Victor Krum blushed in that moment.

He peeked up at her and Cedric. “My soulmate iz here at Hogwartz. I knew since the moment I got here by the things she wrote to me. I’ve figured out the she iz a Gryffindor but I just…I do not know how I can find her.”

Harri’s heart leapt. “Wait, I think I might—

“—Harri! There you are, Theo’s been looking for you—

As if it had been fated, and well, it had been hadn’t it? Daphne came across them and into their conversation right then. Victor’s gaze was drawn to her like she was the north star shining upon him and he jerked up out of his seat.

Harri had only seen soulmates meet once. In first year when it had been Ron in the train. It was no less magical now, when Daphne and Victor stumbled into each others lives.

“It iz you—

“I’ve been hoping but I—

Daphne laughed nervously and Victor flushed a bright red. There was more expression on his face than ever before. Daphne seemed to have lost her balance. Never had she ever been less than composed in front of other people but in this, she couldn’t seem to catch her breath.

Harri touched both Cedric and Fleur’s arms in hesitation. “We should probably give them a moment.”

Fleur had tears in her eyes. “Thiz iz beautiful.”

“I love it when this happens.” Cedric whispered to them both.

And they tip toed out of the moment, out of their little corner and back into the clamorous party. Harri glanced back just once, at the soul that has just become whole, and felt a lump gather in her throat. If she could never have this herself, maybe it was enough to see the unadulterated joy on her friends faces.

“I can’t wait to find mine.” Cedric said into Harri’s ear. They ambled through the crowd and had lost Fleur in seconds. “I think it’ll be soon. I’m almost seventeen and that is usually the age isn’t it?”

Harri peered up at him, this boy who was all hopeful honey eyes and kind smiles. “I’m sure you will Cedric and whoever they are, they’ll be so lucky. You’re quite lovely you know.”

He grinned and nudged her arm. “You’re not so bad yourself little Gryffindor.”

“I know,” Harri sniffed and then, “I should go find Theo.” As she remembered why Daphne had even found her in the first place.

"You should." 

“And you go look for your person.”

Cedric raised his glass to her and they shared a private smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me!  
> I KNOW you have all been waiting for the locket but TRUST ME what I have planned is going to be good! Seriously. I promise. 
> 
> As always, I want to know what you think :) <3\. 
> 
> The title "the sword of damocles":  
> "Damocles is a character who appears in an anecdote commonly referred to as "the Sword of Damocles", an allusion to the imminent and ever-present peril faced by those in positions of power."  
> "...There was a sharpened sword above his head. That hung there by the thinnest simple thread." — (lines 2026–2030.) In 'The Canterbury Tales' by Geoffrey Chaucer he references the story of Damocles.


	20. on this night and in this life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [harri's dress](https://cordeliawrites.tumblr.com/post/630871751589543936/her-dress/)

**Chapter 20: on this night and in this _life_**

“I think I'm falling. I’m falling for you.”

 _—_ **The 1975** _, Fallingforyou_

Hogwarts was always the most beautiful in the spring.

But there was something about winter in the castle that cast a feeling like no other. The cloudy mornings where every hallway was illuminated in candle light. The snowfalls at midnight when all the world was quiet but for snow descending from the sky. The cashmere sweaters and lit fireplaces. The hot cocoa traded in for orange juice at breakfast. Flushed cheeks buried in cotton and snow fights.

Whatever it may have been, the warmth of Hogwarts in December would always be incomparable for its students.

Harri pondered this as she treated through the throngs of students. Snow crunched beneath her feet and she felt determined to go through with her decision.

“Hiya Harri!” Erin Macmillan grinned when she strode past the east wing. Katie Bell slapped his head and rolled her eyes.

East wing, North wing, McGonagall’s office and Terry Boot snogged Natalie MacDonald beneath the stone bridge.

Past the astronomy tower. “Lo’ Potter.” Marcus Flint leered, Adrian Pucey smoked next to him.

Her legs moved slower than she wanted and her hands were restless. Maybe it was her imagination, but the halls seemed more crowded than she remembered. _I shouldn’t have waited so long._

The courtyard, the benches, the snow melting at the entrance.

“Harri!” George exclaimed from inside Filch’s office, “Where are you going? Dinner’s soon!”

She didn’t bother turning back. “I’ll be there late!”

And continued to walk to her destination, her breaths shallow.

The defense class, Gryffindor tower, clumps of Durmstang boys near the black lake. 

And finally, finally, the headmasters office. The griffin waited for a message. Harri puffed out her cheeks and took a deep breath. Her fingers squeezed her bag strap. _It’s the right thing to do._

“Sherbert Lemon.”

After the spiral staircase and tedious footsteps, at last Harri knocked on headmaster Dumbledore’s door.

“Come in!” His voice reverberated from inside. She stepped through the doorway and Dumbledore looked up from his desk, a not quite surprised expression on his face.

“Dear Harri.” he smiled. “What can I do for you today?”

The portraits began to whisper amongst themselves and Harri could hear their mutters clearly.

_The Potter girl._

_The one who’s soulmate—_

_That’s the one._

_Oh little Harri._

_She’s one of yours now isn’t she Black?_

Harri inhaled deeply and walked towards Dumbledore. Stuck her fingers inside her bag and dropped Slytherin’s locket on his desk.

“I need to tell you something.”

* * *

“The art of dancing.” McGonagall said with her arms raised and her voice echoing through the emptied great hall. “Is graceful, gentle, passionate.”

The first sunny day in an otherwise cold month and the professors had decided the best time to host dancing lessons for the yule ball. Madam Maxine made everyone partner up and then spread them out over the entire foyer. Karkaroff watched closely as a smitten Victor stood close to Daphne. And Draco watched with ill hid envy as Maria and Ron positioned themselves together. Somehow Blaise was stuck with Parkinson and scowled as she moved his arms around her.

Cedric seemed to have found himself someone to spend time with, as Harri watched him chat up Cho Chang. Thankfully Harri was with her own boyfriend; who she didn’t mind being this close with. Her left hand rested in Theodore’s and her right arm was wrapped around his neck.

The same couldn’t be said for Hermione. Harri’s poor friend had gotten stuck with Kevin Whitby, a jockey fifth year, who seemed more adept at stepping on Hermione’s feet then guiding them. He appeared to be trying her patience.

They were all stood stagnant and waiting for Professor Snape to start the music again. So far it had been a tedious half hour with the teachers giving a lecture on ettiequte and positioning rather than actually letting them practice.

“Passionate.” Theo mouthed to her. She grinned and leaned her head against his chest.

“You are floating, flying, gazelles in the wind.” Professor McGonagall continued, spreading her hands about her. “Not bumbling, baffling, baboons.”

“I didn’t know she was such a romantic.” Harri whispered. “She just always seemed like she would cringe.”

“I don’t know,” Theo said, his knuckles caressed her lower back. “She acts very tough but she’s kind hearted. Compared to Professor Snape at least.”

“And begin…1,2,3…1,2,3…”

Harri followed Theo’s lead and concentrated on his face as they practiced the waltz. “He’s not so bad.”

Theo lifted her when she stumbled and tripped over his foot. He smiled. “Not many Gryffindor’s believe that.”

“Well they don’t know him like I do.” Harri re-adjusted her hand position. “He’s been kind to me.”

Theo’s eyes were knowing. “He’s surprised me over the years. But I’ll admit I thought him callous at first too.”

“First impressions aren’t always right. I really didn’t like him at first.”

“Though…the one Lavender’s getting of Hugo right now seems accurate.” Theo chuckled and gestured to their right, where Hugo and Lavender were arguing about the placement of his hand on her back.

“He better move it unless he wands her wand up his—

“Longbottom!” McGonagall shouted from the doorway, “Are you trying to break the poor girl!”

Neville seemed to have found himself in a difficult position, trying to twirl Parvati and almost snapping her wrist instead. Harri winced for both of them.

“You’re very good at this.” She mentioned off handedly to Theo.

He kissed her hand. “I was raised to be the perfect pureblood. Dancing is one of its many forms and so I’ve had copious practice.”

“Were they like this?”

“Well no, we had books on our heads and got hexed if we missed a step. And my partner wasn’t as lovely as you.” He grinned cheekily.

“Wasn’t it your sister?” Harri asked.

Theo’s stomach shook in laugher. “It was my house elf.”

“Micheal Corner! This isn’t a pub!” McGonagall reprimanded. “Tuck your shirt in!”

* * *

“Two sevens.” Ron boasted and slapped his cards onto the granite kitchen island.

“Bullshit.” Blaise challenged and swiped Ron’s cards from the pile. Harri watched the light in Ron’s eyes diminish into horror. Blaise flipped over the playing cards and smirked.

“Now come on—you can’t expect me to take _all_ the cards!” Ron protested, holding his hands up in optimism.

Blaise snatched the pile from the center of the table and slid them over to Ron in delight. “Read it and weep Weasel-bee.”

“How’d you know I was lying?” Ron groaned, gathering the cards up.

“You have this tic right here,” Blaise pointed to his forehead. “It twitches a little. Did you know?”

It was Friday, a mere two weeks from winter break and the yule ball. As a rest from exam studies, Blaise and Draco had decided to hold a game in the kitchens late at night. They had snuck out of their common rooms after nine and Hermione had to pay Fred and George a little on the side to get them to cover for everyone in the tower. If all went well they wouldn’t get caught, not with how occupied the professors were for the preparations needed at the school.

“H,” Lavender sung, looking through her cards. “We should really start researching about this egg.”

“I know.” Harri agreed, blowing air into the cup of hot cocoa clutched in her hands. “But everytime we open it, it just screeches so horribly it makes my ears ache.”

Maria looked up. “Oh. So that was the noise I heard last night? I thought it was some creature attacking our windows or something.”

Theo reached for Harri’s drink and took a sip, arms wrapped snuggly around her waist in their shared chair. “And you just stayed asleep?”

“Well I was really very tired.” Daphne shrugged, yawning. “And after a year of thinking a serial killer is going to attack you in your sleep, you kind of get used to sleeping through the crazy stuff.”

“For the galleonth time.” Draco sniffed. “I am eternally grateful Malfoy’s have been in Slytherin for generations.”

Harri crunched her nose in fake disgust. “I’d rather worry about Sirius than sleep in a dungeon. And next to the black lake too. Do you even get any sunshine there?”

“No. And we like it that way.” Theo promised.

“It’s black like our souls.” Blaise added seriously and bit into a biscuit.

“Who cares.” Ron flicked through his twenty new cards with a forlorn expression. “We should just stop. It’s midnight now isn’t it? Anyway, I’ll never get rid of all of these.”

Draco grinned and kissed his soulmates shoulder in sympathy. “Alright Weasley.”

“You guys go on.” Hermione gestured to the door. “Lav and I are going on a walk around the castle. We’ll be up soon.”

“Okay.” Harri rose up from Theo’s lap and stretched out her arms. Observing sleepily as her friends gathered their things and made to leave.

“Goodnight.” Theo smiled softy and leaned down to kiss her cheek. “Sweet dreams.”

* * *

On the day of the yule ball, Lavender forced all of the girls to start preparing only a little past noon. At first Harri was doubtful of the idea. But soon she discovered that Lavender was a genius in the making. They spent an hour constructing home made face masks and snapping pictures on Angelina’s new polaroid camera. And then another hour showering back and forth. By three, Katie was waxing upper lips and Alicia was threading eyebrows. It had seemed tedious but was the opposite.

Four came and found them cracking open Harri’s chips box and sneaking in salsa. Five and hair was being charmed and makeup applied. Six and the boys were out the door while they slipped into their dresses. Harri didn’t know how the ball would be but she found that she didn’t care. The past six hours had been the hardest she’d laughed in ages and if it was even half as good, it would be enough.

The dress Tonks had bought for her was the most stunning thing she had ever seen. The shade, the design and the shape. Off the shoulder, cream with intricate golden flowers stitched in. She never wanted to take it off. She felt like a princess. Looking in the mirror, she couldn’t even recognize herself. Hermione was a vision in pink. Daphne bewitching in lilac. Lavender alluring in red. Maria ravishing in green. All of them stood by the fireplace in their dresses and chattering excitedly while a proud McGonagall took their photos. Harri wanted to keep this moment locked in her memories for the darkest days. 

Bright eyed and ecstatic, they left for the ball. Walking down the grand staircase felt like a dream as if they were living in a fairytale. Harri didn’t know how she’d got to this place. She’d grown up in a small house with muddy knees and strict guardians. _This_ life was not something she could have ever seen in the time to come.

“We’re going to go on ahead.” Hermione beamed when they reached the last set of stairs. “We’ll see the two of you after the opening ceremony.”

Lavender ran a last hand over Harri’s hair. “And remember, do not under any circumstance trip, it would give that cow Rita Skeeter a chance to print more stories. And if I have to read another fake from that fraud that people believe I will do something drastic.”

“We’ll be cheering!” Maria promised, pulling Lavender away. And they were gone, leaving Harri and Daphne.

“It’s nothing.” Harri reasoned, glancing at Daphne’s timid face. “We know them already. Why are we nervous?”

“That’s right,” Daphne nodded quickly. “I mean, you fought a dragon! This is just…a dance.”

“Right.” Harri exhaled. “Just a dance.”

When she took that last step forward, the first thing Harri caught eye of was the great hall as the doors closed. Completely transformed it barely resembled the home she knew. Snowflakes were falling, falling, falling. There was an abundance of christmas trees and lights, chandeliers of woven glass and gowns as far as the eye could see. Professor McGonagall had really outdone herself, because as cliche as it sounds it truly resembled a winter wonderland. Plucked out of Harri’s wildest dreams.

Her eyes dropped from the entrance and found Theo, impossibly handsome in his black robes and waiting for her at the entrance. She knew Cedric and Cho Chang stood somewhere to his right, and Victor was waiting on the steps and maybe there was Fluer and her date too but Harri couldn’t look away from Theo if she wanted to.

“He is handsome Harri.” Daphne said quietly as they walked down. “I’d never really noticed him like that before, even though I’ve objectively always known it and we grew up together.”

Harri cleared her throat and looked away. Blushing and careful, she met Theo.

“Harri,” he breathed as she reached the bottom. “You look…you look…”

“Stunning!” Fleur gushed, coming close and running a hand over the design stitched in her gown. “That dresz is divine!”

Harri barely had time to compliment her back. McGonagall came over and ordered them into a line. Theo and her linked arms and shared a private smile. They followed McGonagall into the great hall. The doors opened with a flourish and a hush fell. Inside, all three schools were gathered and applauded loudly. Violin strings rippled. All eyes were on them.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Theo whispered in her ear. “That was what I meant to say.”

In the background, a slow song began. She was aware of them lacing their fingers together. Of his hands on her waist. Of the way he was looking at her. And suddenly she was lost for words. She could feel the flashes of photographs, could see the people blurred behind him.

Yet somehow all she could really focus on was this thing between them. Because something was happening here. They unconsciously moved together, that barely an inch separated them. Harri could smell caramel.

The song passed. And another. So many that soon they were enveloped in a swarm and dancing to the weird sisters as they played. Harri felt giddy. Maria was being twirled around by Hugo, Ginny swinging Neville back and forth. Fred and Angelina seemed to be doing something weird and interpretive but George was laughing his ass off at it anyway. Daphne and Victor were lost in each other. Hermione was as loose as she’d been at the quidditch final, hair down, shoes off and shouting out every word to every song. And Flitwick and Sprout were doing the jig. A delighted Seamus was within a crowd of Beauxbaton girls having the time of his life and Dean was showing Katie Bell a damn good time. Sweetly, even Dumbledore and McGonagall were swaying in a corner.

Eventually, Harri was out of breath and Theo left to get them drinks. She found Ron by the tables and sat down the empty chair next to him. He was slumped in his chair and the only student sulking about. She readjusted her hair and fanned her face.

“Why the long face?” Harri pet his back. “You should go dance Ron.”

“I’m fine right here.” He mumbled and sent a withering glance to the crowd, where Harri caught Draco dancing with Pansy.

“Ohhh,” she nodded understandingly. “You know it’s only because he had to.”

“Well he doesn’t have to look so happy about it.” Ron grumbled.

“It’s not like he finds her appealing in anyway.” Harri shrugged.

Hermione and Blaise stumbled over with punch in their hands and sat down on what Harri assumed was Lavender’s chair. “Its so fun isn’t it!” Hermione giggled. “And the way the great hall looks tonight is unbelievable.”

Blaise nodded along and speared a slice of cake for all of them to share. Theo came back with soda for Harri and draped his outer robe onto Blaises head.

“Disgusting.” Blaise hit him over the head and threw the robe onto the table.

“Lavender’s sure having a wonderful time.” Harri pointed out, gazing at where she and Maria were with some Beauxbatons boys.

“Wasn’t she kind of your date Ron?” Theo asked. “Why aren’t you with her?”

Ron scoffed. “Because I’m loyal. Unlike certain people.”

Blaise looked at Ron and then at Harri. She made a cut it out motion with her hand. Theo spotted it and chuckled under his breath. Blaise continued on anyway. “Lav’s our friend…what would be wrong about—

“It’s the principle of it isn’t it. Why would I hang all over her? Why wouldn’t I try to be respectful?” Ron stabbed at Blaises cake with a fork.

“Uhhh.” Blaise stammered. “Forgive me but I’m not following. Who are we really talking about?”

“That unfaithful prat I call my better half.”

“Right,” Blaise gave Theo and Harri a look. “But he doesn’t even like Pan. He thinks she’s annoying.”

“Forget it.” Ron frowned and took the whole cake away from Blaise. “When is this thing over? It feels like forever”

“It’s hardly been two hours!” Hermione frowned. “Come on Ron, dance with me then.” Ron objected but he was no match for Hermione’s determination, she dragged him out of his seat and into the fire, chocolate cake and all.

“Well,” Blaise got up. “I’m going to find something else to eat.”

Harri nodded her head distractingly and glanced outside while Theo said something to Blaise. The moon was barely noticeable in the night because of the fairy lights that hung outside covering up its glow. She watched as the wind swayed and a few of the couples pressed against bushes and hid behind columns. She watched as Igor Karkaroff silently strolled outside. Interested piqued, Harri pushed herself up.

“Theo,” she whispered, tilting her head. “Would you like to take a walk?”

Theo glanced outside, “Really? It’s freezing out there Harri. Are you sure?”

“I would really like to see something.” Harri said, adjusting her sleeves and linking their hands. 

“Well alright then.” Theo pulled on his robe and placed a hand on her back. Leaving through the front door, they passed a giggly Angelina and George and handsy Roger Davies and Fleur. Harri could see Karkaroff’s footprints in the snow and lead Theo behind him.

“Where exactly are we going?” Theo asked.

“We’re following a clue.” Harri walked faster as Karkaroff headed towards the direction of Hagrid’s hut and thus the forbidden forest. He kept glancing back warily so Harri made sure to keep her and Theo at a great distance. The edges of her dress touched the snowy ground.

“What is it with us and this forest?” Theo asked, shaking snow off his shoes.

“Shhh.” Harri thrust them behind a tree as Karkaroff looked back and almost caught sight of them.

“We’re following the drumstrang headmaster?!” he hissed into her ear. “He was a fucking death eater Harri.”

“I know,” she placed a hand on his chest. “That’s why we’re following! He’s suspicious. Now come on! He’s going inside, we can hide behind Hagrid’s and listen in.”

Theo groaned quietly but followed her anyway. As silently as possible they concealed themselves behind the blast-ended skrewt’s cages.

“I’m onto you,” Karkaroff was fuming.

“I don’t know what you mean.” A strangely familiar voice replied. 

Karkaroff threw an arm out. “I can feel it day in and day out! I know what’s coming!”

“Then you should prepare yourself shouldn’t you? Run perhaps? The way you tried before.”

“We can’t all be like you Fenrir.” Karkaroff barked.

Harri gasped and Theo threw a hand over her mouth. They held their breaths in fear as both men quietened and listened for another sound. When nothing came they resumed the conversation.

“And Severus? What of him?” Greyback questioned still hidden from her view. He sounded less anxious than the last time.

“He doesn’t care. He won’t leave Hogwarts he said.”

Voices appeared from behind. Hagrid seemed to be coming back home, with Madam Maxine in tow.

“We should not speak of such things here.” Karkaroff whispered and made to leave.

“But Igor, here is where there is so much to do.” Greyback smiled wickedly. He had the look of a man who knew what was going to come. They watched as the distressed Karkaroff trudged to Hogwarts and Greyback went back into the tree-line. “We should leave now.” Harri said under her breath. Theo hauled her up and in a rush they ambled back to the castle.

“How the hell did Fenrir Greyback get so close to our school?” Harri questioned him. But Theo was quiet and his face was as concerned as Karkaroff’s had been. “Theo?”

He stopped at the open doorway. “You know what this means don’t you?”

Snow began to fall, covering every inch of the world around them.

“I know.” Harri touched his cheek. “I know.”

“He’s going to try to come back.” He whispered.

“He has so many times Theo.”

“But _this time,_ this time feels different.” He confessed and pressed her hand against his cheek. “My father he-he—

“Harri! Theo!” Daphne’s voice came from the door, loud and exasperated, interrupting his thought. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

“Daphne just a moment.” Harri asked and held a finger up.

Daphne made a rueful expression. “But I need Theo to come get Draco, I think he drank some of George’s spiked punch.”

“I don’t—

—He’s all over Ron—”

—I suppose…alright.” Theo gave Harri a helpless smile and kissed her hard, bruisingly really. “We’ll talk later?”

“Of course,” Harri brushed snow off his hair. “Go stop Draco from making a mistake.”

He gave her a last grin and ran off. Just as he went in, a flushed Ron stumbled out. He marched toward her and Daphne and let out an embarrassed huff of air. “Can we leave now?”

Daphne placed a consoling arm around his shoulder. “Sure Ron.” He pressed his head against her shoulder and Harri rubbed his back comfortingly. “I’ll be right behind you, let me just take these heels off. I’m not sure I can walk up the in them.” The two of them left, disappearing amongst the stragglers around the marble staircase.

Cedric found her just as she made to follow them. “I’m glad I could catch up with you.” Cedric called, walking over.

“Hi Cedric” Harri grinned and leaned down to slip off her shoes.

Cedric touched her arm. “You remember how you told me about the dragons?” 

“Uh huh.” Harri inclined her head.

“Well uh,” Cedric pinked a little and bit his lip. “You should take a bath.”

Harri frowned. “Excuse me?”

“In the prefects bathroom.” Cedric smiled. “With the egg.”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m a fourth year and not a prefect.” Harri pointed out, a little confused.

Cedric patted her arm. “Trust me? Just do it. The password is pine-fresh.” 

“Okay.” Harri conceded. “I’ll do that…” She waved as Cedric sauntered away. _Take a bath with the egg._

* * *

“He said what?” Theo whispered loudly. His head snapped up from his book in the library.

“To take a bath with the egg.” Harri explained again, dipping her quill in ink and writing on a fresh page.

“Okay okay, we get that part.” Hugo said. “But what was he doing with the egg during a shower in the first place?”

“He obviously figured it out beforehand.” Lavender reasoned while ripping out a page from her notebook and stuffing it into her binder.

Theo shut his potions book. “Well you shouldn’t go there alone at night. Who knows, someone else could decided it’s the perfect time to go in there too. And with Karkaroff running around the castle—and whoever put your name in the goblet.”

Maria twirled her hair on a finger and turned to Harri with a meaningful expression. “He’s right Harri. You should take _someone_ with you.”

Harri pinched Maria’s thigh under the table. “I’ll take my invisibility cloak. It’ll be fine.”

“Uh no.” Lavender scolded, slapping Harri’s hand away from her paper. “You really shouldn’t.”

“I’ll go with you.” Theo offered, looking up at her with innocent eyes. “We can still take the invisibility cloak.”

“It’s settled then.” Maria clapped her hands. Harri pinched her thigh again.

“Wanker.” Maria whispered under her breath.

“Meddler.” Harri retaliated.

**The Fifth Floor Prefect Bathroom, Midnight**

Harri entered the bathroom with the golden egg in hand that night, not nervous but wishing she could have gone alone. It wasn’t that she didn’t want Theo to be there but that she was only fourteen and the only person who’d ever seen her in a bathing suit was Hermione.

But he waited for her already submerged in the water. Bubbles floated around his hair and mischief was written all over his face. So Harri put whatever insecurity she had away and took off her robe.

“Alright?” Theodore asked and placed his hands on her hip bones as she sank down. Moonlight from the stained windows cast his face in hues of reds and blues. 

“Alright.” Harri whispered into the quiet.

Their faces were mere inches apart and when they kissed she was more conscious of his body than ever. He was beautiful as a human above all else. The antithesis of Tom Riddle. They kissed as the french do. More intensely than before. Hands, arms. Breaths tangling together. Thinking of nothing else until Harri’s hand lets go and the egg falls into the water. Unexpectedly, it slits open and glaring brightness lights up the bath.

“Harri.” Theo took hold of her face. “I think we have to go down.” He submergedthem into the water and everything became silent but for the haunting voices that manifested from the egg. The world was just the two of them, grinning at each other in wonder. Maybe, she thought, maybe they should just stay here forever and then nothing could touch them.

But the air ran out and they both spiraled up and up to the surface. Sound returned and with it the troubles of the real world. 

“It was mermaids,” Theodore breathed in awe, water drops clinging to his eyelashes. “Can you hear them?”

_Recover what we took, But past an hour — the prospect’s black, Too late, it’s gone, it won’t come back._

**The Headmaster’s Tower,Midnight**

“Where was it Harri said she found it?” Severus Snape stoked the fire in the hearth, stabbing heartily at the ashes that fell.

“She said the chain appeared first on traveling to school,” Came Dumbledore’s drowsy voice. “But I suspect, regardless of how it happened, that it came from Grimmauld Place.”

There was a surprised silence. Severus paused and turned away from the fireplace to stare at his headmaster. “You do not think Regulus…”

“Voldemort left his diary to Lucious Malfoy, it is not a stretch to assume he would have left his locket to Regulus Black.”

“But he murdered Regulus!” Severus rubbed his forehead in consternation. “He would not have given something of such incalculable worth to a boy he considered turned traitor.”

Dumbledore stroked his wiry beard with careful consideration. “I have some research to conduct on the full matter but I am almost certain of this. There are only a few pieces I am missing.”

Severus sighed deeply. “And what of the horcrux? Will you destroy it?”

“I dare not Severus.” The headmaster rose up from his chair and pulled his window curtains apart. Silently he observed the snowfall outside, wondering if he was making the wrong choice.

“Began the preparations. I believe we shall have a new student to welcome come summer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [harri's dress](https://cordeliawrites.tumblr.com/post/630871751589543936/her-dress/)
> 
> September has been challenging. Hoping October is better. Voldemort will make his return after the next chapter so that's something to look forward to. 
> 
> There will not be a love triangle. Trust. 
> 
> Thank you so much for 1000 kudos, it blows my mind. 
> 
> Here is chapter 20. ♡
> 
> "Recover what we took, But past an hour — the prospect’s black, Too late, it’s gone, it won’t come back." - J.K Rowling, Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire


	21. you’re my achilles heel

**Chapter 21: _you’re my achilles heel_**

Chiron had said once that nations were the most foolish of mortal inventions. “No man is worth more than another, wherever he is from.”

“But what if he is your friend?” Achilles had asked him, feet kicked up on the wall of the rose-quartz cave. “Or your brother? Should you treat him the same as a stranger?”

“You ask a question that philosophers argue over,” Chiron had said. “He is worth more to you, perhaps. But the stranger is someone else’s friend and brother. So which life is more important?”

We had been silent. We were fourteen, and these things were too hard for us.

— **Madeline Miller** , _The Song of Achilles_

Being granted a three-day respite from the eyes and crowds at Hogwarts, Christmas eve at Grimmauld Place brought the peace Harri had craved the second she’d left home. A bright-eyed Sirius had flooed in Harri, Hermione, Maria, and Daphne the morning after the yule ball. Tired and with last night's makeup still on their skin, she didn’t know how they even made it into the living room before falling asleep. 

The smell of chocolate raised them from their slumber, three in the afternoon and she watched through an open window as snowflakes dusted the streets of London. Harri closed her eyes for a minute, thankful beyond belief for a real home to come to when life was difficult. May wonders never cease.

She pulled her blanket tighter around herself and with bleary eyes viewed as Hermione marched out of the kitchen. She laid out tiny bowls of sprinkles and m&ms, decorations for the gingerbread houses Daphne’s mother sent as presents.

Fully awake now Harri sat up and moved to sit next to Sirius. He was just on the other side of the couch, hanging up fairy lights with his wand. He was like a child, delighted by the colors and harassing Remus, who was adorning their tree with little starlights. Harri wrapped herself around Sirius like a wire, taking in the smell of December and peppermint.

That night, hearing Maria and Daphne try their hands at singing (keyword being try) Christmas carols and filming the expression on Hermione’s face as she tried Sirius’ eggnog, Harri knew this, there was nothing on Earth that was better than family. 

On Christmas morning Remus woke them all before noon. They drank tea and left for the Weasleys. Harri admired Remus in the cashmere sweater Sirius had gifted him as he helped her out of the floo. It was a quiet sort of reminder of the way him and Sirius took care of each other.

Mr. Weasley greeted them from the fireplace and welcomed them into his overflowing house. Mrs. Weasley was as kind as ever, pulling them all into a hug as hello. When she held Harri, she melted like butter into her warm embrace.

After greetings, Harri searched for Ron and the twins, but there were so many redheads inside she didn’t know which ones were hers. Having, bizarrely, never spent the holidays here she hadn’t known what to expect, but it seemed Christmas at Ottery St. Catchpole was not a quiet affair. 

As Hermione went off with Ginny and Maria trekked upstairs, Sirius introduced Harri and Daphne to his cousin Andromeda Tonks. Harri tried not to show her instant surprise when she saw her. 

The sharpness of her face and the gentleness of her eyes was so reminiscent of Draco that it was strange on someone else’s face. But Harri supposed she shouldn’t be all that startled. Andromeda was Narcissa Malfoy’s sister. And there were some things you could never hide, no matter how much you wanted to. 

Watching Andromeda under Sirius’s arm, Harri wondered about that. What was it like to have lost a sibling to something other than death? Was that why Tonks had no siblings? She regarded Sirius and the eager way he spoke with his cousin. He was keen, happier than he was to speak with most people and the smile they shared was identical in its curve.

Harri thought about the room that was left untouched in their home, the door that never opened, of Kreacher’s forlorn face as he stared at the engravings of R.A.B.

Was the Black curse truly what Draco had spoken of, was it really the madness? Or was it a loss, the thing that would drive anyone insane? 

_________________________________

“How goes the preparation for the second task?” Sirius asked softly, hands running through Harri’s hair. “The spells needed to breathe underwater for an hour…for that aren’t easy as a fourth year.” 

It had become a routine for him to plait her hair since that first night last summer. Harri knew some part of him was soothed by taking care of her like this. The part that knew he could have done it for her every morning when she was little. The thousand memories they hadn’t had the chance to make that they could now. The little things that mattered in a big way.

“I haven’t decided what I’ll be doing but I know I can’t use transfiguration. So I thought maybe I’d use the bubblehead charm, right?” Sirius nodded along, fingers tangling in her curls. “But then I thought what if I come across something that breaks it? It would be too easy for me to panic and then everything would just spiral downward from there.” 

“Then what did you decide in the end?” 

Harri hesitated. “Well. _.._ that’s the problem…I haven’t yet.” 

“Wha— _Harri._ ” Sirius admonished, dropping his hands and coaxing her around to face him. “You haven’t decided what to do yet?” 

Harri picked at her fingernails, avoiding his eyes. “It’s still fairly far away,” 

“Two measly months.” Sirius threw his hands up.

“That is plenty of time!” 

“Sweetheart,” Sirius sighed. He placed a finger below her chin, “look at me.” Harri peered up at him. “Tell me what you need and I will do it for you.” She shook her head, protest already on the tip of her tongue. 

“Uh uh.” Sirius tutted. “You wouldn’t let me help with the first one, you promised me it wouldn’t be bad and what was it? _Dragons._ There is nothing you can say that will stop me from helping you with this one. If Dumbledore hadn’t already assured me he’d placed protections on you, God knows what I would’ve done.” 

“Excuse me?” Harri questioned. “Dumbledore did what?” 

Sirius blinked and his face shifted. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you that…” 

Harri scoffed. “You can’t say something like that and then not explain!” 

“Fine.” Sirius sighed. “He put precautionary charms on you that would prevent anything fatal from happening during the tournament.” 

Harri shoved herself away from him. “What the hell Sirius?” 

He frowned. “You weren’t even supposed to be in this tournament and you’re younger than the other champions. It was only right that you were given extra defense. You thought I was just going to let you into this dangerous situation without the reassurance that you would be alright?” 

“You should have told me!” Harri protested and rose to her feet, not knowing why she was this upset but feeling incensed all the same. “It’s my life!” 

Sirius picked himself up, his jaw stiff. “No, it isn’t.” 

“Yes it is, what are you even saying right now?” Harri said with a raised voice. 

“ _You're_ my life. I wasn’t supposed to live this long! I was going to murder Peter and get myself killed fighting Voldemort. The only thing I live for now—the only thing that has any meaning is _you._ And if God forbid something happened...” 

Harri felt like he had just punched her in the stomach. She stared at him in shock. “Sirius—

“Do you think I could survive losing you?" And the fight left her as if it had never existed at all. They stared at each other in silence, words failing them.

The front door creaked open and Remus walked in. “The kebab shop was crowded like you wouldn’t believe, I nearly had to fight a guy for the last aloo samosa but I—"

He had glanced up, had seen Sirius’ pinched face and Harri’s teary eyes. Not wanting to be there, to look at her Godfather, she darted out of the room. 

“Harri don’t—” Remus started, calling out to her. 

“Let her go!” Harri heard the sound of glass break as she ran up the stairs.

Thankful that her friends were already asleep, she ran as far away from them as she could. Maybe minutes later, maybe an hour later, Remus found her on the stairs of the greenhouse. 

His smile was taut. “Would you mind terribly if I sat down?” 

She didn't know why, but she ignored him. Remus audibly sighed but ultimately walked over and sat down next to her anyway. Neither of them said a word for a long time. 

“He told me what you talked about.” She could feel his eyes on the side of her face. “I can understand that you don’t like that it was kept from you and I know a lie by omission is still a lie, but he was just doing what he thought was best.” 

“It’s not that,” Harri mumbled into her palm. 

Lupin paused. “No?” 

Harri turned to him imploringly. “He told me the only reason he’s alive right now is me Remus.” A muscle in Remus's face twitched. “I thought he was healthier. I—I thought the therapist was helping. Have I just been stupid? Am I only seeing what I want to see? It _hurts_ so much to think that all this time I’ve thought he was getting better, he was just…existing.” 

Remus rubbed his palm across his chin. “Harri, these things…don’t change overnight. He is trying to unlearn years of guilt and pain.” 

“I know that—but it’s been months of what seemed like improvement. And I just feel so blindsided. It feels like—like a slap in the face. I thought we talked to each other about these things. To think that he’s been suffering silently and feeling like he can’t tell me, that makes me feel sick.” 

Knocking on the wall stopped Remus from replying. Harri knew who it was and petulantly didn't look when Sirius coughed. Remus squeezed her shoulder and got up, giving Sirius a stern glance as he walked out. Sirius took his place next to Harri and opened his arms. And she wasn’t going to, but she gave in when faced with his sad eyes. It was her weakness. She relented and buried her face into his chest. 

“I know that I can tell you the deepest secret in my heart and you would love me anyway.” Sirius whispered into her hair, his arms closing her in. “I spent twelve years locked inside my own misery and grief. I had one obsession in life and that was revenge. When your father died, when I lost Remus and my brother, I lost my purpose in life.” he exhaled deeply and Harri could feel it against her cheek.

“When I found you when I got you back, I found it again. I get up in the morning because I know that you are alive. I try to make myself better so that I can be the best for you. And I know that it isn’t healthy. I want to live for myself too. But I am trying. And I know that what was said downstairs doesn’t make it seem like that, but Harri, even if that happens… it will never change the fact that I can’t live without you…just the thought of something happening to you—” His voice broke off. “I don’t know what I would do. Can you understand that? Can you forgive that?” 

Harri wanted so much to reach inside of him and claw out the darkness that haunted him with her bare hands. She wanted to tear apart his guilt and longing. She wanted to see that rapturous boy from her parent's wedding photograph in person. But it didn't work like that. Trauma and depression didn't just go away and loss isn’t just forgotten. Just because she wanted it doesn’t mean it would happen.

She pulled away from him. “There is nothing to forgive. But Sirius, I don’t know how I could ever live without you either, don’t you understand that? I need you to be okay too.” 

She would never stop trying to give him that happiness again. No matter the time it took.

_________________________________

It was days later when Harri was back at Hogwarts with Theo, that she was presented with an answer for what to do in the second task.

“Gillyweed?” Harri questioned reluctantly, holding up the jar Theo had just handed her. “It looks…disgusting Theodore.” Green, long and slimy, Harri wanted to gag just thinking about swallowing it down. 

He laughed under his breath and took it from her hands, placing it on the uneven ground. “S’ the simplest solution. My sister said it allows you to breathe underwater for an hour and also makes it easier to swim.”

He had purple bruises under his eyes and hair unkempt as if he’d just woken up from a sleepless night. But the way he was smiling at her, you would think he’d never felt more rested. She crossed her legs and her calves brushed against the wooden log they were sitting on. “I don’t know Theo, what if I throw up?” 

He leaned down and pecked her cheek. His lips pressed against her skin once and then after a moment again, not stopping once he’d started. “Mhhm, just block your nose. Think of it as a nasty potion.” 

Harri grinned. She loved the feeling of his kisses. She turned her head and brushed their lips together, small pecks that became long and eager. Her fingers caught on his sweater and tugged him closer. He smiled against her and Harri couldn't help smiling back. They laughed into each other's mouths, pulling away only enough so that their noses bumped. 

“Where did you even get it?” Harri pondered out loud. 

“I may have stolen it.” Theo confessed. 

"From who?" She pressed her thumb against his lips and wiped away her strawberry lip gloss. 

"Never you mind." He gripped her chin and kissed her again. 

_________________________________

Harri wanted to know who’s bright idea it was to have the second task on an icy February day. The air was bitterly cold and pierced at her exposed skin. The waters of the black lake waved ominously. Just a few minutes from now she would have to go in there. The only consolation was that at least at Hogwarts she knew what it was that waited for her. The merpeople, mermaids who were nothing like the sirens from muggle fairy tales.

A gust of wind blew past, sprinkling those nearest in the crowd with saltwater. Harri shivered and rubbed at her arms with her hands, covering up the goosebumps that consumed her skin. She glanced to her left at Fleur, who was just as piqued with the unfortunate weather. Her beautiful face was pinched in anxiety. 

“The sun isn’t out, a bad omen don’t you think?” Cedric murmured into her ear. “Like the grim or something.” 

“Yeah.” Harri breathed out deeply. “Or something.” 

Cedric wiped a hand across his face in worry. “I’ve already had a bad start. I can’t find Cho anywhere.” 

Harri sunk her teeth into her bottom lip and fixed her gaze on the stands again. Her eyes roved over hundreds of faces, looking for two specific ones and coming up empty. “I know what you mean, Ron and Daphne aren’t here either.” 

Cedric froze and grappled for Harri’s arm at the exact moment Dumbledore cast his sonorous charm. “Champions! Assume your positions.” 

Glancing down at his hand, she peered at him with perplexity. “What is it?” 

He whispered hastily. “The thing we will miss the most! It's them!” The realization of Cedric's words came to her with sharp clarity. Cho, Daphne, and Ron. Their things that were stolen. 

Ludo Bagman blew an ear-piercing whistle and Dumbledore called out. “The task begins now.”

Harri threw the gillyweed in her mouth, and it took a second but she gasped as it closed up her throat so painfully that she couldn't breathe. Cedric cast a bubblehead charm and dived into the water, throwing her a thumbs up. Without thought, Harri jumped in after him. Her body sunk down, down, down.

In the water, she stared in awe at the webs of her hands and feet, at the depth of the water and her ability to breathe in it. Then Victor, who had transfigured the upper portion of his body into a shark, launched past her. This is what it took for her to remember what was at stake. _Ron._ She began to swim deeper and forward and her body guided her expertly through the currents. Every slap of seaweed felt like the tentacle of a fish.

The full description of the second task was given to them only this morning by Barty Crouch. He told them they were not only trying to take back what was stolen from them. That was actually the last part of their challenge and ironically the easier. Their _true_ venture laid in the heart of the water and at the necks of their merpeople, the Selkies of Scotland. 

For the second task to fully be complete, they had to capture pearls from the neck of the merpeople themselves. And unlike their Irish counterparts, the Merrows, the Selkie’s were not alluring or seductive. They had knives for teeth and murder for what they desired. 

Harri swam north and kept her wand arm prepared in case the grindylows tried to attack. She knew from the book Hermione and her read over Christmas that the Selkie colony was located at the center of the black lake meaning that she had a while to go yet. 

She also knew that Victor was ahead of her but not too far and that the sounds of someone behind her must have been Cedric. She had no clue where Fluer was and hadn’t even had the chance to check how she’d chosen to get in the lake—too busy gasping for breath when the gillyweed had started working. She just hoped they all got out in time... the water was becoming perilous, beating harsher. A storm was coming. 

After a tumultuous thirty minutes that consisted of fighting her way through charmed seaweed and hiding from the vicious Grindylows, the selkie village appeared within her eyesight finally.

There were four mermaids laid out in a row, each carrying a spear and an icy sneer. A wall was erected behind them, like a waterfall of magic. Harri knew that Ron and Daphne were behind it. She steeled herself and released her wand from its holster. Harri swan closer to the Selkies and her eyes caught on the one in the middle.

A glimmering string of pearls hung around its neck as she’d been told. But more importantly to Harri, Ron’s tie, gold and red striped was tethered to the pearls. Anger struck her, unexpected and immediate. Ron shouldn’t be trapped at the bottom of the lake as if he was something collateral in this mess. When she found out who put her name in the goblet of fire, she was going to castrate them. 

" _Confringo_!” Harri shouted, aiming for the mermaid's weapon. However, she moved and the spell almost hit the mermaid instead of the spear. With a shrill screech, the now angry selkie raced to attack her. It launched the spear at Harri and nearly stabbed her foot. She swam higher and cast a _stupify_ at the Selkie. The mermaid dodged and shrieked.

The water around them moved sharply and pushed them back as they fought. The blade came for Harri again and this time she aimed her wand at it precisely, she cast _reducto_ just before it could strike her. The spear exploded and its razor edges caught on Harri’s arms, leaving small lacerations bleeding against her skin. With urgency now, Harri thrust out a hand and wrapped it around the Selkie’s neck. It screeched once as she ripped the pearls out and then went silent. 

Her heart thundered furiously against her chest and adrenaline licked up her bones. The mermaid bowed its head reverently and with a swift hand brought down a section of the wall. Harri watched in awe as it crashed down and space opened for her to enter. She found Ron inside, laid out at the bottom of the lake. She raced towards him and heaved him up by the arms. He didn't move, his eyes stayed closed and his body despondent. 

Ron had never been like this, still and eerie. It made her feel nauseous. Harri observed the bodies around him, a tiny little version of Fleur and the delicate figures of Cho and Daphne. She hated the way they’d all been laid here like corpses. 

She settled Ron within her arms and then breathed a sigh of relief because Cedric’s figure came into sight at that moment. Harri waited for him to enter and grab Cho, and then they both watched as Fleur came through and savagely tore the pearls off her mermaid within first glance.

Fleur found them inside and took her sister into her arms. She brushed her golden hair from her face with great care. Harri looked out past the wall to see if Victor had made it yet. She was worried, he had been ahead of her. Maybe she had surpassed him in the seaweed when she could barely see or hear anything.

Cedric tapped at his wrist in urgency and Harri realized the hour must almost be up. Harri pointed at Daphne’s still body and shook her head no. She wouldn't leave yet. Cedric waited for a minute and then swan close to Harri. He took one of her hands and wrapped it around Cho’s wrist. He then gestured back at Daphne and to himself. _You two go. I’ll stay._ Harri protested but Cedric tapped insistently at his wrist again and pushed Harri up. 

Reluctantly, she acquiesced. She and Fleur left, taking Ron, Cho, and Fleur’s sister with them. Their swim back was quicker, the path probably made shorter with magic. They reached the waiting spectators and broke through the water at the same time.

Ron came alive with a choke and Cho with a gasp. Snape, Dumbledore, and Madam Pomfrey rushed ahead and helped them out. Bagman threw out blankets and towels. Harri stayed in the water, unable to go fully back up until the gillyweed faded from her system. She noticed that Karkaroff was no longer present even though Madam Maxine was. 

“Cedric!” Cho wheezed, shuddering in Madam Pomfrey’s arms. “Where is Cedric?” 

“He iz waiting for Victor to get Daphne,” Fleur panted through heavy breaths. 

“He is what?!” Professor Snape hissed, darting forward. 

“Oh no,” Madam Pomfrey whispered, clutching at her chest. “Oh, dear.” 

“What?” Fleur questioned pressingly. “What is it?” 

The water slapped against the wooden panels of the platform in warning. Snape and Dumbledore shared a look. “Krum was attacked down there, he sent up a signal half an hour into the task. He has been in the infirmary since.” 

“But Daphne’s still down there!” Harri shouted. “What was going to happen to her when he didn't show up?” 

“The Selkie’s have been instructed not to harm her,” Madam Maxine reassured. 

“Well then what iz the izzue?” Fleur asked. 

Snape sneered. “Because there was nothing said about the boy! They have every right to harm him for intruding on their territory." 

A hurried and whispered conversation started amongst the professors while Fleur and Harri shared their own knowing look.

Harri dove back into the water without a second thought. She could hear the shouting as it began behind her.

The waves were jarring and raucous and thunder crackled in the sky. Harri felt itchiness in her neck and knew that her time was running out. She fought against the push and pull of the water and of the weakness in her limbs. Her body was exhausted now, having been pushed against its limits.

She was weaker and had barely made it out far when she detected sight of two human bodies coming her way. Relief sunk into her bones, until—

Cedric and Daphne came nearer and with them, the realization that four creatures were behind them, all the more angrier and driven than before. Harri crashed into Cedric, who was a great deal worse off than when she’d left him. He had blood gushing out of his thigh and his face was ghastly pale. She seized his arm swiftly and pushed him ahead of herself. With as much precision as she could manage, she began to shot stunners at the Selkies behind them.

Using magic depleted her energy more than ever and because of this, one of the mermaids was able to snatch her ankle within its grip. As much Harri tried to fight herself free, she couldn't. She was dragged down, down, down. 

Her neck had stopped itching and her body ceased breathing. Her eyes closed. She’d read somewhere that it takes less than ten minutes to drown. How long would she last? When thirty seconds passed, Harri accidentally swallowed water. Sixty and her body burned. Seventy and the talons clutching her went pliant. Seventy-one and another pair of hands gripped her.

Familiar, long, and petal veined. She knew these hands. 

_Tom?_

Harri wanted to open her eyes. She longed to see him. _Tom._

As if he'd heard her, a soothing hand ran down her back. Her eyes fluttered open the tiniest amount. As if he was real, he looked down.

She would know those red eyes anywhere.

 _Tom, I found another one._

His hands tightened. 

_I found another Riddle._

When Harri woke, there were no wine-colored eyes to welcome her. Only the blue hue of Dumbledore's and the terrified expression on his face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Third task. 
> 
> Achilles Heel: A fatal weakness, a vulnerable area. While the mythological origin refers to a physical vulnerability, it is any weakness in spite of overall strength that can cause downfall. 
> 
> I don’t know how I got the title, quote and contents of this chapter to connect together so well. While I've had “you’re my Achilles heel” planned for the title forever the quote about Achilles came two nights ago. I didn’t even notice it had to do with Achilles until yesterday. Also that scene with Sirius was not planned and came out of left field but fits perfectly I think? 
> 
> IF confused about the last part:  
> It IS the diadem saving her but he isn't there when she wakes up! Next chapter Voldemort is going to come back and right after that the locket :)
> 
> Clarification on each horcrux so far: 
> 
> The Diary — Harri thinks she destroyed it. But actually Dumbledore took it from the chamber, Fawkes cried on it and healed it, and now its with Dumbledore recovering. 
> 
> The Diadem — Left Harri for a purpose. Was implied he got a body through the help of Peter Pettigrew. Dumbledore has no knowledge of it. He’s warned her of Voldemort’s return in a dream and saved her during the second task. 
> 
> The Locket — Found by Harri in her bag, implied that a compulsed Kreacher put it there. Was given to Dumbledore with the intent that he deals with it, instead he’s chosen to help it come to life.
> 
> Somethings that don’t make sense, any loose ends, will be tied together before the end of the story. Somethings I’ve left open ended on purpose because I have plans for future chapters that explain them. Hope this helps :)


	22. something is off, i feel like prey

**Chapter 22: something is off, i feel like prey**

“Something is wrong, I can't explain.  
Everything changed when the birds came.  
You'll never know what they might do if they catch you too early.  
Something is off, I feel like prey.  
I feel like praying.

— **The Neighborhood** , _Prey_

“It wasn’t the grindylowz.” Victor whispered to them that night. “My memory—it iz not so clear—but I know it waz not a creature that came for me.” 

The four of them, the champions, were huddled in another secluded corner at another after party. It’d been an exhausting day, left them feeling weary and afraid. It was midnight at the beauxbatons carriage already and Madam Maxine was turning a blind eye to their gathering. McGonagall, Snape, Sprout and Flitwick would not do the same for the Hogwarts students but they were all too caught up in celebrating. 

“You were in front of me, in the beginning.” Harri’s fingers tapped on her glass of beer impatiently. “I don’t understand how I didn’t see anything happen.” 

Victor leaned in solemnly. “But that iz the problem—I’m not sure I waz ahead of you at all. I dove in and started swimming az quickly as I could. When I stopped to look around me, I noticed that it waz not going in the direction I had thought I was going. I did a point-me and realized I waz moving west instead of north az I had planned. 

Before I could get myself together, I found myself stuck in something. I thought at first it waz seaweed that wrapped around me but it iz no possible. I tried to move but I couldn’t and then this thing came—I do not want to seem like a liar but I could swear to you I thought it waz human.” Victor confided. 

Fleur tutted and slapped his arm. “But of courze Victor, we know that you are not a liar.” 

“We believe you.” Cedric promised. “If you say it was a person we believe it. Stranger things have happened.” 

Victor’s expression did not change. He gazed at the empty space in front of him as if he was reliving the moment over again. “I—the face I swear I knew who it belonged to. But now…I cannot remember.” 

“Do you think they messed with your memory?” Harri questioned. “With mind magic?” 

“Occlumency?” Fluer gasped, pressing a manicured hand to her chest. “But thiz iz horrible! It iz forbidden.” 

Victor scratched at his head frustratedly and breathed out harshly. “It iz like I can see the figure coming for me, and everytime my mind tries to grasp the memory of a face it turns to dust in my hands.” 

“Then maybe it was a potion?” Cedric suggested. “Did it hurt when you woke?” 

“I do not think so. We were in water—it would be difficult to administer a potion. And I felt numb. I do not even remember sending a signal up.” Victor sighed. “I do not even remember where I waz.” 

“What reason does anyone have to attack you?” Fleur said softly. “You have no enemies here.” 

Harri shrugged. “Maybe he wasn’t supposed to be the victim.” 

“But Harri you cannot mean…”

“It would make sense, the same person who put Harri’s name in the goblet of fire could have meant to hurt her in the second task. Maybe because you two were the first ones in they just thought.…” Cedric proposed. 

“No.” Victor denied. “It waz meant for me. I know it sounds bizarre but it was no mistake. Whoever did this wanted to hurt me.” 

Fleur set her champagne glass down forcefully. “They’ve come after two of uz already. Who’s to say which one of uz is next?” 

Cedric nodded. “They said it would be dangerous, but this is something else. Victor, Harri and I could have been gravely injured. Worse than we were.” 

“Yez.” Victor said. “If they cannot protect uz, then we must protect one another.” 

They stared at each other in agreement. Young, powerful and naive and headstrong and determined enough to see it through. 

“Cedric?” 

The four of them looked up from their circle to see Cho Chang smiling hesitantly at them. “Um, hello.” 

Cedric's face split into a beaming grin. “Hi Cho.” 

Fleur picked up her champagne and Harri’s hand. “We will just be going outside now.” 

Victor smirked into his glass and rose up from his seat. “Yez we can see that you are busy now Cedric.” 

Cedric reddened. “Right, I’ll talk to you lot later then.” They left the two of them pressed up against each other. Harri smiled, watching Cedric as he gazed at Cho with besotted eyes. 

She found Theo and Blaise with Hugo and George. They were next to the makeshift bar, seemingly concocting drinks that were going to leave her boyfriend drunk off his arse. Theo’s face was already flushed a deep pink and she heard him egg Blaise on to take a sip of something the color of mustard. Harri stepped up from behind and wrapped her arms around his waist, breathing in deeply. 

Theo’s face lit up. “Harrrrrri” he gasped and his hands moved to cover hers over his sweater. “Guys! Look! Harri’s here.” he cheered. Harri pecked him on the cheek and giggled as he swayed them back and forth. Blaise swiveled around to her on his stool with his face in an expression of genuine shock, as it had been months since they’d seen each other and not days. “Fuck! It _is_ Harri!”

“Oh my God.” George looked up from the hardwood table. “Bless my soul, it’s Harri Potter!” 

“What the hell did you put in those?” Harri questioned him suspiciously, scrutinizing the cup in his hand.

George smirked and rested his elbows on the countertop. “Oh nothing horrible Harri, a little bit of v—

“SHHHH!” Hugo wheezed and slapped a hand over George’s mouth sloppily. He just barely avoided slurring his words. “It’s a secret!” 

Theo looked at Harri with his mouth dropped in an O. Blaise leaned right into her ear and whispered. “I think it was firewhisky Harri.” 

Theo nodded along seriously. “Lots and lots of firewhisky.” 

“Huh,” Hugo glanced down, scratching his chin faux innocently. “Is that what that was?”

George’s shoulders shook from laughter and then Theo’s eyes widened. “Don’t look now.” he whispered to George, staring behind him. “But I think Roni is trying to climb Malfoy like a tree.” 

George covered his eyes and moaned disgust. “There are some things I never ever wanted to see in my entire life.” 

Blaise jumped off his seat. “Quick—someone grab the soap.” And then promptly fell down, taking George with him. Harri was too busy giggling into Theo’s neck to help them up. 

* * *

April brought to themRita Skeeter’s column of lies. Hermione was depicted in writing as the promiscuous harlot after both Blaise and Ron’s hearts. Whereas in the twist of the century, Harri and Victor were now allegedly entrenched in a secret love affair. 

It was all very scandalous if not for the fact that every piece of it was a lie.

And if Harri thought about it, Hermione was perhaps the only person she knew who’d never expressed a sole interest in a boy. 

Lavender had her summer flings, boys she kissed and never saw again. Maria had her crushes on the upper classmen, older blokes that never noticed her. Daphne had her Victor and Harri had Theo. But Hermione, well Hermione was more interested in her books than ever looking twice at a boy. 

So it was funny, especially when Mrs. Weasley failed to send Hermione chocolates for easter Sunday. If only Molly knew where her son's heart truly lay—the Malfoy's only son. 

May yielded spring and the dawning of the third task. On the 24th Ludo Bagman summoned the champions to the quidditch field. At six pm they made their way down to the horror that was their maze for the third task. The poor quidditch pitch was tore down and completely unrecognizable.

“That man has extremely bad vibes.” Harri muttered as the four of them continued to walk around the school grounds after Bagman’s little presentation. They were just skirting the edge of the forbidden forest. “I think he scammed Fred and George out of galleons he bet them on.” 

Cedric was walking backwards with his body turned to face them and he crossed his arms behind his head. “My dad told me Bagman is a serial gambler. I would bet you 5 galleons he has money resting on who is going to win.” 

Fleur raised a perfect golden eyebrow. “What iz he going to do with the money? I thought he waz a famous quidditch player. He should have more than enough for his…lifestyle.” 

“Ah,” Victor snapped his fingers, “But that iz it; he probably spent all his money placing betz, and now iz depending on thiz to get it back.” 

“Who does he have his money on, do you think?” Harri asked, kicking at a pile of fallen leaves. 

Fleur, Cedric and Victor stared fixedly at her. 

“What?” Harri laughed, “ _Me_?”

Cedric brushed his hair off his forehead. “What do you mean ‘ _me’._ Of course it’s you.” 

Harri gaped at him. “Because I’m the youngest? Least experienced? Didn’t even want to do this?” 

Fleur pinched Harri’s cheek. 

“Ow!” she slapped her hand away. 

Fleur said. “Harri, you say thiz, and yet you are tied for first place.” 

“You have shown just how worthy you are.” Victor shrugged. 

Harri couldn’t help how good their words made her feel even though she knew most of it was just luck. She wouldn’t have gotten half as far without the help of her friends. And if not for the protective spells Dumbledore placed on her she was sure she’d have a few more scars. “That’s not true, it’s just a matter of circumstance. You’re all intelligent wizards and if not for the protection of Dumbledore gave me then who knows.” 

Cedric patted Harri on the shoulder with an indulgent smile. “Just accept it Harri.” 

“Though you are correct,” Fleur sniffed, flipping her hair off one shoulder dramatically. “I should have been first place by now.” 

Victor cracked a smile and stopped walking. They were silent for a moment when something tumbled out of the bushes to their left. Victor jolted and had his wand at the man behind within a matter of seconds. Cedric stepped forward and spread his arm out over Harri, blocking the man from seeing her. She peaked over it and recognized the gaunt silhouette of Barty Crouch Senior. 

“Mr Crouch is that you sir?” Cedric questioned, moving forward while Victor continued to point his wand at him. “Mr Crouch are you alright?” 

Crouch looked as if he had been lost in the forest for days. His face was haggard and his robes tattered. He kept muttering under his breath, memos that seemed to be for Percy, dialogue that was memories of his son and then he yelled, “Warn Dumbledore!”

“What do we have to warn the headmaster about?” Harri pushed Cedric’s arm down hastily.

Crouch’s head snapped towards her and his eyes bulged. “Dumbledore!” 

“Yes, headmaster Dumbledore. What did you want to say to him?” Cedric asked warily.

Crouch scrambled onto his knees and grappled for Harri’s shirt, Cedric shoved him away. “You…must warn…you must tell him…tell Dumbledore…I’ve done something awful…my mistake…terrible…Bertha Jenkins dead… my son…all my fault…you must find him…tell Dumbledore…tell him…Harri Potter…the Dark Lord…strong…Harri Potter…” 

At his words, they glanced at each other cautiously. 

“Harri…” Cedric said under his breath. “We’ll keep him here. You go get Dumbledore.”

“Okay.” She whispered and then turned around and ran. She raced through the school grounds, the hall, the grand staircase and right up to the headmasters tower. She found Snape at the entrance with the gargoyle. 

“Professor Snape!” Harri shouted across the corridor. “It’s Barty Crouch Senior sir! You have come—something has happened to him. He wants headmaster Dumbledore to come down!” 

And just at that moment, Dumbledore stepped out of his office. He did not need any convincing to follow her. But by the time they made it to where the others waited it was too late. Barty Crouch was gone and Victor, Fleur and Cedric were on the ground stunned. 

* * *

Harri was in a garden.

Though unkempt and overgrown; it was beautiful. Behind was a gorgeous manor large, elegant and towering over a hill. Underneath the slopes resided a small village. She was laying on her back, gazing into the cloudless sky above. Her head rested on someone's legs and their hand caressed her arm softly.

Harri pressed her face against their stomach contentedly, knowing if she could she would never move. She felt whole in a way she hadn’t since the diadem left. 

“Harri.” 

She glanced up. 

Smiling down at her was her soulmate, blue eyed and bewitching. Harri grinned back at him. He looked as he had a year ago when she’d shown him her patronus, happy. It almost felt like nothing changed since then. But everything _had_ changed. 

An eagle soared above them and Harri looked away to watch it fly past. She listened as it let out a harsh screech, sending the atmosphere into a whirlpool around them. The wind picked up and when she faced back down to earth, it was all different. 

The garden was no longer beautiful. It was downtrodden, damp and dark. A large snake slithered through the grass and its hiss resounded through the entire plane of land. Even the manor was no longer charming. Rather decrepit and worn down. When she looked back to Tom his blue eyes were gone and his smile had disappeared. 

“The cup.” He whispered clamorously. “It’s a trap.”

She blinked at him drowsily. “What?” 

“Don’t win Harri. Whatever you do, don’t win. I—

And he vanished between her arms like dust.

Harri climbed up on unsteady feet and looked around for answers, shaken by his words. The manor, which had lain distant in front of them, was but a few feet away now and the front door was left open. She stood before it for a moment, listening as the snake in the garden moved closer to her. Hesitantly, she advanced into the house. 

Once inside Harri realized she’d been here before. She followed the sound of whispers and edged away from the foyer, careful of the closed doors. The entrance slammed shut behind her and Harri nearly screamed. Uneasy, she ventured up the grandiose staircase and into the second floor. She heard a shout from the living room and peeked inside. 

Just like last time a high pitched voice manifested from a divan facing away from her and bowing down in front of it was Wormtail.

“My lord I promise you,” he whimpered, “It will not happen again.” He crawled forward on his knees and she could see him take a frail hand into his own. “He is dead! Nothing will get in the way of our plans.” 

“I do not care for your promises, you spineless fool!” Hissed the voice. “You almost cost me the girl!” 

Harri woke to the ringing of Wormtail’s screams in her ear. 

She pushed herself up onto her arms and felt her forehead. The scar was warm and burned fiercely. She glanced around her empty dorm room and noticed with relief that the only other presence was Crookshanks.

Harri breathed heavily through her nose, thoughts running a mile a minute. 

The diadem’s words echoed in her ear. _What was it he’d said about the cup?_ She couldn’t…she couldn’t remember it clearly. Like Victor had said, she had a feeling but no clear memory. Something…something about winning…

Harri didn’t know how he’d done what he did, saved her and disappeared in the black lake. No one else had seen anyone helping her. She wondered if he watched her. If he was one of the shadows in the forest. Was it his eyes that followed her? Why wouldn’t he come to her? What had he done?

She made the decision to tell Dumbledore about the dream instead of going to dinner. It would be stupid not to. When she got inside the stairwell, she eavesdropped on the voices emanating from the doorway. She could hear the dulcet tones of the Cornelius Fudge as he argued with Dumbledore and Moody, denying the death of Bertha Jenkins.

Harri knew that name…she was the woman Barty Crouch had talked about…a ministry employee Ron had said. She didn’t get to listen too much longer because Moody exposed her hiding place and then they left Harri to go search the castle grounds for Barty. Dumbledore looked at her pointedly as he shut the door. 

Bored and unable to help herself, Harri snooped around. She’d never been left alone in the office before. Her eyes ran over Godric Gryffindor’s sword for a second but the memory of it in the chamber was still raw to look too long. She could still feel it gripped inside her shaking fingers as she ran it through the basilisk. 

She stared at the portraits for a minute, letting her eyes fall onto Phineas Nigellus Black. She knew he spoke to Sirius because his portrait still hung in their home. One of the only ones left after he’d thrown the rest into the family vault.

Though all the pictures seemed asleep, Harri knew when she turned away their eyes would be watching her.

She moved onto table tops and cabinets, noticed a door ajar. She opened it fully and found a basin. Her fingers traced what looked to be all sorts of intricate markings, like old runes. Without meaning to she became arrested by its glow. Harri fell into memories. 

Snapshots. The truth of Igor Karkaroff’s freedom, the sins of Snape, Barty Crouch’s son and the crazed Lestrange’s thrown into Azkaban. Dumbledore came back to find her staring at the basin. 

Snape had been a death eater. Of course he had. But then why did it hurt?

And poor Neville…they’d tortured his parents to death. No wonder he hated the cruciatus so much. And Barty Crouch, the coldness with which he’d sentenced his son to prison was brutal...

“These deaths…your dreams…these happenings. We knew he would try again, but not so soon.” Dumbledore told her. “I would say it is the bond as much as it is the failed curse that allows you to feel pain when he feels stronger and closer.” 

Harri left with the thought that the tournament was probably the least of her worries compared with all that would come next. She forgot to mention the cup, the memory like dust in her mind. 

* * *

Anger was a harsh and grating emotion and yet it was all she felt for Voldemort. The lives lost, the hatred spread…all of it was his doing. How could a person feel no remorse, no mercy. To kill and torture with such ease, spread hurt and hate, begin a war and for what? To what end? How could Tom turn into such a monster. How could Harri be meant for a man that valued destruction above all else? 

These were the thoughts that followed her through the next month. This and the third task, the last task. When she and her friends were not studying for their exams they were practicing protective and offensive spells. Harri was offered empty classrooms to train and Sirius was constant with his letters, with his worries. 

And sooner than she felt prepared, the night of the task came to fruition on June 24th. At three that afternoon Harri walked with Cedric to the room where their families were waiting. They were both already in uniform, red and yellow each for their respective houses.

“Are you nervous?” Harri asked Cedric and rubbed her arms to ward off the slight chill in the night air. Daphne had plaited Harri’s curls in french braids so that they pulled away from her face and it left her feeling exposed. “I keep thinking maybe I should’ve practiced more. I always end up thinking that.” 

He shrugged. “I am a little anxious but mostly because I hope to make my dad proud. He’s always been supportive of me. My biggest fan kind of? And I don’t want to let him down. But I also know that it’s more important that we all make it out of this alright, so whatever that means, I’m fine with.” 

Harri shoved him in the arm gently. “You’re kind of perfect Cedric and I doubt you’ll disappoint him. No matter what the result is.” 

His lips curved up in a shy smile and he reached up to tug on her braids fondly. “You’re sweet.” 

They made it to the room and Sirius, Remus and Mrs. Weasley were all inside, beaming at Harri. She threw herself into Sirius’ arms. He chuckled and squeezed her tight. “I missed you too puppy.” Harri drew away from him and hugged Remus and Mrs. Weasley next. 

After a slightly awkward conversation with Cedric’s family she took them around Hogwarts. She was regaled with stories of their own adventures when they were young. Hearing their voices, so much of the worry of the last month disappeared. A quiet contentment spread through her and for those few hours she felt calm. 

When it was time for dinner and they were entering the great hall, Harri caught sight of a familiar face lingering near the staircases. 

“You all go on,” She insisted. “I’ll be right there.” 

Sirius glanced back as she walked away and noticed who she went to. He nudged Remus in the stomach, who looked and pushed Sirius inside with rolling eyes. 

“Theo,” Harri smiled when she reached him. “I thought you’d already be inside.” 

He tugged his hands out of his pockets and pulled her into an embrace. “I couldn’t go in without wishing you luck beforehand.” 

His lips covered hers in a warm kiss and she sighed, letting herself lean into him. “I’ll see you when you win.” He mumbled against her lips. She grinned and kissed him again.

When they stepped inside, Harri pinked at the lecherous smirks Blaise and Draco sent their way. They stuck their tongues out and she discreetly flipped them off. 

Throughout dinner she couldn’t bring herself to eat much no matter how many dishes Sirius and Mrs. Weasley tried to send towards her. Now that the task was only a few minutes away, the worry was coming back.

Once it reached nine pm Dumbledore instructed Bagman to lead the champions outside. They stepped out to loud applause and stayed silent on the way to the maze. Only once they got there did they speak. 

“I had a strange dream.” Harri said. “I can’t remember the beginning of it, but there was something about the cup. I don’t know exactly what it was but I just have a bad feeling about it.” 

Victor frowned. 

“I don’t believe thiz.” Fleur rolled her eyes. “The whole point iz to get that cup.”

“So it would make sense if there was a trick to it or something.”

“Then what are we to do?” Victor questioned. 

“Just be careful, that’s all I’m saying. Send a sign up once you’ve reached it instead of grabbing it. It will still be yours whether you touch it or not.” 

“Okay.” Fleur nodded. “But victory will still be whoever reaches it first.” 

“About that,” Cedric said. “Bagman says Harri and I will go first since we’re tied. So I was thinking that we should stick together. We’re supposed to protect each other right? You two should stay close to each other too just in case.”

“We shall stay near.” Victor said to Fleur. “If anything happenz we will send out red light but we can get to each other first.” 

Fleur inclined her head. “And if any of uz see anything suspicious at all, we send out a signal immediately. Better for all of uz to be safe than sorry.” 

Harri wrapped her arms around herself, “Is it just me or is this maze a little eerie.” 

“It iz more than a little.” Fleur shuddered, staring up at the dark towering hedges. “Why are the wallz thiz high?” 

“Who knows.” Victor mumbled. 

Around them the stands began to fill up quickly and soon Bagman ordered them into position. The four of them walked to different openings of the maze, glancing at each other all the while. Dumbledore cast another sonorous charm and a whistle blew. 

Harri looked back into the crowd once, just to see the faces of her friends and family smiling at her and then walked into the maze. The second she stepped inside all the cheering and noise from the stands disappeared. The hedges were so high and shadowy that she could not see through them. She took out her wand and whispered _lumos_. Cedric, next to her, did the same. They continued on at a slow pace. Maybe in another life they would have split up. But Harri could clearly remember the deep wound on his leg and the feeling of suffocation as water filled her lungs. 

In the space of ten minutes the whistle went off twice, indicating that Fleur and Victor had been let inside. 

Her and Cedric came to a fork in the path and decided to go right.

Wherever they went they happened up empty paths. A right turn and an empty walkway, a left and four forks in the road. They could almost see nothing beyond what was a foot away from them and the waning shape of the moon. Eventually they got upended upside down by gold mist and stuck in a riddle with a sphinx. When they passed that separately and continued on deeper into the maze, the atmosphere became more sinister. 

Harri couldn’t help but be wary and press herself closer to Cedric. It was too silent and they were alone. She looked behind them and almost screamed. She could have sworn she saw a pair of eyes. 

“I feel like someone is watching us.” Harri whispered right against Cedric’s ear. “From behind.” 

She felt his body stiffen. He gripped her arm and they shared a knowing look. In sync they ran. Though there was no discernible sound of footsteps behind them, they ran until they were much farther. Harri pointed her wand behind and this time saw nothing but an empty trail. 

She still felt terrified. She grasped Cedric’s arm. “Somethings not right.” 

He shifted his pale face to her. “I know.” 

From behind him a green figure took shape, when light hit its face she recognized that it was a viper. “Cedric behind you!” 

He twisted away and Harri cast reducto.

“Don’t attack! It’s my boggart! My fear is of snakes!” Cedric shouted.

And from there it was easy, they cast riddikulus and the viper disappeared. Then out of nowhere, the sound of crawling came. They glanced around themselves and Harri yelped at the sight of four of Hagrid’s blast-ended skrewets. With stunners the two of them were able to repelled them away but not before one got Harri in the calf. She winced at the feeling of blood running down her leg.

“Hagrid was wrong for that,” Cedric panted. “I would’ve rather a hippogriff attacked.” 

Harri went to press down on her injury when an ear piercing scream tore through the air.

Harri froze and then her stomach sank.

“It’s Fleur!” 

Cedric stared at her, the echo of Fleur’s scream ringing in their ears. 

“Right or left?” Harri asked. 

“Right.” Cedric answered. 

They raced down the path they thought her to be as quickly as they could. Instead of finding Fleur they found Victor. He was bleeding from a gash on his head and his clothes were torn. He tried to run to Harri and Cedric from a hundred yards away. 

“Get out of here!” Victor screamed “Moody—

A red jet hit him from the side and they watched in horror as Victor fell to the floor. Harri screamed as he thrashed and screeched in pain. 

“VICTOR!” Cedric shouted.

He started to run towards him when Victor’s screaming stopped. Another jet of light came—this time it headed for Cedric. Harri pushed him down to the ground. It was too dark for them to see who was attacking them but it was coming from their right. Harri shivered to think the eyes she’d seen behind them were real and how much closer they had been to getting hurt then. 

The two of them crawled behind a hedge and then stumbled up to their feet. They ran to the other side of the maze and through the hedges as quickly as they could. Taking whatever turn came forward. 

From above, a humongous black widow dropped onto Cedric. Harri shot spells at it and only managed to aggravate it so that it turned its anger onto her. She was almost stabbed with its pincers but with whatever luck they had, Cedric’s disarming charm worked and the spider fell unconscious nearly a hairs breath from her. Cedric helped her up and they leaned against each other gasping for breath. 

“We need to send a signal.”

Cedric’s breath stuttered. Harri looked up in alarm, expecting another attack and instead saw the Tri-wizard cup glimmering right in front of them. 

They’d done it. They’d reached the end.

Solace didn’t last for long. The black widow twitched and red light shot forward, landing in the space between their heads. 

“We have to take it,” Cedric rasped, urging Harri ahead. “Then it’ll end and the professors can get whoever is after us.” 

“We can’t!” Harri protested. “The dream, the cup isn’t safe—

Green burst right next to Cedric’s arm.

“Harri if we don’t take it we’re going to die!” 

She glanced at the cup and then towards the figure coming for them.

“Harri!” 

It was hopeless. There was no other choice. 

“Fine!” 

Cedric took her hand. “It’ll be okay alright?”   
  
Harri nodded hesitantly. 

“At least we win, for Hogwarts.” 

“On three.” 

“One—two— 

They both reached for the cup at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!
> 
> I'm so happy that we have finally reached Voldemort.  
> <3 <3 <3


	23. the die has been cast

**chapter 23: the die has been cast**

“In my memory, it doesn't end. We just stay there, looking at each other, forever.”

― **John Green** , _Paper Towns_

"... iacta alea est," Caesar said, "The die has been cast."

Used to indicate that events have passed a point of no return.

* * *

When Harri was little she’d thought of her soulmate constantly. She dreamt that he was a handsome prince who would come to take her away from little Whinging. That the two of them would live in his castle and have adventures together for the rest of their lives. It would be happily ever after. Her life as a fairytale. 

When she met Tom Riddle she thought her imagination could not compare to how beautiful he was in real life. For that space in time when the possibilities seemed endless her love had been infinite. 

Then his eyes bled red.

And hope was lost. 

It felt like that when she touched the cup. 

* * *

Harri and Cedric landed on the ground feet first. The cup, which had captured their fingers so tightly only moments ago, fell out of their grasp at once. A _portkey_. The damn thing had been a portkey.

Cedric gazed around in a daze and Harri followed. From the aged tombs surrounding the area it was clear they were in a graveyard but why? Why had they been taken here?

Harri was filled with unease. The two of them were alone, wherever they were it was miles away from Hogwarts. If someone came for them they had little chance of escape. Harri exhaled heavily and leaned forward on her knees. For some strange reason this place felt incredibly familiar. She glanced aroundthe horizon, trying to find what it was that was so…and then her eyes fell on the hill to Cedric’s right. More importantly, her eyes fell on the house at the top of the slope.

Harri’s blood ran cold. She gasped and staggered back, reaching for her wand.

“Cedric!”

“What is it?” Cedric asked. He turned around and took hold of her arm. “What’s wrong?” 

“I saw that house in my dreams!” Harri yelled. “I saw Voldemort in there!” 

His face dropped. He took out his wand and drew Harri closer. “We’ve got to get out of here.” she swore. “We’ve got to get out now.”

It was too quiet. It was too isolated. Too dangerous.

The sound of footsteps alerted them to another presence. It was then that they saw a cloaked figure coming towards them and the black robes held in its arms. Harri braced herself and tightened her grip on her wand. Cedric shoved her behind him.

“Cedric no!” and though she tried to fight him, his clasp was unyielding. “Cedric!” In a minute, the cloaked man had moved so swiftly that he was just a few feet in front of them. Cedric pointed his wand directly at his chest. Harri felt momentarily safe, thinking that they would have enough time to run.

And then the memory returned to her. Dark robes and a high cold voice. The color of the killing curse as it struck an old mans body.

“Cedric!” Harri warned. “Cedric in his arms—

But she never got to finish her sentence. In that second her scar cleaved open and she was brought down to her knees, clutching at her head in anguish. In that second her hand fell out of his.

A jet of green light shot out from the cloaked man.

Cedric Diggory did not have the chance to cry out in shock or fear. He was dead before his feet hit the ground. 

Time stopped.

Harri stared unfathomably at Cedric’s body. His grey eyes were still open, the last expression of surprise still on his face, as they would remain for all eternity.

Harri screamed.

_No no no no._

Her hands trembled as she crawled to him. _Please_. Harri begged hovering over his body. _Please._

She just needed a second. She just needed a moment. She could change things, reverse time and bring him back to life. She would save him and he would smile at her like he always did. They would make it out of this graveyard together. _Please._

But he did not move. And he did not wake. Her hand was outstretched for fingers that would never touch her again. 

“Cedric” Harri cried touching his face. “Cedric wake up,”

Rough hands seized her from behind. She screamed and she thrashed against them but the arms encircled her and forcibly dragged her away from Cedric’s body.

She saw _Tom Riddle_ engraved on stone right as she was thrown. Her head ricocheted off marble and tilted her world off its access.

The man that had grabbed her began to tie her arms back and while he struggled to hold her down, his hood fell off. Harri recognized him immediately. 

“You coward!” Harri screamed “Murderer!” 

Wormtail ignored her. He left her trapped and walked away.

Grief left her and terror sunk into her bones. She saw something move through the overgrown grass and hiss. Her entire dream returned to her. The diadem, worried and insistent. _The cup Harri._ The manor, Voldemort, the snake and Wormtail.

Harri felt incredibly foolish. She had forgotten and now she was paying the price.

Forced to watch in horror as Wormtail lit a cauldron she felt more afraid than she had ever felt in her life. Knowing there was nothing that could stop what was about to happen.

Wormtail reached for the bundle of robes he’d dropped on the floor. He opened them up and drew out a creature that caused Harri to almost retch. It was disgusting. Repulsive. A body that was nothing like it should be.

He plunged the creature inside the cauldron and Harri’s scar began to ache again in such torment that she wished she would die.

Wormtail summoned bones from the dead and cut off his own hand. His screams penetrated the air and then he turned towards her. Harri was weak from the third task and could only cry out when he slashed a dagger through her arm. He took her blood and poured it in the cauldron too. When Wormtail finished a blinding light began to shine from inside. Wind blew around them and it was so strong that the trees shook. After a minute the light vanished and grey mist drifted out in its place. Nothing happened for a moment.

And then.

A body ascended. Flesh and bone. Tall and frail as a skeleton.

“Robe me.” said a high and cold voice.

Wormtail sobbed and jumped up. He placed black robes upon the body gently and with quivering hands. The mist that surrounded them began to vanish and beyond it was a man staring at Harri. 

She could not look away. She stared back at him.

Bald, snakelike, with slits for a nose and narrowed scarlet eyes. Voldemort.

He had returned.

And with Harri’s words on him. 

In disbelief, she saw black letters ink themselves across his wrist. _I wish you would die._ Irrefutable proof of just whose soul he belonged.

If he looked down…he would know. He would know exactly whose they were. And then what would he do? Harri shuddered just to think of it. She prayed harder than she ever had. _Don’t let him see._ She tried to change them. Tried to think something else of him. _I wish I wish I wish._ And so they did. 

Voldemort looked away from her to inspect himself. His long spidery hands brushed over his arms and his chest and his face. His blood red eyes stopped at his wrist and scrutinized the words there. But it was fleeting and he looked away. He curled his fingers in awe and smirked. 

What if he touched her? Would he know as the diary had known? 

He drew out a wand. He used it to throw Wormtail into the open grave below her. She flinched. 

Voldemort’s eyes landed on Harri again. He was terrifying. One flick of his hands, those hands that were so _familiar_ and she would be dead. One flick and he would know who she was. One and it was all over.

Harri tried to bury herself into the marble beneath her. She wished she could disappear. The feeling of his eyes made her nauseous, made her sick. This was a moment she’d dreaded for years and prayed would never come.

She wasn’t ready to face him. She wasn’t prepared for the truth. Once he knew he could never un-know and that was perhaps the most terrifying thought of all.

Worse than having Voldemort for a soulmate was him knowing.

He walked towards her. She trembled. He stopped a mere inch from her face and they observed each other.

He was a monster from Grimm’s fairytales come to life. And where was the prince that was promised? _He was lost._

Voldemort’s hands came for her and she prayed for some solace. _Please don’t let him know. Please._ His fingers curled around her jaw. Harri held her breath and waited for recognition to dawn upon his face.

But…it didn’t.

His eyes were as spiteful and inhuman as ever. _He hadn’t felt that they were soulmates._ And Harri should have felt relief…but any comfort this realization brought did not last long. At his touch her scar _burned._

Voldemort laughed into her ear. 

“You’ve grown since I saw you last.” His long fingers bore down on her face and sent shivers down her spine. “Still.” He gazed at her obsessively. “So _young._ ” 

Then his eyes left hers and moved up until they landed on her scar. He touched that as well and it beat against her forehead like a drum. His nails scrapped down her cheeks and left lacerations from which blood spilled. Harri winced while he watched in fascination as it cascaded down. Then he swiped a finger across and brought it up to his mouth. She felt repulsed as he tasted he blood. 

Voldemort’s eyes gleamed in amusement. “But Harri...what is a little blood between you and I?”

He didn’t know the half of it. Between killing curses and souls there was nothing that could have tied them together more.

Unable to look at him any longer she closed her eyes. She heard him chuckle and then felt his hands brush her face. They covered every inch of skin until they were wrapped around her neck. Then he squeezed and Harri choked. He was crushing her windpipe.

“Look at me.” Voldemort whispered. “Look at _me._ ” Her eyes fluttered open involuntarily. His hold loosened until he let go completely. “Have I haunted you Harri?” he questioned. “Have you been waiting for this moment as long as I?” 

She couldn’t speak, she could barely even breathe. Harri glared. She had waited longer than he could know but they spoke of two different things. 

“I suppose not.” Voldemort said answering his own question. “You were not burdened with the same fate as I on that fateful night. Why would I expect you to understand what ails Voldemort?”

“You shouldn’t.” Harri whispered through gritted teeth. “The pain you went through…it's what you deserve.”

Voldemort froze. “Foolish c _hild…”_ His nostrils quivered with fury. “What do y _ou_ know of what I deserve.” He hissed. “ _You_ who has been raised in the lap of luxury while I suffered. _You_ who could never imagine the torment, the wretchedness.” Voldemort grabbed her again and squeezed her already bruised neck. Harri gasped. “Do not speak to me of what I deserve _you_ who stole everything from me and rendered me less than the meanest spirit for twelve agonizing years.”

Voldemort sneered and cast her head back against the marble. Her already raw skull throbbed ferociously. “I will enjoy killing you Harri.” he said cruelly. “And I will enjoy giving you, as you so eloquently put, _what you deserve._ ”

He released her neck and stepped away. Harri struggled to take in lungfuls of air.

Voldemort bent down and pulled back Wormtail’s robes. She could see the mark there; his mark. The one that lit up the sky during the quidditch world cup. Voldemort had touched it and painted it black.

Through a pained haze Harri watched in horror as bodies began to apparate into the graveyard. Darkly cloaked figures whose faces she could not see. One by one she watched in disgust as they dropped to their knees, crawled to Voldemort and kissed his robed feet. They stared at him in fascination and yet shivered in fear. 

Voldemort began a tirade, accusing his servants with violent eyes of their treachery and lies. Those who tried to beg for forgiveness burned beneath his crucio. Those who tried to placate felt the touch of death mere inches away.

And though Voldemort’s voice did not rise beyond a soft timber it chilled everyone to the bone as if he had screeched. 

“You poor simple fools _._ ” He laughed.

He gave Wormtail a silver hand and called it mercy. Then interrogated them one by one. _Snape_ he said was too cowardly to return. _Karkaroff_ who would pay for leaving. _Macnair. Crabbe. Goyle._ _Avery. The Lestranges._ And Harri remembered Bellatrix’s eyes as she was sentenced to life in Azkaban, her pride.

Then Voldemort uttered _Nott_ and _Malfoy._ And it was the only other thing that he could have hurt her with. Those names pierced her. She could see the blonde of Draco’s hair and the grey of Theo’s eyes. Were their fathers going to watch as she died?

By then end of his spiel Voldemort’s mouth had curved into a grin savage in its glee. The eyes of his death eaters turned to Harri. Voldemort forced Wormtail to untie her and hand her wand. As Harri fell back against the gravestone, holding herself up with one hand, Wormtail sent her a look of deep regret. 

It meant nothing. She looked him in the eyes, hoping he saw her mother. She glared at him, hoping he saw her father. She hoped his guilt ate him alive. _Your fault._ Harri thought. _All your fault._ Wormtail looked away. 

“You’ve dueled before Harri,” Voldemort said softly. “Haven’t you?” 

Had she? She must have. But her memories were like sand slipping through her fingers. Before she could raise her wand in defense he crucioed her. Her body fell like a marionette with its strings cut. The pain of a thousand cuts, of a hundred knives, stabbed at her. And it stopped. Harri climbed back onto unsteady feet shaking listening to the laughter of the death eaters. 

“It mustn’t hurt too much for you to be standing.” Voldemort grinned. “Shall I do it again?” 

Silence.

“I asked you a question Harri.” She said nothing. His face did not change. “Oh dear, what an awkward situation.”

He raised his wand. Harri closed her eyes and breathed out. This was it. She was going to die. She had reached the end. Would he die too once she was gone? Maybe that was the only consolation, that right after her soul left this world his would too. 

But then she thought of the look on Sirius’s face when they found her body. Hermione…Ron…Remus…Lavender…everyone she loved. She knew intimately the scars death left. Could she leave them like this?

She heard Voldemort cast. “Avada Kedavra!”

It only took one second, the same that had killed Cedric. And she made her decision. Her eyes fluttered open right before the curse could strike her. “Expelliarmus!”

Green and red met in the middle. Harri’s wand quivered in her hands and small beams of light shot out from the middle creating a dome. She held on, gaping, watching the spell lift her and Voldemort into the air. The sound of a phoenix song surrounded them, the very same thrill Fawkes had let out as he cried over Harri in the chamber of secrets. 

Voldemort was staring stunned at the phenomenon. And then in between the golden lights and his wand…emerged something. A body. 

The shade of the boy once known as Cedric Diggory. Voldemort was enraged and yelling at his death eaters. Harri tightened her grip even as it felt like the force of the connection would destroy her. “Harri” Cedric came to stand next to her. “Don’t be afraid; it isn’t your fault. I’m glad you’re the one who won.”

Harri’s eyes filled with tears. She had so much she wanted to say to him. “Cedric—

But another being began to take form from Voldemort’s wand. This time came the face she had memorized for all eternity. The smile in her mirror. The shadow of a man Harri had seen only in photographs.

“Everything is going to be alright.” said James Potter. Harri’s _father._ “Your mother is coming my love.”

Lily was the last of the shades to appear. Even as a pale imitation of what she had been like in life, she was still so beautiful.So young. _Her eyes. Her eyes._ Harri wanted to cry. _Those were her eyes._

“When the spell breaks, you must run and take the cup Harri! You have not a moment to loose.” Lily shouted over the noise.

Harri nodded fiercely for she could not speak through the lump in her throat.

Her mother smiled and her silvery hands came up to Harri’s face. Her touch cooled the stinging of the wounds Voldemort had made. “You grew up so well” her mother smiled. “I could not have dreamed a more perfect daughter. You’ve been so courageous darling.”

When tears finally spilled over Harri threw her wand upward and cut off the connection with Voldemort. The song and the dome disappeared but the bodies of the dead did not. They flew towards him and hid Harri from his sight.

She sprinted faster than she had ever towards Cedric’s body and laid a hand on his still chest. Harri accioed the cup into her hands and looked up at Voldemort one last time before the portkey took her away. The last thing she saw on Voldemort’s face was not fury, it was curiosity. 

Her world turned, wrapped her in a whirlpool of colors, spun her around until she didn’t know where she began and where she ended.

Harri’s body slammed into the ground for the second time that night. She didn’t know if she could move. Her hands were still clutched around the two things that kept her alive: the cup and Cedric’s body.

It was quiet for just a moment. Just a breath and then voices thundered around her. At first there were shouts of joy, elation. The sounds of celebration. 

“Harri!” Dumbledore shouted from behind her. But Harri’s head was water. She pushed herself up and stared at where her arms laid around Cedric’s body. The feelings that had numbed when she’d been tied to the tombstone crashed into her again. Grief. Shock. Horror. Harri shakily pressed her face into Cedric’s chest and cried. He was gone. He couldn’t be gone.

“Harri!” Dumbledore’s hands frantically took hold of her from behind. She could hear Snape, Remus and McGonagall following him. “Harri!” Dumbledore grasped her face.

“I couldn’t—” Harri whispered to him. “He—”

Dumbledore glanced down at Cedric and his expression turned ashen. 

That was when the screaming started. Like wildfire, it spread. _Cedric Diggory is dead._

Snape materialized behind Dumbledore and his face fell upon reaching them. McGonagall gasped in horror. In the background the students were crying and screaming. Then Sirius panicked face came into view and Dumbledore let go of her. Sirius’s eyes went from Cedric’s body to Harri’s arms still wrapped around him. “Oh pup.” He whispered. “You need to let him go.” More tears fell from her eyes. She didn’t want to let him go.

Sirius got down on his knees next to her and gently placed his hands over Harri’s. “His parents shouldn’t see him like this sweetheart.”

They shouldn’t. He wouldn’t have wanted them to. He wanted to make his father proud.

Understanding this, Harri gazed at Cedric Diggory for the last time. Dumbledore must have closed his eyes because the expression of surprise was gone from his face. Cedric looked at peace. Harri pressed her hand against his heart. _I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry._

Sirius tugged her up and wrapped her in his arms. Harri wasn’t sure what happened next. All she knew was the silent screams she pressed against Sirius neck. He was speaking to someone and she thought it must be Remus because she could feel another arm around her. They were whispering to each other urgently.

In one moment and then next Harri felt someone else pull at her. Suddenly, she was no longer in Sirius’s arms but being taken away. When she looked up she saw that it was Moody. They were near the east corridor when Harri opened her mouth to say something. But she didn’t get the chance; a spell shot out from behind and hit Moody in the chest. He fell and almost took Harri down with him.

At that time Sirius’s furious face came into view. She thought he might kill Moody but then to her utter surprise Remus jumped out and punched him. Gentle, soft Remus broke Moody's nose. Just when Harri wasn’t sure she could take any more surprises Snape rushed in from the right wing and hexed him.

“Go to the headmasters office.” Snape urged Sirius. “He’ll be there after we deal with _this.”_ And then he kicked Moody.

If Harri hadn’t just gone through the most horrific experience she probably would have protested to stay. Sirius hastily walked her to the tower. He thrust open the door and portraits watch in incredulity.

Sirius flung open a cupboard next to the pensive and pulled out a vial. He helped Harri sit down and then held it up to her lips. “Drink it please.” His hand cupped her neck. Harri opened her mouth and drank the potion. Sirius’s worried eyes watched her and fell on the handprints bruised against her neck. Fury flashed across his face. He turned around and flung the cupboard shut with such force that it broke the glass.

“Sirius.” Harri croaked. He whirled back around and gathered her in another hug. She could feel him arms shaking around her. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not.” He whispered resentfully. “I’m supposed to keep you safe.”

“Not your fault.” Harri swore.

Dumbledore flung the door open and entered the room at breakneck speed.

“That man was not Alastor Moody.”

Sirius held Harri in his lap while Dumbledore explained everything he'd just learned. Sirius’s potion spread over Harri and left her numb and then Dumbledore asked her what happened when she touched the cup.

She explained the attack in the maze, falling into the graveyard, Wormtail killing—her voice broke, she couldn’t finish the sentence. _Cedric dead._ Sirius’s hands comforted her and Dumbledore’s voice shook as he assured her it was alright. She continued. She told them about the ritual and Wormtail slashing her arm open. 

Sirius threw Dumbledore’s sherbet lemons against the wall. She described how Voldemort had resurrected and what he now looked like. Discreetly, she shook her head to Dumbledore as _no, he doesn’t know I’m his soulmate._ She recounted how he summoned his death eaters with the dark mark and about her and Voldemort’s wands connecting. 

“Priori Incantatem.” Dumbledore explained. He told her of _phoenix core and matching wands._ And then she spoke to them of the shades that came out of Voldemort’s wand. _The last murders._ The ghosts of Bertha Jenkins and Cedric and her mother and her father. She told them how they had protected her from Voldemort one last time, told her what to do and let her escape. And when she was done she saw that Sirius’s face was damp.

Dumbledore told her how brave she’d been and how strong she was. And then they took her to the hospital wing. Sirius’s hand was warm in hers. Her anchor to the world. When they stepped inside the infirmary a dozen faces snapped to them. Hermione, Ron, Lavender, Maria, Blaise, Daphne, Remus, Mrs. Weasley, Snape and McGonagall. They were all there, except two.

They all turned for Harri collectively but Dumbledore placed himself in front of her. Madam Pomfrey looked as if she’d reached her wits end with everyone and threw her hands up. Pomfrey and Sirius guided Harri to a bed. Hermione, Lavender and Maria’s faces were wet with visible tears. Ron and Blaise were shaken. Her friends and family surrounded her as she laid down. Harri fell asleep like that and woke up to the sound of yelling.

Snape was standing with his arm out and the dark mark glittering on his skin. McGonagall was a furious mess. Remus was flushed and Sirius looked as if he would stab the Minister of Magic. They were all staring at Cornelius Fudge in disgust but Dumbledore most of all.

What happened then felt unreal. Fudge was kicked out of the room, Hagrid was summoned, Remus was sent to the Caledonian forest. Snape left in a nervous daze and Mrs. Weasley of all people went to warn people at the ministry. Everyone seemed to be moving and preparing. Dumbledore even made Sirius go out to look for something. Soon it was just Harri and her friends left alone in the hospital wing.

Lavender and Daphne climbed into bed with her. Blaise held Harri’s ankle in his hand and Ron sat on the floor next to her. Hermione kissed her forehead and Maria curled up by her feet. 

In that moment, Draco’s absence was louder than ever and they all noticed it.

“Was his father…” Blaise started. “Was his father there?”

“Yes.” 

Ron’s face turned away in anger. 

“Its not his fault,” Daphne said. 

“Well he isn’t here.” Ron scowled staring off into the distance. “Is he?” 

Hermione squeezed his shoulder.

Harri looked down and watched numbly as ink spilled underneath her gold bracelet. The words were more swift and potent than ever before. She pressed her fingers against her wrist with bruising force and made a decision. 

“I have to tell you something.” 

She told them _everything._

**END OF PART I**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for killing Cedric :( 
> 
> I apologize for any grammar mistakes but I have so many things due I can't read over this chapter again. 
> 
> Also I know that a few of you were expecting (maybe hoping?) that Voldemort would find out that Harri was his soulmate. If you were, it will happen eventually so don't be too disappointed. 
> 
> LET ME KNOW HOW YOU’RE FEELING


	24. this too shall pass

**Chapter 24:** **این** **نیز** **بگذر** **د**

**(this too shall pass)**

“Maybe I'll see you in another life, If this one wasn't enough.”

— **Florence + The Machine** , _How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful_

The diary, the diadem, the locket and Voldemort, Harri bared it all. The hopeless wanting, the guilt and the never-ending ache of love and sorrow. 

Ron's expression was that of a fish, mouth gaping open and cheeks sunken in. Blaise was staring at her as if he'd never seen her before. Daphne appeared to be in a state of shock and Maria looked lost for words. Sweet Lavender who’d been so strong all night was on the verge of tears beside her. And Hermione, who Harri thought might have been the one to break the silence was utterly quiet. Her countenance was contemplative like she’d just uncovered a great mystery that she’d needed to solve for years and years.

Harri felt fretful. These were not the looks of horror and disgust she had expected to meet. She’d just told them her greatest secret and given them the last of herself. This thing that had haunted her and torn at her soul. And she’d expected alarm and panic, not this...

Harri's throat tightened and her nails embedded themselves into her palms. She felt, for perhaps the thousand time that night, overwhelmed by emotions. “So you…you don’t think differently of me now?”

“Differently of _you_?” Ron's mouth closed and he frowned. “Why would we think differently of you?”

Blaise squeezed her ankle with tender eyes. “We don’t get to choose our soulmates Harri. You didn’t ask for this.”

“And it is sacred you know? Soul bonds are everything.” Daphne pressed herself closer to Harri. "It's just so surprising! I mean you kept this huge secret. And the diadem? He was around for an entire year without us knowing anything was different." 

Hermione reached for her hand. "It just all makes sense now. The end of second year and how upset you were. And even last year. I wish you'd felt more comfortable to tell me, I wish I could've been there for you." 

"Not to say we don't understand," Maria said. "I don't think there is a right time for something like this. I don't know what I would've done if I was you either." 

"Yes" Lavender chimed in. "It must have been so difficult to have hidden this for all these years and all those times we talked about our soulmates, oh I'm sorry Harri." 

"It's my fault though." Harri said shakily. "I just couldn't tell you. I thought I couldn't tell anyone. What if you began to hate me? What would I have done?"

Maria flinched back. “How could you ever think that?

"We could never!" Hermione chided and squeezed her hand. 

“Nothing could make us hate you.” Daphne said vehemently. 

Harri found that she could suddenly not speak. Because tears threatened to fall from her eyes. She did not know if she deserved such loyal friends. 

Lavender wrapped an arm around her and looked at her gently. “There must be a reason you're tied together. I don't think there can be mistakes in bonds. Maybe it's why you survived the killing curse.”

“And who knows who _ours_ are?” Ron pointed out, trying to lighten the mood. “They could be lunatics.”

Daphne turned and gave him a dirty look. “Speak for yourself.”

“I’m trying to be comforting.” Ron hissed, gesturing to Harri’s upset face.

“Be comforting somewhere else.” Daphne sneered. 

" _Shut it_." Blaise whispered. 

They quietened and then Hermione asked. “He didn’t…he didn’t feel you? Even after he touched you, he didn't know?”

“No.” Harri’s throat ached.

“But how could he not? Both the diary and the diadem knew within moments of you being near them.” Hermione tucked her feet under Lavenders. “So why was the real Riddle so different?” 

“And how did he place parts of himself inside objects?” Maria questioned. "What does that even _mean?_ And the fact that he called himself a memory? That is bollocks. He tried to kill Ginny to gain a body, a memory of a person can't do that!" 

Harri sighed. “I don’t know. I’ve looked and I haven’t found anything. Just this book about dreaming and souls that I thought might have been relevant because of the way Tom was able to talk to me after. But I haven't read anything too useful. And Dumbledore, you know how he is. Vague and secretive. I get the feeling he doesn’t want me to know.”

Hermione leaned out of her seat. "I would like to point out that the diadem knew about you-know-who's return before it happened. Isn't that concerning?" 

Ron scoffed. "The wanker is _him._ Don't you think that's why?" 

"But it's two bodies! Two memories! Almost two people entirely and so it is suspicious." Lavender argued. "The diadem couldn't have left on his own. He must have had help. What if Pettigrew helped him and in turn he went to Voldemort and that's how he knows?" 

"He wouldn't help Voldemort." Harri frowned. "And he wouldn't let him hurt me. Why? After all these lengths to save me." 

"That's right." Daphne agreed. "I don't think he would do that. He always warned Harri. He cares for her." 

"But can we come back to the placed parts of himself inside objects?" Maria asked. 

Blaise nodded. “It's dark magic. Isn't it obvious? He purposefully didn't explain it to Harri.”

It was nothing Harri hadn’t wondered. It sunk her heart all the same. She could see the tension visible in Blaise’s shoulders. “I just know that tampering with your soul is something that affects your bond. And there is nothing more terrible. It is most likely what he has done Harri, how else was your bond so different with each of him? He’s fucked his soul in someway.”

It hurt. It hurt. Sharp stings in her chest. 

“There are stories.” Daphne told them solemnly. “Of wizards who went insane experimenting with soul magic.”

Hermione bent forward, interested. “But isn’t soul magic forbidden?”

“It depends and it's not like he would care if it was.” Daphne said resting her head against Harri’s shoulder. “But there are two sides to it, as there are with every kind of magic. To use it for darker purposes—it’s wretched. Because of its effects the soul bond like Blaise mentioned. But there is a light side too. You’ve read of souls feeling each other across time, pulling at each other?”

Hermione nodded.

“And dream sharing, mind magic. You can share magical gifts. I mean that’s probably why Harri has parseltongue.” 

“But hold on a minute,” Ron held his hands up. “You said in first year he spoke to you through your words. That means he felt your presence back then, so what changed? It isn’t like he’s had the time or power to commit any rituals. Besides uh...besides the one from today.”

Blaise fell back against his chair. “He could sense her and speak to her in first year because he didn’t have a body. He was the most vulnerable he’d ever been. His own soul was exposed. It would make sense that in that state he had more awareness.”

“And now he has it all back. His powers, his body. _Stronger than ever._ ” Lavender rubbed at her thighs, a shiver running through her body. “Merlin Harri I can’t believe you met that monster tonight. I’m so sorry. You must have been so afraid.”

“Oh Harri,” Maria leaned forward and grabbed her face gently, pecking her cheek. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt fear like that.”

“We were so worried.” Ron said softly. “When you dropped to the ground...”

“It was horrible.” Lavender mumbled. 

Hermione's grip on her hand was lethal. 

Harri wasn't sure what to do with this kind of love. But she did know this: If Voldemort was her punishment they were her reward. If he was her darkness they were her light. If he was her soul they were her heart. And it was those things she’d believe in, even if the whole world thought else.

* * *

The next day was dreadful.

Sirius returned by the time they woke. Amusingly, sometime in the night Ron had half fell off his chair and decided to stay there even though there was an empty bed beside him. Harri thought secretly that he may have been waiting for Draco to show up. She pushed away the thought that maybe she had hoped so too. Thinking of him and Theodore stung. She could hear the echoes of their fathers laughter in the silent infirmary corridors.

Sirius refused to disclose where he’d been and sat down by Harri’s bedside silently. He kept looking at her as if he thought she would disappear. Remus brought breakfast from Hogsmeade and all of them watched the sun rise from the windows.

It was the only quiet moment they would have all day.

"He's out there now." Remus said to Sirius when he thought they weren't listening. "We need to be more careful." 

"We need to protect her." Sirius corrected him. "More than we need to do anything else." 

Cedric’s parents came to visit Harri after Madam Pomfrey made everyone leave to pack up for the train ride home. Sirius held her hand as she told them how their child died. The Diggory’s didn't blame her guilt clung to her as she watched them leave and mourn their only son. She didn’t think she would ever forget the last look on Cedric’s face. And every minute that she remembered him her throat thickened. 

Madam Pomfrey let Harri go early and assigned her a potions regimen to deal with the after effects of the cruciatus. Sirius was tense the entire time. Fortunately, the scratches on her face had already been healed the night before.

If Harri stared at herself in the mirror she thought it was almost like she could pretend nothing happened at all.

Almost.

When Sirius and her stepped out of the hospital wing it was to Victor and Fleur sitting on a bench across from the door, presumably waiting for her. Fleur’s eyes were as swollen as Harri’s and Victor wore his grief on his skin; left bare for anyone to see. 

Sirius turned to her and brushed her hair back from her forehead. “I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“Okay.” Harri whispered hoarsely.

“Then we’ll apparate home.” He kissed her cheek but didn’t move.

“It’s alright.” Harri smiled falsely. “I’ll be okay for a few hours.”

Sirius watched her anxiously but left, though he kept glancing back all the while.

Fleur threw herself at Harri. Victor gazed unseeingly at the ground next to them. "Lets go to the lake." Fleur croaked. "For privacy. For a better memory." 

The walk down was quiet because all the other students were at the leaving feast. Fleur and Victor must have planned it this way. Harri was sure their absence was noticed but the three of them weren't circle acts to be gawked at for the rest of the school.

Once outside Harri opened her mouth to speak but sorrow sealed her throat.

“He waz kind.” Victor said quietly instead, gazing at the murky water. “Innocent.”

Fleur sniffled. “Young and brave.”

“He deserved better.” Harri whispered. 

She could still see him in her minds eye. Smiling at her across the great hall and laughing before a quidditch match. Cedric at Christmas and his flushed cheeks on a February morning all those months ago.

Victor fists clenched by his sides. “Voldemort did this?” 

She nodded.

Fleur wiped her eyes. “And you will fight him?”

“I don’t think I have any other choice.” Harri pulled her jacket closer around herself.

Victor locked eyes with her. “You can count on uz. Whatever you chose.”

“We will not forget what he did to one of our own.” Fleur placed a hand on her shoulder. "We will be by your side when the time comes." 

They stayed at the lake and let silence speak the words they could not, mourning the boy they had lost. If Harri closed her eyes she could swear his ghost still stood between them.

* * *

A quarter of an hour before the Hogwarts Express was set to board Blaise came to find Harri in the tower. She hugged everyone goodbye and walked downstairs. She knew what she had to do, what was right and fair. She knew it would happen no matter how much it hurt. There wasn’t another choice. She wouldn’t see anyone else she cared for dead.

Theodore was waiting for her in the place where they’d first kissed, the bench beneath the locust tree. He had purple stained under his eyes, an obvious sign that he hadn’t slept the night before.

Harri sat down beside him but left a space between. The world was utterly quiet around them.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t come see you last night.” Theo apologized. “I didn’t know how or what to say or do. I thought my presence would probably cause more problems.”

“Because your father was there.” Harri said to him. 

Theo’s head snapped up. He reached for her but Harri moved away.

“I’m not my father Harri. I don’t believe in that bullshit— blood purity or or—

“That doesn’t matter.” She whispered.

His face fell. “I don’t even speak with him… we barely have a relationship. He’s just the man who gave me blood.”

She shook her head frustratedly. “It doesn’t change anything. He’s still your father.”

“It doesn’t change anything?” Theo asked incredulously. “What are you…”

“Theo we can’t…we can’t…” Harri hesitated.

“We can’t what?” He asked in alarm. 

“We can’t be together anymore. Don’t you get it? You can’t be with _me_. He’d kill your entire family if he found out.” She cried.

Theo pushed himself to his feet, expression panicked. “What are you—we can't! We can hide it! We could try.”

Harri sighed, emotionally exhausted. “But I don’t think we should Theo.”

“So you’re just going to give up?!” He snapped at her. 

“What else can I do? I'm fourteen years old and I had to watch one of my friends be murdered last night while your father stood there kissing Voldemort's feet!" She shouted. 

"You could let me be there for you! You could trust me when I say that I don't have anything to do with it!" Theo argued, face tight. 

"You will always have to do with it!" Harri yelled, jumping up. "He will always be your father! You have his eyes and his name and his legacy!" 

Theo grabbed at her shoulders. "But I don't want it! I want _you_! I don't have to follow him—I...I... _Harri_ " He pleaded. "I…you know that I…” 

Harri’s chest tore. 

“Don't do this." Theo implored, leaning his forehead against hers. "Don't just..." 

"I can't be enough for you. Not right now. I want to be alone and just,” Harri whispered. "we _can't._ It's dangerous, you have your sister to think of. And what kind of relationship would it be? In secret? Theo…we are too _young_." 

It was like her words had stabbed at him. He looked as if he was in physical pain. He rubbed his eyes and exhaled heavily. “Why does this hurt so fucking much?” 

She searched for words but there were none, none that would heal this awful pain. Everything was wrong. The forest was quiet. There was no dragon fire behind them, no mermaids singing below. It felt like everything that had once connected them had turned to ash. Harri couldn’t smell caramel anymore. 

“I don’t know.” she said quietly and began to cry. 

His hands dropped, he looked at her again and his throat worked up and down. His face was filled with sorrow and tears. “You have to walk away first Harri.” 

Her heart staggered in her chest. “Theo…” 

“Please.” He whispered. “Please leave.” 

Harri tugged at the front of his sweater. He let himself fall forward and slowly, she brushed their lips together for the last time. He made a broken sound against her mouth and kissed her back fiercely. 

In another life Harri and Theo say the words. They grow old together, stay with each other forever. 

But not in this one. 

In this life Harri walks away and Theodore Nott is left standing alone.

In this life they end. 

* * *

Albus Dumbledore had never been quite sure of anything in his life. Not of his magic or his family. Not of his choices, the hatred of his brother or his guilt. And certainly never of Gellert Grindlewald. Even on this day, at more than a hundred years of age, while he thought about what he’d just done he was not certain of it.

A knock sounded on the door and he waved his hand to let it slide open.

“Headmaster.”

Severus was a man who had seen better days. He walked inside with weary eyes and an expression that was more vulnerable than Albus had seen for many years; maybe not since the first day Harri had walked into Hogwarts. A sign that the night had not been easy on him. “I have received word that Lupin has reached the Caledonian this afternoon.”

“Good.” Albus laced his fingers together. “Perhaps we have time still. Let us hope that he is successful in his endeavors.”

"Yes." Severus said quietly. "Hope."

“And for dear Harri. Our people are stationed at Grimmauld?” Albus questioned. 

“Yes. It’s Tonks shift right now.”

Albus hummed and then contemplated Severus's restrained figure, curious. “Is there something you would like to ask me?”

Severus hesitated. “About the boy…”

“Yes?”

“Is it…are you certain it was the right choice?”

Albus fiddled with the ring around his finger. “I know it must not please you to hear this Severus but I’m as sure as I can be at this moment, which is moderately. But we must always believe in the best of things, otherwise what makes us different from the others?”

Severus watched him for a moment and then inclined his head before leaving. 

“ _Sure as you can be?”_ a voice laughed from the staircase.

Elegant fingers wrapped around railing and Tom Riddle descended the steps smirking “You have not changed Dumbledore.”

He looked the mirror image of himself at sixteen. He was _still_ sixteen. This version of him had never aged passed that.

Albus observed him carefully. “I like to believe I have changed. You may not see it because you have always chosen to think the worst of me.”

“ _I_ think the worst?” Riddle said softly, standing across the room and staring at him. “Tell me, is that what you tell yourself? Is this how you go on forcing yourself to believe that you are the paradigm of goodness? That is was me who was always wrong and not you?" 

"I've never claimed to be such a thing Tom. I did the best I could but you did not make it easy. I didn't want to believe that you were wrong but you so often chose to be." 

"Such _lies_.” 

“Perhaps I was not always right.” Albus admitted sadly. “But I had always hoped for you to be.”

Tom sneered, the image a reflection of the face he pulled at eleven, at fifteen, at seventeen. Even when he’d come to ask for the dark arts position. But then again, he didn’t know anything except what had happened when he’d torn his soul and encased himself inside Slytherins locket. Dumbledore would have to tell him. 

“Come sit Tom.” He sighed deeply and gestured to a seat. “We have decades to catch up on and unbreakable vows to make.”

* * *

The first days of summer passed in a blue haze of sadness. Getting out of bed was a never ending task and the nights brought nightmares. Harri relived the terrible night over and over again. Each time Cedric died. Each time Voldemort came back to life. Some of the nightmares were so horrible she woke screaming. Sometimes she could still feel Voldemort’s eyes on her and wondered if he hid in the shadows or under the bed.

But even on the worst night Sirius was there. He tucked her into bed and held her against his chest. “Just a dream.” He would whisper, rocking her back and forth. “It won’t last forever.” He would promise. “Nothing ever does.”

Tonks found reasons to come through the floo to check in. Mrs. Weasley sent care packages and asked all sorts of questions. Ron called and called on the floo and the others sent letters frequently. Hermione and Maria called a lot. She’d seen Draco’s owl at least three times but she just couldn’t find it in herself to open or reply to any of it. 

Besides that, it was a herculean effort to not stare at her wrist. It was like her first year again because the words came back and changed over and over. Except that it wasn’t like first year at all because now she knew who they were. A lot of the time they said things that made no sense. It was spells that she’d never heard of or her name. Voldemort was good at keeping to himself most of the time though. He had to have known what age she might have been, fifteen years since his first mark and so he must be trying to hide himself. He'd said it before. _I wait no more._

She wished she didn’t care. But she did.

Two weeks into her self imposed isolation and at nine am in the morning, Harri’s door was thrust open by a fuming Hermione.

“It’s enough!” Hermione stormed inside with wild eyes. She threw back curtains so that sunlight pierced Harri’s eyes.

“Go away Hermione.” Harri groaned into her pillow.

“What the hell is that smell?” Hermione turned to her and tugged at her foot. “Did something die in here? Was it Hedwig because you haven’t fed her?”

Harri kicked at her hands. “Of course I’ve fed my owl!”

Hermione let go of her and Harri sighed contentedly. She settled back into her comforter and closed her eyes again. Then Hermione latched onto both of her ankles and pulled harshly. 

“Hermione!” Harri clutched at her blanket. “Get off!”

“Get up!” 

Harri tried wrestled herself out of Hermione’s hands but her grip was tight. “I’ve never even seen you break a sweat! How are you this strong?”

“It's all those books I have to carry.” Hermione tugged sharply and Harri’s body fell to the edge of her bed.

“No!”

“Yes!” Hermione gave another powerful pull and Harri fell face first into her carpet.

“Bitch!”

“Oh shut up.”

Harri climbed onto her feet and Hermione glared. She narrowed her eyes and turned back to bed.

“Don’t even think about!”

Harri smirked. “Watch me.” She pitched herself forward at the same time Hermione tackled her from behind. They both toppled over backwards.

“Girls!” Came Sirius’s voice from the living room. “Is everything alright?”

“FINE!”

“I'm being kidnapped!”

Despite Harri’s valiant objections, Hermione forced her to dress. Then as the traitor he was Sirius coerced her into brunch at the Weasleys.

“It’ll be good for you.” Hermione said as she threw floo powder into the fireplace. “Sunshine, Mrs. Weasleys cooking and some quidditch.”

And maybe she’d been right Harri thought , laid out on her back in the Weasley’s garden and listening to the boys play quidditch. Maybe she did need it.

“Oi!” Fred yelled. “Incoming!” He zoomed past her on his broom, leaving a gust of wind behind that pushed her hair away from her forehead and exposed her scar.

“Be careful toad brain!” Ginny scolded, spread out on the picnic blanket next to Harri. “You almost took the head off our seeker!” 

George laughed from his makeshift goal post. “Alls fair in love and war!”

"It's an unofficial quidditch game with four players!" 

"It's the Weasley cup!" 

“He’s going to actually get someone hurt one of these days and regret it.” Hermione yawned.

“Oh he already has. He broke Percy’s foot two weeks ago.” Ginny crossed her arms and laid her chin on them. “This is the first time they’ve played since then. But you know, boys, I guess. Nothing some skellgrow can’t fix.”

Harri gagged internally, the memory of second year and a boneless arm still too fresh in her mind.

“Speaking of _boys._ ” Ginny rolled over to Harri. “Are we going to address the hippogriff in the room?”

Hermione made a cut off noise in her throat. Harri shrugged. “Which one?”

Ginny pushed herself onto her elbows. “Uh _Theodore Nott_ and the fact that he looked like he was crying on the train home? Who else?”

“Oh.” Harri picked at the ends of the knitted blanket. “I thought you might’ve asked about Draco and stuff. I forgot you weren’t in the hospital wing.”

“What?” Ginny looked between Harri’s sullen face and Hermione. “What am I missing here? C’mon! You guys never tell me anything.”

Hermione tugged at Ginny’s pigtail in warning. “Malfoy’s father was there. In the…graveyard and Nott too. Harri hasn't been speaking to him and I mean, she broke up with Theodore obviously.”

Ginny’s eyes widened. “Merlin. No way. I mean…I kind of guess I’m not that surprised? But bollocks. That's horrible H.”

"It's fin—

—You can understand why we should maybe not mention it." Hermione interrupted. 

“I’m not fucking fragile.” Harri snapped, irritation burning her. “I can talk about it, I just don’t want to.” She sat up frustratedly. “I’m just sick of all the sympathetic looks or whatever. Tonks, Ron and all of you hovering! I’m not okay I think that’s fairly obvious. But can’t I just have some time? Could everyone just give me a fucking moment?”

Hermione and Ginny stared.

“Look, I just, I think I’m going to go home.” Harri gathered her things. “I’ll talk you later alright?”

And she knew she wasn’t being fair and they were just trying to be there for her. She knew she was rude and in the wrong. But she couldn’t help but be frustrated. Why was she the one who’d been burdened in this way? Why had her parents been killed? Why was her soulmate Voldemort?

And she hated remembering the betrayal in fifteen year old Tom Riddle's eyes and Theodore’s heartbroken ones. She hated that she couldn’t speak with Draco and that he was now another reminder of a soulmate she wished she could forget.

But most of all she hated that Cedric was gone.

Harri showed up home with tears in her eyes. Kreacher took pity on her and made her some chamomile tea. Then she disappeared to the Black family library to hide from Sirius.

She thumbed through one of the novels she found buried underneath her arm chair; _The First King_. Harri thought she might be content to enjoy the silence but she wasn’t. Silence meant emptiness. Silence meant temptation.

Hedwig had perched on the window sill and flew down to Harri. She flipped a page and Hedwig pecked at her fingers. “Such a pretty girl.” Harri cooed lovingly. Hedwig puffed up in pride. Harri brushed her hand over her snowy feathers and closed her eyes.

The doorbell rang.

Confused, she set down her book. That was odd. They weren’t expecting anyone.

The bell chimed again and Harri sighed heavily. Sirius was mostly likely upstairs in the green house and couldn’t hear a sound. She got up and went to see who it was.

Harri could never have imagined what waited for her behind the wooden door.

Sunlight. The smell of London. A ghost. A memory of a memory of a dream.

_When she met Tom Riddle she thought her imagination could not compare to how beautiful he was in real life._

Her ghost smiled. Dimples and lips the color of raspberries.

“Hello.” Tom said to her.

Her lips refused to form words.

She remembered him at fifteen, short curly hair and stunning blue eyes. She knew him at thirty, older and wiser, burgundy gazing at her in the mornings. And now…

He reached for her hand. She did not need to look. His fingers were etched into her memory forever. Familiar, long and petal-veined.

“My name is—

They touched. His eyes widened.

Somewhere along the way they had passed each other unaware. Two ships whose paths divulged long ago.

And yet.

Time had forced their hand. Laid them bare and said speak with only the truth, for your open chest is all you have now.

_“Tom.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kept you all waiting long enough didn't I? 
> 
> In this story the diary was made when Tom was 15 and the locket when he was 16. 
> 
> Also “in another life they say the words”, the words are ‘i love you’. Theo and Harri both implied that they love each other without actually saying it. 
> 
> Genuinely thrilled that the story has reached this point and can't wait to write what I have planned. They've all begun to figure out about horcruxes...
> 
> Would love comments on what you guys are thinking! 
> 
> Also the break up, did I do good? I know some will be sad and some will be ecstatic with it.
> 
> این نیز بگذرد (this too shall pass) is a Persian dictum that reflects on the temporary nature or ephemerality of the human condition.


	25. the rule of three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very special to me...because it means this story has crossed the 100,000 word mark. THAT IS CRAZY. And I know I wouldn't have achieved this goal without all of you who have been reading. So as a thank you, here is 4k of Harri and her boys!

**chapter 25: the rule of three**

“I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart for so long.

If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can be together all the time.”

― **A.A. Milne,** _Winnie-the-Pooh_

It was fire in Harri’s chest, slow crawling down her entire being. It was rain on a November evening and spring come early. The sound of bird song on a lazy Sunday, the taste of honey on a broken throat and the moment sunlight broke through the sky at Hogwarts. It was magic tripping down her tongue.

The locket...Tom...his fingers were wrapped around hers. Their eyes had locked and not let go. 

She knew that to each other they were a fragment of imagination. A thing they had thought of a thousand times but never believed would happen. A dream that would disappear if one of them looked away.

“Harri Potter” Tom breathed in surprise. 

His gaze was fierce and all-consuming. It was like looking at the sun, blazing, brilliant and breathtaking.

“Dumbledore told me of you...he sent me here...but he did not _mention.._.”

Dumbledore-- the name was glaring red in an ocean of _TomTomTom_ _._

“Dumbledore? He sent you here?” She was unable to grasp the thought. It seemed impossible that the world could exist outside the two of them in this moment. 

“Yes.” Tom stared at her with such _hunger_. “But he didn’t tell me…”

She could see his mind put the puzzle pieces together. Dumbledore had known they were soulmates this entire time. Dumbledore had sent him here on purpose. 

"You-" Tom began to speak and then stopped; lost in thought as he stared at her with fascination. “This isn’t _possible_. How is this possible?”

How many times had she thought that very thing? In the past four years, she had lived through this same disbelief while her soulmate changed her life over and over again. 

Nothing that had happened should have...but it always did anyway. 

Not possible? Those words didn’t belong between them

Tom and Harri, Harri and Tom. Their souls had tied together once and transcended time. They were the antithesis of impossible. They were green light and spilled ink; marvel and heartbreak.

“It’s as possible as anything,” Harri said in a soft voice, disbelief still coursing through her. “You should know that better than most. How else could you be here?"

"You _knew_?" Tom implored, a revelation in his eyes. "You knew I was yours? That we were soulmates?"

"Since second year." Harri replied, hesitant. "The--

"--Diary." Tom nodded, finishing her thought before she could.

"So Dumbledore told you everything?" 

“He did.” Tom uttered and his gaze was piercing. 

Harri's jaw clenched. "And you came here anyway?"

Of course he had. He hadn't known they were soulmates but Tom Riddle was arrogant enough to believe he could walk into the house of the girl whose parents his future self had murdered.

“He told me to." Tom replied.

"I didn't know you were in the habit of listening to Dumbledore."

"I'm not." Tom's hand tightened around hers, anger passing through his expression. "But I was intrigued. This entire story...the war, the death eaters, my older self brought to death by a baby.... by you.” Tom’s pupils dilated. “It is all...fascinating." 

She shivered when his fingers began to race down her arm and his thumb covered up the black ink laid on her. And Harri realized they had changed so often this past month because both Voldemort and Tom were human again. One after the other, the two of them consumed her wrist like an ouroboros. 

“Would you not agree Harri?” Tom leaned down so close to her that she could have counted every eyelash on his lids if she wanted to. “The girl who lived… _my_ soulmate.” He purred.

Those words brought forth memories of the diary in her lap and _I can’t believe it's you._ The diadem in the room of hidden things and _Look. Look at this. You exist.  
_

“I’m not sure I’m not angry with you.” Harri blurted. 

“Are you?” he was almost smirking and the intensity of his gaze was heady. “Do you blame me for things I haven’t done?”

“I blame you for things that you are capable of. You were a murderer at fifteen.” 

“Would it help if I told you they deserved it?”

Harri scoffed. But proper outrage was difficult to conjure when his mouth was so close to hers. She remembered what it felt like to kiss him. If she pressed forward, would he taste the same?

“It was in the past Harri. I was young…I wanted to learn.” The sound of his voice saying her name, had anything ever felt this good? “Dumbledore’s even forgiven it.”

“He has?” She questioned, wondering if his eyes had always been so blue.

“Mhm.” Tom hummed.

She knew Dumbledore couldn’t have possibly forgiven him. He would have asked for some remorse. And not even the diadem had felt regret for the acts he’d done, only how it had made her feel.

“ _Liar._ ” Harri whispered. “He wouldn’t have believed you.”

Tom laughed. Harri shivered again. The sound of it was an echo of Voldemort’s: high, cold and fake.

“I don’t understand.” She tried to think clearly past the haze of him. It was like blinking back the compulsion of sleep. “Why did he bring you back? Why did he send you here? Why keep it a secret?”

“We made a deal. I promised to help him kill the older me and he promised to give me my body back.” Tom answered.

“He wouldn’t just stop there.” Harri considered. “He doesn’t trust you. At all. I would assume he might have at least asked for an unbreakable vow.”

“I thought so as well...but I understand now. He doesn’t need an unbreakable vow when he has you on his side.” He was amused. “But you don’t trust me either. I can see it all over your face…so wary of me Harri.”

“It’s to be expected. I _know you._ ”

“Do you?" Emotion flashed across his face too quickly for her to read. "I was under the impression you’d only met my diary for a short moment in time and I would think my older self wouldn’t have had much opportunity to chit chat.”

Harri almost faltered and then recalled that she hadn’t told the headmaster about the diadem. This meant Tom didn’t know about him either. She wasn’t so sure about the decision she’d made a year ago now. If Dumbledore had brought the locket _here_ was there any reason she should keep the diadem to herself if he asked again?

Tom’s fingers pressed against her wrist, demanding her attention.

“He didn’t have the time. But it was enough to understand you. It was enough.”She lied.

It was the wrong thing to say. A mistake.

Tom’s smile widened. “ _Liar._ ” Another laugh from him, this one short and loud, _real_. “You have secrets.”

“Everyone does.”

Tom was made of secrets.

“Perhaps.” Tom acknowledged. “But none of them are as interesting as yours.”

"I'm sure you're wrong," Harri said. “And speaking of secrets, did Dumbledore send you with news? About Voldemort? Or...is Remus coming home? ”

When she said Voldemort something dark and greedy entered his eyes.

“Nothing of the sort.” Tom slowly and then almost imperceptibly gently brought her wrists up to his lips. She watched with her heart in her throat as he brushed his mouth against her knuckles. “He sent me here to _stay._ ”

_Oh._

What had Dumbledore been thinking? He’d brought Harri’s greatest weakness to her doorstep…How could he expect Tom Riddle to change and how did he think she could go against him if he didn’t?

Was it because she had sacrificed the diary?

That had been like a dream, life or death. Something that wasn’t real until it was. Harri had been young, foolish, and afraid.

But Tom in the flesh? Tom who was warm and alive and real?

This was a disaster waiting to happen.

"Harri," A throat cleared loudly from behind.

Harri jumped back and Tom's eyes snapped up.

Sirius’s incredibly unimpressed face stared back at them, still stood in the open doorway with hands pressed together.

She almost physically leapt away from Tom, who's face closed off immediately. Harri was left feeling cold and empty.

Tom plastered on a false and saccharine smile and held out his hand for her Godfather. “Mr. Black.”

Sirius came to stand beside her with muddy gloves underneath his arm. He scrutinized Tom from head to toe and then accepted his outstretched hand with unenthusiasm.

“Thomas Sayre.” Tom introduced himself. "Tom for short." 

Sirius narrowed his eyes. The name was unfamiliar to Harri. Something Dumbledore could have thought of surely. 

“The headmaster said he sent you a letter.” Tom continued on. “Explaining my situation.”

Sirius nodded. “He did. Just this morning actually. Bit bizarre if I'm honest. Why did your relatives want to transfer you to Hogwarts five years in?”

“They didn’t wish for me to stay in Drumstrang after the situation with headmaster Karkaroff.” Tom painted on an expression of anxiousness and wouldn’t look Sirius in the eye. “If I’m quite honest my aunt and uncle never truly wanted me there in the first place. But my father was schooled at Drumstrang when he was younger and so I insisted.”

“And Dumbledore is a family friend?” Sirius crossed his arms.

“Oh yes,” Tom replied sincerely. “he knew my parents well before they passed.”

“Right.” Sirius sighed. “Of course. I’m sorry for your loss.” He then glanced at Harri’s flushed face with suspicion. “Now am I allowed to ask what I walked in on?”

* * *

There were certain things about dreams that made you realize that you were sleeping. The details were never quite clear enough and something was always wrong. The trick was just to figure out what it was. Harri usually caught on midway that she was dreaming when the wrong words got spoken by the right person. But sometimes it never registered until she woke up that it wasn’t real.

When she found herself standing in front of a lavish hotel in London, she knew from the moment it materialized before her that it wasn’t real.

The first indication of this was the fact that the city was crowded with people dressed in elaborate old fashioned attire. It was clothing you would never see in Harri’s time. And the atmosphere was just too blissful. Couples and families rushed past her laughing loudly. There wasn’t one sour or tried face in sight. It could not be real.

“Mrs. Potter,” a voice murmured directly from behind. Harri swirled around to find a waiter with his arm outstretched towards her. “Please let me take you to your table.” 

Harri looked at him in confusion. His eyes blinked at her knowingly and his smile never faltered. He pushed open a glass door. Interested, she followed him into the extravagant entrance hall. He led her to a private restaurant past the registration desk.

While they walked, Harri gazed at the golden chandeliers that hung above them and at the purple rhododendron petals that were suspended in the air in awe. She reached out for one and it fell soft and small into the palm of her hand as if it had been waiting for her touch.

Harri then glanced around at the couples scattered around. At their tables, the menus floated in front of them. She was fascinated at the plates of intricate food and cuisine she’d never seen laid out for them to eat. Dishes zoomed by her face but never collided. A piano played somewhere in the background and created an odd feeling in Harri’s chest. She felt nostalgic for someplace she’d never been.

When the waiter started leading her up a staircase she noticed she was wearing a dress. It was long and made of satin. As Harri reached out to touch it, however, the soft silk she expected to feel was not there. The fabric felt just the same as the cotton of Sirius's eagles shirt.

It was an illusion of grandeur. 

The waiter finally stopped on the second floor. He opened up a set of large doors located at the top of the staircase and smiled at her. “He is waiting for you, Mrs. Potter.”

Harri peeked into the empty private room and then back at the waiter skeptically. But he only continued to smile as if everything in the world had never been more perfect. She shook her head in dismay and entered the room. 

It had two sets of floor-to-ceiling windows open and a Turkish carpet inside. The window curtains swung in the night air and a throat cleared next to her. “Hello” a woman, presumably a waitress had appeared next to her. 

She gestured towards the open windows."If you would please." 

Harri proceeded to the balcony and found a beautifully set up table awaiting her. She sat down on one of the empty chairs and glanced up at the woman. 

A notepad was in waitresses' hand and a menu for Harri. “What would you like to drink ma’am?” Harri had never been called ma’am before. She’d also not ever been anywhere this fancy.

“Oh I’m not sure.”

The waitress just smiled and Harri peeked at the menu for an answer.

“She’ll have water.” Her head snapped up at breakneck speed. “She’s a bit on the young side.” Voldemort smirked from across Harri.

Her stomach sank. 

“ _You._ ” Harri thrust out a hand for her knife.

“Truly child.” Voldemort lazily raised his own and Harri's fingers immediately froze around the silver blade. He pressed his palms together nimbly. “Have you no manners?”

Anger licked up Harri’s stomach. “What is this?” She slammed her hands down on the table.

Voldemort raised a non-existent eyebrow and looked around mockingly. “Dinner.”

“ _No._ ” Harri grit her teeth. She wanted to rip his nails out of his fingers one by one. She remembered the burn of them scraping down her cheeks. “What are you doing in my dream? How did you get into my mind?”

“Well, that is the problem with blood and rituals Harri." He snapped his fingers in an ah-hah. "You never know what they will leave open.”

“What does that mean?” She felt panic squeeze her lungs.

“It means that there is a connection between us.” Voldemort grinned violently.

Harri's palms flattened against the table in fear. “What kind of connection?”

“I haven’t the time to work out the logistics.” Voldemort waved his hands in the air. “But you shouldn’t worry Harri. I’ll kill you before it becomes a problem.”

“You’re lying.” She accused. “You’ve had time to set this up and it’s not possible for a ritual to connect us like this.”

_Stupid thing to say. She should let him believe it was the ritual._

_Stupid._ _Stupid._

“And why should it not? I have heard we share many a thing Harri.” He had laughter in his voice. “Parseltongue…killing curses…”

_Souls._

What would he do if he knew? Would he tell? Would he keep trying to kill her? Would he lock her up and hide her somewhere no one could find her?

She never wanted to know.

“And we would share none of it if it weren’t for your actions.” Harri snapped.

“And I would rule the wizarding world if it wasn’t for yours.” Voldemort said coldly, amusement vanished from his face. His emotions were like whiplash, changing in seconds.

“If you hadn’t tried to kill me and murdered my parent's none of it would have happened, have you ever considered that?”

“Have you ever questioned why I went after you?” Voldemort demanded. “Do you not think the most powerful wizard in the magical world had his reasons?”

Harri scoffed. His arrogance grated on her. “From what I know of you, reasonable isn’t a word I would use to describe you.”

“Watch your tone.” he warned.

“Don’t try justify my mothers murder!” Harri shouted.

“I do not allow children to tell me what to do _._ ” Voldemort spat and rose from his seat. His wand slipped into his hand. “Crucio isn’t as potent in dreams but it shall do the trick--

Dark blue mist appeared between them. Voldemort scowled.

"It seems our time is up for today."

Harri watched as bleu enveloped him and he vanished.

She gazed at the newly empty chair in front of her with uncertainty and stretched out a hand for the space that Voldemort had vacated. It was then Harri saw that the purple petal still clung to her palm.

She brought her hands up to examine it and the color of the petal consumed her. The air around her crumbled and fell away. The hue of rhododendron was the only thing Harri saw as she fell back into a whirlpool of purple.

Was she waking up?

No.

Her head hit something incredibly soft and the color around her dissipated. Another place began to form and it was distinctly different from the grand hotel. There were bookshelves and paintings and dainty chairs. When the image settled, Harri could discern that she was stood in a large antiquated library.

“ _Harri.”_

It was not Voldemort that waited for her. It was the diadem.

He was stood but a foot away from Harri and watched her with concern.

She stared back at him unsurely. The shock of Voldemort’s appearance dulled and her feelings for Tom returned. They were somewhere between longing and resentment.

“Harri.” Tom greeted. He had shadows under his eyes, so unlike the peace of the last dream.  
  
She didn’t reply but he drew her into his arms anyway. His touch was as sweet as honey even in slumber. Not as potent as the locket but never as frigid as Voldemort.

He buried his face in her hair and without her permission, her arms rose up and wrapped themselves around him.

 _“Harri.”_ Tom cupped her face in his palms. “You are alright?” His fingers fluttered over her cheeks and traced down the same path Voldemort had weeks ago. But his touch erased all unwanted echoes of those spidery hands.

“Where were you?” Harri whispered. 

Tom faltered.

“Where were you when he killed Cedric?” She dragged his hands away. “You knew. You warned me. Why didn’t you come?”

He stiffened. “I couldn’t have, no matter how I wished to. But did everything I could to protect you. I thought you would heed my words.”

“But I can't remember everything you tell me. Do you not realize these are dreams, Tom?” Harri challenged. “And you never explain anything properly! You always—lie!”

“I have _never_ lied to you!” 

“But it isn’t as if you’ve been honest. You saved me from the dementors, spent an entire year with me and then vanished! Do you know what that felt like?” Harri asked as the old hurt returned.

Tom frowned. “It was the only way I could get my body!”

“You had to leave me to get a body? Does that mean you killed someone?”

“No Harri—”

“And was that you in the black lake? Or was I just hallucinating?”

“It was me—”

“Do you even care about me? Or did you use me and now you’re just—

“You’re my soulmate I would _never use you_ —”

“But all these _secrets—_

_“I knew about Pettigrew! Alright?”_

_“What?”_ Harri stumbled back in shock.

“Please let me explain,” Tom asked desperately. “That first week after you found me do you remember?”

Harri nodded.

“When you fell asleep I would leave, right? I snuck to the library and Dumbledore’s office. I found—a lot. There were things I hadn’t known of before. I looked for ways to come back. I did consider murder. I observed who would be the easiest kill and how I could do it. I thought about taking you with me when I did it. And then you found out about Black and I figured it would be him and you wouldn’t mind.” He scoffed loudly and shook his head.

“One night while I looked through the map, I found Peter Pettigrew’s name next to Weasley’s. After that, it didn’t take me too long to determine the truth. I cornered Pettigrew the next night when he was hiding from Black. This was when he had almost attacked Ron in the dorms, you remember that?”

She did. She remembered everything.

“I blackmailed him. With his help, I was able to find a book that would help me without murder. And I had him message the wizard who I traveled with Albania to the first time—Aldrich Alby—But then everything fell apart on the last day of your exams before he could contact me and I had no choice. When you left for dinner after telling me about Trelawney I completed the spell with Pettigrew and let him loose. I didn’t mean for what happened next—it was all quite sudden. But I made the decision to go. I wanted to say goodbye properly but we didn’t have time. The dementors came and Pettigrew ran.” Tom swallowed harshly.

“But then how did you know about the tasks? And Voldemort’s return?” 

“Pettigrew likes to keep his options open.” Tom divulged. “He wants to play both me and my older self. He’ll tell me things, but only that. I couldn’t demand things of him or he’d tell my older self of my existence and Harri…he cannot know.”

“I understand that at least.” Harri bit her lip. “So how were you there in the second task?”

“I astral projected. I was with you in the water. Even in the first task, I watched. And I wanted to be there for the third task too... But I’d used a lot of power the first two times and my magic was weak. It’s still a process. I hoped the visions would be enough.”

“Where are you now?” She pressed.

“Albania. Where I found Ravenclaw’s diadem the first time. And my older self hid here for thirteen years. If I’m to learn anything, this is the only place that will teach me.”

“By why did you have to go at all?” Harri asked brokenly.

“I’m looking for something.” Tom reached for her again. “I’ve always been looking for it. I think…I think it has answers for me.” His hands landed on her shoulders. “But I miss you...all the time.”

Harri touched one hand. “I miss you too. And I…I suppose can’t be upset with you about omitting things and not be honest myself.”

“And what are you hiding little dove?” Tom's lips curled up slightly.

“I found a locket.”

“A locket?” 

“Salazar’s Slytherin’s locket.” Harri said meaningfully.“But I gave it to Dumbledore.”

Tom's eyes broadened. “And?” 

“And then this afternoon you knocked on my door.”

"Well fuck."

“He says he has an understanding with Dumbledore. Voldemort’s life for his. Should I trust him?”

Tom smiled wirily. “You should never trust any version of me.”

Harri made a face. “That’s comforting.”

“You’ll know what to do.” Tom tilted her head back lightly.

Harri frowned. “I don’t think I will.”

“The thing you should always remember of me is that I always think I’m the smartest person in the room.” he brushed her cheek with the back of his hand lightly. “But I don’t know that you’re better than me in every single way.”

Harri flushed. “I can’t quite wrap my head around the idea of three of you.”

Tom chuckled. “Don’t you know of three’s Harri?”

She rocked her head back and forth.

“Good things come in threes. There is even a latin phrase ‘ _omne trium perfectum’_ everything three is perfect.”

“Oh. Well, I hope he’s a good thing."

“Was I a good thing?” Tom pressed his thumb against her undereye.

“I’m not sure yet.” 

“That’s fair.”

He pressed his forehead against hers. 

Time passed. Seconds or minutes, it was difficult to tell. 

“Tom?” Harri said eventually. 

“Yes?” 

“Will you ever tell me what you are?”

“You’ll figure it out soon.” And then he began to fade. “Don’t hate me when you do.”

Harri woke with purple rhododendron stuck to her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rhododendron flower meaning: Danger, beware  
> 👀👀👀
> 
> Sirius's reaction will be in the next chapter of course. I wanted chapter 25 to include interactions with every alive version of Tom Riddle and that's why that scene was cut off at Harri's confession. 
> 
> UPDATE:  
> January 14, 2021  
> Just took a month long break from writing after finals to spend time with family and friends. I am now editing all existing chapters and am on chapter 9 currently. My mind is annoying and wont let me post the next chapter until I finish the edit so I’m hoping to update around January 30. Also 😊 happy new year everyone! May this year be better iA.


	26. et dolos mendacius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit: in the previous chapter harri did not tell sirius tom is her soulmate

**chapter 26: et dolos mendacius**

“My will is mine...I shall not make it soft for you.”

― **Aeschylus** , _Agamemnon_

Harri flinched away from the purple flower petal in her hand and watched it fall to the floor. The thought was nauseating. Voldemort had breached her _mind_. How had he known he could do that? It wasn’t as if he was aware they were soulmates. Was it because he’d taken her blood in the ritual? It must be. Or the scar. And he had done it so easily…the dream with him had been so vivid. So tangible.

Harri closed her eyes. Frustration built in her chest, layers upon layers ofit. There were too many unanswered questions and promises to wait from the diadem and Dumbledore.

Bitter, she threw her bedcovers off and sprang up. Harri was not a patient person and she was done waiting. _Don’t hate me_ the diadem had said. But did he not understand by now? What else could he do that would ever make her despise him? She had bared it all. 

Harri inhaled deeply and drew open her curtains. Sunlight fluttered in and the sound of male voices floated up from downstairs; a reminder of what waited for her outside her room. 

The locket. Tom.

Harri could scarcely reconcile it in her mind. _Merlin_.

And yesterday, when Sirius had arrived downstairs and questioned what was wrong. Harri had blurted out ‘nothing’ before Tom could even breathe.

Sirius…he couldn’t know. Not yet. She would tell him eventually. Probably. When she was prepared, if she was ever prepared. But Harri couldn’t have done it right then. Sirius had lost almost everything to Voldemort...if he found out the truth...even the thought of his reaction was unbearable. It would be chaos. 

So Tom had gone upstairs to unpack and Harri had locked herself in her room. She’d fallen asleep by accident and not even in dreams had she been free .

Wanting to delay the inevitable conversation as much as possible Harri made her bed, took a long bath, and then spent forever choosing a dress. She’d just began to brush out her hair when a knock came on her door.

Believing it to be Sirius or Remus, Harri opened it without hesitation and came face to face with Tom.

It startled her, like the sound of a school bell ringing. He was wearing jeans and a loose white button-down. And he looked so fucking handsome Harri couldn’t stand it.

She let him in and locked her bedroom door from behind. Then Harri realized she did not have to wait for her answers.

If the diadem refused to give her the truth, _this_ Tom would.

“What are you Tom?” It came out like word vomit, a pressing urge to know that she couldn't suppress anymore. 

“What am I?” His hair was damp and curled over the edges. He smelled of vanilla and oranges.

“You were a locket.” Harri said. “Now you are a living breathing human being.”

Tom glanced down and curled his fingers into a fist. “I am.” He stared at his hand. “I am human again.”

“And don’t—don’t give me some bullshit answer either. You’re not _a memory Tom._ ” Harri insisted. 

“You’re right. I’m not.” Tom took a step closer to her, contemplative. “And I can tell you the truth.”

“And don’t bother trying to—wait what?”

“I will tell you what you want to know.” Tom affirmed, unbothered. “But I want something in return.”

“And that something would be?”

“You lied to me yesterday and we both know it.” He said knowingly. “You said you knew me. And you didn’t mean the diary. Truth?”

Harri nodded. “Truth.”

“Don’t bullshit me then either. Eye for an eye. Tell me how.” 

There wasn’t a doubt in Harri’s mind when she answered. “Fine.”

Tom smirked. “Alright then. I suppose I’ll go first.”

“Okay.” Harri moved back and perched on the edge of her bed.

Tom sat down next to her and they both faced each other.

He observed her with a serious countenance. “You won’t like it.”

“I know that.” What was one more thing anyway? The truth would not be kind but it was better than the ignorance she lived in.

“You can not tell anyone.” Tom demanded. “Swear to me.”

“I won’t.” Harri promised. “Does Dumbledore know?”

“Unfortunately.” Tom’s mouth tightened. “But he figured it out on his own.”

“Did he know before I gave him your locket?”

“I think he suspected some. But he needed to see me for it to be real.”

Harri looked down and picked at her duvet. “Right.”

Tom continued to watch her.

“Well?” She frowned. “Go on.”

His jaw clenched. Harri could see that he was gritting his teeth. He looked away and said. “I’m a horcrux.”

“A horcrux?” Harri asked, confused. “What’s a horcrux?”

“I split my soul. The diary, my locket. They are pieces of my soul. A horcrux tears it in two.”

“Your soul?” Harri shouted.

Everything moved as if in slow motion. The room blurred around Harri and all she could hear was _horcrux._ He’d torn his soul.

The diary. The diadem. The locket.

They were pieces of his soul.

And Voldemort?

That was the end.

It all made sense.

If there had ever been a time for denial it was gone now. She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. It wasn’t _fair_.

“Harri.” Tom’s voice came.

But it was far away.

She felt like she was twelve and standing across from her was a boy and the words in red. She felt thirteen and like she’d just told him _Tom Riddle is in pieces_.

It was the ground after freefall. The water closing in on a whirlpool.

Harri’s soul would _never_ be whole. He’d mutilated it. Any hope…it was _gone_.

oh _God_.

The diary.

She’d _killed him._

_She’d killed him._

And Harri remembered him so clearly, as if it had been yesterday, Tom Riddle fifteen and beautiful…and staring at her in utter betrayal. Kissing her, holding her, dying in her arms.

“Harri.”

But…the diadem said the diary had gone, disappeared from the chamber…did that mean it had survived somehow? Perhaps…perhaps not all hope was lost…

The world materialized around her once more and with it came another Tom. Another piece of him. Only a year older than the diary, a year later than the diadem.

And another fucking horcrux.

“What”Harri cleared her taut throat. “the _fuck_ were you thinking?”

“I didn’t want to die.” Tom mused. “Horcruxes made me immortal.”

“But you made more than one!” Harri hissed. “How could you have been so stupid?”

“My horcruxes are the reason I exist. They are the reason I am the most powerful wizard to ever live in centuries.” Tom scowled. “That isn’t stupidity, it is magnificence.”

“Dumbledore.” Harri barked, irked. “Is the most powerful wizard to ever live.”

“ _Dumbledore_ couldn’t lay a finger on me.” Tom sneered. “But he sure has you wrapped around his finger Harri. Tell me, do you enjoy being his little puppet?”

“Did you enjoy being trapped in a haze of nothing for fifty years?” Harri snapped.

“I wasn’t conscious, so no darling I can’t say I was too bothered by it.” Tom spat. “And here I am, fifty years later, _alive_. Would you rather have liked me as a decrepit old man?”

“ _You—_

 _“_ I’m sure you would kiss me just the same, liked my tongue down your throat wouldn’t you?”

Harri spluttered. “So what if you would’ve been old? You would be whole. What are you instead?”

An ear-splitting pop disturbed them; Kreacher apparated into her room.

“Kreacher has been knocking!” He accused, annoyed. "Master be wanting the two of yous for breakfast right now!”

“Okay Kreacher.” Harri stood up, cheeks flushed in anger. Kreacher popped out of the room.

Harri walked away from Tom, too angry and he called out her name.

He was still by her bedside and his expression was blank.

“What?” Harri rasped.

“I told you mine. Tell me yours.”

She wanted to wrap her hands around his neck and _squeeze_. Mess up that perfect face. Take a fist to those beautiful lips and watch him _bleed._

“It wasn’t only the diary. I met another one of your horcruxes in my third year.” She turned around and slammed the door behind her. “He saved my life.”

* * *

Tom didn’t come down. Harri stewed in her anger.

He’d butchered their soul. What she’d said more than a year ago was true, he was torn apart, mangled, disfigured. Now it made sense, how this beautiful boy, with a palpable darkness but the ability to be good had walked down such a dark path.

In hindsight, the truth was transparent.

And she felt incredibly naive. He’d made a fool out of her. Especially the diadem. And he had essentially made of mockery of their bond by what he’d done. A _horcrux_.

So what if Tom hadn’t known he had a soulmate? That wasn’t an excuse to change your soul—it was not a toy to be played with. 

And how many had he made? She knew of only three.

Fuck. 

It was…it had to be forbidden. The act was self mutilation. To damn your own soul? What was the point of it?

Immortality right? But forever sounded terrible alone.

And maybe somewhere in between all the blood and death Harri had accepted that she would never have a complete bond but it hurt all the same. Surprise turned to fury and eventually fury would turn to hurt. A deep sorrow. A reminder of what they would never have.

She massaged her temples in frustration and pressed her forehead against the marble counter.

Sirius and Remus were at the stove, Remus frying his omelets and Sirius on the pancakes. The nine o’clock morning news was on in the background and Tonks slept on the chaise in the living room. She’d come round at the end of her shift at the ministry and clocked out.

Tonks would be here all night. She was probably waiting for the order meeting. And that was another thing… Sirius had been going to meetings for the order of the phoenix almost three times a week. But he failed to mention any part of it to Harri! She tried to get something out of Remus but they were both hush hush. And Sirius kept making it obvious what was happening, despite never verbally admitting it. It was infuriating. 

“We’re having people over at five.” Sirius dropped a plate down for her. “So I’m going to need you to clear out by then love.”

He had his hair tied back in a bun and a towel thrown over his shoulder.   
  
This meant the order was going to come to Grimmauld. There was no way Harri was going to let herself be kept out. She was as stubborn as the best of them, she would get her way today. 

“I know it’s for the order,” Harri grumbled. “you can stop pretending it’s poker night.”

“Did you hear that Remus?” Sirius leaned a hand against the kitchen counter and smirked. “She already knows about it. What’s the point of hiding? I say we let her in.” 

“You know Sirius, it’s the craziest thing.” Remus flipped an egg. “I’ve actually got this ear wax problem, so I just about missed what was said.”

“Have ya?” Sirius smiled. “How long has it been going on then darlin’?”

Remus glanced back with widened his eyes. “You wouldn’t believe it, but literally right in this exact moment.”

“Huh. Must be some new thing that’s going around. You heard of it H?”

“Bill told Fred everything.” Harri gave them an unamused look. “So you can drop this whole act. I know you’ve been having meetings. I know what the order of the phoenix is.”

Sirius raised his arms in mock defeat and gave Remus an exaggerated look. 

Remus glared at him.

“ _And--_ ” Harri added. 

“And nothing.” Remus turned off the oven and seated himself across from her. “ _You_ are going to go to the Weasleys to spend time with the friends you have ignored.” He then pointed a finger at Sirius. “And _you_ are going to stop dropping hints for her and trying to convince me of this until I speak with Dumbledore properly.”

Sirius was affronted. “Since when do I listen to Dumbledore?”

“Sirius.” Remus scrubbed a hand over his eyes.

“If anyone has any right to be there it’s me!” Harri insisted, hand against the counter. “I’m the one who’s dueled him, I’m the one who’s met him, I’m the one who’s so—”

“And I understand that sweetheart.” Remus placed a hand over hers. “Of course I do.”

“But?”

“But…” Remus trailed off, hesitant. “You are so young. We want you to have a sense of normalcy while it is still possible.”

Sirius’s arms came up around Remus’s shoulders.

“I will never have that.” Harri leaned back into her chair. “Not while he is alive.”

“She is right.” Sirius murmured into Remus’s ear. “You know she is.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “You mean you’re right.”

Sirius grinned. “Well.”

Harri pouted. “Please.”

Remus rubbed his eyes again and sighed. “Alright. You can stay in the house. But you are not allowed inside the kitchen. And we will talk to you about it afterward. Okay?”

Harri beamed. “Great. I’ll go tell Ron. He would want to come.” She leaped out of her chair and into the living room.

Remus groaned and Sirius cackled.

She slid down onto her knees in front of the fireplace and fire-called the Weasleys.

“Harri!” Ginny’s face came into view.

“Harri?” George’s voice echoed in the background.

“Harri!” Ron pushed Ginny aside. “Mate! Why’d you leave early yesterday? We didn’t even get to go a round of quidditch.”

“They’re having an order meeting today.” Ginny forced Ron back. “Do you think Sirius would let you stay? Fred and George—

“We made these wicked ears.” George chimed in from behind. “They’ll let us hear everything.”

“That was what I called you about actually.” Harri said in excitement. “Remus said I could stay for the meeting and that we’d talk after. That practically means I’m going to know everything. You have to come over!”

“Fuck yes.” George whooped.

“Oi hold on, she didn’t invite the family.” Ron gave his siblings a dirty look. “I’ll be the one going over.”

“Actually you should all come. We will probably have dinner too and you know Sirius loves to feed people.” Harri grinned.

Ginny flicked Ron’s ear smugly. “Anything else to say genius?”

”Whatever.”

They spoke for a little while longer about the Chudley cannons most recent game and Ginny’s new knee pads and then her Harri’s knees got sore she said goodbye and returned to the kitchen.

She found Tom in the seat next to hers and speaking to Remus. He was a bowl of cereal and it was a domestic yet surreal sight. She’d never imagined it could be possible. 

The rest of the meal was quiet...well Harri was quiet. Remus kept asking Tom all sorts of questions. She left the second breakfast was finished and went to do something that would take her mind off the horcruxes. If she could just focus on the order then she wouldn’t feel so sick about the fact.

She polished her firebolt and when that was done she painted her nails and climbed up to the roof. There, she contemplated writing Draco a letter and then ripped up the paper in front of her when she put down the first word.

What could she even say?

Your father is a horrible person and it makes me sick to think of him? I was wounded and nearly killed but you couldn’t bother to get it together for five seconds to see if I was okay? You clearly do not give a damn about me? You hurt me so fucking bad? 

None of that—none of it would change anything. It would just cut them both. 

Eventually, Harri found herself in the family library attempting to read the book she’d started when Tom had shown again. 

Had that really only been yesterday? That was bizarre. 

But try as she might, she could not get past the first chapter. She kept going over the conversation with Tom in her head and it filled her with this great anxiety. The implications of the truth about the horcrux were overwhelming.

Eventually, after a few hours had past, Tom found her in the library.

“I don’t know anything about my future.” He said as he sauntered over. “Except what Dumbledore has told me. Could you explain, what you meant about…”

“The diadem.” Harri guessed. “Ravenclaw’s diadem.”

“So I succeeded.” Tom moved inside the archway.

“In what?” She asked.

“I wanted the horcruxes to be founder’s items.” He smirked. “Only the best for my soul. The diadem was on the list.” He settled in the space next to her. So close that she could feel the warmth of his legs. Enough that their bond flared.

“The best for your soul?” Harri shook her head, indignant. "The best would have been not doing it at all." 

Tom rested his chin on hand, curious. “How old was I?”

“I think thirty.” She summoned her diadem to memory. It was easy after she’d just seen him last night. “It’s strange. Should I call him ‘you’?”

“You can call it what you like. Him or me. It doesn’t matter.”

“He’s a person.” Harri made a face, vexed. “It does matter. He is you, another part of you albeit.”

“He may be.” Tom inclined his head. “But he must be so very different. He has more than a decade of memories that I do not.”

“Right.”

“Well how did you find him?”

“He possessed me? Kind of? I dreamt about him for a month and eventually woke up one night in the room of requirement with him standing in front of me.” 

“He used you?” 

“Yeah.” Harri almost smiled. “I couldn’t stand him at first.”

Tom scowled. “He shouldn’t have done that.”

“It’s like you said the two of you are different. And I thought I’d never see you again after what happened with the diary so I didn’t do anything about him. I didn’t tell Dumbledore or my friends. No one at that point.”

“Right. The diary.” His eyes shifted to something sharp as he recalled. “You killed my basilisk and stabbed my diary with her fang. My first horcrux is gone.”

“Yes it is. You were going to kill my friend's sister. What other choice did I have?” Harri surveyed him closely but he didn’t look upset.“You told me you were just a memory.” She explained. “I didn’t know that I had…I would never have done it otherwise. It was wretched.”

“You didn’t know.” He repeated. “But I could have used the diary. I need it in case…but I suppose there is nothing to be done. That part of me was quite unstable anyway. I hadn’t been prepared, you see, Myrtle wasn’t supposed to die. And I was just fifteen.”

“I’m fifteen.” Harri’s eyes narrowed. “And you’re only sixteen. What difference could a year make, if you were going to…to…”

“To tear my soul? A year was quite enough.” Tom’s lips curled and his eyes were like molten lava. “You wouldn’t believe much can be accomplished in that time Harri.”

“Like murder?” Harri inquired, resentful.

“Yes. And much more. I could tell you all about it.” Tom smirked.

“That’s alright thanks.” She said sarcastically. “Shall I go on about the diadem, or did you have more sadistic shit to say?”

Tom bared his teeth in a mockery of a smile.

Harri continued on. “Third year was eventful. Dumbledore mentioned Sirius right? We all thought he was coming to kill me and Gryffindor was in the quidditch championship so the year just…passed. The diadem didn’t do anything… he was just with me? He used to disappear at night but with all the other things going on it wasn’t the thing I was most focused on. I knew he was searching for a way to get a body but I just…I don’t know. And then Sirius took Ron and we found out about Pettigrew. The diadem saved us from the dementors and then disappeared.”

“Disappeared? How?” Tom questioned, intrigued.

“He had a body and…”

“And?” Tom pressed with a strange look on his face.

“I find him in dreams now.” Harri revealed with reluctance. “Sometimes. He helped me through my tasks for the tri-wizard tournament. And he warned me about you, the older you.”

A muscle jumped in Tom’s jaw.

“When I spoke to him last he explained how he forced Pettigrew to help him and why he left for Albania. He said that was where you—he found the diadem the first time and that he needed answers.”

“What answers would I find in Albania?” Tom considered out loud.

“Well, that is where Voldemort spent thirteen years after.” Harri pointed at her forehead. “This.”

“You know it is satisfying to hear that name.” Tom mentioned offhandedly, pleased with himself. “My followers could hardly call me that in school so when I was alive it was something I desired.”

“The death eaters calling you ‘my master’ wasn’t enough back then?” Harri sniffed. 

“They weren’t referred to as my death eaters.” Tom hmmed and dimples appeared on his cheeks. “They were the _knights_.”

“The knights?” She repeated skeptically.

“Well I couldn’t call them something as imbecilic as Grindelwald’s followers now could I?” Tom’s nose scrunched. "He named them, 'the alliance'.” Harri was not paying attention any longer. She watched as his eyelashes brushed his skin each time he blinked and at the slope of his nose. He said he was different from the diadem and the diary, but to her, he was what they had both been.

Impossible to resist.

“Harri!” Sirius’s voice called. “It’s seven!”

Already?

With apprehension, Harri realized this meant Ron would meet Tom today. And she also realized she didn't know if Tom should know anything about the order. It was not like he could run to Voldemort just yet. Also, he and Dumbledore had a deal. It would be alright, wouldn't it? 

“We’re having guests.” She told Tom.

“More Blacks?”

“Just friends.”

“And what are they here for?” 

Harri bit the inside of her cheek and Tom raised an eyebrow.

“You haven’t told me if you’re on Voldemort’s side.” She implored.

His lips pressed together. “Not if he desires to kill you.”

“And if he changes his mind?” Harri pushed. “When he finds out about me?”

Tom glanced away, avoidant. “Harri”

“Tom.”

He looked back, ardent in his stance. “Don’t ask me to lie to you.”

“I’m not.” Harri protested. 

“You told me you know what I am.” Tom’s face tightened. “You know what I want. You even know of horcruxes.”

What was the point then of him even being here? If he wanted to find Voldemort, the door was open. Harri did not want that for a soulmate.

“Harri!” Sirius’s voice rang again.

“Coming!”

Would he be like his diary? Would he do something unforgivable and Harri would be forced to make another impossible decision?

Tom seized her hand. “This Voldemort you hate so much... he is a part of me just like the diadem. Except he is the center of us both and he is _your_ soulmate too whether you like it or not.”

Harri pulled her arm away from him, disconcerted. “We can talk about it later.”

He nodded and they left for the meeting. Bill, Tonks and Sturgis Podmore were in the foyer and greeted Harri and Tom with quick ‘hellos’. It seemed Dumbledore had informed them all of a Thomas Sayre coming to stay with Sirius. Harri wondered what they’d do if they found out it was Voldemort under their roof and not some innocent boy.

They found Remus, Kingsley, Snape and Moody gathered in the kitchen. “Harri, Tom.” Remus beckoned them with in an open arm and introduced them. “This is Kingsley Shacklebolt and you’ll know Severus and Alastor of course.”

Moody took a swing of his glass of whiskey and Kingsley and Snape nodded. Harri smiled at her professor.

“And this is Thomas, he is staying with us.” Remus presented.

Moody surveyed Tom with his roving eye dubiously. “On Dumbledore’s orders, you said Remus?”

Tom’s smile turned tight. He detested Dumbledore.

“Right.” Remus responded and then turned to Harri. “Kingsley here is a brilliant auror as well as Alastor. I’m sure he could give you some advice if you wanted for your O.W.L’s.”

“Alastor is considered the greatest auror of all time Remus.” Kingsley chuckled. “But thank you. Thougj I doubt I could compare.”

He then winked at Harri and Tom. “He’s the reason half of those death eaters are even in Azkaban.”

“Is that so?” Tom leaned in, attentive.

“The best we had.” Kingsley avowed.

“And you’d have more of me” Moody exclaimed. “If you let them cast those—

—Why don’t the two of you head to the living room?” Remus interrupted in a loud voice. “I’m sure the rest of the Weasley’s will be showing up soon.”

Harri tugged Tom away and when they stepped out the room he smirked. “So why are three aurors, the potions professor and those two curse breakers at your house?”

Harri crossed her arms. “I’ll tell you if you swear that you won’t ever tell anyone outside of this who’s part of it.”

Tom contemplated for a moment and then answered. “Deal.”

Harri held out her hand and Tom held out his. They locked them together and their bond lit up like a christmas tree. His touch was warm and when the callouses of his hand brushed her, a soft kind of tenderness filled her. Tom grinned and she hated and loved how it made her feel.

They let go and continued on.

When they entered the living room, Harri saw six people she had not ever expected to see together. Apollo and Callaia Greengrass. Evelina Zabini, Sirius, Daphne, and Blaise.

“Harri!” Daphne bounded over, Blaise right behind her grinning. “Isn’t this exciting?”

“What’s going on?” Harri questioned as they hugged. “Are _your parents_ being recruited? 

“If you replied to _any_ of my letters you would know.” Daphne replied pointedly.

“Maybe so,” Harri drew back. “I meant to get to them eventually, you know it’s been difficult, but then yesterday—”

“Hello.” Blaise was saying to Tom behind them. “Blaise Zabini.”

Harri winced preemptively.

“Tom Sayre.” 

Daphne froze in front of her. Blaise stared in incredulity at Tom who grinned back viciously. He was mischief given human form.   
Harri breathed in deeply. The floo burst open in front of them.

“Arthur!”

“Sirius!”

Mr. Weasley, Ginny, Ron, Fred and George stepped out of the fireplace and onto the carpeted floor. It was the perfect timing. Harri squeezed Daphne’s arm.

“Bill’s already here isn’t he?” Ginny dusted herself off.

“He left ages ago. Where is Mad-Eye? I want to go ask him about June.” Fred and George whispered behind her.

“Callaia Greengrass. It is lovely to meet you.” Daphne’s mom said to Mr. Weasley.

“Arthur.” Mr. Weasley shook her and Apollo’s hand. “And Evelina, it has been a long time.”

Mrs. Zabini smiled. “I was just telling Sirius we shared the same cohort at the castle.”

“Unbelievable Arthur, who knew you were that young?” Sirius teased.

“Blaise?” Ron said as he came over.“And _Daphne_? What is Hermione in the kitchen? How come no one told me?” He complained. “And who is this? Another new member?”

“His name is Tom,” Blaise said in a meaningful tone, expression blank.

Ron’s face turned to ice. “Oh.”

Daphne held her hand out to Tom with a frown. “Nice to meet you, _Tom._ Since Harri has failed to mention anything at all about you being here, why don’t you tell us what the fuck you’re doing?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii! i’m back! 
> 
> comment n let me know what you think of the chap <3
> 
> the reason this update took this long is because i only went and edited every single chapter...  
> anyway, starting this new one was a breath of fresh air and i flew through it. missed writing so much. <3 and i should be back to updating every 2 weeks but depends on my workload this semester. 
> 
> also: a couple changes that have been made with the edits: the state of unreality doesn’t exist in this story anymore, Harri does find a book but it’s not that and she hasn’t opened it yet. and also in the last chapter she doesn’t tell sirius that tom is her soulmate. there’s also other parts that have been altered but nothing major. mostly just tweeks in conversations, grammar and etc. the chapter that's maybe the most different is 14? or 15? anyway nothing important is different. 
> 
> et dolos mendacius: lying and deceit  
> google dolos if you want to know more ;)

**Author's Note:**

> if you have any questions or want to say hi my tumblr is [here!](https://cordeliawrites.tumblr.com/)  
> ♡


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